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Gwyneth Paltrow Cheating on Chris Martin? Delicious.

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | February 19, 2014 | Comments ()


gwynniep.jpg

I am a good person with a good heart (“That’s a funny joke.” — you) and I hate when bad things happen to good people.

Yet, I love when bad things happen to Gwyneth Paltrow. Because it’s never not hilarious and amazing.

There’s an app called Whisper. I’d never before heard of an app called Whisper, but it seems to be similar to PostSecret. And now that I know someone’s posting Goop gossip (goopsip) I am downloading it LIT’RALLY as we speak. Because I love. I live. I live for this.

Because Gwyneth, for someone who has created herself as this picture of class, the essence of having it all, handles scandal TERRIBLY. And the chaos is beautiful. I want to live inside the swirling vortex of her insanity and build a beach house where I will bathe in the sunbeams of her tantrums forever.

So, basically, someone posted on Whisper that Goop is having an affair with Kevin Yorm, an entertainment lawyer. It would appear this—or a similar story—was the basis for the infamously aborted Vanity Fair exposé (for the record, he cheats on her too, so you go girl and get yourself Gooped, Goopy). Defamer interviewed the editor-in-chief of Whisper, a former Gawker editor, who confirmed that the source is sound. Defamer then contacted Goop’s publicist and hilarity ensued.

So Goop herself is not only having a rumored secret affair with an entertainment lawyer—that affair is why Vanity Fair dropped the story? We emailed her publicist, Stephen Huvane, for comment. He wrote back (all sic):

That is absolutely 100 percent false. The sours at Whisper is clearly a fake

Three minutes later, he emailed us again:

What exactly is Whisper anyway?

We attempted to explain the app, to which he responded:

This is clearly a fabricated story with no credibility at all.

Ten minutes later, he followed up for the fourth time:

The only time Gwyneth has even recently seen Kevin Yorn (who she knows only casually through business contacts) was on a flight from NY-LA. Gwyneth was flying with her assistant and the CEO of Goop and Kevin coincidentally was also in the first class section. I cannot be more clear with you when I say she is NOT having an affair with Kevin Yorn and I will be notifying her attorneys as well.

Stephen-Colbert-Popcorn.gif

We will be following this sure-to-be-AMAHZING story as it progresses. I hope there’s face slaps and shoulder pads! *tight-fisted shiver of joy*



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • The original pitiful tits

    I think she is self parody, but why? Is she a doppleganger? Anyway, I know this site is...political.

  • The Pink Hulk

    I think it might be even more douchy to hate Gwnyneth than to be Gwenyth. Blech.

  • Of all the things that repel me from the Goopster, I think it boils down to this: say what you will about Martha Stewart, but that woman CREATED herself. She didn't grow up that way; she constructed an image of who she wanted to be and the lifestyle she wanted to reflect, and she became it - and made millions in the process. I might roll my eyes at excessive decoupage, but you know what? I don't begrudge her a cent, because that woman WORKED for what she has. Gwynnie, on the other hand, was born to it, and has simply carved a "lifestyle brand" out of being what she already and always was - namely, a privileged, self-indulgent, navel-gazing princess. And maybe that should earn her points for authenticity, but it just feels lazy.

  • The original pitiful tits

    Why can't she be like Rachel Zoe and Rasputin and Charles Manson? Get everyone in that corrupt community to sing her praises without really getting what she actually does. As it is, nobody is singing.

  • The original pitiful tits

    Well, except for Gwenyth, she sings. Maybe she's Francis of Assini, and shame on all of you!

  • Sofia

    You know, I can understand enjoying when her movies bomb or her projects fail, but I can't understand enjoying the "chaos" that we assume is going on in her personal life. She has kids old enough to Google all this stuff.

  • I don't know that I'd be trusting in the credibility of someone who has 'former Gawker editor' on their resume.

  • Az

    So delicious. Why is that? Is it because it's Goop? It's a surfeit of Schadenfreude.

  • Scott Grannan

    "Who cares?" Probably no one, if she wasn't such a smug, pretentious, self-satisfied snob. However, since she seems incapable of passing up any opportunity to flaunt her entitled ass wherever she can, I'll admit to greedily enjoying pretty much anything that embarrasses or enrages her short of bodily harm.

  • googergieger

    To be fair, it is Chris Martin...

    But to be even more fair, it is Gwyneth Paltrow....

  • Maddy

    Is it weird that if GOOP was actually having an affair, I would probably like her more?

  • AvaLehra

    Oh sure, Gwyneth. It's all fun and games until your dumb infidelities cause a viral pandemic and poor Titanic Rose has to die and be buried in an unmarked shallow grave while Matt Damon and his sullen dumb teen grieve for humanity.

  • emmalita

    I saw that movie twice, but only once voluntarily.

  • dizzylucy

    I believe that denial is called going "Full Boyle."

    And I read PostSecret as PopSecret. That is an app I could get on board with.

  • Mrs. Julien

    With any luck, we'll get to see her go Full Baldwin.

  • NaturalFro79

    Crazy Baldwin on the airplane, or crazy Baldwin walking down the street? There is a difference.

  • BWeaves

    I will now share my favorite poem from when I was a child:

    Goops, And How To Be Them

    by Gelett Burgess

    The Goops they lick their fingers,
    And the Goops they lick their knives.
    They spill their broth
    On the tablecloth,
    Oh, they lead disgusting lives.

    The Goops they talk while eating,
    And loud and fast they chew.
    And that is why
    I'm glad that I
    Am not a Goop.
    Are you?

  • webelos8

    the people with the round heads and terrible manners? I had that book.

  • Thank you. I thought I was the only one who remembered. This book, and "Goops, and How Not To Be Them" sat on our family bookshelves right next to a pair of books on hand shadow puppetry. As far as I am concerned, they are always linked. And Gwyneth Paltrow is a part of that odd little pantheon.

  • wsapnin

    do we really even care?

  • emmalita

    No, but when did that stop us?

    Edit: I mean that in the fun way, not the defensive way.

  • This might be my new motto.

  • NateMan

    Does it make me a bad person to imagine that even what should be dirty-nasty cheating sex with the Goop is boring and kinda awkward?

  • Bert_McGurt

    It's very difficult to arouse someone who only gets off on their sense of self-satisfaction.

    Plus it probably involves Wet-Naps. Pardon me - organic Wet-Naps.

  • Salieri2

    We sure it's Kevin Yorm and not Terrence Howard, here?

  • competitivenonfiction

    I just don't want her to apologize to anyone. Except maybe her husband. In private. These public celebrity apologies for personal stuff is really below what I think she thinks she is compared to the rest of us.

  • AvaLehra

    I can't stand her but I totally agree. What do I care who she is or is not schtupping -- as long as it isn't Christopher Eccleston or my husband.

    Still I will pull up a chair and some mother effin' popcorn. I won't lie.

  • Lorelei

    You can always tell if someone is lying by how much information they give you. Way too much over-explaining...

  • DominaNefret

    Nah. I over explain seriously everything. I'm just a really really wordy person who thinks it is important/considerate to give as much detail as possible. I only recently realized that this fact makes people think that I am constantly making excuses or lying to them, and I found it utterly confusing; I mean, I was just explaining!

    I'm sure I am not the only person who is like this.
    And lawyers are trained to give exactly the amount of information needed. Sometimes that is none at all or as little as possible, sometimes it is exactly the amount necessary to prove their point.

    Which isn't to say that he is telling to truth, just that he could be.

  • It's usually best to assume that if they're a lawyer, they're more than likely lying about something and then work outwards from there.

  • NateMan

    I should have read your comment before replying to Fredo, because yeah.

  • TK

    I feel like when you pull the trigger on the "I'M CALLING MY LAWYER" thing that quick, you might have already started to nail the coffin shut.

    I might be mixing my metaphors but it's snowing again so fuck you.

  • NateMan

    ... Maybe they're pulling the trigger on the nail-gun? Just trying to help.

    Yes. Fuck this snow right in its cold white ass. Hey, it's just like anal with Goop!

  • Sara_Tonin00
  • NateMan

    FANTASTIC.

  • Salieri2
  • NateMan

    Just like that guy! Only if you haven't done yourself in by nail #5 or so, you should probably go find a real gun. Ouch. At least we know he was really invested in his suicide.

  • Salieri2

    Or.....foul play.

  • NateMan

    Nah. He was an insurance executive under investigation by the state. Who could possibly hate someone like that enough to jam a bunch of nails into him?

    On second thought, you might be on to something... Or not. And I feel just a little bad joking about it. But hell, suicide with a nail-gun... That's pretty hardcore and deserves to be joked about.

  • Salieri2

    ...I started it.

  • Thing is 1 denial is standard fare. Even the immediate "What is Whisper?" question, followed up with the "sounds fabricated" is fair. If you leave it at that, no one thinks any more of it.

    But that last, clearly overwrought excuse of where she was and who was with? That's what we in the industry like to call "Grade A, lyin' through your teeth bullshit!" And now I'm certain she's probably nailing that dude.

    Not that I cared before or now. But it's amusing to see people who are desperate to keep a fabricated image of themselves run like ants in the sun to prevent it from falling. (See: Woods, E. AKA "El Tigre")

  • Sara_Tonin00

    How bad an employee do you have to be to not just google Whisper instead of asking the person asking you for comment? I mean really. Don't just flash your ignorance in public like that, homefry.

  • Huvane is awful and it makes me wonder how *good* he really is to make up for it, meaning what exactly he's covered up or spun for his clients like Goop and Aniston.

  • Kate

    I think part of his appeal is that he often manages to make himself the story and deflect a bit of attention from his clients when they need it...look at this Gwyneth story. Loads of people are just talking about how stupid her publicists denial was rather than poring over every aspect of the affair story (which is actually likely to be false anyway, Gwyneth usually leaves marriage trouble and affair denials pretty ambiguous, that she feels safe enough to go all out and say there's not a shred of truth to this one suggests this time it isn't true).

  • NateMan

    Yes. As a liar who could have gone pro I'm here to tell you the first rule is to avoid embellishment. Say "Nope, it's not happening, but it's really funny you think it is" and leave it at that. Details of just how little you know that person and preemptively working up your defense means it's true, you know it's true, and shitfuckdamn how did people find out?

  • I'm thinking it's a bit "doth protest too much."

  • Two things:

    1) You are on point about that excuse. Obviously they figured someone would reveal that she was on the same plane with him (i have no idea how, but apparently the gossips have WAYS) and wanted to jump ahead. But yeah, that is way too much information, especially with the mention of the other people on the plane.

    2) Oh, how I wish Woods started calling himself El Tigre. So, so much.

  • emmalita

    And henceforth Tiger Woods shall be known as "El Tigre." So it is proclaimed. It will catch on.

  • Welldressed

    Change approved!

  • So let it be written, so let it be done.

  • emmalita

    I'm so glad there are people I can talk smack about and still feel reasonably good about myself as a human being. I don't hate her, but she does set herself up for the mockery.

  • JustOP

    I guess, but if this 'hits the fan' so to speak, it's not just her who's going to get the attention - she has a husband and children. I can't really articulate why, but being somehow excited and happy about a situation like this just leaves a bad taste in my mouth?

  • emmalita

    Oh, I'm not excited about this situation. Or even happy. I certainly won't be gossiping about her kids or husband, or supporting any outlet that does. I feel perfectly comfortable snarking about Goop herself. I won't snark about someone who appears to have mental health issues or drug problems, or someone who is in the closet. Goop has put herself in a position of telling people how to live and what to eat. She's also set herself up for derision because a lot of the advice she gives is bad and some of it's dangerous. I'm not looking for her to fail, and I'm not suggesting she be run out of town on a rail. But when her "perfect life" facade wears thin in spots I'm going to guiltlessly enjoy some schadenfreude. She's strong enough to handle some Pajiba style scorn and she can wipe her tears away with the money I will indirectly give her for the next Iron Man movie.

  • JustOP

    That's fine, my reply wasn't really directed towards you but towards the post/general comments as a whole. Your comment just seemed to be the spark needed to generate my own thoughts. Just suprised that something as callous and tasteless as this was posted at all.

  • emmalita

    I didn't mind explaining myself. It is a fine line between mocking someone for failing to be as perfect as they want you to believe they are, and trashing someone's life and subjecting their kids to harm. I'm sure I would be better person if I refrained from gossip and schadenfreude, but I am not. As I said in my original post, I'm glad GP exists so that I can gossip and schadenfreude sans guilt.

  • JustOP

    I don't think it makes anyone a 'better' or 'worse' person for having an opinion on this subject (how do you even define a persons worth in regards to offhand comments about a celebrity?). Schadenfreude is something, I think, everybody enjoys now and again. I guess this is just one of those times I don't particularly feel it.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Well said, Emm. You saved me a lot of typing.

  • emmalita

    I live to serve. :)

  • becktothefuture

    I only find mild amusement in the situation because it is a woman who very much wants to tell other people how to live "better" doing something that most people would agree is not very goop, I mean good.

  • Exactly. She's a professional LIFE LIVER.

  • The Pink Hulk

    She's also an Oscar-winning actress, singer, and daughter of Blythe Danner, who is perfection personified. So, you know, there's that.

  • The original pitiful tits

    Blythe D. Is divine.

  • AvaLehra

    I am totally reading this as liver the organ, and am not going to correct myself.

  • marigi

    Exactly! It's not that I like her or anything, but feeling glee for sad tidbits of her private life when it's none of our business?? It's depressing. And I think it's ok to tease her for the public image she wants to give of herself, since she's the one putting it out there. Rumors about an affair, though? Nobody should give a shit...

  • malechai

    Are you Canadian?

  • marigi

    I wish. Italian.

  • malechai

    Italian, cool! I only ask because there was a guest on the Daily Show recently who was all, "Canadians in general don't like getting into people's personal business". I don't know if that's true (and I'm Canadian), but since you feel sorta the same, I wondered.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Well, I guess I'll get some joy out of seeing her smug face weather the storm of her own poor decisions, and you can get some joy out of being a better person than me.

    win/win if you ask me.

  • NateMan

    Well then, you get to feel cheerful about being a more enlightened person. Me, I fully admit that there are some people who are probably decent, hardworking, generally good people who, when shit goes bad, annoy me so much that I can't help but feel childish glee at their misfortune.

    And let's be honest. At worst, it's an AFFAIR. Her and her hubby work it out or they don't, kids end up being the product of divorced parents or they don't. Sure, it's not skipping-through-a-meadow, but kids make it through that just fine. We're not cheering because she's been diagnosed with lupus or something.

  • The original pitiful tits

    People have different consciences.

  • marigi

    Ha, i guess I did come out as a smart asshole (Paltrow's influence?). It's just I was surprised to read a post like this here on Pajiba.

  • The original pitiful tits

    Are you kidding me? This is a groupthink think tank. Intellectualism is a crony system, whatever the tier.

  • marigi

    Ok, I'm super slow today (!). Is this piece satirical, on the horror of celebrity gossip?

  • Nah that's just how Courtney rolls.

  • BWeaves

    Nope, it's the real deal.

  • marigi

    It's pretty sad, then.

  • Yeah probably.

    *shrugs* I'm good with that.

  • TK

    Don't you dare. Own this goddamn shit, because it's a thing of beauty, you hear me? The day I feel bad for Goop is the day I quit the internet forever.

  • Bob Genghis Khan

    This site sure does love it some goddamns.

  • We goddamn love 'em.

  • TK

    Goddamn right.

  • Guest

    Man this site loves it some goddamns.

  • mswas

    You're goddamned right we do!

  • John G.

    Agreed 100%. Don't cave to the pressure of one sad little commenter, Courtney.

    Relishing the fall of Queen Goop should be the Pajiba mission statement.

    http://i.imgur.com/o6fcAAq.jpg

  • bleujayone

    Schadenfreude. The new fragrance by Gwyneth Paltrow.

    I'm told it reeks of hypocrisy and arrogance.

  • NellL

    Do you want to find a partner who will exceed your expectations?
    Try__wealthykiss.com__the largest community for meeting successful and attractive men, women for relationships. Give it a shot and good luck! :)

  • Uriah_Creep

    But NellL, are you endorsed by Goop???

  • LittleMissPonderer

    With base notes of pretentiousness.

  • e jerry powell

    And if we're lucky, more than a little Spanish ham.

  • Bodhi

    Ahhh that is my new favorite thing.

  • e jerry powell

    As it should be.

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