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The Most Amazing Celebrity Lawsuits

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | February 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Because God loves us and wants us to be happy, or, alternately, hates us and wants us to suffer because YOU touch yourself, Donald Trump is suing Bill Maher for five million dollars because Maher said Trump’s mom got all “BJ and the Bear” *ah-wink* with an orangutan.

Take it, reputable television information source, ABC News:

Trump called into “Fox & Friends” Monday to say that he’s suing the HBO host for going on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” last month and joking that Trump must be “the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”

Maher was mocking Trump’s offer to give $5 million to the charity of Barack Obama’s choice if the president released his college paperwork. Maher said he would do the same if Trump proved he didn’t descend from an ape.

According to Trump, he presented Maher with a New York birth certificate affirming his lack of orangutan DNA days after the talk show appearance, but Maher has yet to give him his $5 million (which Trump says he wants to give to charity).

Trump filed a lawsuit against Maher in L.A. on Monday citing breach of contract. On “Fox & Friends,” he shot down the notion that Maher was kidding, saying, “He said it with venom. I don’t think it was a joke.”

Everything about this is both what is horribly, apocalyptically wrong with our society, and so, so right and amusing. But other famous people sue over completely batballs insanemazing things, too. Like these people that I’m going to list now because lists!

That Time Carrie Prejean Was All About “Opposite Marriage”

Ugh. This chick. The product of a post-Palin world, Carrie Prejean was pageant person who was given celebrity status for a good several months for the sole reason that she thought those homos were grody. She got, like, JOBS because of that! That was sad. Then she sued Miss USA for firing her, claiming religious discrimination, and that was stupid. And then Miss USA countersued for her boobies and that was hilarious so it all worked out. Then there was a sex tape and then we lost interest. Huzzah!

That Time Miley Cyrus Got Sued By ALL THE ASIANS

Okay. Miley Cyrus doing the “pull back your eyes all slanty-like” face making fun of Asians was really stupid. But then a Los Angeles woman filed a lawsuit for four billion dollars, to paid out to every person of Asian Pacific Islander decent in LA county. And that…seems excessive.

Those Times Tom Cruise Wasn’t Gay

Oh, don’t worry, Tommy Boo Boo. We believe you.

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That Time Ron Livingston Was Not “A Gay”

In 2009, Ron Livingston sued an anonymous Wikipedia user who updated his page to say he was “A Gay.” This succeeded in two areas: 1) implying that Livingston is a person who sees the label of “gay” as a potentially career-ruining defamation of character, which is, you know, not super cool, and 2) creating a glorious Streisand Effect, wherein his Wikipedia page will now totally legitimately forever include the story of that time he sued that invisible computer person for calling him A Gay.

That Time Lindsay Lohan Sued the E-Trade Baby

I really only made this post to remind you guys of this one because it was wonderful. Mostly for the reason that Lindsay Lohan claimed she had the same one-name recognition prowess as Madonna or Oprah. I was about to say something Lindsa/ey being one of the top 100 names for a baby, but then I actually researched it, and, hilariously, as LiLo’s problems have gotten worse and more public, the name has sunk into the upper hundreds with the Jans and Marcias.

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jezzer

    Sadly, Ron Livingston's Wikipedia page says nothing about the lawsuit.

  • PDamian

    From Wikipedia: "Orangutans are among the most intelligent primates ... The apes have been extensively studied for their learning abilities." As this does not describe Trump in any way, one must conclude that Trump is not descended from orangutans, but from chimps, which are known to throw feces as a defense mechanism.

  • kirbyjay

    Memo to the Donald. Anywoman and everywoman can lie about the male parentage of their offspring on a birth certificate. I'm betting Mrs. Donalds Mother had a secret affair with Clyde but told Mr. Donalds Father that he was the dad. Happens all the time, every which way but loose....

  • dizzylucy

    Aw, poor Donald Trump got his feelings hurt. Give him a banana, he'll feel better.

  • par1964

    Well, if Tom Cruise ain't gay in that picture, he's awfully, awfully happy. And very light in the loafers, too I might add.

  • Blake

    Donald Trump = Stupidest person ever.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I always suspected my wankery habits would do great things for the world. I'll be in my bunk, destroying geopolitics.

  • Nic Cage

    I'm siding with Trump on this one (I don't like him). Maher made the bet wether he was serious or not and lost. Next time ask Trump to kill himself for 5mill then he would happily pay up.

  • Kobie

    That's the dumbest thing I've ever read.

  • Cree83

    Not only was it not a contract, it wasn't even a bet. It was obviously a joke referencing Trump's own 5 million dollar ultimatum. Trump thinks he wasn't kidding because Maher said it with venom? Uh, yeah dude, because the joke was meant to insult you.

  • par1964

    Breach of Contract?? Are you serious?? First, you have to have an actual .... you know .... CONTRACT!!!! It was a friggin joke.

  • e jerry powell

    See, we didn't even call her Carrie after the tape came out, we called her Miss Ladyfingers.

  • yocean

    Oooo! Bill Mahr and Donald Trump is fighting! Is there any way we can get Jay Leno in cross fire? I mean, at least his chin is already there by default right?

  • John G.

    whoa...that joke's so old, even Leno's writers wouldn't do it.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Don't be ridiculous, there's no joke Leno's writers wouldn't rehash.

  • John G.

    of course you're right.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Also, how are we to know that his birth certificate is legit? Looks fake to me. Maher should demand Trump produce a DNA test to show he isn't half Orangutan.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    That's exactly what I thought. His mother could have put anybody as her baby daddy. How will we know he isn't part ape without that DNA test. As a matter of fact, I bet he shares at least 97% of his DNA with orangutans.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Memo to Trump: Republicans hate frivolous lawsuits. Remember?

    Fuck off.

  • Kballs

    Jesus! A dick fell on my face just from looking at that Vanity Fair cover. I bet I wouldn't walk right for a week if I flipped through the pages.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    With a meaty *thwap*!

  • Kballs

    I'll tell people I was bitch-slapped by a one-fingered giant.

  • e jerry powell

    Sounds like a regular Friday night for me.

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