The Most Amazing Celebrity Lawsuits
Because God loves us and wants us to be happy, or, alternately, hates us and wants us to suffer because YOU touch yourself, Donald Trump is suing Bill Maher for five million dollars because Maher said Trump's mom got all "BJ and the Bear" *ah-wink* with an orangutan.
Trump called into "Fox & Friends" Monday to say that he's suing the HBO host for going on Jay Leno's "Tonight Show" last month and joking that Trump must be "the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan."
Maher was mocking Trump's offer to give $5 million to the charity of Barack Obama's choice if the president released his college paperwork. Maher said he would do the same if Trump proved he didn't descend from an ape.
According to Trump, he presented Maher with a New York birth certificate affirming his lack of orangutan DNA days after the talk show appearance, but Maher has yet to give him his $5 million (which Trump says he wants to give to charity).
Trump filed a lawsuit against Maher in L.A. on Monday citing breach of contract. On "Fox & Friends," he shot down the notion that Maher was kidding, saying, "He said it with venom. I don't think it was a joke."
Everything about this is both what is horribly, apocalyptically wrong with our society, and so, so right and amusing. But other famous people sue over completely batballs insanemazing things, too. Like these people that I'm going to list now because lists!
That Time Carrie Prejean Was All About "Opposite Marriage"
Ugh. This chick. The product of a post-Palin world, Carrie Prejean was pageant person who was given celebrity status for a good several months for the sole reason that she thought those homos were grody. She got, like, JOBS because of that! That was sad. Then she sued Miss USA for firing her, claiming religious discrimination, and that was stupid. And then Miss USA countersued for her boobies and that was hilarious so it all worked out. Then there was a sex tape and then we lost interest. Huzzah!
That Time Miley Cyrus Got Sued By ALL THE ASIANS
Okay. Miley Cyrus doing the "pull back your eyes all slanty-like" face making fun of Asians was really stupid. But then a Los Angeles woman filed a lawsuit for four billion dollars, to paid out to every person of Asian Pacific Islander decent in LA county. And that...seems excessive.
Those Times Tom Cruise Wasn't Gay
Oh, don't worry, Tommy Boo Boo. We believe you.
That Time Ron Livingston Was Not "A Gay"
In 2009, Ron Livingston sued an anonymous Wikipedia user who updated his page to say he was "A Gay." This succeeded in two areas: 1) implying that Livingston is a person who sees the label of "gay" as a potentially career-ruining defamation of character, which is, you know, not super cool, and 2) creating a glorious Streisand Effect, wherein his Wikipedia page will now totally legitimately forever include the story of that time he sued that invisible computer person for calling him A Gay.
That Time Lindsay Lohan Sued the E-Trade Baby
I really only made this post to remind you guys of this one because it was wonderful. Mostly for the reason that Lindsay Lohan claimed she had the same one-name recognition prowess as Madonna or Oprah. I was about to say something Lindsa/ey being one of the top 100 names for a baby, but then I actually researched it, and, hilariously, as LiLo's problems have gotten worse and more public, the name has sunk into the upper hundreds with the Jans and Marcias.
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