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James Franco Writes Sh*tty Poems About Other Celebrities

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 23, 2014 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 23, 2014 |


600x400_About_JamesFranco3.jpg

James Franco — who attends college; acts in movies, television shows, and on the stage; makes weird music videos; blogs; scams on 17 year olds; and probably volunteers at the local fire department and moonlights as a barista i— is also a poet. A shitty poet, but a poet nevertheless.

Franco has a book coming out this week featuring those poems called Hollywood Dreaming: Stories, Pictures and Poems. Based on some of the samples made available on E!, Franco is also a terrible poet.

Here’s “The Voice of Lindsay Lohan,” a poem told from Lohan’s perspective:

“I took James back to the bathroom.”

“You know why Amy put mirrors all around in here?”

“Why?”

“So you can watch yourself f—k”

“He didn’t f—k me, that shit.”

That’s less a poem, and more a conversation.

He writes a lot about Sean Penn.

Here’s one poem:

“In Milk, you were such/ A fine homo. And when/ You and I kissed/ On Castro Street, it was for a full minute./ Your beard was like my father’s.”

That’s not a poem! That’s a sentence broken into stanzas. Here’s another:

“You were an angry young man / And you’re an angry old man.”

Look out, Robert Frost!

This one is about the late Elizabeth Taylor.

“Poor Monty, he became a shadow./ A slouched figure in too-big pants / You got big and drunk and weird / You went on General Hospital.”

You can buy Franco’s book today. I probably wouldn’t, if I were you.



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