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Can't Hardly Wait / TK
As we near the eve of the release of a 10th anniversary of Can’t Hardly Wait, I feel as if I should be beset with guilt and shock. Shock because it’s been ten years, but feels like less. Guilt because I shouldn’t enjoy it as much as I do. After all, Can’t Hardly Wait borrows heavily and shamelessly from John Hughes, is overstuffed with stereotypical characters, and is so goddamn cute that it should make my stomach clench at the very mention of it. And yet …
Despite all of that, it’s also a genuinely good movie. For those who have been living at the Earth’s core for the last ten years, Can’t Hardly Wait is one in a long line of “teens on the cusp of change” films. The plot is almost painful to describe: Preston Meyers (Ethan Embry) is graduating high school. On the last night of his high school life, he plans to storm the biggest party of the year and proclaim his love for Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love Hewitt), the girl he’s pined after from afar for the last four years. Amanda is the prettiest, most popular girl in school, who’s just recently broken up with her football playing, beer-swilling, oafish steakhead of a boyfriend, Mike Dexter (Peter Facinelli), so now she’s ripe for the picking. Preston’s even bringing the letter that he wrote long ago, a beautiful love note that’s apparently Dobleresque in its eloquence. Of course, Preston runs into all sorts of obstacles along the way, almost giving up hope before he can finally meet and confront his princess.
I know, OK? I know. It sounds ridiculous. Yet it works, for two reasons: the writing is great — in no small part due to the numerous sub-plots and mini-stories that weave their way through Preston’s night. There’s Preston’s best friend Denise (Lauren Ambrose — HBO’s “Six Feet Under”), the high school misfit who ends up locked in the bathroom with Kenny “Special K” Fisher. Kenny used to be her best friend in grade school, but has somehow converted himself into a wannabe gangsta. Kenny is played by an uproarious Seth Green in what is easily one of his best roles — he’s only out that night to get laid, claiming to his fellow idiot wannabe buds that, “It took me all day, but I’ve narrowed it down to ten very lucky finalists.” Needless to say, Denise is not one of those finalists. Then there’s William Lichter (Charlie Korsmo, in what was actually his last role before he quit acting), the high school nerd who is plotting to use this night to exact his revenge on Mike Dexter for a lifetime of torment, destroyed science projects, and “the pudding incident.” Dexter himself is trying to persuade his buddies to break up with their girlfriends so that they can spend the summer partying and nailing every girl they can find. There’s even a high school band that encounters inner strife just before their big performance at the party. It’s all part of an overall riotously funny, wacky-yet-sincere series of comedic and dramatic events that become parts of a larger piece.
Amazingly, each of these little tales is well-developed, emotionally rich and range from damn funny to balls-out hysterical. This is in no small part due to the second reason Can’t Hardly Wait succeeds — the cast. The cast is a 90’s teen smorgasbord. In addition to the main characters already listed, the film is rife with faces that you are bound to recognize — some of whom are only there for a moment, but it’s a well-utilized moment. Clea Duvall, Donald Faison, Breckin Meyer, Melissa Joan Hart, Sean Patrick Thomas and Selma Blair are just a few of the actors featured in parts ranging from 5 seconds to 5 minutes, and all of them absolutely nail their respective moments.
Therein lies part of the genius of the movie — it’s a movie full of moments, and those moments are the things that stick out. Truth be told, the saga of Preston and Amanda is at times rather boring. Hewitt has never really been an impressive actor, and this is no exception. With the exception of her big confrontation scene with Facinelli’s Mike and the scene where her creepy cousin makes a pass at her, she’s basically the same doll-eyed, gaspy, hand-wringing bosom-heaver that she’s been since her “Party of Five” days — she’s been playing different incarnations of Sarah Reeves since 1995. So while Embry is cute and awkward and so painfully earnest that you want to either take him home, or slap the taste out of his mouth (or both), the central storyline occasionally falters due to Hewitt’s unfortunately derivative performance. It’s not entirely her fault, I suppose — the character is written as rote and bland, and she was the perfect selection for it. Although, every time I trash Hewitt’s performance, I can’t help but wonder — I suspect many of us knew that girl in high school, who seemed beautiful and popular and you couldn’t help but fall in love with her a little, even if you didn’t know her worth a damn. Hell, for all I know, she was the most boring, annoying brat this side of the Pecos. But that’s not the point of childhood flights of fancy, and it’s certainly not the point here.
Even so, take away the main plot and you still have a wonderful little movie. The moments make the movie — Seth Green trying to practice his mackin’ skills using a kama sutra book in a bathroom is particularly hilarious; better still is when his homeboys call him out on his tall tales, and he, flustered and embarrassed, cries out “Yo, why you gotta waste my flava?! Damn!” Donald Faison’s, “Then I get to wear the hat” moment is another. Of course, one of the unquestionably greatest is Korsmo’s “Paradise City” moment. And just as the film is starting to veer into being too heavy and serious, as the teens are starting to fear the future, a drunk-for-the-first-time William hears Guns N’ Roses “Paradise City” and explodes into action, grabbing a microphone and in a crazed, unrepentant moment of geek-cum-rockstar, achieves a sudden and unexpected glory that you know people will remember forever. What’s even better is that many of the characters may be stereotypical in movie land, but in the real world, many of us probably knew a lot of these kids growing up. The girl who made it her mission, regardless of how fucking annoying it was, to get everyone to sign her yearbook (Melissa Joan Hart) (God, I hated that girl in real life). Chris Owen, aka The Shermanator as the klepto kid who moved silently through the throng, casually and pointlessly stealing shit (in my school, that person was known as “TK’s cousin.” sigh). Each character plays their moment to perfection, and by doing so makes the sum of those moments something even greater.
To be honest, it’s something of a cinematic miracle that Can’t Hardly Wait succeeded at all. Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan the team that both wrote and directed the movie, are also responsible for writing and directing Josie and the Pussycats, as well as writing other cinematic vomitus like Made of Honor and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. So we’re not talking about a Hughesian pedigree here. Yet the writing is sharp, wickedly funny, and surprisingly, the more emotional scenes actually work. For the most part, it avoids the stupid slapstick and grossout humor that pervades a lot of other contemporary teen comedies. Part of its success can be attributed to the fact that the writers were unafraid to color up the language and to not be afraid of sexual references or alcohol usage — things that (for better or worse) are somewhat essential if you want to make a remotely realistic coming of age high school film — particularly one that takes place at the end of high school.
Of course, the movie also shamelessly apes some of the John Hughes films of the 80s, not to mention its gratuitous borrowing from/homage to Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything… The basic idea of Preston and Amanda is almost identical to that of Lloyd and Diane — the admiration of the girl he doesn’t know, the big party at the end of school, the letter (versus the card in Say Anything…). But while there are obvious, glaring similarities to be found, what ultimately separates it from the pack and gives it a place in the teen movie pantheon is that it doesn’t focus on the story of just one couple and their issues. In fact, Preston and Amanda don’t even speak to each other until more than an hour into the film. Instead, the focus is more widely-encompassing, embracing the stories of the people around them, and deftly making Preston’s quest a simple weave in the larger tapestry of the film. Also refreshing is its avoidance of fixating on the overwrought, overused, teen-angst-ridden tumult that some filmmakers feel compelled to include. There aren’t any emotional proclamations of devotion set to sweeping power ballads — in fact, just when you think the film is headed that way, Preston crashes and burns in spectacular fashion.
Therein lies one of the other strengths — despite all of that, Can’t Hardly Wait doesn’t take itself seriously at all. Even its most emotional scenes come with a little bit of a sly jab — Preston’s great epiphanic moment concerns a Barry Manilow song and a stripper dressed as an angel (played by a delightful Jenna Elfman), and Denise and Kenny’s tender moment is filled with the kind of awkward, clumsy missteps that create a funny yet embarrassing atmosphere. Coupled with the all around, flat-out goofiness that surrounds the rest of the partygoers, and the film succeeds in keeping you grinning throughout. Oddly, one of its most effective moments occurs when a drunk, maudlin Mike encounters an equally drunk, confused Trip McNally (Jerry O’Connell), who is the original high school douchebag, back from college with tales of striking out left and right with the more ambitious, intellectual college freshmen.
If there is a pantheon of teen movies, Can’t Hardly Wait certainly belongs in the conversation. It lacks the emotional sledgehammer of Say Anything…, not to mention that Preston is miles away in terms of cool-guyness from Lloyd (but then, that’s part of his appeal), but also lacks the mawkishness and sentimentality of Pretty in Pink. It’s not as ridiculously goofy as Weird Science, but certainly more effective than American Pie. It’s simply a good movie, full of sweetness and silliness. Is it going to provide new and valuable insight into the mind of a teenager? No, but what is. However, it’s likely more realistic than most of the adolescent (both in cast and in concept) pablum out there, and I’ll be damned if it isn’t far more entertaining.
TK can be found wandering aimlessly through suburban Massachusetts, wondering how the hell he got there while yelling at the kids on his lawn. You can find him raising the dead in preparation for world domination at Uncooked Meat.
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Comments
When Yearbook Girl and School Spirit Lad meet up at the end of the movie, I cheered.
Posted by: twig at September 25, 2008 9:09 AM
I love this movie. LOVE IT. After watching Ethan Embry in this I confirmed my life-long crush on him. Preston is my kind of guy. Seth Green is hilarious in this, so is the nerdy guy. This is just... an amazing film. Not movie. Film, bitches. I still listen to the soundtrack. "Farther Down" is one of my all-time favorite love songs, and just thinking about it makes me break into song, but I'll try not to do it here --- fuck it:
Farther down I'm desperate for you
Where you never have to knoooOOOooooOOOooooow
Farther down I'm still without a clue
Just something
Something takes my pain away
I've put myself on the line a lot this week. My love for Cher, now my unconditional fascination for this film. I gotta say; it's better than therapy. And it's not like you can beat me up if we run into each other, 'cause I live in South America. And you don't.
Oh, by the way, I'm one of those girls who sing Britney on YouTube.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 9:14 AM
I haven't thought of this movie in awhile, but spot-on review.
Maybe if I'm lucky it will be on FX or USA this weekend.
Mr. Bridget and I have not yet opened the Pandora's Box of TIVO or Netflix, so we're relegated to what the tv gives up. Most commonly marathons of House, SVA, Always Sunny, Sunday and Monday Football, and so forth.
I guess we've entered that awful suburban lifestyle place as described in the review for Revolutionary Road. Oh well...
Either way, this movie is great.
Posted by: Bridget at September 25, 2008 9:20 AM
Let's not forget the X-files Geeks who get beamed up!
...
"Tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night!"
Posted by: Ze at September 25, 2008 9:25 AM
Can't Hardly Wait?????
Who are you and what have you done with the real TK?
Posted by: PaddyDog at September 25, 2008 9:34 AM
I still quote this movie all the time. It's my first "favorite movie" of my real life (aka, it's my favorite movie that I chose for myself, unlike Father of the Bride or Dirty Dancing which are my mom's favorites (and therefore mine), or Mighty Ducks, which is fabulous in its own right and still makes the grade when I consider the greats, BUT... man. Can't Hardly Wait is the first movie I saw more than once in theaters. I don't really post all that often, but this movie mobilized me. What a great thing to come into this hungover morning.
"... and somebody in there called me a FAG."
Posted by: J at September 25, 2008 9:34 AM
and I don't usually leave parenthetical expressions hanging.
)
Posted by: J at September 25, 2008 9:35 AM
Hewitt has never really been an impressive actor, and this is no exception. With the exception of her big confrontation scene with Facinelli's Mike...
I thought something else was going to come after "big."
And for me, the girl in high school was named Karen, and we never spoke a single word to each other, and I'll never forget her.
Posted by: Todd at September 25, 2008 9:45 AM
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 9:46 AM
But seriously, I'd rank this one right up there with the greats, the greats in this instance being: Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, Making the Grade, Better Off Dead and Real Genius.
It's THAT good.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 9:52 AM
I fell in love with Ethan Embry after watching this movie for the first time. I get so nostalgic whenever it's on - the music, the clothes, the stereotypes - it's just so damn 90s.
Posted by: Kolby at September 25, 2008 9:54 AM
TK, you're glib. You don't even know what a good movie is.
Posted by: Pookie at September 25, 2008 9:57 AM
Ah, FABULOUS. This was released the day I graduated high school. Probably half of the class of 400 ended up at the local movie theater for the 1PM showing after graduation practice.
I love this movie. I don't own it, but I get excited when I see it on in reruns. The band getting back together for the 'reunion' after they break up is one of the highlights for me.
Posted by: Lollygagger at September 25, 2008 10:02 AM
"... and somebody in there called me a FAG."
Posted by: J at September 25, 2008 9:34 AM
::snort:: I just peed a little (but I'm 7 months pregnant, so bladder control is a problem)
Posted by: TO at September 25, 2008 10:08 AM
Sigh...this was back when Ethan Embry was adorable. I swear, that guy looks like he's aged 25 years since then.
Anyway, this is a cute film, but I don't think I'd rank it up there with our beloved 80s teen flicks. Maybe that's just my own bias talking, but I really think those were far superior to anything the 90s had to offer...except for maybe 10 Things I Hate About You.
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 10:08 AM
I love watching this movie! Also, I like playing the Buffy and Six Feet Under game. Seriously, go through and count 'em up.
And yes, Ethan Embry is a darling. And then last week I saw Pizza. He has become a man, dammit. A man with nice arms who can clench a cigarette in his teeth and make me shiver.
Posted by: Sharon at September 25, 2008 10:11 AM
"I better double bag it. I don't know where that girl been."
Kenny "Special K" is my hero. And the Oscar for best use of It's Tricky in a movie goes to Can't Hardly Wait.
Posted by: JH at September 25, 2008 10:12 AM
(Although I have to admit that I LOVED Drive Me Crazy, but I'm not even going to pretend that it was anything approaching a "good movie". I think my feelings of adoration for it stemmed largely from my love for Melissa Joan Hart, which carried over from her Clarissa days. I still love that girl - I can't help it!!)
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 10:15 AM
This movie is hilarious. I'm so thrilled to see it get the attention it deserves.
Posted by: samantha t at September 25, 2008 10:16 AM
"Making The Grade"?!
I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying I've never seen or heard anyone mention it, ever. Dammit, are you gonna make me feel guilty for never having seen it?
Granted I've never seen "Can't Hardly Wait" either, but that's much more outside my province than 1984.
Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 10:23 AM
This movie has so many people in it. But the real moment for me is when the "nerds" are planning their trap and they argue over who gets to be Grand Moff Tarkin. THAT, my friends, is the kind of humor I am a sucker for.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 10:28 AM
TK, you're a big, beautiful man, and I'm not at all ashamed of our secret "CHW Slumber Party." Has it been ten years already?
Yes. We've been silent for too long. Or something. -TK
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at September 25, 2008 10:35 AM
The one from this genre that never gets mentioned, but that I thought was surprisingly good, was "The Girl Next Door."
Actually, I agree wholeheartedly. That's a surprisingly good flick! -TK
Posted by: Eep at September 25, 2008 10:37 AM
...except for maybe 10 Things I Hate About You.
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 10:08 AM
*stare hardens*
I'm gonna give you five minutes to rethink that...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 10:45 AM
I love this movie. This is one of those ones that I can't not stop on when it's on cable on the weekends, or when I'm sick. It's one of those comfort food movies. It's fun, and funny, and I love it. Unabashedly. Along with Seth Green.
Also, I love Sofia. You are freakin' adorable.
Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 10:46 AM
Those little TK comments really don't sound like him. I always thought he saved his exclamation points for rage...
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 10:47 AM
I love this movie! ...but I'm here for a different reason. I'm going to Seattle in a month. (Yipee!) Any of you fools from Seattle? Anything I shouldn't miss? Restaurant suggestions? Warm clothes I can borrow? (I live in New Orleans where it's 100 degrees all year round, so I own like, 2 sweaters...)
Posted by: jamiepants at September 25, 2008 10:47 AM
"Anything I shouldn't miss? Restaurant suggestions?..."
I'm not from anywhere near Seattle but I've been told that you MUST visit Cobain Manor.
Where Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain, with a shotgun.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 10:56 AM
B Slim, I take it you politely disagree? Am I forgetting a movie, or are you anti-10 Things I Hate About You?
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 10:58 AM
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 10:58 AM
Ooooh, you bet your sweet ass I disagree. "10 Things I Hate About You" has nowhere near the gravitas to be ranked with the 80s greats, at least if you think CHW can't be either.
I'm willing to consider this: 10TIAY is a good 90s teen flick, probably the second best
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 11:03 AM
Do not dis Josie and The Pussycats, which like CHW is far, far better than it has any right to be, again mostly because of the script.
Posted by: mightygodking at September 25, 2008 11:12 AM
MmHmm. Jerry O'Connell. That's right, baby, just like that...
He's my Clooney, people. I want him to undress me with his eyes. Then his hands, because I won't really be naked untill he uses his hands, and I want to be. For the sex with Jerry O'Connell. The sexy, sexy sex.
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at September 25, 2008 11:14 AM
B Slim - I'd argue that the difference (and what ultimately makes 10TIHAY a better film) is that I began to really care about the characters in 10TIHAY, while the characters in CHW remained somewhat flat to me. I quickly detached myself from the CHW characters; they made no lasting impression on me - especially Preseton and Amanda (he's too angsty and she's too boring). On the other hand, I found myself very much invested in the characters of Patrick and Kat in 10TIHAY. They're well-developed, and really freaking likeable. And say what you will about Julia Stiles, I thought she was fantastic in that role, and Ledger, of course, was wonderful as well. Both of them (IMO) are/were more talented and have/had more charisma than Hewitt and Embry.
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 11:26 AM
tt_marie
We do not qualify our opinions 'round these parts. So you can stow that IMO and just thrust your opinions right up into our collective craw. That's the way we like it. With unapologetic thrusting.
Posted by: Mella at September 25, 2008 11:29 AM
Can't Hardly Wait always makes me a little sad because Ethan Embry, as fucking adorable as he is, seems to be relegated to bit parts from that movie on (although it's always a treat to see him in a movie, like his supersmall part in Harold & Kumar) and I was denied HBO when Lauren Ambrose was on Six Feet Under (she's in another show though now, isn't she?)
I still love it absolutely to pieces though.
Posted by: Renee at September 25, 2008 11:31 AM
You thrust YOUR PELVIS! HUA!
YOU THRUST YOUR PELVIS ! HUA!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 11:34 AM
I think the B Slimbot just malfunctioned
Posted by: tt_marie at September 25, 2008 11:38 AM
I adore every second of this movie. It came out the same year I graduated high school, which...wait...TEN YEARS?! I'm fucking old.
Kenny and William MAKE this movie.
"I can't feel my legs. I HAVE NO LEGS!!!!"
Posted by: Julie at September 25, 2008 11:41 AM
BarbadoSlim, you always did strike me as a Pacinoesque lover. I hope your lady friends don't bruise easily.
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at September 25, 2008 11:41 AM
I like to remember Ethan Embry as the bass player in That Thing You Do!. He makes the most adorable marine ever. Admittedly, I've never seen all of Can't Hardly wait in one sitting, but I never connected with it. 10 Things I Hate About You was funnier to me because the characters were smart...or at least high school smart. That as what my high school experience was like more than any other teen movie.
Posted by: kelsy at September 25, 2008 11:43 AM
It came out the same year I graduated high school, which...wait...TEN YEARS?! I'm fucking old.
Julie, darling, talk to me when you get a notice about your 20-year reunion. Then tell me about how old you are.
With unapologetic thrusting
Damn, it is hot in here today! Guess I shouldn't have worn a sweater....
Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 11:49 AM
Julie and Anna,
I recently attended my five-year high school reunion. I hope that helps.
Regards.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 11:56 AM
Hee! Suck it Sofia!
Posted by: Julie at September 25, 2008 11:59 AM
Yeah... um... wait until you get a notice about your fortieth. Then we'll talk about who's old. There's quite the difference in getting a kick out of seeing how much your classmates have changed vs. seeing how many of them are still alive. Good times...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 12:01 PM
Apropos of nada, what the hell's the deal with the black "Posted by:"? BRING BACK THE GRAY! It made it easier to keep your place when you scrolled down the long threads...
WHO'S WITH ME?! FREEEEEEDOOOOM!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 12:07 PM
WHO'S WITH ME?! FREEEEEEDOOOOM!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 12:07 PM
---------------------------------------------
ATICA! ATICA! ATICA! FREE HAT! FREE HAT!
Let's JUST BURN IT TO THE GROUND AND KILL THEM AL...err... BRING BACK THE GRAY!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 12:10 PM
she's basically the same doll-eyed, gaspy, hand-wringing bosom-heaver
Hey, I'm never going to accuse J.Lo.Hew. of being a great actor, but she sticks to her talents and I for one appreciate that. Now if only she did a show where there was a wet t-shirt scene or something like it I'd be able to keep from falling asleep in her movies.
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 25, 2008 12:11 PM
This movie is the bomb diggity iggs.
1. The microphone during "Paradise City" popping up from nowhere.
2. The look William makes when his friends tell him he resembles David Duchovny.
Posted by: Coco Bravo at September 25, 2008 12:15 PM
WE'RE HERE! SOME OF US ARE QUEER! I'M NOT SURE HOW THE REST OF THIS ONE GOES! BRING BACK THE GRAY!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 12:15 PM
Yeah, bring back the gray. Or make it some other color than the comments.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 12:19 PM
I HAVE A DREAM WERE BLACK IS NOT GREY! WHERE THE PROMISED LAND IS NEITHER BLACK, NOR WHITE (more like a mix of the two) I MIGHT NOT GET THERE WITH YA...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 12:24 PM
Sofia
I want to love you and your scorching wit and your adorable Chilean-Maggie-Gyllenhaal-face, but when I discover certain things about you, for example that you're only five years out of high school, it makes me less want to marry you in a government-recognized civil service and more to want to just make out with you on your mom's couch.
You make me a bad person, Sofia. A bad person.
Posted by: Mella at September 25, 2008 12:27 PM
You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.
Posted by: stoner guy at September 25, 2008 12:27 PM
your adorable Chilean-Maggie-Gyllenhaal-face
You just made my day.
it makes me less want to marry you in a government-recognized civil service and more to want to just make out with you on your mom's couch
Oh, Mella, I promise you under-the-shirt action.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 12:48 PM
"Denise Fleming is a tampon."
The sub-plots made this movie, you're totally right. And they might have been cliches but, let's face it, we were those cliches. One of the things I particularly liked was the fact that there was no way in hell a romantic plot between best friends Denise and Preston was ever even a remote possibility. Wait...maybe even that was jacked from Cam Crowe. Whatevs, looking forward to that Loveburger reunion...
Posted by: Georgia at September 25, 2008 12:52 PM
Dudes, I said the same thing about the comment footers yesterday. Of course, I was astonishingly drunk at the time, and were it possible to slur-type, that's what I'd have been doing when I said it. Now I'm aggressively hungover (yet again [get off my back, these books are a rough ride, ok?]) but hungover means I am not drunk anymore, which means I am making considerably more sense. I think. Whatthefuckever, the point is that I still demand that the grey comment footers come back. My eyeballs have been marinating in tequila for over 36 hours. I can't fucking handle this monochrome blur.
Posted by: Sarina at September 25, 2008 12:57 PM
"Oh, Mella, I promise you under-the-shirt action."
Dear Mr. Rowles:
Say, can we just do away with the movie posters header and replace it with this? Maybe in a bold, sans serif typeface, preferably flashing? C'mon... at least try it.
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 12:57 PM
I seem to remember Embry being good in Dutch, but it's been a long time.
Posted by: Eep at September 25, 2008 12:58 PM
Ethan Embry's like the original, better looking version of Shia LaBeef. I'm still not sure why the latter attained fame while the former languishes in bit parts and cameo roles.
I do like this movie but I have to agree with those who stated a preference for 10 Things I Hate About You. I saw it when I was 13 and there's still a little part of me that's waiting for Patrick Verona to come and love me for all my bitchy, misfit self. Can't Hardly Wait is good too, but it falls victim to one of those movie tropes that annoys the everloving shit out of me; nerdy, considerate guy pining for a girl who doesn't know who he is only because she's beautiful and popular. I want to believe that men are not that shallow (since I was never the beautiful or popular girl in high school) but Hollywood seems to insist on it. At least in 10TIHAY Cameron actually talked to Bianca (and at one point, told her the hell off) rather than longing from afar before the climactic denouement.
Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 25, 2008 1:03 PM
Man, I love every single second of this movie. It came out right before I started my senior year of high school(oh god, my ten year reunion is next year). And my whole little gang loved it. We all fit one of the characters in the movie. I was Denise. The sarcastic bitchy one.
Huh... that still fits. I need to go out and buy this movie.
And whatever happened to Charlie Korsmo? He was so adorable.
Posted by: lizzieborden at September 25, 2008 1:19 PM
Ah, here's the depressing part, lizzieborden. Korsmo abandoned acting, went to M.I.T., got a degree in Physics and went on to work for the Bush Administration in missile defense. He's a staunch, hardline Republican, a member of the Federalist Society, and was a heavy supporter of Alito's nomination. And that shit is a true story.
Posted by: TK at September 25, 2008 1:24 PM
NOBODY DRINK THE BEER! THE BEER HAS GONE BAD!!
Posted by: MG at September 25, 2008 1:36 PM
Holy poop - I can't believe this movie was released ten years ago. My best friend and I went to see it together in Grade 11, *sigh*. I'm climbing on that "feeling old" train. I do love the movie though - so funny. By the way, was Korsmo also the kid from Hook? Did I miss that in any comments above? I always assumed he was but I never really checked. Maybe I should click on TK's little link thinger above.
Posted by: b at September 25, 2008 1:37 PM
Aaaand there we go. Yeah he is!
Posted by: b at September 25, 2008 1:39 PM
It's funny how I'll watch that movie again and recognize actors/actresses. Everyone knows the real stars of that movie were not the leads.
Posted by: Devo at September 25, 2008 1:46 PM
Oh no. KOOOORSMOOOO!
[...dim lights, cue Dolly's "I Will Always Love You", show montage of stills from Charlie's happier times... When montage ends, have a mime dressed as Emmett Kelly come out and sweep up a lone spotlight, sans pants...]
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 1:50 PM
"And Emmett Kelly is STILL eating!"
"And it's STILL funny!"
Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 2:00 PM
I met Charlie Korsmo when we were kids. I think we were 12 or 13. I don't remember what he was in town for, but he was friends with a friend of mine, so he hung out with our little crowd for a couple of weeks. He was really nice and very funny. I had no idea that he had turned out to be... this thing which he has become.
Posted by: Sarina at September 25, 2008 2:00 PM
"you're allergic...? to DANCING?"
Posted by: J at September 25, 2008 2:45 PM
"So he's sort of tall with hair and wears t-shirts sometimes"
Posted by: takenotice at September 25, 2008 3:06 PM
[...dim lights, cue Dolly's "I Will Always Love You", show montage of stills from Charlie's happier times... When montage ends, have a mime dressed as Emmett Kelly come out and sweep up a lone spotlight, sans pants...]
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus
And then Charlie would hug you and introduce you to his wife. Just like Christian the lion did with those British dudes!
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 3:14 PM
It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo.
Posted by: Kenny at September 25, 2008 3:26 PM
Sofia, I am currently driving to Santiago with a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade, a box of condoms and transcripts of our internet communications which prove that I am under the impression that you are of age.
Does that bra unhook in the front or the back?
Posted by: Mella at September 25, 2008 3:37 PM
Does that bra unhook in the front or the back?
Bra? HA. Not when it's girl-on-girl. Girl-guy it's different. I wanna drive them nuts trying to unhook it -- which gives me plenty of time to change my mind.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 3:40 PM
Heh Sofia. The guy I hooked up with a few weeks back was completely despondent that I had already taken off my bra, he wanted to at least watch while I removed it from under my shirt. I believe my reaction was "Life's too short to pull a Flashdance for you buddy, now take off your pants."
Does that bra unhook in the front or the back?
I don't think I've ever owned a bra that went frontsies. I must rectify that.
Posted by: Julie at September 25, 2008 3:52 PM
Kenny Fisher: Those shoes!
Denise: What?
Kenny Fisher: Do they serve an orthopedic function?
Love Can't Hardly Wait! It's the best 80s movie of the 90s.
Posted by: TL at September 25, 2008 3:59 PM
I don't think I've ever owned a bra that went frontsies. I must rectify that.
Me too.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 4:01 PM
Julie & Sofia, I propose we all go to the mall and hit Victoria's Secret for some undergarment shopping. Then we can stop at Abercrombie & Fitch and point and laugh at all the sissy boys with their popped collars and then have an Orange Julius. Also, I need (NEED!) some new shoes; I'm dressing as Amy Winehouse for Halloween and I don't have any peep-toe leopard print heels.
All of this assumes that there's a crappy mall in Santiago like the ones here in my hometown.
Posted by: Mella at September 25, 2008 4:08 PM
That poor, sad beagle.
C'mon, ol' B. M. obviously wrote that song due to remorse about screwing around with his dog.
Yes, I have nothing to say about this movie.
Posted by: frumpiefox at September 25, 2008 4:13 PM
*Picks jaw up off floor*
Charlie Korsmo is dead to me.
(But seriously? Physics? Dayumm, dude really is a brain.)
Posted by: lizzieborden at September 25, 2008 4:17 PM
"Life's too short to pull a Flashdance for you buddy, now take off your pants."
I forgot how much I love Julie. I say this to boys all the time.
Can I come shopping too? I need more underpants!
Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 4:21 PM
All of this assumes that there's a crappy mall in Santiago like the ones here in my hometown.
Posted by: Mella
Honey, we have ALL kinds of malls. Skanky? Check. Posh? Check. In-between? Check. Corean neighborhood with clothes that only come in one size (skinny) and can only resist two trips down the washing machine? Check. Victoria's Secret? Uh... no. But I've seen a store called "Woman's Secret", but I think they sell tampons or something.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 4:24 PM
Anna, you're buying lunch.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 4:29 PM
My parents took me to a 3D film festival.
I saw no third dimension.
Posted by: Kash at September 25, 2008 4:35 PM
Just don't deny someone their first-front-clasp rite of passage.
What glorious confusion.
Okay it's not really glorious. But you feel educated and a little more mature afterwards.
Ah but then, as the Reid brothers sang, sometimes I feel like my sex life's all hist'ry.
Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 4:35 PM
Ooh, I'm in Mella as long as I can take a detour to the nearest bookstore and rub the new paperbacks all over my body. Best smell ever.
Posted by: Julie at September 25, 2008 4:35 PM
My fondestest memories of Korsmo are,
"RUN HOME JACK! RUN HOME JACK! RUN HOME JACK!"
"...run...home.......home...."
That kid was a GENIUS in Hook.
Posted by: Kash at September 25, 2008 4:37 PM
Just don't deny someone their first-front-clasp rite of passage. What glorious confusion.
Hee! Jay, I wouldn't tell him and I'd take GREAT pleasure in counting the minutes it would take him to figure out the location to the door to Tittytown (only a few turns from Vaginaland).
Posted by: Julie at September 25, 2008 4:38 PM
And I'll agree with the hate of 10 Things. I saw it in theatres with some friends who *totally like, loved it*, and I never saw anything special. There are some good moments sure, but not even close to the quality and adorableness of Can't Hardly Wait.
But can I reiterate my concern that MIKE DEXTER is fucking Carlisle in the Twilight movies. MIKE DEXTER. (...I know, I know, he's a god. And a role model...)
Posted by: Kash at September 25, 2008 4:47 PM
I've seen a store called "Woman's Secret", but I think they sell tampons or something
Dammit, Sofia! Now the secret's out!! Whatevs, it doesn't have to be a VicSec necessarily, as long as I get some new underoos. And of COURSE AvB is invited; shit, that's implied! Julie, I don't know how lenient the Chilean laws are, but if we don't get ourselves arrested for rubbing paperbacks all over ourselves, then I will immediately apply for citizenship.
Viva Chile!!
Posted by: Mella at September 25, 2008 4:49 PM
Mella, don't you know that "tampon(s)" is always a decoy? I know dudes read our homo-erotic posts. I don't want them to get anywhere NEAR Women's Secret, so I said "tampons" to keep them away. Now that the decoy is out, we'll have to come up with something else that will scare the shit out of them. Like saying they sell t-shirts with your girlfriend's picture on them or something.
If you got around to running paperbacks all over yourselves you'd probably end up in the news. And not because of any law breaking.
News Anchor: Many think Chile is out of style for being so far away from everything, but think again! 3 American tourists were spotted today doing what they call "the bookie nookie", also known as "placer literario." It's clear proof that Chile is one of the best places to perform the bookie nookie, and already our national bands are working on some tunes to go with the capitalist - yet oddly exotic - dance. To hear what the Minister of Foreign Relations has to say about it, and to listen to a few hit singles, stay tuned.
Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 5:05 PM
Plus, the headline is making Stephen Colbert shake his fist and scream "MANILOOOOOW!!" in my head.
Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 6:21 PM
I love that you got that song in my head - it took a while to get to the chorus so I could figure out what it was!
Posted by: sara at September 25, 2008 6:26 PM
You all remember Ethan Embry in Dutch? You know, the movie with Ed O'Neil? (Al Bundy).
Yeah, didn't think so. I don't even know why I bring it up.
Get your stew on that for a minute.
Posted by: Some Guy at September 25, 2008 7:39 PM
Strangely, Eep mentioned it earlier.
Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 7:41 PM
I love this movie. This review sums up everything I love about this movie. Also- I can't believe it has been 10 years. I feel old and I'm only 23... Yikes.
Posted by: Liz at September 25, 2008 9:00 PM
Huh?
I swear, I must be the harbinger of unpopular opinions here, as per usual. I have had dental surgery that was more pleasant that this film. And I've had A LOT of dental surgery. Painful, but curative. This film is (for me) like that feeling you get when you're on your way to a hootenany at your fella's place, you've got a spring in your step, your mojo is running, and then someone stabs in the fucking eyes over, and over. And over.
Ugh, it's so hard to be so beautiful, guys are so superficial. You know what, go suck on a ghost cock, Amanda. You vapid, infuriating dropsy-float of a character. And the rest of them, too. Just toss them all into a trash compactor, start over fresh. Maybe practice with some fjords.
I guess the cool kids can plan their 'Alternatively Sexy Drunk-Outs' without me, because if someone showed up to my house with this film, well... run, if you're smart.
'Can't Hardly Wait for My Javex-Sangria-Sunshine-Syringe-Cocktail to Arrive, (also known as Suicide on the Beach)'
And don't even get me started on 'Say Anything', my life might just be shortened if I said something like, 'Diane Court is a Cluster-Bore, and Lloyd Dobler is a sad-sack, go-nowhere, stalk-hounding loser.' I would hate to be stuck on a plane with that pair.
Whatever. I'm a good person. But if you want to defend your territory, before you put on the brass knuckles, know: I'm female, 5'0, allergy-ridden, with a limp and trick back. Normally, I wear reading glasses, but my baby nephew broke them, and I can't afford to get them fixed. You don't really want this, do you?
How many enemies can I make in one post? Never saw The Dark Knight, don't care a lick about it. I'm going all bitch-cakes. Okay, I'll take my vitamins and go to bed.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 25, 2008 11:22 PM
Jo 'Mama' Besser,
I may not agree with your methods, but I can't argue with your results. Which is to say that while I personally rather enjoyed Can't Hardly Wait, I not only appreciate that you don't, but am fucking overjoyed that you pretty much called everyone who does out to bare-knuckle box behind the liquor store. That is tits.
Also, while I love The Dark Knight, I hate and HATE Say Anything. And, fine, John Cusack. There, I said it.
Posted by: Mella at September 26, 2008 10:54 AM
Maaaaan i LOVE Cant Hardly Wait. I own the DVD, the one with the commentary with Seth Green on it. Its awesome cos the writers/directors keep going on about Jennifer Titbags Hewitt going 'oh she was splitting time between this set and the party of five set' and Seth's lil voice pipes 'and i was cutting this with Buffy...'
then he ribs himself about having to sit on cushions so he could be seen through the window in a scene where he drives a HYUGE suv up to the party house.
I also get squealy every time I watch the scene where Preston returns to the party and in a wide shot of the house, some one is seen backflipping across the yard...that some one is Ethan Embry and its awesome( and seeing him now...sort of sad) that he's so aglie and...flippy
Cant Hardly Wait, i list it as one of my One Great Day films, it goes in order of Dazed and Confused, Empire Records, then Cant Hardly Wait, specifically in that order cos in my (wildly, overactive, but at the minute AWARD WINNING!!!) imagination, some one from Dazed and Confused grew up to be or to father some one from Empire Records. Mark in Empire Records(squeaky skater kid played by Ethan) grew up to be Preston in CHW..
I know i know laaaaame or what ever but i dont care. These are the films that bring me joy and make me smile.
I love Cant Hardly Wait, and incidentally, Charlie Korsmo(who was recruited by MIT and probably works as a supervillian now) damn near steals the film from out under the leads.
It also delights me to see a tiny role for Freddy Rodriguez inexplicably throwing sly looks every which way and being hilarious while doing it.
Whats great about this film is that (SPOILER SPOILER) at the end, everything, mostly, doesn't stay changed.
tak Mike and William, they spend a night becoming best friends, confidants, Mike even takes the wrap for William once they're arrested. But as soon as the harsh light of day rolls around and dawn rears her ugly, sobering head, Mike is a giant douche once again and disses William, brutally, in front of the same bullies William has feared adn loathed his whole life...in most films like this, they're best friends once the credits role and its irritating because that doesn't happen in real life. In this film, William has to suffer that one last mortification but its okay...in the end, he ends up a super model banging billionaire and mike...i forget, an overweight used car salesman?
Either way, his uppence comes
Its a great film, a recomended watc for anyone looking for something light hearted, fun and simple, but with enough...i dont know, just enough of something to be engaging and emotionally investing.
Plus playing spot the 'Who/Where are they now' is fucking awesome
At the very least, turn it into a drinking game when ever you see some one who went on to bigger things (Lacey Chabert, Jaime Pressley(both of whom went on to be in Not Another Teen Movie, which mocks this film, several times, just to raelly geek out on y'all) But yeah...drink when ever you spot some one and...well not WHEN EVER you drink some one, i dont wanna get sued over here.....
Posted by: Nadine at September 26, 2008 3:28 PM
Aw, Mella, I'm all talk. I'm not a fighter, I'm not even really a lover. I'm more of a bystander. I shout big, but I'm not a pugilist by any stretch. I'm just another one of the slobbering, overworked, underpaid masses who had a tummy-ache after looking at her last semester's bill.
I do think that the only people who have it worse than men regarding SAY ANYTHING (and they do), are women who don't like it. To turn away from the prototype of the perfect romance suggests a misfiring X-chromosome. Someone is going to have to crack open your stomach and re-wire your motherboard, if you can't make it that happy island.
I caught a lot of crap for not enjoying Sad Boat, too. I'm shamefully hard to please when it comes to films. Sure, it's the cool, revisionist thing to hate it now, but in 1998? Around teenagers? Teenager girls? Pariah City. It made the Pauline Kael/Sound of Music Snafu look like a waltz through the huckleberries.
Different strokes, though. One of my closest friends loves Dobler, but I couldn't get her past minute 18 of Spinal Tap. I told her, that it's setup, and when you see it again and see how it all falls together, it's funny. You get to pick up on all of the little things too--but I couldn't even finish the sentence. She won't even give BAD NEWS a try. That is such an affront to Vim Fuego! You tell me if there is a more perfect song that completely sums up an entire musical genre than 'Bitch, Hell, Mother!'
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 26, 2008 3:53 PM
TRUE STORY:
I work on Wall Street for an engineering firm and was picking up lunch at Sophia's, a good Cuban takeout place behind my building. Charlie Korsmo (who now goes by Charles) was there with friends waiting in line for their food. Looks exactly the same as he did in this movie, just about 10lbs heavier. Wearing three piece suit and tapping away on his Blackberry. Asked about the movie (mentioned Hook too from childhood) and he was very sweet and polite. I think he was surprised someone recognized him. He's mellowed out politics-wise since he's moved to New York. Here's his info.
Posted by: scorzi at September 26, 2008 4:49 PM
Jo 'Mama' Besser--the end of "Say Anything" was a total hurl-inducer. Second worst happy ending ever (the first being "Rudy." He should have ended up paralyzed.)
Posted by: frumpiefox at September 26, 2008 7:13 PM
Isn't anybody going to talk about DENDROPHILIA?
that was good too!
This movie is maybe what inspired the creators of 200 CIGARETTES (with the little cameos)
Posted by: Mario at September 29, 2008 12:11 AM
late to the party, yes, but i may have peed a little when i read this post.....
this movie may be the base of one of my "can i do him" questions....
Posted by: beckells at September 30, 2008 12:00 AM
