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Welcome to Our Career Assessments Archive
























Come Back To Us, Terry Zwigoff, Patron Saint Of Outsiders!


Why 'Magnificent Seven' Is the Closest Denzel Will Ever Get to a Superhero Movie


John Cazale: Pound For Found The Greatest American Actor Of All Time?


The Curious Case Of Mark Ruffalo, Greatest Movie Detective Of His Generation


6 Movies John Travolta Has Made In The Last 3 Years That You've Never Heard Of


Ranking Jeff Goldblum Movies Based Solely On His Sexiness


Celebrating The Greatest Movie Star That Ever Lived: Kevin Costner's 'Robin Hood' Turns 25


The Highest and Lowest Grossing Films Of This Year's Oscar Nominated Actors


Can Ryan Reynolds Be Considered a 'Movie Star' Now, Bill Simmons?


Is The Adam Sandler Curse To Blame For Taylor Lautner's Lackluster Career?


What The Hell Has Happened To Abigail Breslin?


8 Times Gwendoline Christie Made Huge Screen Presences Look Like Tiny Mortals


John Cusack May Not Be the Asshole We Thought He Was


Hey Ryan Gosling, Here Are 5 Reasons We Need You Back In Our Lives


A Quick Look at Jessica Chastain Before She Was EVERYWHERE


We Absolutely Love What Katherine Heigl Is Doing These Days


Oscar Nominees’ First Notable Roles


The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Willem Dafoe’s Career


Assessing Scarlett Johansson: Lost in Boobland


Assessing Hugh Jackman: Wolverine & I Are Done, Professionally


Assessing Naomi Watts: Blank Slate or Newly Bland Actress?


Assessing Clive Owen: Super Tiger Sex Commando & Unpredictable Box-Office Quantity


Assessing Sarah Jessica Parker: A Glorified Clothes Hanger


Assessing the Harry Potter Leads: One Of Three Ain't Bad


Assessing Heather Graham: License to Strip


Assessing Kevin Bacon: Six Degrees of Underrated


Assessing Jack Black: Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away


Assessing Geoffrey Rush: Characters Depraved and Themes Unwholesome at Best


Assessing Will Ferrell: Land of the Lost Career?


Assessing Kate Hudson: Perky and Blonde Just Don't Cut It


Assessing Vin Diesel: Have Muscles, Will Use Them


Assessing Reese Witherspoon: Perky Blonde Seeks Resurrection


Assessing Neve Campbell: The Reluctant Scream Queen


Assessing Helen Hunt: Let's Jump Into The Final Frontier


Assessing Colin Firth: “My Career Has Just Peaked”


Assessing Marisa Tomei: A Mixed Body Of Work


Gary Oldman Career Assessment: Simply a Bloody Good Actor


Assessing Michael Biehn: Go With Him If You Want To Live


Farrelly Bros. Career Assessment: Spooge Only Shoots So Far


Assessing Nicole Kidman: You Know The Drill


My Arse Bleeds For Them


Explosive In a Non-Michael Bay Way


Twitter Star, Not Movie Star


Daddy Got the Rainman Suite, and He Sh*t All Over It


You Shall Not (Free) Pass!


(Almost) Nobody Shoots At Santa


Ray Has Gone Bye Bye


Seriously, What's Happening Here?


What Are You Doing Here?


The Illusion of Effortlessness Requires a Great Effort


You Stare At Him. He Just Stares Right Back. And That’s When the Attack Comes.


As Soon as You Give Us the Money, Dickwad!


The Whole is More than the Sum of the Parts


It's Not a Question of How; It's a Question of What


Wife For Life


Will Find Nice Sensible Movie & Avoid Attachments With Any of the Following


Let Me Paint this Picture for You, Baby


A Chance to Take It to the Next Plateau


Just Give the Woman a Mul-ti-pass Already


In the End, We All Know What We’ve Done


Touch Me, I'm Dick


A Face Only a Captive Audience Could Love


SO Painfully Overrated


Still Tryin’ Real Hard To Be The Shepherd


So High So Far To Fall


And She Eats Men Like Air


He's Right Behind You, Leo!


The Final Countdown?


Rude Awakening? Please Hold.


How to Lose Fans & Alienate the Rest of Us


It's a Bird! It's a Plane! Oh, It's... Blankman.


Hiding in the Doghouse


Because Someone Has to Hold the Gucci Cigarette Lighter


There's Something Puzzling About Mary


Comeback Maximus? Too Soon to Tell.


If Only She Wasn’t Such an Insufferable Bitch


Ace Aims For The Hole


It’s Turkey Time. Gobble, Gobble.


Time to Put the Bunny Back in the Box, Nic


Yep, That’s What He Said


She Who Forsaketh the Best of Both Worlds


He Made His Own Filthy, Whorish Bed


Sparkle and Fade?


Latifah’s All Like, “That Man was No Good For You."


Anyone Seen Cybill Shepard Lately?


Scorsese's New Muse? Not So Fast.


Frankie’s Four Fingers Got Hairy


Disarming You with a Smile


The Billion-Dollar Cro-Magnon Man?


Man On Ire


Is It Still George Michael’s Time to Shine?








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