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That Time Mark Wahlberg Almost Treated Terrorism Like Reese Witherspoon's Dad, and Other Stupid Things Famous People Say

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Celebrities Are Better than You | Comments (26)

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Feel it, feel it.

You may have heard this, but it would appear Mark Wahlberg may have said something stupid. But he’s not the only one. Far from it. Celebrities are, and I don’t mean to generalize, dumber than shit on a shitboat.

Here are some of the dumbest things they’ve said. This is by no means a comprehensive list, because it would go forever, a mobius strip of dipshit, and I can’t do that to you. By the time it was finished, you’d be drooling like the end of Cuckoo’s Nest.

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“Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me.” - Paris Hilton

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“So many of the people in the arenas here were under-privileged anyway. This is working very well for them.” - Barbara Bush

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“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” - Christina Aguilera

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“It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.” - Linda Evangelista

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“I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.” - Dan Quayle

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“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says chicken. By the sea.” - Jessica Simpson. She also frequently says “I don’t wear maternity clothes” which gets my maternity pants wearing side-eye.

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“Something something something RAPE.” - Johnny Depp, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, etc., etc.

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“I love Hitler.” - John Galliano









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Comments

I knew Johnny Depp was on the list before I scrolled down, because of the weed and patchouli smell wafting up from the bottom of the screen.

Posted by: Craig at January 19, 2012 2:09 PM

Wait, what about Reese Witherspoon's dad?

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at January 19, 2012 2:11 PM

After what he did to Lou Reed, I thought Mark Wahlberg was the terrorist.

I would say this is what happens when he goes off script, but since he cant read we know thats not the case.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 19, 2012 2:14 PM

I'm calling bullshit on Marky Mark. He had a chance to stop M. Night Shamalalalalalala, and did nothing. He pussed out just like that prick jouquin phoenix.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 19, 2012 2:21 PM

Ugh, that is so cruel. You almost made my brain want to escape out my ears again - and it hasn't tried to abscond since I watched the Sarah Palin ABC interview back in 2008

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 19, 2012 2:21 PM

And lets not forget that one time Alison Brie made a rape joke and all of the Community cast laughed.

Posted by: Pants at January 19, 2012 2:24 PM

Marky Mark thinks he could have stopped Hitler if he was in Poland back in 1939.
"No fawkin way, Hitty. Me and Matt Damon will fawk you up. You ah no match fahh the powah of The Fita and The Bourne Ultimatum."

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 19, 2012 2:29 PM

Dorothy, I think maybe Courtney's referring to Reese's dad in "Fear," which starred Marky Mark as her abusive beau.


Nicole 4 eva!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 19, 2012 3:04 PM

I tried making my lip do what Marky-Mark's is doing in the header pic. I fear that I may have injured my superior labial frenulum. I hope you guys have good insurance. Is it too early to talk settlement?

Posted by: Greedy at January 19, 2012 3:47 PM

I wish I could find that interview where a young Kate Winslet said she couldn't understand the point of feminism. It was around 1999, and I remember thinking "You've been in 'Sense and Sensibility', 'Jude' and 'Titanic' and you can't see how feminism has improved life for women like your characters ?". Never really liked her since.

Posted by: Ponytail at January 19, 2012 3:57 PM

@MelBivDevoe, ohhhhhhh. I should have caught that since I've seen Fear twice, TWICE on tv. Most likely on TBS or Lifetime.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at January 19, 2012 3:58 PM

I didn't know Paris Hilton was a victim of sex crimes in the Congo.

Posted by: citizen_cris at January 19, 2012 3:58 PM


And do you know who played Reese's Father in FEAR?! William Peterson aka Gil Grisssom from CSI...

Posted by: Sky&Lo's Mom at January 19, 2012 4:02 PM

A lot of these have nothing to do with celebrity, but more to do with out-of-touch rich people.

Posted by: John G. at January 19, 2012 4:30 PM

I was gonna say...
Cuz I hear and read non-celebrities saying this same exact bull puckey every damn day. Especially that shit coming out of Mr. Funky Bunch.

I think Paris must be mistaken. People just want all the bad things to happen to you, sweety.

Sorry, a case of the herpes doesn't cancel out the cascade of money pouring out of your vag, or the 110K+ cars you wreck or the endless supply of blow. Let's not forget getting paid to show up at parties. Yeah, all the bad things.

Posted by: Protoguy at January 19, 2012 4:44 PM

Actually the Paris Hilton quote is mistaken. The actual quote is, "I hope that everything bad that can happen to a person will happen to her.” It originally comes from the collective will of every single living thing on the planet.

I hope the correction helps.

Posted by: Harborwolf at January 19, 2012 5:42 PM

Despite his insensitive and idiotic remark (I've made a few meself) I still like Marky Mark for Basketball Diaries, The Yards, The Depawted, The Italian Job (don't judge), and a few others. He made a douchetastic remark. Way douchier is that scruffy thing on his face. Shave, dude. Just, shave.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 19, 2012 6:38 PM

Jessica Simpson? Please. That's just lazy.

Posted by: FabMax at January 19, 2012 8:08 PM

No foul pickin the low hanging fruit.

Posted by: Protoguy at January 19, 2012 11:00 PM

Many times quotes are entirely taken out of context.
I said that because I like Dorchester boy Marky Mark and he was probably saying it somewhat tongue in cheek, but yeah....really dumb.

Posted by: kirbyjay at January 20, 2012 5:49 AM

“It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.” - Linda Evangelista

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I don't know who the fuck this is, but it's nice to hear somebody else praising the work of Picasso in such superlative terms.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 20, 2012 5:51 AM

Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't see the problem with the Linda Evangelista quote. It's actually kind of refreshing to hear a model pretty much admit she lucked into her profession by just being born beautiful and not trying to claim it's really hard work. I don't think she is denigrating teachers, but more saying that if she hadn't been lucky to be born beautiful, she would have to get a real job.

Posted by: maceo at January 20, 2012 11:51 AM

Why doesn't anyone ever mention Marky Mark's racist, violent, unrepentant past.

60 minutes last year white-washed his past and articles skim over it.

I can't watch anything this guy does anymore and this quote confirms he's an idiot

Posted by: Whipple "Whip" Hoxworth at January 20, 2012 12:10 PM

Brava for weird FEAR reference in the title! By far a Marky Mark classic.

Posted by: valerie at January 20, 2012 12:53 PM

@ citizen_cris, in addition, apparently Paris Hilton also:

- was flayed and turned into furniture for the Nazi regime

- had her limbs eaten off by a frenzied primate

- hung by her arms, which happened to be tied behind her back at the time, until she fortunately embraced Catholicism

- waterboarded 183 times

- contracted a rare fungal infection that turned her skin into thick, bark-like formations

- mutilated in Tuol Sleng prison in the mid-1970s

- imprisoned in the basement of an Austrian home and raped repeatedly there by her own father for years, bearing one of his children

- stuffed in an operating microwave oven simply for crying as an infant

and finally after all of that ...

- forced to watch while her daughter was tied to an anchor and thrown overboard, and then soon followed

As you can plainly see, her make-up covers it all fairly well.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at January 20, 2012 11:03 PM

not only marks did this but also there a lot of other celeb that doing so...so i think we cant stop it by exposing these news...

Posted by: raplica hangbags at February 23, 2012 3:21 PM