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CBS' 2008 Fall Schedule / The TV Whore
May 15, 2008
We know what NBC’s doing next fall, what ABC’s doing, and what the CW has up its sleeve. Now it’s CBS’ turn (and check back in on Monday for the Fox schedule). As other critics and TV folks have noted, CBS went out on a limb last year, with musicals and vampires and rum farms and swingers living in the 70’s (a show that still hasn’t aired yet, and won’t until next month). It got bit pretty hard with all those experiments, so it’s gone back to the well with the standard sitcoms and procedurals. Hotness.
Sundays. Seven p.m. remains the home of “60 Minutes,” now with even more senile Andy Rooney. You know, back in my day, I hated that mother fucker. And today, I still hate that mother fucker. Whatever with that, though, because 8 p.m. gives us the happy return of “The Amazing Race.” I can’t get me enough of this show, even the crappy seasons, so I’m happy to learn that we’ll get two seasons next year! (The second one will presumably start up around February.) It feels like it’s been forever since the last Race.
Nine p.m. also remains unchanged with “Cold Case.” You know, as far as procedurals go, this one’s not terrible. Plus it’s set in Philly, and I’m a major homer when it comes to Philly. …And yet, I’ve only watched it once or twice. But if there’s not something worth flipping to, I actually may end up watching it more this year, since I’ll have to come back to CBS at 10 p.m. anyways for “The Unit,” a show which was on the bubble but eeked out a renewal. You know, it happened very quietly, but this sucker has become one of my favorite current network shows. Not sure if that’ll remain the case, though, as the creators have decided to focus a bit more on the wives and off-base storylines, with a little less focus on the military stuff. But I’ll reserve judgment for the moment.
Oh, and as usual, you can expect many of these shows to run up to about 30-40 minutes late, thanks to football (oh glorious football, can’t you get here any quicker?). So set your DVRs accordingly.
Mondays. Mondays remain unchanged for the Eye, but for one new addition. At 9:30, CBS gives us the “The Worst Week,” a new comedy (hesitant as I am to use that word, I’ll stick with CBS’ contention for now) based on the British show “The Worst Week of My Life.” This is apparently about an engaged couple getting ready for their wedding and dealing with their in-laws or some such. And I assume it takes place over the course of a week. Which is probably about the real-time lifespan of this show, no? Actually, it might do ok since it has “Two and a Half Men” as its lead-in. Lord knows I can’t stand the show, but it has a lot of fans and pulls good numbers, and some of them may just stick around for “Worst Week.”
(Fun fact: NBC apparently had first dibs on “Worst Week,” as it’s produced by NBC Universal, but the Peacock declines. CBS, it would seem, likes itself some peacock droppings.)
The 8-to-9 hour remains “The Big Bang Theory” and “How I Met Your Mother,” giving CBS a full two-hour comedy block. I’ve watched “Big Bang” twice, and laughed never, so I’m not really sure how it has enough fans to warrant renewal. Then again, I’ve already said that I despise “Two and a Half Men” too, so maybe I’m just out of touch with what passes for comedy these days. As for “HIMYM,” it was on the bubble yet again, though not as much as last. But I’d say the odds are good that this will be the last season if it doesn’t see at least a small ratings bump. So get it while it’s hot.
Ten p.m., meanwhile, remains the home of over-actor extraordinaire David Caruso and “CSI: Miami.” That video montage of Caruso’s ridunkulous one-liners is the most I’ve ever seen of this show, and the most I ever want to see. Here it is again, in fact, for our collective viewing enjoyment:
Tuesdays. “NCIS” has been on for some time now. Has it always been on in this timeslot? I couldn’t tell you. Is it any good? I couldn’t tell you. You know who might be able to tell you? A mentalist! And conveniently, for the purposes of this wonderful segue, “The Mentalist” airs right after it at 9 p.m. The last time Simon Baker was on TV, it was on CBS’ quick-lived “Smith.” I suspect he’s about to go oh-for-two now, with this questionable show. He plays a celebrity psychic who uses his wonderful mental powers to help solve crime.
Ten p.m., meanwhile, has been a troublesome slot for CBS, sot there going to give “Without a Trace,” a reliable ratings show for them, a chance here. I don’t know much, but I do know this — the “Without a Trace” crew will have a spiffy new case when “The Mentalist” goes missing. Lucky for them, it’ll be easy as shit to figure out the whys and wheres of that disappearance.
Wednesdays. The night starts off with “The New Adventures of Old Christine,” another show which was on the bubble and which probably would’ve landed at ABC with “Scrubs” had the Eye dropped it. (You know, for the number one network, CBS sure seems to have had a lot of shows on the bubble, no?) It’s followed by another new comedy, “Project Gary.” CBS signed a deal with Jay Mohr last year and this show, following his stint on “The Ghost Whisperer,” is the result. Mohr plays a newly divorced dad dealing with life, and the kids, and a new girlfriend, and the ex-wife (Paula Marshall), and comedy ensues. I’m a fan of Mohr, and “Action” remains one of my favorite short-lived shows, so I’ll likely check this out to see if it’s got any legs. Which it probably won’t, if for no other reason than poor Paula Marshall is what they call a major show killer. Her shit just doesn’t stick around very long.
Nine p.m., it’s “Criminal Minds,” and at 10 p.m., it’s “CSI:NY.” I have nothing to add. These are shows folks either watch and enjoy, or they don’t watch and don’t care about. I don’t think there are many that love ‘em nor, I suspect, are there many that hate ‘em. They are what they are.
Thursdays. At 8 p.m., “Survivor” is going to Africa, and it’s going HD. I think I’m more excited about the HD business, because when the show gets particularly boring, at least we’ll have some hopefully pretty views to look at. And as with “The Amazing Race,” there’ll be a second season in the spring which is good news for the die hards like me (try though I might to quit this show, I fully recognize that I will watch every single season until the day it’s no more).
Nine p.m. is, of course, “CSI.” And it gives way to the new “Eleventh Hour,” which is probably a good match that’ll feed well off of the “CSI” viewers. “Eleventh Hour” is the latest Bruckheimer-produced procedural, this time starring Rufus Sewell and his bug eyes as a scientist who works for the government investigating unusual crimes. It’s yet another import, this time of a British show that originally starred Patrick Stewart. And I would much rather watch that version. But you dig the CBS procedurals, this may be your cup of earl grey tea.
Fridays. Jennifer Love and her Hewitts return to the 8 p.m. slot in “The Ghost Whisperer,” while “Numb3rs” returns to the 10 p.m. slot (sans Dianne Farr now, dang nab it). In between the two is the last of CBS’ new fall shows, “The Ex List.” This is yet another Americanization, this time of an Israeli show, about a chick who learns from a tarot reader that one of her ex boyfriends is actually The One for her and she needs to find him and marry him right quick. Sounds absolutely terrible to me, but it’s got two things working for it. One, it stars Elizabeth Reaser, whose guest turn on “Grey’s Anatomy” has been one of the only good things that show’s had going for it anymore. But more importantly, the pilot was written by Diane Ruggiero, who wrote 17 episodes of “Veronica Mars” and was basically Rob Thomas’ Number Two for the last season. That’s enough that I’ll likely at least check out the pilot. But with this mushy premise, the show’s going to have to work damn hard to make me want to come back.
Saturdays. Crimetime crap, crimetime crap, and “48 Hours.” Whatever.
So there you have it. For those keeping count, “Shark,” “Cane,” “Kid Nation,” “Welcome to the Captain” and “Moonlight,” among others, were canceled. I’ll miss “Cane” a little, but whatever with all the rest. And while there’s a rumor that “Moonlight” could land on the CW’s contracted-out Sunday nights, a rumor which actually makes sense for at least one good reason, I don’t think this rumor has much behind it. So don’t hold your breath, vampire lovers.
Finally, “Rules of Engagement” will be back sometime in the midseason (or as soon as one of th new comedies tanks). And CBS has one more new show slated for the midseason as well — “Harper’s Island.” Described as a cross between Scream and Ten Little Indians, it’s about wedding guests on an island off of Seattle who are being terrorized by a killer. And, well, I just don’t know what to say about that, so fuck it — I’m outta here.
Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. Part of the reason he loves “The Unit” so much may have a little to do with the fact that, if he played for the other team, he would have so many dirty dreams about a Dennis Haysbert, Max Martini, Scott Foley, triple-decker club sandwich. If he played for the other team. Which he doesn’t. …Hey, Audrey Marie Anderson, get over here!
Armageddon in Retrospect | | Sneakers
Comments
How long has Survivor been around? Is this going to be one of those things that makes me feel old, like seeing Jared has had the weight off for 10 years? I don't remember a time without Survivor. I haven't watched it in years but it's presence comforts me.
Posted by: Tyranthesaurus Rex at May 15, 2008 1:42 PM
The only thing that I watch on CBS is CSI. I just DVR it and watch it when I'm really bored or when Mr. McGee insists. I stopped watching CSI Miami when they killed off Rory Cochrane. Bastards.
Posted by: Dangle McGee at May 15, 2008 1:47 PM
eh
meh
......
[but yay to HIMYM!]
Posted by: Bethy at May 15, 2008 1:49 PM
[activate intense, cool-guy voice]
[squinting]
These shows... pretty much all...
[puts on sunglasses]
...suck.
Posted by: TK at May 15, 2008 1:50 PM
"Harper's Island." Described as a cross between Scream and Ten Little Indians, it's about wedding guests on an island off of Seattle who are being terrorized by a killer.
Ooh, maybe it's set on Vashon Island. They could all go buy some really good homemade jam and get a cup of organic tea then go into town and browse all the cute little shops. Then after that they can DIE HORRIBLY.
P.S. That's really funny if you've ever been to Vashon.
Posted by: jbrader at May 15, 2008 1:53 PM
It's yet another import, this time of a British show that originally starred Patrick Stewart.
Dammit. One day SOMEONE will write a show that will lure The Stewart back to the small screen, tea-Earl-Grey-hot in hand. Until that day comes, we'll have to put up with shizzle like this. *sigh*
Meantime, though: RACE! TWO SEASONS! Wooooooooo! *happydance*
Posted by: Snorklewacker at May 15, 2008 2:15 PM
Seth -
NCIS is actually quite good. Smart assed humor, gunfights, car chases, and military crimes...it's the perfect TV show. Plus, anything that gives Mark Harmon and David McCallum work is good in my book.
It sucks that they cancelled Shark though, I mean they only had themselves to blame by putting it on Sundays (and then silently switching it to Tuesdays). James Woods needs a new show...maybe they can work him onto 24 some how.
Posted by: Mike R. at May 15, 2008 2:19 PM
RE:CSI:Miami (#insert colon joke here), Y'know, I stopped watching several years ago when the show began lurching unsteadily down the soap opera road like Amy Winehouse entering rehab. Then I thought to myself the other day, "Hunh, wonder what's going on with CSI:Miami?" And I found this, an honest-to-Godtopus description of a recent episode in TV Guide:
The body of the witness Julia Winston paid off in Horatio's son's trial is found in a swamp, but Horatio's investigation is interrupted by his extradition to Brazil to face murder charges. Meanwhile, Calleigh is kidnapped.
That's one psychic identical twin sister thought to be dead but miraculously recovered from a car wreck in time to ruin the wedding 'cause she's pregnant with Logan's twins! away from 'Days of our Lives.'
Posted by: Snorklewacker at May 15, 2008 2:23 PM
Joel McHale's impression of Horatio Cane is spot-on and hysterical, especially with he gets himself in the eye with the sunglasses.
Posted by: Kolby at May 15, 2008 2:25 PM
They did make a show that lured Patrick Stewart back to the small screen. It's called American Dad. He does the voice for Stan's boss.
It's only less embarassing than if he fouled himself in the Professor Xavier wheelchair when Phoenix smote him.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at May 15, 2008 2:32 PM
As long as I get my weekly fix of wacky-hot tattooed geek chick, murderous-hot ex-Mossad agent, and stern-hot redhead boss lady, NCIS will always be welcome in my house.
Harmon doesn't hurt either.
Posted by: Vermillion at May 15, 2008 2:52 PM
Are you effing kidding me? The only show I WATCH on CBS is MOONLIGHT.
Posted by: superEdna at May 15, 2008 3:07 PM
Vermillion, how the Hell did I forget to mention the hot female cast? I am forever in your debt.
Posted by: Mike R. at May 15, 2008 3:10 PM
I can usually sit through procedurals, as long as they're not super-bad (like CSI: Miami), but Cold Case never did much for me. The main character seems intent on doing the "tall cool blonde" thing, but I always thought that if she's going to investigate cases everyone else has stopped caring about, she should show some passion.
I don't know what could get me to stop watching Survivor at this point. I blame my sisters.
Posted by: Todd at May 15, 2008 3:13 PM
Kid Nation...cancelled!!??! Those bastards!
Posted by: Trini at May 15, 2008 3:21 PM
Why is it that vampires on TV are always fighting crime? 'Forever Knight', 'Angel', and then 'Moonlight'...couldn't they just be, y'know, evil?
Posted by: Keith at May 15, 2008 3:33 PM
Crazy-busy at work, so all I have time to say is
The Unit! Yes!
Posted by: Riles at May 15, 2008 3:51 PM
Blurgh.
Posted by: jM at May 15, 2008 4:06 PM
Has anyone ever watched that much CBS? I only watch HIMYM now and I used to watch Judging Amy, but I don't know anyone who watches much it.
Posted by: kelsy at May 15, 2008 6:52 PM
For my nightly shame admission, the following statement:
I watch both Criminal Minds and CSI NY religiously. My job has non-traditional hours, and the only night of the week that I refuse to work past 8:00 is Wednesday. I recognize that neither show is amazing, but I really enjoy both of them.
In fact, I consider CSI NY the best of the CSI franchise. It strikes a good balance between original CSI (science) and CSI Miami (personal lives of characters).
And Criminal Minds is full of the hotness of Agent Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia. Which means happy fun dreams of three-way action each and every Wednesday night.
Posted by: Elle at May 15, 2008 7:18 PM
And Criminal Minds is full of the hotness of Agent Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia. Which means happy fun dreams of three-way action each and every Wednesday night.
How could I forget about dear, sweet, sexy Garcia? The woman is not only a cute bespectacled computer goddess, she nailed an oddly buffed-up Xander! Doesn't hurt that Paget Brewster is on there as well.
I am really quite shocked at how much CBS I actually watch. Although in my defense, they do tend to employ more Buffy cast members than many network I have seen yet.
Posted by: Vermillion at May 15, 2008 8:47 PM
I will miss Moonlight a LOT!...F-you CBS...F-YOU MOST OF ALL JERICHO FANS (if you didn't read the interview, CBS said they decided to axe Moonlight as they saw it as another Jericho and were nervous after Jericho bombed...twice).
I mean...it won an award for best new drama...yes it was a people's choice award but since when have people effected ratings....
At least I get to see Jason Dohring around still...not gay...just a fan!
Posted by: Luke at May 15, 2008 9:53 PM
Sorry to hear about Moonlight. I was just getting into that show. Guess I'll get it eventually to go along with my Kindred: The Embraced dvd.
Posted by: Shazza at May 15, 2008 9:57 PM
I may be the only person to have seen the British "Worst Week of My Life". Americans are bound to fuck it up. Casting some attractive douchebag as the main character and some uninteresting woman as his soon to be wife. Jennifer Aniston is available correct?
You know what would be great? An original IDEA.
Posted by: Stacey Janzer at May 15, 2008 10:53 PM
How could I forget about dear, sweet, sexy Garcia? The woman is not only a cute bespectacled computer goddess, she nailed an oddly buffed-up Xander!
What??? When?
I feel all giddy all of a sudden.
Posted by: Adere at May 16, 2008 2:25 AM
I'll watch the "Eleventh Hour" just for Rufus Sewell...definitely one to put on my list.
However - the EX List sounds awful...
Posted by: Neena at May 16, 2008 4:53 AM
Adere, it was a couple of weeks or so ago. They had him on as this computer geek (??) who had to hack Garcia's machine, and of course, they hit it off. Next thing I know, Garcia is jumping out of the shower to answer her door, and was acting kinda nervous. And all of a sudden, motherfucking Xander comes out in just a towel, and he was ripped! Not like Ryan Reynolds levels, but well on his way. And rocking some awesome tattoos as well.
P.S. I know his momma calls him Nicholas, but he is Xander to me.
Posted by: Vermillion at May 16, 2008 5:41 AM
Anyone know the name of the Israeli show "The Ex List" is based on?
Posted by: Brian at May 16, 2008 5:02 PM
Keith, I couldn't agree more! I was so looking forward to Moonlight, and all we got was this lovey-dovey ick with the human! Let's see some kick-ass evil vampires up against some kick-ass humans! (Oops, was that Buffy?)
Posted by: Bev M. at May 16, 2008 5:33 PM
Big Bang Theory is actually pretty funny. I would posit that the fact it doesn't make you laugh is your fault and not that of the show. You are indeed out of touch.
Posted by: EJ at May 16, 2008 11:07 PM
I don't know, I started watching "The Big Bang Theory" because there was nothing else on and find myself really enjoying it. It's smartly written and quick-witted. Nothing ground-breaking per se but the acting is hilarious, with great chemistry between the nerds. (Jim Parsons in particular steals every scene he's in and makes that show.) Nothing to necessarily write home about but a treat that, while doesn't make me laugh out loud, is a consistent, quiet enjoyment. And hey, at least it attempts at some high-brow comedy, unlike "Two and Half Men".
As for HIMYM...woohoo! Even when that show is bad, it still delivers some of the funniest, laugh out loud moments on tv. Pretty much the same reason I still stick by "Scrubs".
Posted by: BMG at May 17, 2008 1:46 AM
That's surprising, as the setup and commercials looked about as hokey and stiff as when they tried to incorporate "Revenge of the Nerds" into a "Diff'rent Strokes" episode.
It was BAD. Worse than when they used "Ghostbusters".
Posted by: Jay at May 17, 2008 2:03 AM
I had to sit through an episode of Survivor Africa one night (the in-laws were over; thank Cthulhu I got my divorce!) and they had one of those stupid "challenges" on. This one involved the two "tribes" rolling enormous faux boulders around.
I started to laugh, pointed and said, "Dung beetles!"
The look The Wife gave me could have turned fresh milk into yoghurt.
Posted by: The Wanderer at May 18, 2008 11:44 AM
CBS exists solely for my beloved Amazing Race.
Caruso should really win a special award for the dedication that he puts into his overacting. He is the greatest at that most special art.
Posted by: Melody at May 19, 2008 1:42 PM
BRING BACK SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: John at May 21, 2008 12:00 PM
OMG, I LOVE MOONLIGHT. I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS ON CBS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHY TAKE IT OFF. YOU HAD IT ON FRIDAY NIGHTS AND THAT IS WHY IT FAILED. CHANGE THE DAY AND YOU WILL SEE THAT IT WILL BE A HIT. I AM SO SICK THAT I WON'T BE SEEING MOONLIGHT IN THE FALL.
Posted by: Julia Antoon at June 1, 2008 1:40 PM