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This Photo of Justin Bieber Leaving a Brothel is the Funniest Thing You'll See All Day

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | November 4, 2013 | Comments ()


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Guys, every little thing he does is magic. Whether he’s being held back from photographers like a 6 year old throwing a fit, or “climbing” the Great Wall of China on the shoulders of his servants posse, he’s just delightful. A precious pile of ridiculous. He’s my favorite least favorite person. You can’t hate him because it’s too unintentionally silly and adorable. Everytime he tries to act like a big man, you just want to ruffle his hair and hand him a Tootsie Pop. What a scamp.

This weekend, he visited a brothel in Rio, which, given the crowd of bystanders surrounding him, was either a poor decision or, more likely, a totally on-purpose act of “I’m big and tough and a man and I have penis-vagina sex with ladies! With my boners!”

Also, he wore a sheet. Presumably to put out all the fires of the passionate lovemaking of a tiny baby pop star.

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I know! You thought it was a scary ghost! But it wasn’t! It was just Justin! Oh, Bieber! *hair ruffle*



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • You can’t hate him because it’s too unintentionally silly and adorable.

    Holy shit, you just said exactly how I feel about this kid. He's ridiculous! He's a big dumb, dropped-on-his-head-as-a-child puppy who keeps insisting he's a grown up and doesn't realize how completely laughable he is. I can't even hate him. He's just so silly.

  • John G.

    “I’m big and tough and a man and I have penis-vagina sex with ladies! With my boners!”

    I have laughed about this one sentence all day! Courtney, I love you!

  • kirbyjay

    Me too. Still giggling about "my boners"

  • Pants_are_a_must

    I feel like he's already what child performers are taught never to grow up as. "More Gordon-Levitt, less Bieber, and you'll be alright, tiny overachiever!"

  • BWeaves

    I feel sorry for these kids. I'd like to say this sort of thing didn't happen to child stars back in the old times, but douchey stage parents were screwing their kids over going back to Jackie Coogan. I almost feel like child actors should be banned. The parents are either pimping their kids out for the money they'll earn, or just not schooling them and advising them in the way parents should. There are so few child stars that have transitioned to adulthood smoothly.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    There are so few child stars that have transitioned to adulthood smoothly.

    I feel like this is selective memory. For every Screech, there's 5 other Saved by the Bell kids doing just fine. We hear about the ones that have a hard time - and we hear about them a LOT - because of schadenfreude and maliciousness.

  • BWeaves

    Perhaps I should have said, I feel sorry for the messed up ones. I can think of several who are doing quite well as adult actors or singers. But so many of the "normal" ones have also just gotten out of the business.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I feel sorry for the prostitutes, and I don't only mean that in a "they had to encounter Bieber" way. Before he was an entitled twit, now he's the kind of person who thinks it's okay to purchase other human beings for his use.

  • e jerry powell

    So has he reached even half-LiLo status yet?

  • SamuraiShampoo

    This was totally not a staged publicity stunt, no sir. We all know the most discrete way to leave a brothel, is to be escorted out of the front door with a sheet draped over you while surrounded by paparazzi who recieved an "anonymous" tip that you were there.

  • AvaLehra

    So right now a bunch of 8- and 9-year-old beleibers -- or whatever they are called -- are asking their parents what a "brothel" is. Boo.

  • bastich

    "It's the place where Daddy met his new wife."

  • emmalita

    Be careful with that. I asked my mother what a hooker was and was told a hooker was someone who didn't take care of themselves. So then I turned around and called my grandmother who smoked a hooker. It was an unpleasant surprise.

  • AvaLehra

    Ha! Classic.

  • AvaLehra

    "Oh, you know...it's a...a hotel for soup. Yes, that's it!"

  • axis2clusterB

    I can't even with this POS anymore. Ever since the thing with Mally the monkey, I really do wish he'd drop off the face of the earth. He's despicable.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Its Bieber the Douchey Ghost.

  • And, somehow, even whiter than Casper.

  • Amilcare Schettini

    I guess when in Rio you have to specify what type of sex you have because some ladies have penis

  • BlackRabbit

    Next stop-Thailand.

  • kushiro -

    The only thing left to do is to hit him with someone, maybe a water bottle, and see if he stomps away and sulks like a baby.

    Oh, wait, that already happened!

    http://gawker.com/watch-justin...

  • I can't even with him. I'm aware and even sympathetic (to an extent) with the probable machinery that lands him here: the identity built up by the adults in his life, the non-stop child and lesbian comparisons, I'm betting that's what makes him act the way does now with his HEY GUYS IM AN ADULT DOING ADULT THINGS! behavior.

    But he's also just plain awful. Shut up forever, Beibs.

  • Art3mis

    They're just shooting a scene for Human Centipede 3 (Douche Sequence).

  • bastich

    Pajiba should have a regular feature covering Justin's antics called "That's My Beiber".

  • Giroux IA

    Can Chris Hardwick host a show about it?
    Babbling Beiber?

  • Professor Sara

    Obviously. By law, Chris Hardwick must host all of the shows.

  • AvaLehra

    And the theme song for the segment better end with Bieber doing the Isaac from the Love Boat signature finger move and a CGI twinkle in his eye.

  • BlackRabbit

    And everyone laughing and freeze-framing like on "Police Squad."

  • kirbyjay

    God Damn Isaac!!! Last week I went to my weekly trivia night and I was 19 for 20 ( and they were tough). The stumper for me? What was the name of the bartender on The Love Boat. It was the only soft ball question of the night, and I actually knew his real name, but The Love Boat was never on my Must-See TV list, so 19 for 20.

  • bastich

    He needs a catch phrase, too!

    Maybe he could peer at the camera, smile sheepishly while shrugging, and say "Ain't I a stinker?"

  • AvaLehra

    "Did I do that?!"

  • llp

    "Wha' happened?"

  • Protoguy

    You know what they have more in Rio than they have in other brothels? Ladyboys. +1

  • Danar the Barbarian

    Isn't the definition of Ladyboys "+1"?

  • tarqueeny

    He is so disgusting. I hope he contracts syphilis and disappears forever.

  • the dude

    Please don't wish death on anyone. Ok, maybe on Osama bin Laden and Chris Brown (joke!... joke?), but not on Justin Bieber. He's bad, but not that bad.

  • tarqueeny

    He'd be no big loss.

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