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December 22, 2008 | Comments ()



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'Vagiclean,' huh? What's the Matter, Honey? Little Extra Cheese on the Taco?

The Weekly Box-Office Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Box Office Round-Ups | December 22, 2008 | Comments ()


5. Four Christmases ($7.7 million $100 million): What’d I tell you after the Thanksgiving weekend debut of this chunk of black-coal defecate debuted? That, with no other big Christmas movies to compete with, Four Christmases would sit in the top five for a month and fester like under-spiked egg-nog under a heat lamp. And now Vince Vaughn has his sixth $100 million movie, while Reese Witherspoon has her third. Congrats, guys! You took $100 million from American audiences and gave us nothing in return except a two-hour black hole in our Christmas memories.

4. The Day the Earth Stood Still ($10 million; $48 million): After nearly a 70 percent drop-off from its opening weekend, it looks like Keanu Reeves’ five-year streak without a $100 flick will continue. It’s time to add another Face of Keanu Reeves to the cannon. Here’s crestfallen:

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3. The Tale of Despereaux $10 million): Congratulations, Despereaux! With $10 million, you now have the 5th highest opening, all-time, for an animated film featuring a mouse or a rat, just $37 million less than the opening Ratatouille hung on the box office in 2007. We’ll have our review up this afternoon.

2. Seven Pounds ($16 million): After a record 8 consecutive $100 million movies (and 12 overall), it looks like Will Smith’s streak will end. It was inevitable, I suppose. Will Smith’s reign as top draw of his generation is over. It happens to the best of ‘em. You know, Burt Reynolds was the top box-office draw for five years in a row. I expect that Will Smith’s downward trajectory will be similar. His movies will make increasingly less, he and Jada will have a “Burt and Lonnie” type meltdown, and Will Smith will eventually hit absolute bottom when he takes a small, supporting role in his estranged son’s seventh Karate Kid reboot sequel, Karate Kid: The Musical.

Or, Seven Pounds was just a fluke, a minor setback in Will Smith’s quest for world domination.

Also, is — as one reader suggested — Gabrielle Muccino the Italian Paul Haggis? They do have a similar brand of gouge-your-eyes-out subtlety, and it’s probably no coincidence that Haggis adapted The Last Kiss from L’ultimo bacio. I like Rio’s suggestion that Gabriele Muccino and Paul Haggis meet and “start a serious stare contest that would never even end and that will eventually liberate us from both of them.”

1. Yes Man ( $18 million): With only one fewer $100 million movie than Will Smith, it doesn’t look like Yes Man is gonna help Carrey match him. Well, at least we get to see him try something new in a few months, when he stars alongside Ewan McGregor in a gay, prison romantic comedy (I Love You Philip Morris), before he returns, once again, next Christmas to, once again, mangle fond Christmas memories by starring as Ebenezer Scrooge and all three ghosts (past, present, and future) in an animated retelling of A Christmas Carol. It looks like another of Robert Zemeckis’ godawful ugly 3-D motion capture flicks.

Here’s a fun fact: Jim Carrey received no salary for Yes Man. He will be paid from the movie’s back end. Poor bastard. I hope he accepts doubloons.



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