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Sigh. Well, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison Are On TV Now.

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | October 9, 2012 | Comments ()


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*deep exhale* Oh buddy.

So Courtney "Child Bride" Stodden and Doug "Child Banger" Hutchison made their reality TV debut this week with the Peabody Award-winning (*shakes head no*) "Couples Therapy" on VH1.

Normally this is the part where I'd angrily, soapboxily ask them if they feel good about that, if it felt rewarding to pay and promote the whoring desperation of these two people, while actually using apparent mental health professionals to make it seem as though just a life choice people need to respect.

But instead, not unlike that chick in A Chorus Line, I feel nothing. I'm feeling nothing.

She calls him "dad." He describes himself as "raising" her. I call myself "frowny" and describe myself as "vomiting" but what are you going to do? This is our world now.

I mean, it's just so meta. Their housemates are talking about how they don't want to fall into the trap of these people clearly putting on a show so that people will pay attention to them, on a television show that is trying to use them for ratings that come from people paying attention to them.

I mean...Yeah. *nods* Yeah.

Last night I accidentally witnessed Kourtney Kardashian pull her baby out of her vagina on E!. Last year, her sister fake-got married, then fake-got divorced and everyone shit out both sides of their bodies trying to get us to care. Now, we've got ourselves some televised, industry-blessed pedophilia ephebophilia (because everyone pointed that out last time).

Because of course we do.

That's just the general direction. That's where we were headed; now we're here. Next up, I can only assume we'll have MTV airing their hit new show based on A Serbian Film. At a certain point, we've lost the fight. Hail your overlords.

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Where is your god now?



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • John G.

    Is this an attempt to cure the obesity problem by making us all unintentional bulimics? she calls him "dad". He describes himself as "raising her" Baaaaaaaaaarrrrfffff

  • Bernie

    In defense of Kourtney it was nice to see a birth on TV that wasn't screaming and huge drama, I've attended many births (when I nursed) and that was more like the kind of births that I went to. No drugs and a happy mama. It's the only reason I wouldn't throw the whole K-Klan off a bridge, just that one and her kiddies can stay on planet earth.

  • Idle Primate

    its a shame. i've always enjoyed that actors work, but now if i see him in something, it will be tainted with all this nonsense. and i dont even really care if he married a teenager, but its been hammered and hammered in the media

  • jessb83

    I have no idea who these people are and I think I'll remain blissfully ignorant.

  • Guest

    "He describes himself as 'raising' her."

    James Woods would approve.

  • I have a new philosophy about these horrific people on television reality shows:

    If a television show falls onto the TLC, Bravo or Fuel line ups and I am not around to hear it, it not only doesn't make a sound, neither it nor its "stars" exist.

    Robert Frost said that shit, and its on the interwebs, so I know its true.

    Also: Pixx off, Kim Kardasian.

  • Who?

  • mslewis

    You know what I do when these types of shows are on the TV? I pick up what some refer to as a "remote" and I look on the right-hand side of said "remote" and I CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!! I don't dissolve into a puddle of tears because the world is coming to an end nor do I feel sorry for whoever this person is. No, I simply CHANGE THE CHANNEL. Try it why don't you? Makes life so much easier and writing articles on a site like this so much less boring.

  • Anna von Beav

    Too bad there's not a button on the left-hand side of said remote to make you less "smug."

    *douche chills*

  • WE'RE GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT. We can't let then win! Can we please go back to pretending they don't exist?

  • Sparky

    It's kind of hard when Pajiba keeps throwing it in our faces. Every time they put up a post about shitty reality TV while claiming to be above it, they're spreading the cancer.

    Why don't you tell us about the good stuff and ignore the crap? I hope VH1 is paying you for this crap, because you're hawking their shows for them, Pajiba.

  • Mrcreosote

    Electrolytes. They're what plants want!

  • Jezzer

    Water comes from the toilet.

  • Wembley

    My Imaginary Friend? Oh, he's around here somewhere, being all judging and smitey and stuff.

  • Nadine

    The worst part of this is her new make up look, or quite possibly plastic surgery, makes her look basically exactly like Dominique Swain circa Lolita. Like...it didn't hit me at first, but then just recently it clicked and now I'm even more horribly sad about this whole situation than I was before,

    I want to rescue Courtney. We wanted to save Katie but Katie never needed saving because she was an adult when she married an older, creepy dude and she got a damned adorable kid out of the whole deal.

    Courtney went in to this a baby and is still a baby and I want to save her.

  • Yes. Rescue. With fire.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    POSSIBLY plastic surgery? POSSIBLY?

    There are no normal humans that look like that. None. Zero. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

  • Nadine

    You wouldn't believe the things i've seen people do with make up. She looks more now like the old photos of her than she has since she first appeared, which makes me wonder if she's had surgery, or perhaps gone back on some surgery, or just changed up an incredibly severe make up look.

    Either way, the whole thing is uber creepy and I;m just baffled where were CPS when this whole mess started, when she was presumably 15? 16? Why, when she appeared in our lives, didn't some social worker yank her right back out of the spotlight by the hair extensions and like...save her?

  • ,

    As a 55-year-old who might -- might! -- want to nail some busty blonde 18-year-old tail himself if anything ever happens to Mrs. ,, I invite you to butt out.

  • BWeaves

    But are you willing to marry them when they're 16 in order to accomplish that feat?

  • Pat C.

    I can't speak for ",", but a girl that looked like that interacting with me would turn my brains to mush, and I'd say "Sure let's get married! Why not?" and I would ignore sound advice from friends and family. Fortunately, although I'm the same age range as Hutchison, I'm neither wealthy, nor famous, nor good-looking, so I'm safe from their feminine wiles.

  • ,

    "Married"? Did I say "married"?

    Read again. I'll wait ...

    *sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent*

    OK, enough of that.

    And that header pic, she looks like somebody ... young Cybill Shepherd, maybe?

  • True_Blue

    Pat C.- well, neither is Hutchison (wealthy, famous or good-looking, that is). So you are not safe.

  • zyzzyva

    Mercifully not having heard about any of this before now, I was tring to figure out why he looked so familiar. Then I realized, oh my god it's the Stretch Man from X-files! That still remains the scariest out of the whole series, for me.

  • L.O.V.E.

    The only upside of all this is the inevitable downside of all of this.

    http://www.tmz.com/2012/10/03/...

    http://tv.yahoo.com/photos/rea...

    They go broke and resort to "headlining" at strip clubs.

    Oh God!
    The image of a future Honey Boo Boo headlining a strip club is too much
    for my mind to handle. Someone please shove tubes in my ear and give me a
    brain enema.

  • Legally Insignificant

    Suddenly, my urge to procreate has ceased. At the rate society is going, Thunderdome is about 2 years off. Master Blaster, indeed!

  • Idle Primate

    alright! (on thunderdome, that is, not your procreative decisions)

  • space_oddity

    I made the mistake of watching some of the clips on the VH1 site. Then I discovered the entire episode was up... Now I want to stab my eyes out.

    If you want me, I'll be over there, huddled in the corner.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I'm gonna shave "DADDY" into the sides of my head and hit up the local high school for lunch. Updates to follow.

  • Yossarian

    You're going to use your one phone call to give us updates?

  • L.O.V.E.

    He won't have to if he shows up on Cops, Las Vegas Jailhouse, Lockup or ...

    16 and Pregnant?

  • Electrolytes. They're what plants want! ..NDOQESB.Tk

  • lowercase_ryan

    touche. although smuggling my phone into jail in my ass would let me live blog the whole thing. good times.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I knew there was a reason to delay upgrading to the iPhone 5.

  • BWeaves

    Is she wearing 6 inch lucite stripper heels on a boat? There's a reason boat shoes were invented. Maybe she'll fall overboard.

  • space_oddity

    We can only hope.

  • I didn't notice the stripper heels, but yes there they are... 'hidden' under his carefully placed leg.

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