That Wacky Michael Moore Teaches Kids How to Sneak Into an R-Rated Movie
If you went to see Deadpool this past weekend, you know it was a movie that truly and delightfully earned its letter R and if you were like me, you forced yourself to not scream at the asshole who brought in his two young boys (aged 7-10), sitting clear across the crowded theater from them. Seriously, Deadpool is not for little kids. But, let’s say there was a documentary-type R-rated film with non-age inappropriate information that could be useful to the average American; that might be something you’d support on a case-by-case basis, right? Turns out — no surprise — so does Michael Moore. Yeah, that Michael Moore.
Whatever your feelings about the guy, it’s hard not to recognize he’s patriotic in his own strange way. A champion of introspection as it relates to our country, Moore’s recent comments about the water crisis in his hometown of Flint, Michigan make it impossible to deny his commitment to exposing what he believes is truth.
Another bit of information Moore wants to pass on to the world — including underage high school students — is how to sneak into an R-Rated movie, specifically his R-Rated movie, Where to Invade Next. Amusingly, the filmmaker claims the MPAA may be attempting to subvert the film’s message about the freedoms (from student loans, standardized testing, obtaining birth control without parental permission, voting at 16…) that some other countries have in comparison with the US. (The MPAA says it’s due to language, violent images, drug use and graphic nudity.) Moore explained those elements,
“The violence in the picture includes footage of law enforcement officers beating Eric Garner, a Staten Island man whose death last year helped spark a wider debate about police brutality. The drug use is related to a section in the film on Portugal’s decision to decriminalize narcotics - a move that some suggest has led to a reduction in substance abuse. The language stems from the use of “f-k” by Icelandic citizens protesting the 2009 collapse of their banks. And the nudity is a fleeting image of a naked man. That’s from a vignette that shows how some Europeans are able to enjoy three weeks at a spa to treat stress thanks to government-backed healthcare.”
and refused to make cuts, determined we get his unadulterated message. So determined, in fact, Moore is willing to tell younger high school students exactly how to get into his film unaccompanied.
“Buy your ticket online. That gets you past the first gatekeeper at the ticket window who wants to see your ID.
Speaking of ID - here’s a good site on how to make fake ID: (CLICK HERE FOR LINK) (use responsibly, not for alcohol or joining the army) [link omitted]
Have a 17 or 18-yr. old friend buy the tickets for you, or randomly ask an adult in line to do it. Tell them why you want to see this movie. It’s not like standing outside the 7-11 trying to get a stranger to buy beer.
While standing at the box office window or in front of the ticket taker, try to mimic the way older adults look and sound so as to draw less attention to yourself. Suggestions: be hunched over, look tired, stressed out; have a glaze over your eyes, or a distant stare into a bleak future of abandoned hope. Talk about your 401K or the baby keeping you up at night or something you read in the Wall Street Journal. That should do the trick.
If you buy a ticket to another film that’s PG-13 in order to sneak in to mine, may I suggest helping out the box office of Creed, Brooklyn or Hail Caesar. They’re good movies, and you should come back and see them anyway.”
Er, I get your drift, but perhaps consider the alternative suggestion of kids asking a parent or other adult to accompany them, instead of encouraging they make fake IDs? It’s true; it is insulting to 15 and 16 year olds to presume they can’t handle the innocuous sort of information you’ve listed, but not having seen the movie as yet, I can’t comment on the MPAA’s fairness. I also get the comedic spirit of sneaking past those stalwart ticket takers, but these are the kinds of things that piss off some people enough to make them dismiss whatever good message you may have been able to get across.
I know I’ll likely see Where to Invade Next, and I might even encourage my oldest to see it with me, but we’re going to skip the making fake IDs and sneaking into movies shit. She’ll have to figure that out on her own.
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