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The Kardashians Finally Go Too Far

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | January 24, 2013 | Comments ()


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I sat idly by as they used a sex tape to launch careers and lifestyle brands. I barely batted a lash when they spit in the face of marriage equality by pulling off that multimillion dollar wedding grift. I was stonefaced as they prepared to bring about (and will sell like it's a fragrance) the Unholy One.

But, I can sit no longer. For they have gone too far. The family responsible for countless reprehensible deeds and sins has finally gone too, too far.

jennerjrr.jpg

Oh. Hell. No.

Kendall Jenner, one of the Small Ones, and the one I'm fairly certain is Muppet Sleeves dared to tweet that "only old people" know who Jonathan Taylor Thomas is.

And I can simply not abide such hateful blasphemy.

You've done it now, Kardashians. First, you came for my dignity, and I did nothing, for I had no dignity. Then you came for our '90s child stars.

I need to be alone. Alone in a corner with a copy of Bop Magazine and a Fruit Roll-Up.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • kirbyjay

    This bunch is like The Sopranos to me. Not one likable one in the whole mess, and that includes Oprah. Yes, I don't like Oprah.

  • e jerry powell

    I'M FORTY-FOUR!
    *Sally O'Malley kick*

  • skylosmama

    Remember when American television was about clever writing and NOT about stupid reality garbage? It makes me even sadder that "Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23" was cancelled yet this group of morons has at least two shit shows. *SIGH* My Name is Earl, Arrested Development, get cancelled smart, funny shows. Today as I stood in line at Walmart these morons were all over the magazine covers. America, you make me sad.

  • TheReinaG

    Did you just compare My Name is Earl to Arrested Development? .... I just can't.

  • Boothy K

    Is it just me or is he a Val Kilmer doppelganger?

  • e jerry powell

    I'm assuming you don't mean Fat Kilmer.

  • Mrs. Julien

    one of the Small Ones

    Is he the biggest of the small ones like Don Diego?

    /reference?

  • Dinner Ninja

    Skippyjon jones!

  • Mrs. Julien

    3 points to Hufflepuff!

  • logan

    Why is Oprah in the picture? Did she buy them? Are they going to her OWN network? I bet she got them cheap.

  • Siege

    Does anyone know what happened to him? Are we sure that the Kardashians don't have JTT chained up in their basement dungeon, slowly wasting away as he provides life-blood for Pimpmama to bathe in?

  • PDamian

    Well, look on the bright side. Someday, teens will look at photos of Kendall Jenner in her 30s and say, "Who is that skank?"

  • I had more than one discussion while working on a campaign last year about whether the quality of fruit roll ups has declined since we were kids (we were all in out mid to late 20s). I thought they hadn't while most others thought they had, their main contention was that they are harder to unroll now.

    I'm not one for much nostalgia. But that spoiled brat and her whole family can go fuck themselves. They are a nice metaphor for one of the things wrong with our society. Come to think of it, maybe it is harder to unroll a fruit roll up now (the metaphor here being that morons like the Kardashian family get rich while the rest of us work hard just to pay off massive student loan debt and live a relatively decent life).

  • Tinkerville

    Being able to unroll a fruit roll up easily is essential. After all, you need to be able to get the shapes out without damage. I'm thinking of the one that has the pizza shapes, where there are all manner of teensy circles that have to be carefully extracted. It's a serious matter, and if the quality of rolls has declined then I, for one, am very concerned. Oh, and the Kardashians can go fuck themselves.

  • Erin S

    First came for our E! Channel
    and I didn't speak because I didn't watch E!
    Then they came for our NBA players
    and I didn't speak because I was not an NBA fan.
    Then they came for our rap artists, and I didn't speak because I did not listen to rap.
    Then they came for Jonathan Taylor Thomas
    and IT'S ON BECAUSE YOU DON'T MESS WITH JTT BITCHES. THIS IS WAR.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I find it very unusual that a Kardashian is completely unaware of JTT seeing as how I assumed they communicated with each other via a system of Tim Taylor-esque grunts.

  • tmoney

    The header picture makes me uncomfortable.

  • Kathleen Allen

    well, let's be fair. when you can't count past 10 without removing your shoes, twenty years ago must seem pretty old.

  • And I can simply not abide such hateful blasphemy. ... http://www.JobSeekerget82dolla...

  • Frank Booth

    Really ? inane comment stuffed with spam ...? Like on a walk you suddely hear the well known notes of a favorite song seeping from the partially opened window of a rusty van...you approach, wanting a better vantage from which to hear only to discover that the occupant is a a fat weeping man slowly pleasuring himself whilst reading an eviction notice....there does that convey my sentiments?

  • Buck Forty

    Its a spam bot that takes part of the posted text and adds their spam link...

  • Frank Booth

    Thank you for clearing that up these really annoy me as my comment may have revealed

  • carrie

    who are all these peoples???

  • e jerry powell

    The one with the stretchy face used to be an Olympic athlete back when I was a kid. The tall black one is still sort of an athlete, but not very much so.

  • firedmyassj

    "when did Bruce Jenner turn into Miss Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies?"

  • e jerry powell

    I wish I knew how many procedures he's had so I could come up with an estimate on that one.

  • I was just thinking the very same thing, and every time I see a story about this incredibly aberrant brood I can't help but imagine an alien's perspective. And then I have a mini-stroke.

  • Bedewcrock

    "Here was the plot: A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing.

    Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golfclub."

  • VonnegutSlut

    It seems like the strokes are going around Pajiba lately...

  • Righteous Strokes is what we're gonna call the inevitable Pajiba soul band

  • e jerry powell

    I used to be in a zydeco band, so I can play triangle and washboard. And maybe spoons, if I practice.

  • Mrs. Julien

    COULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING INSANELY CLEVER EVERY SINGLE TIME?

  • :) Oh it's such a rich tapestry. I'm like an Arrested Development season. Preferably season 2. Callbacks and foreshadowing and vague rumblings of incest.

  • VonnegutSlut

    But the real question is: who will play the melodica?

  • What better opportunity to bring back superasente from whatever hedge it is that he's been living in

  • Mrs. Julien

    He's hiding from the FBI. It will all make sense tomorrow.

  • mizzi

    .... she's right.

    Most people in their early 20s and younger would have no idea who he is/was.

  • mairimba

    Ya, but people in our 30s are not old.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Well, to obnoxious, self-involved, head-up-yur-ass Kardashian's (excuse me, JENNERS), I'm sure we are. I can't wait til they all get "old"

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