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Gaga_Cooper_Doin_It.png

A Fornicator is Born: Are Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper Together AKA Doing it?

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | February 25, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | February 25, 2019 |


Gaga_Cooper_Doin_It.png

Let’s cut to the chase, some people are saying Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper are doing it. Some say they aren’t, but want to very much. Others say it’s all for show.

via GIPHY

…What do I say, you ask? (You asked, right?) I say there’s a very easy way to work this out. Let’s just run their astro charts and see what it says. I’m honestly surprised you didn’t think to do this before, friends.

via GIPHY

Ok, well it turns out you need to know someone’s birth time to do that, and I don’t feel like getting another restraining order slapped on me today, so let’s just look at this more generally, shall we?

Here are the facts: Lady Gaga was born on March 28th, which makes her an Aries. Bradley Cooper was born January 5th, which makes him a Capricorn.

As far as love matches go, “This is a very difficult combination of signs when it comes to sexual compatibility.” So sayeth Astrology-Zodiac-Signs.com, aka a very reliable source.

Look, the horoscope is pretty damning, so I’ll just put some part of it here:

When this sort of relationship happens, it is in most cases triggered by some deep unconscious need to be held back and restricted when it comes to sexuality. As with everything that comes through the sign of Capricorn, with time Aries partner could achieve some sort of balanced state in which they are sexually satisfied and their instinctive needs are met. Unfortunately, Capricorn partner will lose their energy and the need to participate in this sort of sexual behavior by that time. This will ultimately lead to their separation, for there is nothing light or easy with these two, especially when it comes to intimate matters.

Because of the unconscious type of their relationship, they could be insanely attracted to each other, but in most cases their differences will keep them at a safe distance. At their best, Capricorn will support Aries’ libido and control their passion to burn as slowly as possible. At the same time, Aries would consider their partner a teacher and learn about their body and the way to satisfy them. Still, this is a balance that is extremely hard to achieve when the clash of these two hard personalities happens.

I mean…yikes. That kind of sums it up, doesn’t it? It appears that Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s love is one that will have to exist on-screen, in some of your hearts, and in really weird fan fiction accounts that you’re better off never accessing if you want to retain your faith in humanity.

via GIPHY

Why? Well, Surprisingly enough, they are probably not fornicating, which I’m sure is good news for Bradley Cooper’s lady love, Irina Shayk.

If I were lazy, this would be the grand sum total of the article.

I am, so it is. Bye.



Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.



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