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10 Things We Love Despite the Presence of Paris Hilton

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | June 20, 2013 | Comments ()


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The Bling Ring is many things. A new Sofia Coppola venture. An adult role for Emma Watson. A mark of the comeback of Paris Hilton. *record scratch* Whaaaaa?

Even if you're excited for TBR, don't worry--the presence of Ms. Hilton doesn't necessarily mean complete ruin. I mean, look at all these things she didn't completely ruin!

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"The OC"

Do you people know how much I love "The OC"? I DON'T THINK YOU DO. And that Paris Hilton shared screentime with Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood is more upsetting than Sandy Cohen considering cheating on poor Kirsten with that HARLOT Kim Delaney.

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"Veronica Mars"

Like a lot of Pajibans, I immediately began an epic VM rewatch as soon as the movie was confirmed. And I had apparently completely blocked out Paris Hilton's very brief, one-episode stint as Logan Echolls's girlfriend Caitlin, the one who two-timed him with Weevil's brother. I watched the episode again last night in anticipation of this post, and, oh my god, speaking of posts, she is about as emotive as the kind that dangles street lights. Her range stretches from "bored" to "post-lobotomy" but without the pleasantly empty expression. Her facial expressions are more empty than empty, they actually suck excitement from those around her, like a black hole of awful. No one cares what YOU think, Caitlin Ford!

Zoolander

This was a magical time before most of us knew who Paris Hilton was. Those halcyon days of the early aughts were truly special and we should have appreciated them more. But there she was, sharing screentime with Derek Zoolander and our friend Billy Zane (he's a cool dude). And we didn't even know how our lives would change.

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Anthony Stewart Head

GILES! Why?!

Okay, here's the thing. I was really excited for Repo: The Genetic Opera and was really hoping that musical horror films would totally become a thing and it DIDN'T and my dreams were dashed. That said, I totally dug this movie and, shocker of shockers, she actually showed signs of life in this movie. Either they pumped her with Mia Wallace levels of adrenaline to get any semblance of activity from her brain or Bill Mosley scared some tolerability into her.

Fun fact: Paris was on hand at the 2008 San Diego Comic Con to promote this movie and Bill Mosley and Ogre were totally ripping on her the whole time, which she did not get, and the second the panel was over, she stood up and started posing like it was the red carpet. It was basically incredible.

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Jared Padalecki & Elisha Cuthbert

House of Wax was a thing that happened one time, and, in addition to PHilz dying, it also featured Elisha Cuthbert before I liked her (thanks, "Happy Endings"!) and the hotness of Jared Padalecki. But all anyone remembers is that Paris dies, so they escaped pretty unscathed.

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Jay and Silent Bob

Paris Hilton starred (*shrug*) in Bottoms Up with Jason Mewes, featuring Kevin Smith in a cameo. Jay's gotta pay the bills, guys. Smith can't pay for everything forever.

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"Step By Step"

She even tried to ruin TGIF, you guys.

Remember that Hottie and the Nottie mess? Yeah, me neither, but the eponymous Nottie was Christine Lakin, aka, Al from "Step by Step" who grew up to be a hottie boombalotty, which was the real takeaway of the film.

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Leslie Nielsen (and Zachary Levi?)

I had forgotten that An American Carol was something that happened, because the Bush days are kind of a vague, distant memory. But it did happen and was one of Leslie Nielsen's final films, appearing as "Osama Bin Nielsen." Sure, why not. Anyway, Paris Hilton was in that, too. And, apparently, so was Zachary Levi? EXPLAIN YOURSELF, CHUCK BARTOWSKI.

The Backstreet Boys, specifically Nick Carter

*sniff* The 14-year-old that lives inside me DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

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The New York Times Bestseller List

She wrote a book. It made the list. Because there was a weird period where illiterates wrote books. And then other illiterates read them. Now they have 50 Shades. Yay culture!



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • ,

    Hard to believe now that Paris once inspired such extreme levels of vitriol. Her famewhorishness seems downright prim next to the Klan. She's a good example for my "What I've learned" truism that no matter how bad things ARE, things can always get WORSE.

    Paris Hilton:Kim Kardashian::herpes:AIDS

  • Boston Red

    The 14-year-old who lives inside you has asked me to call Child Protective Services.

  • Jay Smith

    Jesus what a shitty mess of an article. Wow, way to pile on Paris fucking Hilton in 2013. Yuk.

  • llp

    Padalecki really is hot. He doesn't get enough appreciation of his hotness, outside the crazy Wincest. (Imma gonna drop that reference in for the delight of JoRo)

  • hoppergrass

    She was also in an episode of "My Name is Earl" and, despite its being a terrible episode in and of itself, my love for Jason Lee escaped unscathed.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You cannot discuss The O.C. without a picture of my Sixth favorite brunette, Rachel Bilson, dammit!
    Or this
    Welcome to the O.C., bitch!

    http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v...

  • apsutter

    I hate Paris as much as the next person but I wouldn't list BSB on here because Nick Carter essentially beat the living hell out of her. No matter how vapid she is, no one deserves that.

  • TheAggroCraig

    If nothing else good happens today, at least "hottie boombalotty" has now entered my general lexicon.

  • Brooke Michelle

    I like it. I've only ever heard it in it's "Fatty boombalatty" version.

  • cicatricella

    Repo! the Genetic Opera is actually kinda brilliant, in a very B-movie way. We actually own it, tho I think it's out on loan right now. It has Sarah Brightman and Paul Sorvino in it as well.

  • MelBivDevoe

    I thought I was the only one who liked that movie! Glad I'm not alone.

  • ruby

    As usual, Sarah Brightman's performance was fun, and, if you like her, well worth watching.

  • simplysarah

    I think I am the only person that enjoyed House of Wax. It wouldn't rank in my top 10 movies to watch or anything but I still catch it when it comes on TBS.

  • Robert

    That weird illiterate book period got Merle Ginsberg a job as one of the original judges on RuPaul's Drag Race. I mean, Ru dropped her like a sack of potatoes once his long-time collaborator Michelle Visage was allowed on the show, but Merle was first thanks to Paris Hilton.

  • annie

    I wouldn't have seen House of Wax if it hadn't been a free screening and my school organization wasn't the one sponsoring it. That said, I'd never been prouder of my alma mater than when they burst into spontaneous applause as Paris died on the pole. She gives good dead face, you have to give her that.

  • John G.

    Where has Paris been lately? I haven't seen her around.

  • Fredo

    She was so ubiquitous in the first decade of the 2000s that to see this piece made me go "Wow, what black hole did she fall into?"

    Kim Kardashian leapfrogged her and then the world went away from her. I guess what I'm saying is "I'm just happy that she went away."

  • apsutter

    She had a new reality show that failed miserably but she'll still show up to the opening of an envelope to try and stay relevant.

  • linnyloo

    I still adore South Park's Paris Hilton episode where her chihuahua commits suicide in the limo. Good times.

  • John W

    "Tongue in cheek..."

    Anyone? Anyone?

  • BWeaves

    Well, in The Bling Ring, she is playing herself, which technically isn't acting. However, having seen people be absolutely terrible at playing themselves, I'm not holding my breath.

  • Michelle

    That VM episode was painful. As much as I will stand behind my assertion that the arc of season 1 was nearly perfect, there were some less than delightful stories of the week that we had to deal with.

  • Arran

    I actually got to ask someone who worked on the show what the hell Paris was doing there. Apparently that was all Joel Silver. Surprise surprise.

  • BendinIntheWind

    I freaking LOVE "Repo! The Genetic Opera". It is not a good movie, but good lord it is infectious in its terribleness. I had the soundtrack for a while and had to shriek "DON'T JUDGE YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" when one of my coworkers found it in my shared iTunes library.

  • Samantha Schltr

    Agreed. It is the movie that proves my point that making anything into a musical will make it better!

  • Meli_V

    Yes, I adore the movie too! The kid and I watch it at least once a year and we both have the soundtrack. I love when a song pops up when we're in the car together.

  • cicatricella

    I love it too. Sometimes you just wanna watch a B-movie, right? & you can tell that most of the cast had a ball with it.

  • Michelle

    I'm sad to say that even with the presence of Anthony Stewart Head, I couldn't make it more than 30 minutes into that movie.

  • BendinIntheWind

    It is definitely worth another shot, but if you don't want to waste the time, I'll just fast forward you to the end where *spoiler alert* Paris Hilton's character (who is addicted to plastic surgery) has recently gotten a new face, and her face FALLS RIGHT OFF while she's "singing" on stage. It's gold.

    There's also a song where the angsty sickly teenager sings out "Why oh why are my genetics such a bitch?" Hi-larious.

  • Laura

    She was also in that "Wonderland" movie with Val Kilmer as (I kid you not) Barbie.

  • e jerry powell

    I should have gotten one of those "Watch Paris Die" T-shirts when I had the chance.

  • Daniel Lewis

    There's an episode of Supernatural where she plays the monster of the week masquerading as Paris Hilton and it's pretty spectacular.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I love their goofy episodes and that was a fun one.

  • annie

    The House of Wax references were fun, and her being a wax statue was... possible the role she was born for.

  • NateMan

    Damn you, you beat me to it! Watching her get her head cut off was sheer pleasure.

  • Daniel Lewis

    She didn't do a bad job either of playing an Old God

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