Know Your Enemy

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | September 28, 2010 | Comments ()

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | September 28, 2010 |

Then there's this. What does that even mean? I don't understand your attempts at writing words, TMZ. Are you implying she has a metal vagina? That the scanner is horny? What?!

Then there was this. As much as I enjoyed Not Another Teen Movie, Sam Huntington is not someone who really has any place in my heart. But "one episode of of 'CSI: New York'"? That's just rude.

Fun fact: TMZ is owned by AOL and Telepictures, which used to be known as Lorimar Television. TMZ is the bastard child of those free trial discs that showed up on your parents' mailbox by the truckload thirteen years ago, and Full House. Which means it might as well be the Tanner family posting cellulite-heavy photos of R&B stars. And they wouldn't do that. Not even Joey.

The death knell in my self-respect for visiting TMZ? This post. Why, yes, that is death scene photos of a non-famous doctor. Oh, wait, there's more. Two posts of fatal crash scene photos of some random guy who just happened to be the Dr. Frankenstein who created the Heidi Montag monster, but mostly he was just a guy. And even if he had been famous, that would still be incredibly fucked up. I don't like the fact that TMZ sends paparazzi to piss people off to the point they say things that can be used against them. I don't like the fact that they send photographers to take pictures up girls' dresses, then call them out for indecency for not wearing underwear, which they would not have known if they didn't have a lens shoved up their cervix like a goddamn pap smear. I don't like the fact that they could have screwed up a criminal investigation by posting police photos of a beaten pop star after her similarly famous boyfriend beat the shit out of her. And I don't like that they sell photos of the dead and dying and private 911 calls from family members as a way to make money.

After last time, affectionately known as That Time That One Site Called Courtney Fat, I made a rule that I wouldn't call out other sites anymore. But TMZ is evil. And they must be destroyed.

But they won't be. We're stuck with them. Viva la dead people pictures, I suppose.

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