Every Perfect Metaphor for Taylor Swift Ever

By Caspar Salmon | Celebrity | September 22, 2015 | Comments ()

By Caspar Salmon | Celebrity | September 22, 2015 |


Taylor Swift is The Nothing from The Neverending Story. Taylor Swift is a Hufflepuff, a healthy salad, and the way your hands feel after you’ve done the washing-up with rubber gloves.

Taylor Swift is an authoritative Oscars prediction blog. Taylor Swift is a pair of shoes that Cher threw away because they were too comfy. Taylor Swift is a pink set-square; the smiling face of all the kids who ever told on you at school; a heart above the letter i.

Taylor Swift is when the woman goes on top for once to spice things up. Taylor Swift is the joy of rewinding a VCR. Taylor Swift is a literature student complaining to a lecturer about spoilers.

Taylor Swift is the Keep Calm and Carry On mousepad to Britney Spears’ You Don’t Have To Be Mad To Work Here But It Helps mug. Taylor Swift just told me that the set-square is “fuchsia, actually.”

Taylor Swift is a long and informative round-robin. Taylor Swift is just one more chocolate, go on, no-one will know. Taylor Swift is the month of March, a buy one get one half-price voucher at Pizza Express, and the too-long-held belief that the Breakfast Club is a great film.

Taylor Swift is backgammon.


Caspar Salmon would like you to know that the above began it’s life as a Facebook post, and that he has nothing against Taylor Swift.

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