James Franco Writes Sh*tty Poems About Other Celebrities
James Franco — who attends college; acts in movies, television shows, and on the stage; makes weird music videos; blogs; scams on 17 year olds; and probably volunteers at the local fire department and moonlights as a barista i— is also a poet. A shitty poet, but a poet nevertheless.
Franco has a book coming out this week featuring those poems called Hollywood Dreaming: Stories, Pictures and Poems. Based on some of the samples made available on E!, Franco is also a terrible poet.
Here’s “The Voice of Lindsay Lohan,” a poem told from Lohan’s perspective:
“I took James back to the bathroom.”
“You know why Amy put mirrors all around in here?”
“So you can watch yourself f—k”
“He didn’t f—k me, that shit.”
That’s less a poem, and more a conversation.
He writes a lot about Sean Penn.
Here’s one poem:
“In Milk, you were such/ A fine homo. And when/ You and I kissed/ On Castro Street, it was for a full minute./ Your beard was like my father’s.”
That’s not a poem! That’s a sentence broken into stanzas. Here’s another:
“You were an angry young man / And you’re an angry old man.”
Look out, Robert Frost!
This one is about the late Elizabeth Taylor.
“Poor Monty, he became a shadow./ A slouched figure in too-big pants / You got big and drunk and weird / You went on General Hospital.”
You can buy Franco’s book today. I probably wouldn’t, if I were you.
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