Shia LaBeouf Would Like to Tell You About All the Times He's Been Arrested, Just In Case You Forgot How Super Tough He Is
There’s a new cookbook that came out this week called Prison Ramen: Recipes and Stories from Behind Bars, which is full of “ramen recipes and stories of prison life from the inmate/cooks who devised them.” This sounds like an incredibly cool idea, maybe (though only partially) because my mind immediately goes to one of my favorite scenes from last season’s Orange Is the New Black: that lengthy process of Chang’s meal preparation.
So yes, this book, a “scared-straight reality to complement the offbeat recipes,” sounds like something I could really get into.
And then they had go and include Shia LaBeouf. You know, super tough guy badass prison person. From the sound of it, LaBeouf tells a number of stories about his super tough history with the law. Do you doubt his toughness? Because he wants very badly to prove it to you.
I have been incarcerated five times. The first time I was only nine years old. It was in Pacoima, California. I was arrested for stealing a pair of Nike Cortezes from a local shop and held for six hoursHe was arrested again at age 11 for stealing a Gameboy Pokémon from Kmart. It wasn’t until the third time that he realized maybe crime doesn’t pay.
The third time I was twenty, in Van Nuys, California. I tried to stab my neighbor and spent two days in jail. While I was there, I at least understood that being in jail is not the move. It sucks ass.Not that that stopped him.
The fourth time I was in Chicago and I wouldn’t leave Walgreen’s, so I was taken to spend the night in jail. For some reason, I had the best sleep ever… The most recent time was 2014, when I was twenty-eight and in New York City. I went to see the play Cabaret. I didn’t behave very well during the performance and ended up spending twenty-five hours or so behind barsIn his piece, he writes that “Thinking about [his] screwups loosens the grip of fear,” and that “it’s freeing to f—k up and to recover.” Which is a great sentiment, except he still hasn’t seemed to get the hang of the “recover” bit, and the rest of the world is f*cking tired of the f*ck ups. In fact, this book was written, obviously, before his ACTUAL most recent arrest in Austin, Texas this year. If it hadn’t been, his recipe may have been for some sort of ramen-based barbecue or taco dish. Instead, he shared an “Egg Ramen Salad Sandwich.”
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