Robert Downey, Jr. Issues Best Pregnancy Announcement Ever
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Robert Downey, Jr. Issues Best Pregnancy Announcement Ever

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | July 9, 2014 | Comments ()

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Most celebrities announce pregnancies with a People exclusive following weeks of being photographed with a hand delicately placed atop the minorest of belly bloats.

But not RDJ. Not our man.

And that’s all she wrote. Well played, sir. Well played.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • denesteak

    I'm very happy to see so much Scorpio love here... Though it's a strange kind of love, isn't it? It's both a gift and a curse.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Typical conversation -
    Person: I'm into astrology, what sign are you? I'm a [not scorpio]
    Me: Scorpio
    Person: ...ooooh [takes a step back]

  • J4Sho

    I swear that's always my reaction to Gemini's.

  • denesteak

    ...Me: NO I SWEAR I'M AWESOME AND LOVABLE GODDAMMIT!!! and just a little bit crazy, but who isn't?

  • BWeaves

    He's going to name the girl Scorpio? I guess it goes well with Indio.

  • logan

    Or he's announcing his upcoming "Scorpio" re-make.

  • general rhubarb

    Scorpios are the SHIZ. And you better not disagree. Scorps do not take hostages.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Yo. Alison Brie. You. Me. Baby. Tonight. Virgo?

    Damn. Didn't work.

  • emmalita

    If you want a Virgo go with a December/January conception.

    - signed, a Virgo.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Actually, she doesn't have to be a Virgo. I prefer a girl who's been around the constellation a few times, if you know what I'm sayin.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Well, if that's your criteria, I'd start looking for Scorpios, but tread carefully.

  • luthien26

    Then what you want is a Pisces. ;)

  • emmalita


  • L.O.V.E.

    This is what I get for not researching my Zodiac signs. I only know I'm a Leo. I was trying to get the current sign, which it turns out is Cancer. And it would have fit my theme perfectly, dangit.

  • BWeaves

    It's my birthday and 69 laying down is my sign.

  • Mythra Sun

    Me too! Birthday is on Monday, yo! (Happy Birthday, France!!) 69 laying down represents balance. We are all balanced, water loving, sensitive people.

  • BWeaves

    I thought it meant we liked moist oral sex.

  • Orleanas

    Oh, yay! We share a birthday. Happy birthday!

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Happy Birthday lady!

  • mzblackwidow

    I love this man so much

  • Samantha Klein


    I love them so.

  • Jess

    The facebook announcement was just as good:

    "Um. I don't know if it's a "man's world", but I'm certain women run it.
    Susan and I are therefore delighted to announce we are expecting a baby.

  • Stu Rat

    'we are expecting...'

    Mila Kunis is so gonna kick his ass.

  • kirbyjay

    No, That's ok. "We are expecting" is not "we are pregnant"
    Expecting means awaiting with assuredness. Barring unforeseen circumstances, we're pretty damn positive that a baby will pop out of Mrs. RDJ in November. In fact, we EXPECT it.
    "We are pregnant" means Mrs. RDJ and I will both be sporting a huge watermelon hanging off our torso filled with a wiggling baby mass that lies on our bladder while we try to sleep and forces us to waddle to the bathroom, groggy-eyed, several times a night. It means both of us will be cursed with stretch marks for all eternity and we will have to lay off the booze for 9 months and try to enjoy life sober while our friends and loved ones pound ice cold beers at the summer barbecue. It means that the jeans that we had on yesterday do not fit today and we have to buy an entire wardrobe of clothes every few months that we never want to see again after the blessed event. It means that our lovely tapered ankles turn into piano legs because the hot summer months turn our lower extremities into water balloons. It means that we become pregnant robots that people poke and prod
    and only communicate with baby topics.
    "When are you due?"
    " What are you having?"
    " What are you naming it?"
    " How are you feeling?"
    " You look like you're having a boy/girl because you're carrying high/low"
    and finally after 9 long months, you both squeeze said watermelon out of a quarter size hole causing excruciating pain and profanities you never knew you could utter. And speaking of utters, your boobs will turn into udders and drain fluid at the most inopportune times and the little watermelon latches onto you like a feeding machine. You will become a cow.
    So yeah, I give RDJ a pass.

  • laylaness

    At least Mrs. RDJ doesn't have to sit around and watch him drink while she just wants to put away some whiskey because she's so goddamn uncomfortable. Presumably.

  • Tinkerville

    Touche, RDJ. Scorpios are the chosen people, though it's not like I'm biased because I am one or anything.

  • laylaness

    I am a Gemini, Scorpio rising. I am pure crazy.

  • VonnegutSlut

    True story: my old roommate brought her new paramour over to our house for the first time & he saw a couple of pictures of me & her on the fridge. I'd never met him & my roommate swore she'd never discussed anything like the following with him before that night.

    She said he took one look at the photos & said, "Is that your roommate?"


    "Is she a Scorpio?"

    [slightly incredulous & awkward pause]

    "Uhhhh, did you know that?"

    "It's her eyes. My mom is a Scorpio. You can almost always see it in the eyes."

    Watch those Scorpio eyes--like ZbornakSyndrome says: they are not to be fucked with.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Every woman in my family is a Scorpio. We are not to be fucked with.

  • Dulce et Banana

    Chosen implies something greater making a decision. I prefer to think of us as forces of nature.

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