In Which I Feel Sorry for a Kardashian
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In Which I Feel Sorry for a Kardashian

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | June 11, 2013 | Comments ()


And it's not the pregnant one, because that's what she wants, you guys.

No, it's one of the younger ones. The Kendall one. There's two younger ones, you see. Kendall and Kylie Jenner. Both trying to be model types. The younger Kylie one is 15 and dating Jaden Smith. This one, Kendall, is 17, very pretty, and the least public of her brood. You may know her as my favorite because of her alter-ego, Muppet Sleeves.


Anyway, the Kendall one was profiled in the New York Times. Which is impressive, as she is, again, the least public of her siblings and has...I want to say done the least, but I'm sure if you actually look at days of work performed when compared to her siblings, it's probably pretty neck and neck. But she's probably the least well known, and it would seem a slow news day for any NYT Kardashian-Jenner offspring profile. So this one is especially curious.

Until you read it, and, when you read it, you realize what it is. A clandestine attempt to notify child protective services about the absolutely shit life of the younger daughters of Kris Jenner. Because this didn't get their attention, clearly (warning: if you watch that video, you will no doubt be added to several watch lists and never want to have children because it's really upsetting as a parent and human being. Also I believe that's the second time footage of those minor children, who were, like, 12-14ish at the time, pole dancing was aired on that show. WTF, E!? What kind of SVU-baiting syndicate are you running, Seacrest?).

From the NYT piece, via Celebitchy:

Kendall Jenner seemed stilted, perhaps because she was being aggressively managed.

Sitting in a small suite at a Midtown hotel, the 17-year-old was fidgeting her way through interview after photograph after interview, helped along by a roomful of zealous publicists and handlers.

"I think you always talk about how appreciative you are," one of her publicists said.

"Yeah, how appreciative I am," Ms. Jenner said, plucking at her tights.

"And that you enjoy the life you have," the publicist said.

"I enjoy the life I have," Ms. Jenner said, zipping and unzipping a sofa cushion.

Her father is Bruce Jenner, an Olympic gold medalist. Her mother is Kris Jenner, formerly Kris Kardashian, which makes Kendall and her 15-year-old sister, Kylie, the half-siblings of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney. It also makes Kendall next in line for stardom on the family's series, "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," which returned for its eighth season on E! last Sunday.

A grade-schooler when the reality show first appeared in 2007, Ms. Jenner made only brief appearances for the first few seasons. But in 2011, the network broadcast "Kendall's Sweet 16," a special that showed her attending her birthday party and getting her driver's license. Since then, she has shown up more frequently in the series. "I don't know any different," she said of growing up on TV. Still, she added: "I don't want to be a big part of the show. Neither does my little sister, only because we want for a little while to keep our somewhat normal lives."

In a 2011 episode called "Kim Becomes a Stage Mom," Ms. Jenner headed to New York for a gig modeling prom dresses, only to storm out of a runway coaching session after her half-sister pushed too hard. "I was just like, I don't know," Ms. Jenner said, explaining her behavior. "My sister was being kind of annoying, and I was just overwhelmed."

Ms. Jenner is represented by Wilhelmina Models, though most of her jobs have been relatively minor and commercial. She was on the cover of American Cheerleader in June 2011 and, with Kylie, on the cover of Seventeen last September. She has posed in bobby socks and rompers for Forever 21. She and her sister also modeled for their own clothing line, Kendall & Kylie -- a collaboration with PacSun that includes distressed-denim shorts and studded backpacks.

But her fashion profile has been on the rise recently. In November, she appeared on the cover of Miss Vogue, an offshoot of Vogue Australia, photographed by Mr. James in a backless black dress and Nicholas Kirkwood platform stilettos. In April, she wore Marc Jacobs on the cover of Harper's Bazaar Arabia; in May, it was Louis Vuitton and Michael Kors in Cosmopolitan. "I hope to do more," she said.

Bruce and Kris Jenner, married since 1991, are the subject of tabloid divorce rumors in part fueled by a story line on the show. On last week's season premiere, Ms. Jenner appeared briefly to discuss the state of her parents' marriage.

In the suite, in a rare unrehearsed moment, she said of the divorce rumor, "It's just stupid; that's not true. I don't feel anything about it," Ms. Jenner said. "It doesn't hurt me. It's not something that gets to me. I know the truth. I live with my parents, and I know what's going on ---"

Her publicist made a surreptitious cutting motion with her hand.

Ms. Jenner stopped talking and resumed shredding a loose Kendall & Kylie hangtag she had discovered nearby. Soon afterward, she pleaded hunger and left to join Kylie, waiting in another room. She left behind her handlers and a small pile of torn cardboard.

Well, that was the saddest/creepiest thing I've rested my eyes on since that pole dancing video a few paragraphs back.

tl;dr -- Kris Jenner is a monster person. Ugh. Let the children go, you awful creature.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • disqus_mQPW6cixfl

    As always, I blame O.J.


  • BigBlueKY

    She sounds so robotic and dead inside. Poor thing never had a true childhood. Is this the one Frances Bean Cobain went off on and told to STFU because no one feels sorry for her? Well, I feel sorry for her.

  • e jerry powell

    Whatever happened to those Jenner boys anyway? Were they just out-obnoxious-ed by their stepsisters our out-douched by their stepbrother?

    On a more disgusting note, I cannot believe I just chugged a cup of Ranch dressing, straight, no chaser, for no reason at all.

  • From everything I've heard, there is no creature more vile in the pit that is Hollywood than the publicist/handler person. Just so completely gross.

  • BlackRabbit

    You know what I see there? Tigers. Not cute tigger-tigers, big things with claws that will do anything to keep their place. It's probably cold and beautiful and full of money, and they can keep it.

    Well, maybe not the money.

  • I saw that family portrait and all I could think of was The Addams Family.

  • Batesian

    That's an affront to the Addams Family.

  • katenonymous

    The fact that the Kylie one is dating Jaden Smith tells me that there is no hope for these girls, no matter what they want. Because the Smiths, too, WILL BE STARS whether or not they or we want them to be.

  • BlackRabbit

    Like breeding racehorses.

  • cicatricella

    gawd, poor kid.

  • Protoguy

    That family is disgusting.

  • foolsage

    Youch. The robotic repetition of the lines her publicist feeds her is appallingly creepy.

    “I think you always talk about how appreciative you are,” one of her publicists said.

    “Yeah, how appreciative I am,” Ms. Jenner said, plucking at her tights.

    “And that you enjoy the life you have,” the publicist said.

    “I enjoy the life I have,” Ms. Jenner said, zipping and unzipping a sofa cushion.

    "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn," the publicist cooed.

    "Right. Dreaming in his house in R'lyeh," Ms. Jenner sighed.

  • I'm also sort of reminded of that super creepy, brainwashed interview with Katie Holmes right after she got together with Tom Cruise.

    Not in any specifics, just that in a few years, there are going to be people linking to this interview and saying, "Yeah, something was obviously wrong."

  • Viking

    Yup, I thought the same thing. I hope she has someone in her corner who can be strong for her, because she seems to be swarmed with puppetmasters.

  • Kris Jenner is a seriously messed-up person. I mean, what mother in her right mind (and I realize that may very well be the problem here) wants to even acknowledge their daughter has a sex tape, much less discuss it on a national television show?

    I mean, my mom and I have had our moments, but every time I watch this show I keep thinking "my mother would tear my rear end up TODAY if I did that" and I am 35 years old.

  • Viking

    So would mine, and I'm 43. Also, we don't discuss such things. Ever.

  • As far as my own mother is concerned, my daughter arrived via stork. Please and thank you.

  • Mrs. Julien

    YESSSS! That was super creepy.

  • Maya

    Oh my god. What the fuck did I just read? I mean, I knew their relationship was creepy and bizarre, but that article reads like a psychological case study of a very disturbed individual. They brainwashed the hell out of that poor girl, didn't they?

  • foolsage

    I hadn't read that interview in ages, and had forgotten how scripted her responses were. My gut feeling is that, rather than being brainwashed, Katie was just saying what the nice publicists for her super-rich and super-famous new boyfriend told her to say. She was toeing the party line like a good little trooper. On the other hand, I do expect that Katie was under a LOT of pressure to be a good beard wife.

    It's probably not a coincidence that Nicole Kidman starred in the remake of The Stepford Wives. ;)

  • Fredo

    "You are touched by Darkness, Mrs. Jenner.

    I could warn you, but you would not listen.

    I could kill you, but someone else would take your place.

    So I do the only thing I can:

    I leave."

    Really, that says it all.

  • Sofia

    Excuse me, but Khloé is the Kardashian Kueen Of Tumblr.

  • tmoney

    That header picture is really freaking me out. I swear, one of them looks like SWINDON, which messes with my mind and my spirit. I can't stop staring at it.

  • True_Blue

    What freaks me out isn't the Swindon. It's the killer klown--John Wayne Gacy standing in the back.

  • mairimba

    That's from a photo shoot for America's Next Top Model. That should explain the spookiness of it.

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