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Chrissy Teigen Knows Who Bit Beyoncé in the Face

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | March 26, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | March 26, 2018 |


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Social media has been absolutely aflutter since this morning when GQ printed a Tiffany Haddish story about an unknown person biting Beyoncé in the face at a party.

“There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that’s just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.”

Haddish declines to name the actress.

According to Haddish, she and the actress continued to cross paths throughout the night, culminating in a brief standoff. The actress, at one point, told Haddish to stop dancing, which—good luck making that happen.

“And then Beyoncé and Jay-Z walked by me, and I tapped Beyoncé.”

Haddish says she told Beyoncé, “I’m going to beat somebody ass at your party. I just want to let you know that.” Beyoncé asked her not to—told her to “have fun” instead. (Haddish leveraged this moment into a selfie with Beyoncé.)

“Near the end of the party,” says Haddish, describing her final run-in with Mrs. Carter sometime later, “Beyoncé’s at the bar, so I said to Beyoncé, ‘Did she really bite you?’ She was like, ‘Yeah.’ I was like, ‘She gonna get her ass beat tonight.’ She was like, ‘Tiffany, no. Don’t do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill.’ “

Great story, Tiffany, but WHO THE HELL BIT BEYONCE IN THE FACE?

Speculation has run rampant all day, but ground zero is clearly Chrissy Teigen’s Twitter account.

Who could it be? Is it Gwyneth Paltrow?

OK, it’s not her, but if we think about it really hard, apparently the identity of the actress was in our minds all along.

It’s Jennifer Lawrence, isn’t it?

She would not be the most obvious choice, would she? In my estimation, that would probably be Lena Dunham, right? I mean, if you can imagine Lena Dunham being invited to a Beyoncé party.

But wait! Twist. Chrissy Teigen found out who it is, and it is NOT the most obvious person. Or the worst.

Who could it POSSIBLY be? Teigen is not saying, but based on the list of attendees, and the fact that she is neither the worst nor the most obvious choice, Sanaa Lathan has become a fashionable late afternoon guess.

Is it Lathan? Who the hell knows? At this point, however, that’s the growing consensus, and honestly, if Chrissy Teigen doesn’t want the entire Internet to believe it’s Lataan, doesn’t she have a responsibility to use her knowledge to dispel that rumor?

DAMNIT. The guilt trip I was putting Teigen on in my mind clearly didn’t work.

Whatever. I’m sticking with my original theory, backed by zero evidence other than the fact that she’s the last person I would ever think of biting Beyoncé.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.


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