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Jennifer Love Hewitt to Replace Mariska Hargitay on SVU?: More "No" Than You Can Shake a Stick At

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Celebrities Are Better than You | Comments (22)

jennifer_love_hewitt_red_carpet.jpg

Okay, we need to have a talk.

There are two important things necessary for this discussion. 1) I love Law & Order: SVU. Marathon days are like frequent gifts from a loving lord. 2) Jennifer Love Hewitt is just below Lea Michele on my “seriously? This bitch?” list.

Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is THE WORST.

I don’t handle the whole “fairy princess of Gumdrop Mountain” thing well. That is why Hewitt, Emmy Rossum and their ilk are on my constant shitlist. And Jennifer Love Hewitt is the sparkliest princess of the whole fucking candy kingdom.

My favorite example of this is so awfulsome I actually took a picture of it. This ran in my mom’s People Magazine last year.

IMG_5434.jpg

And I quote, “He made a pizza for me with ‘love’ written in the middle of it in pepperoni. And we danced underneath palm trees that had little white lights on them. This is the best part—I said ‘we don’t have any music’ and he said ‘we don’t need music’.”

I’ll give you a moment to wipe the vom chunks off your now soured mouth.

That’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. The kind of girl who’d spout that bullshit as though it actually ever happened. The kind of girl who once dressed up as Audrey Hepburn and wandered around Tiffany’s with a croissant alone as a birthday present to herself. And she is first in line to replace Mariska Hargitay? The very definition of strong, kickass woman who will take no shit from anybody, man, woman or Ice T? Fuck. That. Shit.

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Comments

the worst.

Posted by: beet salad at May 17, 2011 3:10 PM

Jeez Jo-Rob just because you never got any pepperoni love doesn't mean no one got pepperoni love.

Posted by: logan at May 17, 2011 3:12 PM

I admit, she's awfully high on my list of people I wouldn't miss if they were buried alive.

Also, Logan, just in case no one else has said it yet? That joke is no longer funny. If it ever was.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at May 17, 2011 3:16 PM

Mr. Furious: Rage... taking over...
Casanova Frankenstein: Yeah, yeah. Ve've heard all that before.
Mr. Furious: No, no, no. Rage... really taking over...

Posted by: superasente at May 17, 2011 3:28 PM

I agree...

Fuck that shit.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 17, 2011 3:32 PM

My Hargitay Love is boundless. BOUNDLESS, I say!
Replacing her with that person you've named above?
A travesty. If Ms. Hargitay is leaving, I thank her for splendid work over many seasons and look forward to her next project. If they can't find a woman who can act and project the same kind of strength to replace her, it will be because they didn't look.
It will be the end of SVU.

Posted by: Spender at May 17, 2011 3:35 PM

A couple of clarifications first...Mariska isn't leaving SVU; she just signed on for season 12 (or whatever next year will be). However, she will be cutting back a bit, she she just adopted a baby. Apparently, her character will be bumped up into a more supervisory position (not sure what they're thinking or how they're going to do this).
Unfortunately, they *are* talking about bringing Hewitt in. Again, don't know how they'll pull this off, since she played a rape victim in a previous episode...and not one that was a former cop or such. Don't know how they can bring her in as a new detective...

Posted by: kyrailbird at May 17, 2011 3:45 PM

So far, this week is full of blerg.

I've always loved SVU because they've basically had the same cast for the entire run of the series, and that cast is one of the best (if not the the best) Law and Order ever had. Will ever have. The show is Benson and Stabler, and Captain Cragen, and Munsch and Ice-T (not gonna try spelling his character's name), and either ADAs Novak or Cabot. And B.D. Wong and Tamara Tunie.

Any significant change to that, especially in the form of a single cast member, is... it's even stupider than canceling the original recipe for Los Angeles starring Skeet Ulrich. But, if Mariska Hargitay is done, then, fine, more power to her. She'll always be my favorite TV cop. That won't change. But Jennifer Love Hewitt? WHAT? I second superasente's sentiment. Someone's gonna get hurt.

Also, Emmy Rossum is, uh, not very pixie-like in Shameless. By that, of course, I mean: Boobs.

Posted by: RobP at May 17, 2011 3:49 PM

@kyrailbird: Well, that's at least better news. As for JLH being on the show previously, Diane Neal was on the show before she was ADA Novak. Season three, I think? Continuity isn't that big of a deal for one-off characters.

Posted by: RobP at May 17, 2011 3:52 PM

Any mention of JLH requires this link -

http://gofugyourself.com/fug_the_fromage_the_client_list_080310-08-2010

Oh Fug Girls, is there nothing you can't do?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 17, 2011 4:01 PM

Are va-jazzles approved for wear with NYPD uniforms?

Pragmatically, she doesn't have to be a cop. She could be an outside expert, in her first episode helping them follow a trail of sparkles to the bad, bad person doing unspeakable & strange things to innocents? Then they have her back to help hunt down the really freaky freaks - sparkles, rainbow tattoos, unicorn "riders", my little pony cos-play. That's until the voices in her head tell her (character) to blow her brains out.

Hey, I can hope for a happy ending.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 17, 2011 4:06 PM

Oh I can just picture it now...

Elliot: So how did you get over here to SVU?

Melinda: Well I worked for years just north of the city.

Elliot: Doing what?

Melinda: Oh, let's just say cold cases.

Elliot: Uh...huh.

Melinda; By the way your father says he's sorry for hitting you when you were a kid.

Elliot: My father's dead.

Melinda: Yeah well, you could say I have this gift in which I talk to the dead and...

Elliot: Captain Cragen!!! Call Dr. Huang! We got another nut here!

(Elliot storms off. Munch shimmies over to the desk)

Munch: So have heard anything from Lee Harvey Oswald? I've had an ongoing bet...

Posted by: bleujayone at May 17, 2011 4:14 PM

I do not know what to say. Olivia Benson is an icon. Mariska is a goddess (beauty + talent + charisma + personality). I'm happy that the series was renewed. I think that an actress of some remaining L & O would do better.

Posted by: Anne Carol at May 17, 2011 4:41 PM

Cue every interrogation scene now ending in "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!!"

Posted by: Lauren at May 17, 2011 5:33 PM

I gave up pepperoni, and that story just makes me sad.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 17, 2011 6:42 PM

HELLTOTHENO. BOBB-AAAAY!

I am going to have to get the Necromicon out and go all King Solomon on Dick Wolf's ass, clearly.

Posted by: Jerry at May 17, 2011 8:47 PM

Don't hate the Love....

Posted by: John W at May 17, 2011 10:59 PM

One of those moments where you seriously don't have anything to say except thank someone, this time bleujayone for making me laugh through silent laser beam wrath.

Posted by: PP Matter at May 18, 2011 6:51 AM

That blows.

Then again, L&O and all its spin-offs are built for endless syndication. If they do sign her on, I can blissfully ignore her character run and just rewatch an episode from an earlier season. I swear, there are days when a marathon comes on and I can forget that Jerry Orbach isn't with us anymore.

Posted by: Ozioma at May 18, 2011 9:29 AM

Emmy Rossum? Princess Sweetcakes? Have you SEEN Shameless? It's positively shameless and I have newfound respect for her white trashiness and boobalishiousness.

Posted by: kirbyjay at May 18, 2011 9:43 AM

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Posted by: Cheri Savel at June 27, 2011 9:48 PM

It's the small tweaks that make the largest changes.

Posted by: how do i become a cop at June 30, 2011 12:46 AM