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The Great Beef Embargo: Shia LeBeouf, We're F*cking Done Professionally

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | January 10, 2014 | Comments ()


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This whiny little asshole right here.

So, on the heels of another super annoying attempt to play the weirdass victim of his own plagiarism, last night, Shia LeBeouf took to Twitter as is his wont, and announced his intention to “retire” from public life.

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Shudder. Even his tweets drip with OHMYGODSHUTUPYOUDOUCHE-chills.

He is “retiring” from having attention paid to him after spending the last however many weeks and years desperately trying to get attention paid to him. Let it sink in. Feel your annoyance as it spreads like Galifreyan regeneration energy and explodes you into an angry-faced Capaldi.

In fact, I’m just going to let Capaldi handle the brunt of this conversation. You ready, Pete?

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So, I’ve written about this whole shitshow already. Twice.

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But, apparently, as he so desperately craves this attention he faux-hates, I am part of the problem, and, for that, I am sorry. Not to Boofy, but to the world. Because his attention-seeking behavior is, and I know several of you will staunchly disagree, worse than even the most pathetic Kardashian attention-grab. Because it is somehow more insidious, more pathetic and so not at all amusing.

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Like, for the most part, we are all on board with how useless the Kardashians are. But LaBeouf thinks he’s a real artist, and other people see talent in him so he gets real jobs, not just whatever Carmen Electra castoffs those Kardashians get. He has some manner of actual influence in this industry which is gross because he is just so obnoxiously terrible.

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And, the thing is, he’s trying so hard to make this huge splash of nonsense and it’s so insane that it’s become boring.

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Because at a certain point we can only take so much nuttery. Between the skywriting, the cease-and-desist tweets, the barrage of faux apologies, it’s just too ridiculous for us to maintain any level of attention. And he won’t just shut the hell up.

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And, really, that’s not so new. There’s a lot of that around here.

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But, for whatever reason, I’ve had it. So, I’m done with this clownshoe. Peace the fuck out, Beefstew. I’ll report on you when there’s news or you get that 5150 you’ve been shopping for.

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