Pajiba

The main link is broken, gotta slide in the back door through the Comments link -- and there's the spam-bot. And to think that some of you believe the Pajiba Google Map is some kind of cause for concern...oh, to be that young and naive again.

That trailer for "The Women" makes me want to kill myself...after inflicting copious amounts of pain on many, many people.

Why, oh why, won't Debra Messing just die?
It seems such a small request, but God won't comply
Seeing her makes me want to eat lye
And now to my sanity, I must say good-bye....

Shit on a stick, Dustin! You offer a challenge but first take away the only conceivable choice (Abigail Breslin) that anyone can possibly know or have heard of. You are an evil, evil person.

Also, why didn't you disclose that Sleepers is a Tom Cruise biopic? That's certainly how that storyline reads to me...

Aw, bloody hell -- my sound card seems to be on the fritz. I doubt those trailers would be any more interesting with sound, anyway (the "drawl-off" is probably better imagined).

Meg 2.0 doesn't look too bad...kind of plasticky, but decent. Between the surgery and the perm I bet she smells like a dry cleaning bag, though (pun not intended).

I loved the original "The Women" so I hope they don't screw this one up. I loved the fact that the original had no men anywhere in the movie. However, was it just me, or did the acting in the trailer seem a bit wooden?

"Sleeperis about an operative whose fusion with an alien artifact makes him impervious to pain."

The good part about this is that people who are impervious to pain don't realize when their body parts get mangled or chopped off. The bad part about this is, I bet they write it so Cruise doesn't get a bruise during the entire plot.

Huh...I thought "drawl off" was me. Oh well, great minds....

"1408" bored me silly, but "Ed Wood" does indeed not get enough love.

"Goosebumps" is doing okay at your local library.

"Sleeper"??!?!?!?! He's gonna make "Sleeper"?!?!?!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!

and the forthcoming Shrek Goes Fourth

Wait what.

Wait what.

I applaud how long you kept those scales in place, twig. Life was probably easier that way. I guess Laurence Fishburne needs a word with you now.

Mr. Kolby and I were in the mall last weekend when we walked past a movie poster for The Women. The hubs actually paused to stare at the poster for a few seconds. Then he turned to me and asked, "Is there a demographic they're not trying to reach with that movie?"

The kid on Everybody Hates Chris - Tyler James Williams. I love him.
Also, the babies who play Aaron on Lost are adorable.

Well thanks a freaking lot, Dustin! You took Abigail out of the running, and thanks to your "Under 16" rule, you also eliminated Freddie Highmore! Fine, I'm just gonna stick with Madelne Carroll. Something about her that I just like.

Madeline Carroll does not make me want to puke - even though Swing Vote did . . . . .

I guess Laurence Fishburne needs a word with you now.

Blue pill! BLUE PILL!!

I find Freddie Highmore tolerable. In fact he's endearing and I would almost say adorable.

....and apparently he's too old. That's what I get for not checking imdb. Damnit.

Despite the relative poor performance of Grindhouse

I don't recall any of Tarantino's movies making a hell of a lot of money (maybe Pulp Fiction). And if Mike Myers is indeed in this new one, I will NOT see it. I am so sick of that guy, especially when he does an accent.

Mini-diversion: ...I got nothin'.

And personally, I thought the script for Gangs of New York was pretty damn good. But that might have just been Day-Lewis' delivery.

"If I only had the guns, Mr. Tweed, I'd shoot each and every one of them before they set foot on American soil."

Can someone please explain to me why "guy movies" (Tropic Thunder, Superbad [everything else put out by Apatow & Co], Basically every superhero film every made including the first two X-Men) are typically extremely great whereas females are saddled with mindless "chick flicks"?

Maybe this is why I don't get along with a whole lot of girls is that as far as 80's flicks go, I'd much rather watch Rambo than fucking Steel Magnolias or Beaches.

(Although I have to exclude Fried Green Tomatoes because, although some people may think it's a chick flick, that's one of the best movies ever made)

I'm just waiting for a female Apatow-like figure to start making movies with real decent female characters. Why can't we just make a movie where the female lead is Billy's mom from Gremlins? She was fucking awesome.

Also...Freddie Highmore turned 16 this year, does he still count?

And apparently he doesn't, that's what I get for taking too long to write my comment

"The Women" soon to be followed by "The Jews" and "The Blacks" in the much awaited "Things my Grandfather Says" Trilogy.
As for your "Under 16" I give you Cameron Bright of "Thank you For Smoking" fame. Loved the little guy in that one.

Another Shrek? A Candyman remake? Goosebumps?!?!?!

...going to my happy place...see you all later...

Dakota Fanning. For all her creepy-eyed moppetry, she's actually damned good.

Nathan Gamble--that cute little blonde kid from Babel and TDK.

Jaden Smith--Pursuit of Happiness.

I had to google search "child actors" and then browse through the wiki page. I lifeguarded when I was a teen, and I find that the best way to express the cuteness of a kid is whether or not I would want them to be in my swim lesson class. I'd give a swim lesson to both of these little guys, and I bet that they wouldn't even attempt to drown.

Dakota Fanning. For all her creepy-eyed moppetry, she's actually damned good.

Posted by: TK at August 19, 2008 9:54 AM

...that doesn't make you want to cause harm to yourself.

I think Dustin pretty easily covered himself on that one.

Really Jada, really? You're rich as hell and you're gonna settle with playing the twofer in this Tampax sponsored abomination? Excuse me. I'm gonna go watch some reruns of A Different World and wash the bad(der) taste out of mouth.

Am I surprised about Candyman? I'm surprised they waited this long.

Mini-Div: Dakota Fanning, Ivana Baquero(Pan's Labyrinth), and Elle Fanning. Has anyone seen Dakota Fanning recently? I'm afraid her younger sister might try to take her out one day.

Mini-diversion - Saoirse Ronan and Dakota Blue Richards. I've seen interviews with them both and they both seem very normal and not at all creepy. Dakota Fanning, on the other hand, needs to be drowned in holy water, because whatever the hell is inside there is not human.

Candyman? Really? I just...I don't have the words. Why bother when Hollywood just takes all that is good and remakes it as shiny crap?

Also Georgie Henley (the little girl from the Narnia films). She's absolutely adorable.

You folks remember Kenneth Lonergan? He had so much promise after writing and directing You Can Count on Me, didn't he? And then he wrote Analyze That and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

Wow. I didn't know he "wrote" those two pieces of cack...it's really a shame how one can turn almost istantly from "promising young talent" to hack...I'm looking at you, John Singleton.

But, You Can Count on Me is still fucking brilliant.

Ummm, is Conrad posing as TK? Anyone else concerned about this?

Wee! Dark Knight is totally kicking Iron Man's ass. I can't believe we're even arguing about this.

I also don't find Dakota Fanning to be that creepy. I don't know, maybe I'm just difficult to creep out...or I just like creepy. I prefer her to the overly sweet Abigail whatshername. That's right, I've got balls, baby.

Also...I hate spreadsheets. I have nothing to say about all the movie news.

Yes, we still have Waldenbooks out here in the cultural vortex.

Child actors - I don't hate Dakota Fanning. I know people have issues with her, but she still looks and acts her age, and I think she's cute. Someone pointed out to me that she and Lohan the Younger are the same age...which is insane. That Lohan girl looks like she's in her 30s and aging badly.

Lainey, I thought so, too. TK, blink fast twice if you're being held at knife point. Who am I kidding? Conrad probably has a sheath for his butter knives. And I can't see you blink.

Can someone please explain to me why "guy movies" (Tropic Thunder, Superbad [everything else put out by Apatow & Co], Basically every superhero film every made including the first two X-Men) are typically extremely great whereas females are saddled with mindless "chick flicks"?

Because any 'good' movie by definition cannot be a 'chick flick'. It's the same way that any really great comic book movie isn't REALLY really a comic book movie, it's a 'realistic reimagining of modern tropes' or somesuch bullshit.

I've seen 'chick flick' used to describe every movie from Sense and Sensibility to 27 Dresses to The Hours so it's not like it actually means anything.

Oh yeah, and I guess I think Dakota is pretty talented too.

*sigh* They simply cannot replace Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Paulette Goddard, Rosalind Russell, Joan Fontaine and Hedda Hopper, I'm sorry. Babies, that was a bitch-fest.

The slight wobble that you feel in the Earth's rotation is Clare Boothe Luce spinning in her grave.

Good God Damn, that was hideous. The original film of The Women is not my favorite thing in the world, but it did have a fantastic cast--Rosalind Russell, Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Joan Fontaine, and Ruth Hussey! Put those ladies head-to-head against Annette, Meg, Jada, Eva, and Deborah, and only Annette Benning *might* be left standing. They don't make 'em like they used to, and I sure as hell wish they'd quit trying.

Which do I *prefer*? Well, Batman is the better film overall, but Iron Man was more enjoyable. The only way this can possibly be settled is via trial-by-nude-and-oiled-combat between Christian Bale and Robert Downey, Jr.

LOVE Candyman. I hate them for remaking it, but I can fully understand them going after it because of its straight-up awesomeness.
I always chant Candyman anytime I see him, too. :D

Elle Fanning seems a good actress, so far. Better and more natural than her sister.

re: Mini-diversion - I was going to say Thomas Sangster, who played the adorable Sam in Love Actually, but it turns out he's frickin' 18 already, and therefore completely disqualified.

He must be one of those kids who looks young for his age (though honestly, I'm no good at judging such things), because I find it hard to believe that he was 13 (maybe 12) when the film was made. Go figure.

What are the odds that the new Goosebumps movie is ACTUALLY the remake of Candyman? I could totally see Hollywood doing this and making it more painful than laying on a park bench while someone takes a full downswing at my yam bag with a flail. Think about it...get somebody scary, like say...I dunno...Christopher Loyd (cuz what's he been doing lately other than vacationing from the face of the earth) and you put some creepy black circles under his eyes and bottom light him with a soft white covered in a deep blue gel. And see...we have to modernize it for today's kids who have no appreciation for truly good horror films ...so we'll need Brittney Snow (I fucking know I probably fucking spelled it fucking wrong but i don't fucking care e-fucking-nough to fucking bother), Pete Wenz, Mily Cyrus, and that highschool musical chick who took all the cell phone pics of her 'giner that leaked on the internet (Veronica something?) and put them all together. The girls have a giggly slumber party and Pete, fresh off his fresh application of Guy-liner, comes over to try and sneak some alone time with whichever one of them he thinks would use the least amount of teeth while he face fucks them. This is where it gets scary... After Pete leaves, they decide to play a game of candyman, by standing in front of the mirror. The give the requisite Candyman x 5 and BOO! In full-on Nickolodeon quality effects, a back and bottom lit Chris Loyd pops up complete wiff scary face and chases them around the house. Oh! But guess what! Pete come to the rescue cuz he forgot his wallet on the porch swing. He hears the screams, and in full on animated Ghostbuster/The Legend of Mr Boogity/Celluloid Abortion fashion grabs a vaccuum cleaner and sucks the candyman up into the tank. It. Would. KILL at the box office.

And if that's not the case...what do you think the odds are that Hollywood would actually cast all the people I listed above? I'd say it's about as likely as me having a violent thought. So I tell you what...cast them. then cast ME as the Candyman. I'll cover the effects budget and make some of the most realistic death scenes ever. I mean, we'll only be able to do one take per death cuz I'm pretty sure none of those insufferable swunts would be able to handle actually getting stabbed mutiple times...but Hey! The kids strive for realism these days! So do I!! Please can i??!! Can I fuck Pete Wentz's throat with a meathook???!!! It'd be better than Christmas. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I fucking loved that movie...FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD!! This seriously could be the last straw before I actually begin picking off innocent civies from atop the local fiberglass factory.

Skitts...Fire up the tank bro. We gots some horribles to eliminate.

Shave 45 minutes off Dark Knight and it might have been better than Iron Man. Then again, I don't get the RDG vs Christian Bale debate. No fucking contest there.

And, while I'm feeling crabby and ranty, Debra Messing really needs to crawl under a rock. I recommed renting The Women from 1938. It's got just as many sexist, tired gender stereotypes, but at least the hats are fantastic!

Finally, I second Cindy on the kid from Everybody Hates Chris

Candyman scared me so badly at a 6th grade slumber party that for over a year I could only shower with the curtain open. So I could watch the mirror. My mom hated me for continually flooding the bathroom, but I remained free from hook gashings, and therefore I am awesome.

...yeah, hold on... I just gotta get some coffee and rub the eye-boogs outta my face... Where'd I put the keys? Give me like, I dunno, twenty minutes to wake up here Pissboy... I'll sound the airhorns once I'm in your neck of the woods. If you've got any orange juice, it'd be dynamite - I'm thinking of some mid-morning murderin' mimosas.

I don't think Conrad has the cojones to post under a somebody else's name - I'm pretty sure he thinks it's a Federal offense or something...

I like Debra Messing. There. I said it. I don't like her roles, her characters, or her acting abilities. I do like red hair though. That being said, I'll just be over here in the corner if you all wanna line up and slug me in the wiener pillows...

Damn it. Diane English can write, and the original concept for The Women is a good one, but the casting! Barf. Meg Ryan looks hideous, Debra Messing is apparently going to shriek her way through another performance, and they've made Bette a blond.

(Of the cast we saw, only Candice Bergen and Annette Bening have any business being in a movie based on the original Women)

Also, I love and adore Cloris Leachman -- she has a lifetime pass from me -- but her role looks like a duplicate of the one she did in that Adam Sandler/Tea Leoni movie.

FIRST of all...it's Ironman all the way.

And second-ably, it's Freddie Highmore for the win. I think I would watch that August Rush flick just because he's in it.

Can I just say that the entire POINT of the original The Women was that pretty much the entire cast were catty, back stabbing bitches set to destroy each other?

What I like to call a real chick flick.

I got 10-to-1 odds that this new The Women (with the exception of Candace Bergen) is going to be about them all having a Full House moment over a few Cosmos while sharing an understanding of all things female (insert funny PMS joke here) and sharing meaningful looks about their respective husbands and how "they just don't get it" (insert funny Men are From Mars joke here) and how they know they're not all REALLY backstabbing bitches who steal each other's mens, so they'll all go shopping and buy each other Jimmy Choos.

Or, you know, The Sex and the City movie.

It makes me sad.

Hey guys...just wanted to maybe get your advice on something. I play in a kickball league, and the awards ceremony is this Sunday. I'm a shoe-in for #1 thug. What should I do for my acceptance speech? I thought about quoting something but that just seems lame. I thought about just walking up and punching whoever's giving the award, but I've punched everyone enough to win the award so that's not really all that impressive. Any suggestions?

TK...you know how much I hate to agree with you...but the first Shrek was fantastic. The second was kinda reaching but still decent. The third was just the same regurgitated movie as the first and second. And yet, all three are still far better than a lot of the shite they pump out (Happy N'Ever After, anyone?) now. And yes, as hateful as it is to say...Meyers does make them enjoyable. If he can stay his ass from behind the camera and just do impersonations of a scottish ogre for the rest of his life, I wouldn't be particularly saddened.

I second Georgie Henley and Ivana Baquero. They seem to be genuine in their acting.

PissBpy...I' not sure if I hate you or love you. Call me!

Ivana Baquero

Yes yes yes. YES. I also agree with everyone who said Freddy Highmore, 16 or no, and I'll add Alexander Gould because he's fucking hysterical as Shane in Weeds and did some great voiceover work in Finding Nemo.

jamiepants

I'll third on the kid from Everybody Hates Chris...

Frankly, at this point? Mike Myers can do no wrong.

In the words of Guard #1: Pull the other one.

Damn html. I meant to say...

jamiepants...is the award a trophy? Is the trophy cup-shaped? See where I'm going with this?

jamiepants, I'd suggest witing a speech about the importance of teamwork, sprinkled with quotes about overcoming the odds, rising to the occasion, etc. Here's the kicker - wear loose-fitting shorts and midway through your speech, take a dook. The key is to continue with the speech as your bowels empty onto the stage.

This little gem has gotten me out of several engagements, including a bar mitzvah, baptism, jury duty, jail, paying for a ten-pack of tacos, babysitting, hosting Christmas, getting married, getting shot, and being knighted in 2003.

I seem to remember a Goosebumps show that aired on Fox Family (before it was abc Family and started airing 7th Heaven and other boring shit that my ten year old self most definitely didn't want to watch,) and it was kind of the shitty wannabe version of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" I wonder if they'll choose just one book or just combine a crapload of them into one?
As for the young actors I like, AnnaSophia Robb is probably up there, along with Taylor Momsen. Yes, I like Gossip Girl,sue me. I read enough and watch enough decent shows to earn at least one mindless guilty pleasure.

I second Saoirse Ronan (from Atonement in case the name is not well-known). Not only does she appear to grounded in common sense and a good actor, she also showed up to the Oscars dressed in age appropriate clothing. For that alone, I will love her forever.

Frankly, at this point? Mike Myers can do no wrong.

Posted by: TK at August 19, 2008 11:57 AM

Seriously, no one's worried about this? jM, it's not just me, right?

(Sssshhh, Lainey. Don't startle him. Keep him distracted...we're still setting up the net.)

I think the fact that over 25% of poll respondents prefer Iron Man to The All-Star-Husky-Voiced-Action-Packed-Ham-Handed-Dramapalooza is extrodinary. I thought it would get maybe 5 votes.

Lainey, I'm assuming it's opposite day, that someone is taking the piss, or that all this time TK has had a shrine with a stuffed Shrek and framed still from The Cat in the Hat covered in candle drippings and tears. Either way I'm amused and terrified.

Three-nineteen, I caught your open tag-itis. :p

Name an actor or actress, under 16 (besides Abigail Breslin) that doesn't make you want to cause harm to yourself.
Ron Howard, Kurt Russell, and Jodie Foster, when they were under 16. Kid actors these days are supposed to be annoying and creepy, they match their demographic.

You folks remember Kenneth Lonergan?
Say what you will, but I actually kinda enjoyed Rocky and Bullwinkle. I also enjoyed Looney Tunes Back In Action, before anyone asks. I'd rather my kids watch those than Shrek or Madagascar anyday.

Naturally, Dark Knight is going to mop up with Iron Man in this poll, showing that Robert Downey Jr. is merely mortal. A kick assed mortal, but mortal just like the rest of us.

Body of Lies looks pretty good, The Women annoyed me by 20 seconds into the trailer, and Boogs is probably going to order a surgical strike on me so I'm going to have to figure a way out of this. Any suggestions?

Oh, and Pissboy not only should you option your Candyman script to whomever is remaking the film, I think you should offer your "Pete Wentz fucked in the throat with a fish hook" idea to Warner Brothers. They're in desperate need of tentpole releases for next summer, and that would be wonderful. Plus, you know the little bastard will want exclusive videos for the site he operates with his fellow genetic reject/broodmare.

I second Saoirse Ronan (from Atonement in case the name is not well-known).

Thank you, PaddyDog, for proving me wrong. I third the motion.

I love the crap out of Shrek 2, if only because it brought the glorious Puss in Boots into my life. I love that damn animated cat.

Seriously, no one's worried about this? jM, it's not just me, right?

Perhaps it's all the goodwill directed towards AlabamaPink yesterday that's throwing him off? You know, not enough scathing-ness yesterday or something.

I'm sure a good thwack to the head is all he needs to be set right. [looks at Shadows]

Damn, Shay, I forgot Georgie Henley. No idea how old she is now, but she was just cute as hell in the first Narnia, and seeing her face light up when she first went through the wardrobe was pretty much the main reason to watch the movie.

I'm sure a good thwack to the head is all he needs to be set right. [looks at Shadows]

OOOH! OOOH! Can I? Sniff...I've dreamed of this day for months...as long as BSlim doesn't beat me to the punch, so to speak...

Julie, I'm amused, terrified and a little concerned. I'm afraid he may have hit his head. From what I can gather, he may be a *tad* clumsy...

tamatha, maybe the thwack will bring him back to normal. Also, I thought about you last night (not in a dirty way, jeez!). I was trying to look at the Pajiba map and it kept showing up blank and I started shouting at my computer. I didn't know I was borderline special, but evidently, I am...

TK - I thought my adoration for you was boundless. I was wrong.

Lainey- I'm sorry to hear that Google Maps was taunting you so. I've found that the easiest way to look at it is to go through one of the links here on Pajiba--like through the About page.

Also, a speedy computer helps. Using my old clunker of a computer at home is an exercise in frustration, but my work computer and the Main Squeeze's new laptop, make looking at the map the fun experience it is supposed to be.

They're in desperate need of tentpole releases for next summer

Well......they were.

Now they've got nothing good for the rest of this year.

The greedy, tacky fuckers.

Shucks. I can't stay mad at you, you sweatervested zombie lover, you!

Um, thanks Shadows and Skitt, but I'm the kind of girl who's to nervous to urinate in a river while tubing much less defecate while giving a speech.


Basically, I'm the kind of girl who would never say the "P" word that actually is a part of the female anatomy, but I'm not opposed to punching a motherfucker in the face for saying it to me. Anyone got anything else for me?

DAMMIT! Screw you HTML, I did it right!!!

Girlnone, I agree. Nude combat is the only way. I hereby volunteer to videotape this momentus occasion. You know, for documentary purposes only.

Little-itty-bitty Abigal Breslin in Signs is going to be my absolute favorite moment of her, but she was just awesome in Little Miss Sunshine in that slightly chubby, nerdy, funny and adorable as all hell way.

The girl who plays Franco's daughter on Rescue Me is absolutely adorable, and she's going to be gorgeous when she grows up.

Has anyone seen the shorter trailer for The Women? It focuses almost entirely on Annette Benning's performance, and damn if I didn't think I might -- almost, someday -- watch this movie on cable in a moment of extreme weakness just because she makes everything better. And then I saw this extended trailer and . . . no. Annette's awfully good, but she's no miracle worker, and she alone can't make up for how much the rest of this cast BLOWS.

jamiepants, is the "P" word pinky?

No no jM, it's patella. Or pupil. Or pantydweller.

Pudendum?

pie-hole?

Pubic.

Perineum!

Reading, reading....

Wait a sec, Tom Cruise is trying to get involved with Sleeper?

OH FUCK NO.

Just our luck, he will turn what is basically an ensemble book from one man's perspective into a vanity project. Like he did with the Mission: Impossible series.

I am going to have to kill him now. No, I mean it. You think this is another goddamn Murdertank joke, but I am serious. You hear me, Homeland Security? I AM GOING TO KILL TOM CRUISE.

To give you a hint of how this comic book is, and how Cruise can royally fuck it up, Miss Misery has that name because she becomes more powerful every time she does something she considers evil or bad for her. Smoking twelve packs a day? Strong as an ox. Fucking married men? Now she can heal faster too. Killing innocents? Practically orgasmic for her. The worse she treats herself and others, the better she is. The kick is, she still hates doing these things. She only does them because if she attempts to do good, or even be neutral, she will get sick and die. She does evil in order to live, dammit.

I cannot see anything good coming from this union. Nothing at all.

That reminds me, Prisco, make sure you read Brubaker's stuff, especially Sleeper before Tom Cruise ruins it or I go to jail.

Palm.

Panda!

My mini-diversion contribution: Thomas Turgoose, who debuted (I believe) in Shane Meadows' This Is England. That lovable scamp. I've even checked on Wikipedia, and he hasn't quite turned 16 yet.

Gotta say, Body Of Lies has me intrigued - and not merely because I'm an entirely unashamed Ridley Scott fanboy. I suppose that may have something to so with it, though - I even liked Black Rain, for chrissakes, despite fervently wishing that Kurt Russell could somehow be digitally composited into the film in Michael Douglas' place.

Hey, it's been lonely out here, Vermillion. Thanks for joining my consternation!

Mini-Diversion: Freddie Highmore! Freddie Highmore! Freddie Highmore! He just about broke my heart in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I didn't think I'd be able to view the movie in its entirety, let alone love it, but after a couple of scenes I was hooked. I had never seen the original movie, I just knew of it because of Futurama and old Marilyn Manson videos!

It's panda.

Oh, that was not there a second ago Che-Gro.
Apparantly, I need to re-learn how to work Pajiba.

You're all wrong. It's medulla oblongata. The "P" was just to throw you off.

I like the p-word. It makes me laugh AND turns me on, two of my favorite things in the world.

Ahem.

They're in desperate need of tentpole releases for next summer

Well......they were.

Now they've got nothing good for the rest of this year.

The greedy, tacky fuckers.

Posted by: Jay at August 19, 2008 12:39 PM

Jay, I agree, and even then they AREN'T out of tentpole releases. If WB would fucking release Trick 'R Treat and Rock N Rolla already, they'd have had this fall covered. Sadly both films look like they're in the shitter, being sold to the highest (read: any) bidder. Seriously though, fuck Warner Brothers. I see Dark Knight twice in IMAX, and cheer for its victory for what...a shitty DVD release of Speed Racer, two good looking movies being dumped, and Alan Horn still gets rich. Looks like someone need a visit from the Pajiba Murdertank. I'll drive, who's coming with me?

I love pandas!

Good child actors, Alexander Gould on Weeds as Shane Botwin. Yeah, he's the only one I could come up with.

Good child actors, Alexander Gould on Weeds as Shane Botwin. Yeah, he's the only one I could come up with. Also the girl that plays Isabelle is pretty good, too. Not sure if she's under 16. If anyone wants to look it up feel free.

Ahem...

Julie...I got something to whisper to you. Come over here. No, here. Stand right there...that's right...

(Papa Smurf)

Mmmm...that's what I'm talking about Shadows.

I like the p-word. It makes me laugh AND turns me on, two of my favorite things in the world.

And thus, one of our favourite things in the world! Ain't nothing better in this world than a laughing, horny Julie!

Yes, to thank everyone for seeing "The Dark Knight", we're giving Jay's birthday weekend to Stephenie Meyer and putting a movie that's about a school year out in July.

"But fantasy fans will not have to do without: A day after "Half-Blood Prince" moved out, Summit Entertainment's vampire romance "Twilight," based on another best-selling series of books, moved in"

Yes, AP, yes. There's no need to consider my Thanksgiving dinner puked on.

Nothing says murderous English autumn and winter like July, when Jay is miserable and enviously staring at all those ties and cardigans. Do you know how nice it was to go see "Goblet of Fire" wearing a pullover with the night sky already black at 7:00 pm? Do you? Well...it was pretty nice, I tell ya.

And yeah, while it fits the price, there's a pretty large amount of nothing on the two extra blu-ray "Speed Racer" discs. Wooow, a digital copy I can watch on a computer? And a game? Thanks for rewarding my going to bat for your movie. Can I expect some three-minute featurettes maybe? Please don't put a play-all option in either. I would've hated being able to put the remote down when watching the "Batman Begins" extras.

Jamiepants is looking for the best way to commemorate her title as "Thug" in a KickBall league. In my mind it plays out as such- *strokes chin as the scene dissolves to the Kodak Center, home of the Kickball Awards or Kickies*
Upon receiving her honor, JP leans toward the mic saying, "Actions speak louder than words", she then squares herself towards the presenter (God I hope It's Billy Crystal this year) and performs a five-toe vasectomy. Turning back to the crowd, she bows and throws up the goat.
*End Scene*
Think of the irony! Kickball! It's ripe for humor!

Sleepers

Sleepers is a damned good movie about 4 little boys who play a prank that goes horribly wrong and are sent to juvie. The movie follows them through adulthood. It is based on a true story and book written by one of the boys.

That movie, in all of it's heartbreaking greatness, should not be confused with a robot-loving Tom Cruise vehicle.

This really has nothing to do with anything, but lately, whenever I read one of jM's posts, I get a little song stuck in my head. This song is called "Panda Baby", and it is sung to the tune of "Santa Baby". It is significantly less filled with holiday cheer than the original. It is also far, far dirtier.

Jay, yeah us mid November kids got the shaft. Quantum of Solace is in the beginning, The Road and Transporter 3 is at the end.

Oh, and fuck Twilight. That shit looks like something pre-teen/teen/"i'll never grow up" girls drool over, as they "embrace the vampire lifestyle". May it screw with the source material, until it's a bitter shell of its former self. YOU HEAR ME TWILIGHT, YOU'VE GOT THE GOLDEN COMPASS HEX ON YOU NOW! YOU GONNA DIIIIEEEE!

You too, Sarina!

Oh, and I don't know who's trying to mess with my head and my loins with that Panda Lover comment up there, but you are potentially endangering the life of an innocent Craigslister. Luckily I'm not taking the bait. I like 100% pandas and nothing less.

That movie, in all of it's heartbreaking greatness, should not be confused with a robot-loving Tom Cruise vehicle.

I understand, I understand, but please trust this:

"Sleeper" is a damn fine book. The notion of Tom Cruise saying "hey, I can star in it too!" is the problem. Sadly, Ed and Sean don't even own it so they can't at least get a bunch of deserved money.

Phooey.

Sleepers is a damned good movie about 4 little boys...

Posted by: Melody at August 19, 2008 2:32 PM

OK, Melody. You got me. The fingers got ahead of the brain and the eye snoozed right over that editorial speed bump. Mea maxima culpa.

Nicole Kidman as Miss Misery might be an interesting casting choice in Sleeper, though.

I saw Tony Todd at the locker room at the Y once. Thankfully it wasn't in one of the many mirrors.

Che, it's cool. I had to speak up to prevent further confusion. I have seen Sleepers a number of times. I also have the book in my stack to read.

Jay, I am very sorry that Cuckoo Crazy-pants is damaging a much-loved tale of yours. Maybe, hope against hope, that it will be good.

Whoa...whoa...hold on...waitaminute...

The heck with you guys

Since when does TK censor himself?

Ever since getting zombified! What, you didn't get the memo? Go see Skittimus over in the DVD release thread and help him upgrade the MurderTank's arsenal. Time's a-wastin'

I don't know what the hell you jackasses are blathering about, but you're starting to make me feel bitey. Knock it the fuck off. Censor myself? Are you crazy? Is that your problem?

False alarm people. Nothing to see here. TK's just as surly as ever, just how we like him.

Hmm. Has anyone but me noticed that the comments that didn't sound like TK have been removed from this comment thread and the DVD release thread? Did we really have an impostor TK? If so, that's more than a little weird.

Also, with the (fake?) TK's comments removed, our responses seem so totally out of left field (well, you know, more than usual).

starting to make me feel bitey

Not exactly the best choice of words, there. Bitey = zombie, stabby = TK. Do we have to elevate the alert level?

Tamatha, I didn't notice that. Did we really have a fake TK on the loose? That's scary - one's enough! No wonder there's confusion about. I think I'm relieved but I'll be...over here...until it's all sorted out.

Every day since I saw The Dark Knight I've had to have the TDK vs. Iron Man debate. And every time I have to explain that the "better" movie isn't necessarily the one you're going to like more, you know? So, because you're asking which I prefer, my vote's going to Iron Man.

Also, I agree with the Saoirse Ronan love. I was hoping Tim Burton was going to cast her as Alice. There's something just unusual enough about her that I think she would fit in with that world.

tamatha thank you - they *are* gone!! I was seriously starting to think I (crap, that's a hard tag to do at the end of a long-ass day!) was going mental! I scrolled through and didn't see any of TK's earlier posts, but saw our responses and I thought that maybe I shouldn't be allowed to comment anymore because I was obviously imagining things - but I wasn't! (However, maybe I just shouldn't be allowed to comment because I write rambling, semi-coherent sentences...)

Skittimus, do you have any more opiates? I have a headache now.

Child actors, you say? Easy. Two, even.

Those adoooorable moppets who played the twins Sam and David on 7th Heaven. Such timing, speaking together! Such emotion, those blank stares! Such dedication, with the one who portrayed a mentally challenged child so convincingly, the other learning disabled and a possible addict. Wait, that kid wasn't supposed to be handicapped? Or a learning disabled ritalin junkie?

Well, it just makes it that much better, doesn't it?

You just had to go there, didn't you. Invoking that blight on airtime with it's country-kitsch theme song that they played EVERY BLOODY COMMERCIAL BREAK and it's brain-dead storylines and shite writing and terrible acting and [passes out briefly due to sheer rage and high blood pressure]. That is one show I'll never accept ladyhelmet loving. And you just had to go tear the bandaid offa that fucking wound and pour battery acid on it, didn't you. Thank you so much!

My choice for the young'uns would be the aforementioned Annasophia Robb from Terabithia and that Ivana Baquero from Labyrinth. The Fanning girls are ok but a little too monotonous.

This is without question the weirdest goddamn day of comments I've seen in a looooong time. Seriously, you guys are outdoing yourselves with the crazy.

And that's sayin' something.

So they wanna make candyman white,eh? Wikipedia states the premise of the film is about "the son of a slave who was brutally tortured and murdered because of a love affair with the daughter of a local (white) plantation owner." Doesn't make sense to change his race and it seems blantantly racist-just saying.

Saw dark knight returns on bootleg. As expected, the quality of the bootleg wasn't the best but the movies seemed--well...kinda of boring...... please don't hurt me.

two things re: Body of Lies...

1) Russell Crowe seems to be channelling J.T. Walsh (specifically from Sling Blade)

2) DiCaprio should give up on the facial hair. it doesn't work. with his baby face, facial hair will always look like it's being held on with a shit-load of spirit gum.

Arrgh. Why did they have to remake The Women? It was kind of a fun old movie. Let's all screw it up with overblown acting and further reduce the characters into stereotypes that bear no resemblance to actual women anywhere. Oh, and they have to screech at each other instead of, you know, speaking. Damn you, "Sex and the City."

I cannot believe that the couch jumper is attaching his name to Sleeper.

That was my go-to comic to test any new comic geeks that crossed my path. It was one of Brubaker's first projects, and totally set the table for the excellence that is Criminal, and now it's getting the shiny teeth of doom treatment.

To quote the end of every Buffy: Grr Arrgh

My husband is a big fan of comic books. Sleeper is one of his favourites, and I've just had to break the bad news.

Between this and Fox trying to block Watchmen from being released, today is not his day.

Is the SHREK series allowed to just rip off the BLACKADDER names like that? I guess they can take SHREK: BACK AND FORTH for the fifth title, huh? That's okay, I didn't really like it, anyway.

Why why WHY are they remaking Candyman?!? I was upset enough about Nightmare on Elm Street with Billy Bob but GAH!
And now that JC Penney commercial is playing again.
Imma go sit in a corner now, and gently rock myself back to the 80s when life was good, elementary school was fun, and my biggest problem was that I had fucking Prang crayons because Momma couldn't afford Crayola. And these movies hadn't been remade yet.

Wait, what?! Nightmare remade with Billy Bob!? What the hell... why haven't I heard about this!?

*phew* that Billy Bob/Nightmare remake nonsense appears to be a completely unfounded rumor.

Thank godtopus. I nearly shat myself.

I just have to say that, regarding Tom Cruise's new movie interest: "impervious to pain"? Sounds like leprosy to me.

Does anyone remember a version of The Women done on cable a few years ago with Cynthia Nixon as the lead? It may have been the actual play, because it seemed awfully talky. I checked IMDB and didn't find it listed under "the women" entries. I've only seen bits and pieces of the original, but the cast does sound awesome. The remake looks like crap.

kuzum, could be neuropathy, too.

But fantasy fans will not have to do without: A day after "Half-Blood Prince" moved out, Summit Entertainment's vampire romance "Twilight," based on another best-selling series of books, moved in.

Hey, it's already annoying that I'm working on Saturday morning, you don't need to remind me of my longer range torments and the sadistic glibness of the Associated Press with the same quote I used, you cruel person you!