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Happy Thanksgiving, Friends

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Celebrities Are Better than You | Comments (16)

alanisthank2.jpg

After years of professionally talking about celebrity skankery, fuck uppery, and general acts of dipshittery, I have learned to stop worrying and love when they get shitbombed. I have a lot to be thankful for, and now that I’ve stopped weeping in fetal position after a too on the nose Onion article, I can see that now.

Here are the things for which I am thankful this Thanksgiving:

1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Dina Lohan
3. Michael Lohan
4. Kanye West
5. Kanye West’s Twitter
6. Charlie Sheen’s affinity for bough-and-paid-for ladies of ill repute
7. Heidi Montag’s Frankenstein face and body
8. Sarah Palin
9. Bristol Palin
10. Accidental Pa(lin)jiba Week a week or so ago
11. Tim Curry
12. Mussaman curry
13. Suri Cruise
14. India
15. Terror
16. Disillusionment
17. Those of you who will note I already made that joke on Twitter
18. Slutty Hitler
19. This comment thread
20. ,’s almost-weekly sexual advances
21. Steven Moffat
22. Matt Smith
23. Finally forgiving David Tennant
24. The movies Fear and The Crush
25. Watching this video over and over again on a loop
26. Being against violence against women
27. Except in this video
28. Not being under investigation for posting those pictures of Miley Cyrus
29. Not being thrown out of Pajiba for posting about Miley Cyrus
30. Not being thrown out of Pajiba for posting about Jersey Shore
31. Not being thrown out of Pajiba for posting about Justin Bieber
32. Tina Fey
33. Betty White’s really good year
34. The upcoming day on which we learn that Betty is actually The Highlander
35. Did I mention Kanye West’s Twitter?
36. Everything Jessica Alba says because it is all idiot gold
37. Ibid Jessica Biel
38. That How I Met Your Mother is good again
39. Community
40. Joel McHale shirtless
41. Joel McHale pantsless
42. That I am now able to turn my ringtone to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas.” Yes, I am that girl.
43. That I feel comfortable enough with you all to admit that.
44. For you fine people.
45. For this Thanksgiving card I made you.

Happy Thanksgiving, my little lambtwats.









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Comments

I love the Thanksgiving card.

Posted by: Jadine at November 25, 2010 1:42 PM

I'm giving smallpox infested blankets to 45 this Thanksgiving. Because I like sharing and all.

Posted by: Porkchop Express at November 25, 2010 1:45 PM

Sadly, even though I am a 40+ year old male, I really like "All I Want for Christmas," both Mariah's version as well as Olivia Olson's. Although I wouldn't use it as a ringtone, as my staff would look at me rather funny.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Posted by: Confucius Jackson at November 25, 2010 1:47 PM

I had forgotten about Cary Elwes's super-punch!

PS: I thought I reached my limit on the Betty White thing when she turned up on Community, but your Highlander comment has turned me around on that. Bless.

Posted by: Melodie at November 25, 2010 2:05 PM

Thank you for the Alanis Morisette joke.

Like you, I'm also thankful for Kanye West, for though what he did to Taylor Swift's alien ass was wrong, it was soooooooooooooooooooo right.

Posted by: EJ at November 25, 2010 2:26 PM

Oh yes, How I Met Your Mother is totally officially good again !

Posted by: Gemmazemma at November 25, 2010 2:37 PM

I'm thankful for Pajiba and all the snarkiness it brings to my life.

Posted by: Fredo at November 25, 2010 4:16 PM

How I Met Your Mother got good again? Reaeeeelly, when did that happen?
Last new episode I saw was more of the same booolshit.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 25, 2010 5:20 PM

Didn't Mariah Carey already have a fork sticking out of her back? Sheesh. "Vision of Love" was how long ago? My senior year in college?

Wench is so over.

Posted by: Jerry at November 25, 2010 6:26 PM

I am thankful that Pajiba lights up my life with deluxe snark.

Posted by: Miri at November 25, 2010 7:27 PM

#45 made me choke on my pumpkin pie. Damn you, Courtney!

I'm thankful for your columns. :)

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 25, 2010 7:54 PM

13. Shrimp curry

Fixed that for you.
---
20. ,’s almost-weekly sexual advances

I can step it up to almost-daily, if that would move me up the list.

Posted by: , at November 26, 2010 12:08 AM

mmmmmmmm mussaman

Posted by: Protoguy at November 26, 2010 6:12 PM

And yeah, that Onion article may have been on the nose, but it could easily have been just a mirror. I mean, it pretty much described The Onion itself as much as any other site.

Posted by: protoguy at November 26, 2010 6:29 PM

That looks like the Chicago L. But they don't let Canadians into Chicago, so it can't be.

Posted by: Lucas at November 26, 2010 7:34 PM

23. Finally forgiving David Tennant
You, too, huh? I know the feeling :| and I'm still holding on to it. Hmph!

Posted by: Kateshi Rinkichiku at November 29, 2010 8:54 AM