Pajiba

I love the smell of amaretto in the morning. Smells like . . . victory.

Jesus, I think I got a cavity just reading about the new drink.

I like Thomas Haden Church a lot. But, as a cowboy, I just can't help but picture him saying "Steven Stinking Foster" and being menaced by Val Kilmer. And then adding a tinge of ridiculousness to a tense moment by saying "We'll meet again" before eventually being riddled with holes.

Where did the shirts go? I had no idea that false idols could draw divine retribution so quickly. Clearly the Godtopus is a vengeful beast.

Apologies. We're still working out some bugs on the order forms. Will have them back up later today. -- DR

Ted also manages to hold down a job and a wife, three hours each per day, whether they need it or not.

I cannot tell you how much I adore this line. It literally makes me laugh and/or giggle every time I read your pieces.

Also, that drink just gave me dia-beetus.

That drink sounds like it would be lovely with a shot of cream. And then sipped in front of a roaring fire. Bearskin rug optional.

I love Open Range. I saw it at the theatre with Mr. Kolby a few years back, and we were both surprised by how much we liked it. That shootout at the end kicked my ass.

I definitely want to watch this. I love me some gritty westerns and finally saw The Proposition last night, which, though incredible, leaves me feeling a need to experience a little more lighthearted rugged heroism.

That drink sounds...like a raging sugar hangover. Pass. Also, I don't care for amaretto.

My dad loves to watch the Open Range shootout at remarkable volume with the subwoofer at max. The shotgun blasts (which sound pretty impressive at normal volumes) are more than a little jarring under those conditions.

Wait - what? What shirts?

The Godtopus and Murder Tank shirts were up and for sale for a very brief period of time. I wondered if I dreamt it at first, but I'm glad somebody else saw it.

Oh, Kolby, just wait until they're back online. I actually wept a little. It was glorious.

You don't need to see the link.

[waves hand]

These aren't the shirts you're looking for.

You can go about your business.

If it wasn't implied in the piece above, my suggested mini-comment diversion is: What's the gnarliest concoction you've ever had to drink out of sheer desperation from lack of alternatives?tb

Why don't you crack open that fermented yak's milk and review Mongol for me? I am a huge fan of the Great Khan and I want to know if this is worth paying to see.

RE: diversion

Banana Fuck-You-Uppers

lots of cheap dark off-label rum, whatever vodka was left, a banana, some vanilla ice cream, and Surge energy soda.

Blend until schnockered.

As I do not believe in flavored vodka, I cannot drink this new drink.

Desperation cocktail? That would have the be the day that I tried to make a drink that was called Between the Sheets or the day that my friends and I tried to duplicate the Walk-Me-Down divers sold at Silky O'Sullivan's in Memphis.

The Walk-Me-Down night started at 7:00 and the majority of us were passed out by midnight. These two only qualify because we lacked 50% of the actual ingredients involved and, as broke-ass college students, could not afford the middle shelf items needed to properly make them.

Well, Ted, when I was a teenager, my sister and I would get off the school bus and run into the house to mix whatever cheap clear liquor we could find (usually vodka or gin) with Tang. Yeah - Tang. My little step-brother drank it, so it was always available. Homework gets done a bit more quickly on a good Gin & Tang buzz.

So I got to go to an advance screening of The X-Files last night. Bad idea number 1: heavy drinking prior to the showing. Which included mixing beer, whiskey, tequila, and soco (not together for some monster well drink, mind you). Bad idea number 2: drinking during the movie (damn you Loew's and your $5 big ass beers). Bad idea number 3: margaritas after the movie.

In short, the movie completely escaped my memory, and I thought I was gonna get pulled over driving to work this morning. Your 'lagging hangover' section has brought this to mind.

Back on topic, I think I've watched this thinking it was Open Range... AMC plays Open Range pretty frequently and I wanted to catch it, but I remember Church being in the one I watched... he's not in Open Range as well, is he?

I tended bar for many years and had a particular customer who I would see out now and again. We met up one drunken night and he joined us for after hours. He was a drinker of white wine spritzers (orientation joke...now). As I had no white wine or 7-up, he substituted with what I did have, namely pink champagne and orange soda. Good idea at 2am...not so much the next day.

I have a better entry into the desperation cocktail list. We were drinking Crown and Cokes one evening. After running out of Coke, a friend got the grand idea to mix Crown and Mountain Dew LiveWire.

Oh sweet and merciful whiskey gods, that was an unholy idea.

Nothing elaborate, there was no vodka so I put some orange juice in tequila. Wasn't that great (no, really?).

Course then there's "it's the parents' so only take a little" when I had my first repellent sip of gin along with some kind of chocolate liqeur (amongst other things). I like gin now but I don't need to go back to the chocolate. The sad thing is that I sobered up and escaped the poisoning I'd just committed but then someone showed up with a bunch of vodka to shoot. That led to one of my level 5 stories, stupid bastard.

I'll leave out the vodka, but rum and banana sounds excellent. For me anyway. And now I live two minutes from a package store.

Hmm, just last week I had some cola left over from a party that I didn't want to waste. Damn my frugal Scottish heritage, I don't even particularly like pop.

There was a wee bit of my husband's spiced rum left, but I just couldn't drink it on him--for one thing, it pains him to see his precious handcrafted concoction mixed (but I just can't bear straight spirits!); also, he would have had to wait 'til September for the next batch to be ready.

So, my only other option at the time was gin. Gin and cola...with a generous slug of lime juice to take off the sickly-sweet edge from the pop...it was, well, perfectly drinkable. I have got to get him to make me some more vodka. It's just so versatile.

In the spirit of sweet mixed drinks, and I like the sound of yours, Ted, a favourite concoction of mine is Amarula (a cream liqueur, tastes vaguely of strawberries) in vanilla-flavoured soy milk. Sounds weird, but it's a really tasty drink.

I've had this Broken Trail on the Tivo for months now. I just can't make the 4 hour time commitment yet.

I drank orange juice and peppermint schnappes. We called it a Candy Cane because it was around Christmastime. Also, my friends tried to make a wapatuli without any liquor by pouring Coors Lite into a hollowed-out watermelon, but I didn't drink that.

You had perfectly good Negra Modelo just sitting there and you opted for Emergency Backup Alcohol instead? Hang your head in shame.

I've never been desperate enough to turn to the now-defunct EBA section of the bar, mostly because it included a huge bottle of highly dubious sake, cheap plum wine received as a "gift", Scotch dregs, and Jaegermeister dregs. If you mixed any or all of those liquids, I think you could use it for drain cleaner but not much else.

My ex-husband used to make fun of me for drinking Becherovka, claiming it should be on the EBA shelf, but I really like the stuff. Tastes like gingerbread to me.

"What's the gnarliest concoction you've ever had to drink out of sheer desperation from lack of alternatives?"

Mouthwash from a dollar store. Thanks for the no-liquor-sales-on-Sundays law, Jesus freaks. I'm gonna drink this day-glo orange stuff and use God's name in vain after every pull.

Grape Jello shots, made with gin and tequila... combined.

I... I wasn't in a good place at that time in my life.

It wasn't so much a beverage, as it was an unholy combination of legal/over the counter substances. Allergy and Sinus Benadryl (the green package), two hearty slugs of robitussin, two hearty slugs of dayquil, and lots of red wine. And Rip Fuel, 'cause I started to get sleepy. It was fun, but probably a bit dangerous.

Worst drink combination born out of desperation? Well there was the boyfriend's 21st a few years back when we were less than broke and only had whatever we could scrounge up around the dorms. We didn't find a lot. So someone(me, drunk) suggested that if he(drunker) funneled everything for the rest of the night then that would even everything out. That night he funneled a Schlitz, a Schlitz and a PBR, wine, and a White Russian. It was also the night that he ran around in 100 degree heat with two sweatshirts and a down jacket on because he was convinced that a cold front was coming.

Then there was a Shaken Not Stirred Party where we attempted(and failed) to make the Vesper from Casino Royale. Except all we had was the Lillet, which ended up mixed with Sprite and Godtopus knows what else.

Am I the only person who read the line about Chinese sex slaves in a Western and smiles nostalgically at the memory of Deadwood?

I can't stand ANYTHING artificially flavoured with vanilla. Stoli needs nothing more than a slice of lemon.

Worst drink ever: some "friends" who were invited to dinner brought mangotinis that they forced everyone to drink. They were made from one of those mixes that one can buy in supermarkets. I kept gazing longingly at my own drinks cabinet. Finally, Mr. PaddyDog pretended to stumble and knocked over the container. It was worth paying to get the stain out of the rug later.

I wonder if any of those nasty-ass-sounding concoctions could possibly improve the unpleasant-sounding Step Brothers viewing experience. Who's the lucky person holding the short straw for that one, and are there any restrictions against public drunkenness in your area?

"Tastes Like: An old-fashioned doughnut baked with rum icing with cinnamon sprinkled on top."

So technically, this means I can drink this for breakfast, right?

I remember growing up (I dunno, 13-14 yrs old), we rented Eddie Murphy's RAW. Once his boozer of a pop hit the sack, we decided to do a little mixing of everything, so as not to tip him off that we'd hit his cabinet. We drank the tumbler, and I remember thinking "Jesus, this is gross - I'm never gonna drink this shit when I'm older." What an idiot child I was...

Grossest out of desperation? There was a Target Halloween concoction of... shit, I dunno. I hadda use bottom-shelf tequila and the goddam thing had gummy worms you were supposed to float in it... I cried while drinking it, it was so pathetic.

I really liked Broken Trail. It's a good, solid western with some sweet moments. I especially liked how Print gave the rescued girls numbers since he couldn't pronounce their names.

Ah bless your sodden widdle heart, Ted. Now I actually have a drink to try with one of my silly little bottles of flavored vodka. When I FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS PLACE. Sigh. It actually sounds like something Mr. Pink might like; there was a time when he had this crazy nightly self-made concoction that I think had amaretto in it.

Good review. I might have to check this one out because, lawd knows, I loves me some modern Westerns. All bleak and dusty. Not like some of the cheesy ones from the Sixties where the women all sport heavy black, Amy Winehousesque eyeliner and crazy beehive hairdos.

Worst desperation cocktail: Had to be in my wild underage days when CVS was our liquor store. We would mix bottles of Robitussin, Tussin, Vick's 44, and NyQuil up in a pitcher and consume it. One night after imbibing in our cough syrup cocktail we decided to watch Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. Holy Mother of Godtopus, that was a stupid idea.

Well Ted, for me the worst drink that comes to mind is one based on a wasted opportunity. Several years back, I hosted a party in part to offer some friends the opportunity to taste my absolute favorite sipping tequila, El Conquistador Anejo, that I had brought back from Mexico (side note: the brand is not readily available here in Chicago, or most places that I visit, and the bottle is tall with a long narrow neck that seals terribly, hence you don't want to check it as luggage). Fresh cut limes were available as an accompaniment, along with freshly made sangrita. I was stoked. Short story long, I turned my back for 10 minutes to get the bbq started. During this time, one of my pals had arrived with a gift...a box that contains the fixin's for frozen margaritas. He and my wife then proceeded to dump over 3/4 of the bottle of my golden elixir into the mix. After the obligatory "you fucking assholes," I spent the remainder of the evening slurping down ice tea. And I accidently dropped the london broil on the ground.

Hey, thanks for the idea, feramones. I basically made pina coladas with basic Bacardi but instead of pineapple I put in a banana.

Beautiful stuff.

1. I love Broken Trail.

2. One night in college we sent the evening's deputized booze-runner to the liquor store just before closing, to get the fixins for whiskey sours. How hard could it be? A bottle of whiskey, a box of sours mix. He came back with a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of ReaLemon he'd got at the Shur-Fine across the road. Having already drank all the beer and liquor store now closed, we said screw it and invented the Bourbon Fannybanger, which was a pitcher of bourbon mixed with lemon juice, sugar. I can't remember the taste other than it was vaguely like I'd imagine antifreeze to be, but we were young and dumb enough to drink every drop.

I had the misfortune to experience the lagging hangover last weekend during a three day bender trip to Lake Tahoe for a good friend's wedding. Never brag to your also hungover friends how great you feel first thing that day.

Worst mix out of necessity - vodka chased with root beer. Something that can only happen when you're 19.

Oh my Godtopus I LOVE this site! Movies, books, t-shirts, and great BOOZE!

I tried pineapple juice and rum and loved it.

The real winner for me, though, is the GiGi or GinGin Mule (or whatever name was decided upon) (upon which you decided).

I bought gin and ginger beer a few weeks ago, even though I hate gin, based solely on Ted's recommendation. I added mint last week, and am seriously in love (I have a freshly made drink right next to me)

Having found Cock & Bull to be too tame, and GUS (grown up soda) Extra Dry Ginger Ale to be bland, I currently have a batch of homemade ginger beer on the stove, with the expectation of an even more fabulous drink tomorrow.

I know my parents have both Vanilla Vodka and Amaretto at their house (full bars are fabulous), so I'll probably try that next time I'm there.

Yay for experimentation!! Thank you!

Oh yeah, and Kolby's sangria recipe. Tried that for the first time last weekend, and it is also fabulous.

Thank you, Kolby!

we said screw it and invented the Bourbon Fannybanger, which was a pitcher of bourbon mixed with lemon juice, sugar.

Oh dear Colleen, I don't know where to start. The proper whiskey sour is made with bourbon, so you inadvertently hit it spot on. Also, the whiskey sour is made with lemon juice and sugar, the latter preferably in the form of bar syrup. What you had appears to be a true whiskey sour, albeit with ReaLemon, which would do in a pinch. This was the worst experience you had? Unless the bourbon was horrible, you should have been okay.

And welcome, NCNN, so happy the GiGi made an impression -- I wasn't ready for it either. But re the Stoli Vanil and amaretto, I'm not truly recommending that -- it's fine in a pinch of those ingredients are all you have. But if your taste runs to sweeter drinks, it could end up a favorite so who the hell knows?

Hmmmm - not really a fan of sweet drinks, so maybe I'll pass. I do love whiskey sours. I'm just building up my liquor cabinet (apparently based on Pajiba recommendations). I like wine and Mike's Hard whatever (and I know there's a joke there, but will let the more eloquent run with it, if desired), so starting on the cocktails is an adventure. There's always a Golden Friendship (which makes me think of Golden Showers, with everything degenerating from there): light rum, sweet vermouth, amaretto and ginger ale - 1:1:1:4. Sounds disgusting, but it is surprisingly good. Perhaps it will work in your next desperate situation?

Apparently booze is my muse, as I've posted more this evening than in the 2+ years I've been lurking.

Worst out of necessity drink (and worst hangover EVER): Diet Rite tequila poppers.

Hey Ted,
You funny.....
Me drunk........
Sleepy time now.