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Ranking Jeff Goldblum Movies Based Solely On His Sexiness

By Jodi Smith | Case Study In Hotness | June 20, 2016 |


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You cannot deny that Jeff Goldblum has a weird kind of sexy that hinges on his abundance of charm and charisma. It’s just a scientific fact and I will brook no sass on that front. I am laying out these facts so that you will understand the sheer amount of time and soul-searching it took to rank these films by their Goldblum Sexiness Factor.

3. 1. The Fly

Fucking with science and playing God only to turn into a gross fly-brid? Sexy.

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2. 1. Independence Day

It was 1996 and flannel was life. What do you get if you cross a white undertank with flannel, a man necklace, and science knowledge? SEXY GOLDBLUM.

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8.1. Invasion of the Bodysnatchers

When everyone is being replaced with pod people, you can only trust in one thing: how sexy Goldblum is in his role.

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5.1. Vibes

He’s playing a psychic tricked into going a little Indiana Jones with Cyndi Lauper, but you cannot deny that you saw the sexy coming.

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6.1. Powder

Goldblum brings sexy back to the belted trouser as he plays a teacher that thinks Powder is a genius.

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7.1. Igby Goes Down

I haven’t seen the movie, but Goldblum is rocking the suits, is he not?

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4.1. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Once again, a be-suited Goldblum pulls himself into sexy focus as the title character’s nemesis.

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9.1. Morning Glory

Goldblum’s mussed hair and tv studio management wardrobe might kill the sexy on lesser men. But he is Goldblum: Bringer Of The Swagger.

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10.1. The Grand Budapest Hotel

He is rocking the strange blend of eccentric and hipster. It works.

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1. Jurassic Park

His body is ready. Are you?

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BONUS: Meme’d Goldblum in preparation for Friday’s Independence Day Resurgence.

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