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Can You (Still) Smell What the Rock Has Cooking?

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | September 27, 2018 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | September 27, 2018 |


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Can you smell what the Rock has cooking?!

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I SAID, CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK HAS COOKING?!?!

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Oh god, you can, can’t you? This is bad. Really bad. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you can smell what the Rock has cooking, you’re smelling something that’s not there. Dwayne Johnson stopped going by the Rock professionally in 2005. That means he hasn’t had anything cooking since 2005.

Ok, stay calm. I don’t want you to be alarmed, but I did some light Googling for you, and well, it’s not good.

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You could have phantosmia, which is an “olfactory hallucination.” “Phantosmia may occur after a head injury or upper respiratory infection. It can also be caused by temporal lobe seizures, inflamed sinuses, brain tumors and Parkinson’s disease.”

That’s one underlying cause, but the more than likely cause is that you have Rockitis, an incurable condition that can only be managed by watching San Andreas, on repeat…forever.

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Yes, I know that’s a lesser of Johnson’s properties. Yes, I know it’s long, scary, and scientifically inaccurate. Yes, I know Paul Giamatti is in it, but what can you do?! I am but a humble vessel, who, out of everything she could have written about today, chose to inform you that you have an incurable disease. It’s a tough life…for BOTH of us…but more you than me, because I’m Rockitis-free, and get to enjoy the finer of Johnson’s oeuvre, uninterrupted.

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I’m sorry, but you’ll get through this. If this ruined your day, it’s about to get worse, because…San Andreas is not available to stream for free on any service I could find. Looks like you’re going to have to buy it, friend. But, chin up. It could be worse. You could have Shore-itis.

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Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.



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