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Everybody, Give Up Now: Arnett, Poehler Splitting Up

By Sarah Carlson | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 7, 2012 | Comments ()


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It's over. That one relationship that gave us all hope that love exists, and can endure. It's over. Naturally, People brought us the News That Ruined Everyone's Day and the Internets reacted appropriately:

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We just might need to amend our list of the celebrity breakups that rocked our civilization. (Courtney would be writing this, but she threw herself to the ground when she learned of the divorce and has refused to get up.) Yes, yes, the matter is really none of our business and we shouldn't invest ourselves in celebrity relationships in the first place. But the adorableness this particular couple exuded in public couldn't be denied. We wanted to hang out with them; we wanted to be them. But not everything is as perfect as we want it to be.

Both are nominated for Emmy awards, which will be handed out Sept. 23 -- Poehler for "Parks and Recreation" and Arnett for a guest spot on "30 Rock." Presumably, they'll walk the red carpet separately, and understandably, we will all eat our feelings and cry ourselves to sleep.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite collaborations of the two from "Parks and Rec." Pardon me while I wallow.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Fabius_Maximus

    You people still thought that love existed?

    Poor suckers.

  • laylaness

    WHAT IS LOVE? IT IS DOOOOOMED.

  • AAAAAAAAAAAA

    Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.

  • i never knew this was a thing, being invested in celebrity relationships. i don't know who these two are, so i can't comment.

    if it makes anyone feel any better, Paul Newman and Joanne woodward were married for 50 years til death did them part.

  • $27019454

    Holy smoke...overreaction, anyone? Get ahold of yourselves.

  • bbmcrae

    Why didn't you just write, "Hey! Everyone call me a dick!" and save time?

  • $27019454

    And I agree with what someone posted below...that header picture makes me want to NOT hang out with them or get to know them or even be on the same side of the street as they are.

  • You shut your whore mouth and get to wallowing.

  • OhSayNow

    They've made a huge mistake.

  • Michelle

    Reading this stuff in the middle of pondering the end of my own marriage makes it even worse! My husband and I aren't nearly as adorable as these two were!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Virtual hug.

  • denesteak

    i gasped out loud when I read that.

  • Wembley

    Ha! I gave up when I was twenty. Look at all the time, energy and money you people have wasted. Losers!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I refuse to believe this isn't somehow Tobias' fault.

  • vicky

    The 9/11 certainly didn't help ,either.

  • Slash

    I'm a little sad for them, but ... hey, people separate. I don't take this shit personally. Esp. the celebrity stuff. That's just a recipe for lifelong depression.

  • Yeah, figured this would be the response around here. I'm not sure if that means I'm truly understanding you people, or I'm just always expecting mellodrama from you. Maybe both.


    But dontcha think that Stone and Garfield leave some hope for humanity?

  • Miley's Virus

    This is sad news but honestly folks, if I saw a random couple posed like that header pic my first thoughts would be "the relationship is doomed, maybe violently", and "I never want to hang out with these people."
    And I think it'd be fun to hang out with both of these people, so amicable split may be the best case scenario.

  • dulli1419

    So....Poehler is on the market?

    Silver lining here people.

  • Bitches, please.

  • 5 up votes and 5 down votes (thus far). Clearly only half of you get it.
    The other half? Bitches, pleease!

  • OldSchool60

    Sad x hopeless x cynical x cranky x bummed out = How I feel

  • OldSchool60

    Final proof that there is no God?

  • dizzylucy

    Aw, this broke my heart a little bit. Or a lot.

  • E-money

    Love is dead. It may never have even existed. Yup love is a lie. Why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it universe!

  • Skyler Durden

    Dax and Kristin in 3...2...

  • emmelemm

    What Optimus said.

  • Stark_Raft

    You monster.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    No way!?!?! What the...

    Maybe this is what the Mayans were talking about.

  • BobBalaban360

    It's all up to you now, Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally.

  • Caillan

    My emotional stability is heavily dependent on Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof staying together.

  • lowercase_ryan

    the real test is these two http://s3.amazonaws.com/sites....

  • kirbyjay

    So true. I always say that if Tom and Rita ever divorce I will just roll over and die because there is no hope.

  • ted pikul

    Don't forget Avril Lavigne and the Nickelback guy! Love never dies!

  • Skyler Durden

    Them, and Filliam H. Muffman.

  • E-money

    Thank you for reminding me that there might be some goodness left on this planet.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Wait wait! There's also these two! There's still a chance!

  • POINGjam

    Wow, good for Macaulay Culkin.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Once again, it's up to Ron Swanson to save the day.

  • Steve Ward

    Thank you. My faith lives because of this reminder.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    I just...what's the point. Exercise? WHY? Being nice to my husband? WHY? Wait, I'm nice to him so I can get sex. So that's going to keep happening. But exercise? THERE IS NO POINT ANYMORE IS WHAT I'M GOING WITH! NOOOOOO!

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    "Being nice to my husband"

    Bwahahahahahaha!

  • Kala

    Just before I logged on here, my mother texted me in order to wail about the Poehler/Arnett split, which left me gasping.

    The only bright side to this is that I'm not the only one who finds myself devastated by this news and I need not consider therapy.

  • My first instinct on seeing this was to go drown my sorrows in booze, but you know what? - after hearing of this split I'm not even sure of booze anymore.
    If Amy and Will can split, maybe sorrows can swim.

  • Kathleen Allen

    bono was right. cue 'until the end of the world'. fade out.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I'm going to go and drown my sorrows in a middle-aged woman that looks like Liza Minelli who also dated my non-existent brother. Then I'm going to bang a hedgehog. *pours one out

  • I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION.

    Yeah. This is how I reacted. Exactly.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Green Lantern

    Figgy, I want to shatter your glass emotion case and then SWALLOW THE SHARDS RAW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Seriously, this gives me a sad. Goddamn it.

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