Justin Bieber Calls Fan a 'Beached Whale', Teases Her Till She Cries, Might Not Be the Kindest Gentlest Elf in the Workshop
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Justin Bieber Calls Fan a 'Beached Whale', Teases Her Till She Cries, Might Not Be the Kindest Gentlest Elf in the Workshop

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | December 11, 2013 | Comments ()


First and foremost, the above image is from some manner of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” video and not a still captured from my nightmares.

Look. Up until racist graffiti artisan was added to his illustrious resume, I was a fan of Justin Bieber. And by that I mean I loved hating and laughing at him like a Belieber loves tweeting in all caps. I mean, he was hilarious. Between tiny baby big boy snuggles with his security guard, leaving a brothel dressed like a scary ghost, getting his manly muscles (and hair in funny places!), being carried up the Great Wall of China like a fetal pharaoh, he was pretty much the best worst. Now, he’s just the worst worst. Now, in addition to racial fuckery, we can add insulting fans about their weight until they’re practically in tears to his list of amazingness and lightness.

From news.com.au:

“One girl who was gorgeous looking, with long dark hair and would have been about a size 14. Justin looked over at her and said ‘What are you, Hawaiian or something?’ She said ‘No, I’m not’. Then he said ‘You look like a beached whale.’ The girl said ‘Are you serious’ and he said ‘You should go on The Biggest Loser.’ The whole pool deck heard him call this beautiful young girl a beached whale. Everyone heard. And there was silence. It was almost like his security were used to it.”…

A fellow guest said she arrived on the deck shortly before the incident began.
“I saw Bieber make a gesture with his hands to imitate a large belly as he spoke to the long haired girl and I heard him say something about The Biggest Loser and he was pointing at her - and I saw the girl and her friends leave, downcast,” the woman said. “I also told her not to take any notice of him as she walked past us, I’m not sure if she heard me. Bieber seemed to think he was funny, he was smiling and looking to his burly minders for their approval.”

I don’t think any of us would be happy being called a beached whale and being mocked for how we look. But can you imagine being a young girl and having Justin Bieber or whatever your youth’s Justin Bieber was call you a beached whale and mock you for how you look? Ugh. Poor girl.

Oh, wait, sorry, I should be saying poor Bieber, because he’s the victim here, you mean bunch of meanies.

“I want to be a young mogul. I want people to respect me for not only my music but also for making all the right decisions, and sometimes you have to make some wrong ones first. Of course I make mistakes growing up as everyone does. I’m not perfect. I’m not a robot. People forget I’m a human being, so I gotta make mistakes and grow from it and get stronger. I’m becoming a man, but I’m 19 and still finding myself. And when I have the media attacking me every day it’s no [different] than bullying that happens in school, these people calling me names and saying things, and they don’t know what’s true or not.”

Bieber. No. You may be a human being, but you are also a fetus monster. You’re the worst worst.

Thanks to Even Stevens/Erin for the heads up!

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Laurie Lolo Oatsvall Hutson

    Anyone that has to say "I am a human being" is no true human being

  • Emm82

    "I’m becoming a man" Yes and what a man he's going to be!

  • Anthony Cabezon

    I would be happy to go to jail just to punch him in the face - and I wouldn't do it for me, I'd do it for the world...

  • John G.

    he's the littlest sociopath

  • Uriah_Creep

    My 10-year old great-niece was an ardent Bieliber (to my absolute horror), but when I saw her a few weeks ago, she told me he needs to "smarten up because he's turning into a douche". Needless to say, I am a proud great-uncle. I should have trusted the family genes.

  • googergieger

    Wonder what it would take for everyone to just stop enabling him, and what would happen to him then.

    Reality tv? Porn? Gay porn? Suicide cult?

  • bastich

    Is "All of the above at the same time" an option?

  • Aaron Schulz

    i think hed go the corey feldman route, try to garner sympathy and be delusional about his status in the world

  • John W

    I think we should invoke the douche rule and stop posting about this guy.

  • Guest

    Let´s hope she takes it to her heart and starts to lose some pounds and then she can thank him in 50 years for saving her life.

  • Peachy233

    An Australian size 14 is about a US size 10. Considering we have no idea how tall this girl is, who is to say that her health is in any immediate risk?

  • Cheyenne

    I would give my next paycheck to break a chair across this twerp's face.

  • DeaconG

    No, you wanna do it right...let ECW's Gangstanators show you how it's done. I couldn't find a clip of just them, so ECW House Party will have to do. Go to 2:29:00 of the clip to see their entrance in a six-man tag...


    Now, THAT'S how you wanna do it...

  • bastich

    Could El Beebs be acting so mean because he's lonely? Perhaps he hasn't found that special someone to love? Maybe he needs to be pointed in the direction of a kindred spirit -- perhaps a certain outspoken thinness advocate and former Facebook exile?

    That's right -- I'm shipping Beiber and Maria Kang! Their couple name shall be "Keebler", and they will be happy and in love and making beautiful, skinny, oddly androgynous-looking babies together.

  • If their name is going to be 'Keebler, they could branch out into living in a tree and making low-carb, low-fat diet cookies for people

  • Arran

    See, people rag on Miley Cyrus, but to me she's just a young person behaving like a young person and is pretty ignorable. Bieber, on the other hand, actually comes across like an entitled, douchey little fuckhole, and he can't piss off soon enough.

  • Aaron Schulz

    Yeah miley is making stupid choices that a kid makes but shes also owning the shit out of her idiocy, this little bag of testicle waste is just a total asshole that has kanyes ego.

  • Arran

    While not even having five percent of Kanye's talent.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Doing his best Joffrey impression again, I see.

  • MichaelAndTheArgonauts

    For the love of Odin nobody give that hellspawn a crossbow for his birthday!

  • Mrs. Julien

    What is the veracity rating on this story exactly?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    True enough because I want to believe?


  • Uriah_Creep

    I can't belieb that joke sat there for an hour without someone else jumping on it. Methinks we are slipping.

  • I'd love this to be true, but something about the whole encounter rings false. This is a stunningly ignorant act by someone who knows his every move is recorded and reported on. Even the most tone-deaf celebrity taints learn not to do this publicly. I struggle to believe he insulted a random fan's weight for no reason at a public hotel pool.

    Again, I hope I'm wrong and this causes him to get shipped around the world in crates and used as a wealthy sheikh's sex toy.

  • Annika Raaen

    Don't forget...this is the same guy that was photographed peeing in a mop bucket.

  • BlackRabbit

    I don't struggle to believe it's true. I WILL say it's probably hard to live knowing you're the focus of so much attention and that's probably affected him in some way, but at the same time you'd hope he would either learn that lesson or someone will point it out to him. I'm not making excuses, just noting that so much societal pressure and fame can be hard for anyone. He's still a jackhole for saying it, though.

  • asherlev1

    I'm horrified. I'm so horrified I've been stunned into silence.

  • My one hope is that within the next 12-16 months, his fanbase will hot that point in their lives where they reject all childish things and rebel and turn to metal, alternative or folk. So he's about to become the next teen idol that's interesting only as a "has been".

    I cannot wait.

  • Danar the Barbarian

    It happened to the Jonas Brothers. Bieber is next. There will always be a teen heartthrob / boy band / pack of slavering but generically attractive autotuned boneheads to fill that void, but here's hoping the next one will have had some parenting and respect before he gets famous.

  • chanohack

    Unfortunately, I think you are overestimating the ages of his fanbase. A lot of them aren't even in middle school. :(

  • kirbyjay

    True. I only hear K -2 talking about Bieber on my bus. 3rd graders are too sophisticated.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    It's true, Justin Bieber is not a robot. At least, not since the anime adaptation of Terminator was canned.

  • FrayedMachine

    Oh my god. Someone please make him go away. It's absolutely infuriating to hear someone verbally harassing another human being as something so simple as "making a mistake" because that's just how you grow up. Just no. A growing up mistake is spending that extra cash on booze instead of saving it for a rainy day. Picking on another human being is just Grade-A Douchedom.

  • Premie

    I know! Unless some person made a comment that was well intentioned but possibly anecdotal and therefore not totally accurate. Then, fuck them - open season.

  • Hardly Working

    The good news is, he's not famous because his music is any good, so nobody will be listening to his ear bleeding music in 10 years. The bad news is, he's making so damn much money right now that in 10 years he'll be the richest douchnozzle in all of rehab land.

  • KC

    I doubt he'll still have that money in 10 years. He seems like one of those people who wins the lottery and spends it all in the first year or so.

  • Sirilicious

    Some more good news, i bet Biebs and his yes-posse are blowing through that money like there's no tomorrow, so he might just be in the gutter in 10 years.

  • Hardly Working

    And here's to hoping that he does so many drugs that he develops a medical condition that causes obesity. If only he could get Cushing's disease, I would start to believe in karma.

  • space_oddity

    So fucking tired of the use of 'bullying' by people like this to mean 'being called out for being a complete douchenozzle.'

  • THIS. "They're picking on me for picking on her!"

  • Annika Raaen

    As someone who could be classified a "beached whale" I take offense with two things. First...he's supposed to be an artist, yet this tired cliche is all he could come up with? Secondly, everyone likes whales.
    I'm also looking forward to the slow fade. Or fast fade. Dude reminds me of Voldemort the Foetus...tiny, helpless, and nasty.

  • Cowtools

    He's supposed to be an artist?

  • Annika Raaen

    I assume that's how he wants to be seen. But he can't fool me.

  • Arran

    Hey, but his mother tweeted that his new movie offered a great insight into his "creative process"! I'm sure it's just as insightful as that Stephen Sondheim documentary that just aired.

  • DeaconG

    I wish he'd jump up and say that to some of the 'big girls' in porn like Samantha38g, Sapphire or Miosotis. Then you'd get to watch him scream while they pulled a Hulk-on-Loki on him.

  • Annika Raaen

    I would pay TWICE to see that. No,...three times.

  • I just pictured T-Rex from Orgazmo walking into his dressing room, "HI FELLA, IM READY TO F*CK (you up)."

  • chanohack

    I DO love whales!

  • Annika Raaen

    See? How can "whale" be an insult. They are beautiful creatures. Maybe we should start calling Bieber "plankton."

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Ew, no. Calling him plankton would have the unfortunate side effect of implying whales want him in their mouths, which of course they wouldn't because whales are too fucking awesome for his shit.

  • Annika Raaen

    Fuck...you're right. I totally take that back...

  • Tatertot

    Ugh. I can't wait for his slow slide into irrelevancy to accelerate.

  • Zirza

    I wouldn't worry about it. I teach twelve year olds. They already think Bieber is for babies. His future's doomed.

  • Laura

    I'm assuming you mean quick slide?

  • Tatertot

    If it were quick, he'd been gone by now. Unfortunately, his fans just keeping hanging on. It's enough to make me lose faith in the intelligence of humanity. Or at least the tween part of it.

  • Laura

    Oh see, there's where we're different, I have already lost faith in the intelligence of humanity :) I guess I meant more when the decline starts, let's just hope it's quick because a slow downward spiral Bieber is the stuff of nightmares.

  • bastich

    Aw, c'mon! Don't you wanna eventually see Fat Justin Beiber during his late-period "Vegas Years"?

  • Laura

    Well, now that you put it that way....

  • Tatertot


  • Aaron Schulz

    pretty sure its a little of both

  • Zen


  • Tatertot

    No? I guess killing will be fun enough.

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