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Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Separate After Nine Years, Because Duh

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrities Are Better than You | February 25, 2014 | Comments ()


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Robin Thicke and Paula Patton have released a statement to People magazine notifying the public that they are officially separating, thus fulfilling the notice requirement, should anyone have any debts to settle with them.

“We will always love each other and be best friends, however, we have mutually decided to separate at this time,” the couple tell PEOPLE on Monday in an exclusive statement.

And by “mutual,” I’m assuming that means Paula Patton pointed at her body one morning recently and said, “Look at this.”

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And then looked at Robin Thicke’s moustache and said, “Look at that.”

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“Do you see anything wrong with this picture? Who does that man think he is with that facial hair? Prince? There’s only one Prince, son, and he is three times the man in half the body.”

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“Why should this have to put up with ladies grinding up on that when this can grind up on anything it wants, thank you very much and good night!”

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The final straw, of course, was when she finally read the lyrics to “Blurred Lines.”

As always, we here at Pajiba are saddened by the news of their impending divorce and wish the very best to the couple in their separate lives.





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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • F'mal DeHyde

    I had no idea who either one of these people were until I saw a very unappealing Remy Martin commercial with them in it and thought "gawd, couldn't they find less sleazy actors for this?" Neither one seems to be a class act.

  • Bananapanda

    I feel for their kid - dad is skeevy, mom is a drunk (seriously haven't seen Paula sober in about three years of appearances, even Chelsea Handler was like "whoa girl"), granddad seems to be oily...

  • melissa82

    Ok, her body might be RIDICULOUS and she's gorgeous and talented and all…but they've been together for 20 years, you don't think she's just as skeevy as him?

  • psykins

    Yeah, why is everyone acting like she's so much better than him? She has condoned his behavior for a really long time

    (I disagree about her being talented - I find her incredibly grating as an actress)

  • Luke Lane

    Haven't they already admitted they had an open marriage? Seems like both of them are pretty skeevy to me.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Is an open marriage actually a skeevy thing, though?

  • jollies

    Yeah, the open marriage wasn't really much of a secret, which is why I don't get all the judgmental stuff.
    (I understand some people are creeped out by the Blurred Lines lyrics, but for just as many on the I-Hate-Thicke-Train, it was about Robin grabbing that blonde girl's butt in public. If Paula was down with it, I certainly won't judge what makes another couple's relationship work. Whatever it was that caused the separation, I bet none of us really knows what it was.)

  • TacoBellRey

    I bet the lines that he has to sign on the divorce papers won't be so blurred now will they?

  • firedmyass

    Can't have Thicke without ick.

    (yes, I mean the fish disease)

  • tamatha_uhmelmahaye

    "There’s only one Prince, son, and he is three times the man in half the body.”
    Bwahahaha! It's funny because it's true.

  • Bob Genghis Khan

    Am I just new to the party or has there been a spike in mean-spiritedness around here lately?

  • Eh, it comes and goes, really. Pajiba is a rollercoaster of snark and concern.

  • Todd Sikkema

    I miss the good ol' days of scathing reviews, bitchy people.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    All we can do is sit back and ride the wave. (do you think we're a standing roller coaster, or maybe an old fashioned wooden one that can't do loop-de-loops?)

  • I like to think we are on of those hanging ones that let your feet dangle, and every once in a while, somebody stumbles in and get decapitated. Those instances are TK's assignments.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    For the record, were there still an EE, this would be the Comment of the Week Comment of the Week.

  • pajiba

    We like to think of it as a rollercoaster of spite and guilt. I chuckled putting this together, then of course felt terrible about it the second I posted it. THESE ARE PEOPLE'S LIVES.

    But really: The things that guy has done IN PUBLIC over the last few months are pretty gross.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    And we should all remember-- Paula Patton is all like, "Dayuuuuum!" and probably totally happy about being able to go after guys who don't look like Jason Seaver dressed for the disco in a Halloween-themed episode of Growing Pains.

    Robin Thicke might be bummed about this, but my guess is not. So people's lives, yes. But I imagine these particular people? Almost totally cool with it.

    ETA: Paula Patton is 38? Whiskey. Tango. Sexy, sexy foxtrot.

  • chanohack

    I like what you did, there.

  • "Saddened." Yeah, totally the emotion I'm feeling right now about this. Totally. Not even kidding. You can't prove otherwise.

  • I call dibs on Paula!

    No one is calling dibs on Robin, I take it.

  • Ain't no dibs in this, son! THIS IS WAR!!!!!

  • emmalita

    Ummmm....WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT POOR WOMAN'S NIPPLES? That's just disturbing.

  • That happened to me once. Then I gave up eating gluten and they came back.

  • emmalita

    1000 upvotes!

  • NateMan

    I blame ninjas. Damned dirty nipple thieves...

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