Finally, Gwyneth Paltrow Offers a Health Tip We Can All Get Behind
Get behind. Hee.
Gwyneth Paltrow spends a lot of time telling us how to better live our lives to the bestest-fullest-Goopiest. Sometimes these tips involve not eating grilled cheese because you’ll get earaches, or using bee venom to kill every ailment in your body. But sometimes the tips are actually totally doable.
Doable. Hee. See, she told Women’s Health that the key to a healthy life is to bang yourself into one.
“I believe, as cheesy as it sounds, in exercise, laughing, having sex, being yourself. I’m not like, ‘Then I use this masque that I make on my stove.’”
And then she used this masque that she made on her stove. IT IS A WOOD-BURNING OUTDOOR PIZZA OVEN AND SHE HAS TWO, ONE IN EACH OF HER ESTATES AND IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THOSE PORES OPEN.
Guys, I can’t get bee venom therapy or replace all the mattresses in my house with ones that aren’t flame retardant because fire is healthier than not-fire. But I can totally exercise
two hours a day six days a week hahahaha no I can’t that’s cute though and laugh and have all the sex and be my selfiest self. THERE I DID IT I AM HEALTHY NOW.
Seriously though, it’s good advice. Just be happy. Live a good life. Have a bloody mary in the middle of the day (she talks about it like it’s a splurge and not a required part of flying every time, but whatever, forget it Jake, it’s Goopytown). Steam and press your vagina and be sure to flip it every six weeks. Thanks, Goop.
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