5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: How much better would this movie had been if it were instead called, Indiana Jones and the Search for the Krystal Burger? ‘Cause those Krystal Burgers are tiny, and the restaurants are hard to find, especially if you’re baked. For those unfamiliar to what I’m referring, Krystal is kind of like the hillbilly version of White Castle — a chain mostly in the Southeastern United States. In fact, who knows how close we were to Cletus and Bubba Jr. Go to Krystal? Only instead of smoking bud, the boys from Appalachia probably would’ve been high on crystal meth, searched for more in a mobile home park, and instead of Neil Patrick Harris, that part likely would’ve gone to Willie Aames.
4. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan: Here’s a sad fucking fact: Aside from Munich, Zohan is the only other studio film in the last 50 years to feature an Israeli protagonist. Want more fun facts: Zohan is based on actual people: The Arbib brothers, former Israeli soldiers who are currently hair stylist. I wonder if the Arbib brothers also like to make the sexy time with elderly women after they style and cut their hair? Note, also, that Zohan wasn’t the worst movie that Judd Apatow has ever written (he co-wrote); that honor belongs to, and will always belong to: Celtic Pride, which he co-wrote with Colin Quinn. Good fucking God, that was awful. Meanwhile, one of the other co-writers of Zohan was Robert Smigel, who is also the creative force behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who would probably say of Zohan: “I’d poop on your movie, but I wouldn’t want to offend my shit by associating it with your film. Instead, I will pay a VD-infested, crack-whore rodent to POOP on your stupid movie.”
3. The Happening: You know what? I’m beginning to think this was all part of Yahweh’s master plan for punishing M. Night Shyamalan for being such an insufferable ass: Allow him greatness right out of the gate, and then watch his precipitous fall into cinematic squalor. It hurts so much more when you’ve had a taste of the top, doesn’t it, M? Well, suck on bitter the defeat, ass-taste. Take yourself and that massive ego of yours, and shove it up your pee-hole. How’s that for a twist ending, bag lunch?
2. Kung Fu Panda: You’ve come a long way from this, Jack Black:
On a slightly related note, has anyone else been under a decades-long misconception that Huey Lewis and the News sang, “Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting”? No? Just me, then? Well, that’s embarrassing.
1. The Incredible Hulk: Thrill-kill, kill-thrill bad ass. Looking at the Summer of 2008 so far, I count two legitimately good blockbusters — Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk — and both come from Marvel Studios.
Sign me up for their newsletter.
In fact, I give it two weeks before Slate writes this article: “Is Marvel Studios the next Pixar?” And given their short-track record so far, and the way they actually weave in their characters (subtle, small cameos), building toward the “team,” I think Marvel can be the next Pixar if they continue to spend as much time on their scripts as they do the action sequences, and continue to hire action heroes with legitimate, Oscar-worthy acting ability. Granted, I’m not suggesting that The Incredible Hulk was anyway nearly as good as Iron Man and I, in fact, agree with John’s review, but the same attitude that permeated Iron Man existed in The Incredible Hulk, and shitty CGI Jolly Green Giant Hulk or not, I appreciated that attitude. Now, let the casting rumors for Captain America begin (last I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was the frontrunner).
"last I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was the frontrunner"
I will cut someone, I swear to godtopus.
Are you saying The Happening came in No. 2 this weekend? Cuz I don't actually know anyone who went to see it. Did he get his entire extended family to go several times this weekend again?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 9:00 AM
It's early here and I'm trying desperately to get my head around the fact that there is a need for a Hillbilly version of WhiteCastles?
I take it you mean there's no class to degrade from White Castle. I'd imagine White Castle never spread themselves fast enough to the south so someone thought "hey, we oughta do that here!"
I've heard Krispy Kreme has made its way northwards, but a friend from Canada-loving Michigan is concerned that they'll contest Tim Horton's market.
And did anyone else read that Robert Downey Jr. wanted Burger King in Iron Man because realizing what a terrible burger he was eating one time gave him "what alcoholics call a moment of clarity" and he dumped his stash? Is Burger King now saying ".....oh"?
Dammit, the Whopper's good! I'd think eating a bag of Krystal would be more conducive to a "what the fuck am I doing with my life???" awakening.
(oh and Paddy, Porl Thompson seems to be wearing his "Who the fuck is Roger O'Donnell?" shirt these days, but he made a pretty good job of it. A lot of the set was "yeah, I wouldn't have gone with that one" but three hours was enough time to eventually push a few of my buttons) (Push and Other Voices!!) (Dammit, no Grinding Halt!!)
White Castles do exist in the South. There is one in Nashville. Krystal's is better than White Castle in my opinion. I, however, do not eat mini-burgers of questionable origin. I will only eat Krystal chiks, mini chicken sandwiches, which are a suprisingly good way to mop up a fifth of alcohol that you have drank.
Still, both are equally tacky. I think that the last time I ate at Krystals was when I was on Bourbon street. That should explain it.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 9:02 AM
Oh, that should say "A Canada-loving friend from Michigan", cause some Michiganers might HATE those Canucks and I wouldn't want to offend them.
"last I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was the frontrunner"
Ugh, do not want. I would, however, love to see Ryan Gosling as Captain America. I mean, yeah he's Canadian, but come on! It's Ryan Gosling! You know you'd pay good money to see it.
Posted by: Jeremy at June 16, 2008 9:14 AM
And did anyone else read that Robert Downey Jr. wanted Burger King in Iron Man because realizing what a terrible burger he was eating one time gave him "what alcoholics call a moment of clarity" and he dumped his stash? Is Burger King now saying ".....oh"?
HAHAHAHA!!! Can someone confirm this? That would be awesome. I hate BK...utterly tasteless burgers and the worst service in the fast food industry (which is impressive, when you think about it)
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 9:17 AM
Jay
Last I heard, Krispy indeed came north, couldn't make much headway against TiHo, and started closing down shops within two years.
Perhaps they've had a turn-around I'm not aware of? But God knows I couldn't tell you where to find a KK in my town. No complaints--had a KK glazed donut once, and my teeth hurt for two hours.
Posted by: Ranylt at June 16, 2008 9:24 AM
I've heard Krispy Kreme has made its way northwards...
It has. We had one in Albany, but it died. No one cared. They'd rather pad their asses with Dunkin' Donuts 'round these parts.
There was a Krystal close to my apartment in Gainesville, and it was open late. I'd stop and get chili cheese fries on my way home from bartending sometimes. It was nasty, but it was either that or Toxic Hell.
I really miss Steak N' Shake right now. Dammit.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 9:27 AM
I think we need Shadows and PissBoy Go To Sonic. O think that movie would be awesome. I'd see it. But no NPH. That would be cliche. I want Bea Arthur blowin rails off a stripper's ass standing through the roof of a silver 2001 Dodge Neon. Cuz if there's one thing I definitely know...Bea Arthur LOOOOOOVES the cheap pussy and a fat bag of yayo.
Posted by: PissBoy at June 16, 2008 9:30 AM
And Krispy Kreme folded almost as a corporate entity altogether because they cooked their books for a few years, GREATLY exagerrating their profits, expanding too fast, and then collapsing "...like a flan in a cupboard." Where they were once almost nation-wide with over 500 locations, they now have fewer than 75.
Posted by: PissBoy at June 16, 2008 9:34 AM
I really miss Steak N' Shake right now. Dammit.
They started closing them in this town a few years ago. I miss it so much. Literally the best fast food anywhere
Krispy Kreme holds sway down here. I heard there was a Dunkin Donuts once....but it died of neglect. Don't understand why all the hate to good food...KK sucks so much ass in comparison to DD.
PissBoy, that is just too awesome for words. I'm totally up for that, Sonic is one of my favorite places ever (they're the only ones who'll put an egg on a burger if you request it). And with me in it, we can appeal to the minorities! It's win/win! One condition, though. I wanna be the guy who gets hot hot Maria.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 9:41 AM
Sonic infuriates me. The closest one is in New Jersey. New Jersey!!!
What has that misbegotten state done to deserve a Sonic more than us? Nothing! NOTHING, I tell you!! I am literally shaking with rage right now.
But then, it's my first day back from vacation, so it's not gonna take much to set me off. I almost beat an old woman to death for changing her mind from cream to milk at Dunkies this morning. I mean, I've got SHIT TO DO, LADY. WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Sonic? Love it. There are 4 within 15 minutes of my house. Sonic is the main reason I cannot leave the South. I love Sonic.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 9:51 AM
They play commercials for Sonic 24-hours a day here. Shit, there's probably one playing on TV right now. Ther funny thing is, I have no idea if there is even one single Sonic in New York. Maybe they're hoping people will crave it so badly they'd be willing to drive to that one in Jersey?
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 9:54 AM
I have had Steak 'n Shake once in my life. On that day I saw the face of God.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 9:57 AM
Kolby, there is no Sonic in New York. If there was, I would finally be able to smother small children and woodland creatures with my ass.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 9:59 AM
Kolby, the only two in the entire Northeast are in Jersey and in motherfucking Nowheresville, PA. It is nothing short of a complete and utter outrage.
If we don't stop talking about it soon, I am going to kill everyone in this building - that's how worked up I am right now.
I am going out for another cup of coffee. When I get back, we better be discussing something else, or my co-workers blood will be on your hands, people.
The only person I can see playing Captain America is Clint Eastwood. None of today's young punks are bad ass enough to pull off a cool Captain America.
Posted by: mark at June 16, 2008 10:03 AM
mark - I hope you're thinking of Clint Eastwood from 40 years ago, because 2008 Clint? Not so superhero-y to me.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 10:08 AM
Mmmm...Sonic...I may just pop on over the one one 5 minutes from my work for lunch...get a juicy burger and delicious tatter tots and oh so heavenly peach iced tea.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 10:09 AM
Sonic is the main reason I cannot leave the South
They have the seasoned curly fries, right? Yes, that's powerful stuff.
Jeez, I feel like I'm wasting resources here hardly ever eating fast food. I've got Chick Fil-A, Dunkin Donuts, Steak 'N'Shake, Sonic and Krystal and I really only go to Dunkin Donuts, and that's just for coffee. However, this means I get disproportionately pissed at people wasting my time actually buying doughnuts. "How many ya buyin, lady? A dozen?! What the fuck, are you catering an office party, let's GO!!!" However, I get to snicker at people sitting in the drive-through line, which makes as much sense as waiting a long time for someone to pull out of a parking space.
But when you just get coffee they know you and they'll sometimes fill a cup without my asking for it. This makes me uncomfortable, but that's me.
But when you just get coffee they know you and they'll sometimes fill a cup without my asking for it. This makes me uncomfortable, but that's me.
My boss has been going to the same Subway for literally years, every day for lunch. I've watched him read a newspaper all the way through the line to the checkout without saying a word or looking up, and his sandwich was made and his order correctly rung up.
I mean...at a Subway?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 10:16 AM
And Krispy Kreme folded almost as a corporate entity altogether because they cooked their books for a few years, GREATLY exagerrating their profits, expanding too fast, and then collapsing "...like a flan in a cupboard." Where they were once almost nation-wide with over 500 locations, they now have fewer than 75.
All this happened when a Yankee took over the organization. One could almost believe he was deliberately trying to drive KK into oblivion. But it survives, y'all.
I have heard of the legendary Tim Horton's but never ventured far enough north to sample it myself. All I know for sure is that KK is the sugared fried dough of Yawheh Himself.
Sonic is meh. There really is no "good" fast food, although there is something to be said for its ability to silence certain cravings...I live in the Southwest and some of the best Tex-Mex in the world is a short drive from my front door, but there are some moments in your life when you just gotta have a damp sack of Taco Bell "food" with lotsa that hot sauce in those lil' vinyl packets, know what I mean?
Posted by: Jerce at June 16, 2008 10:16 AM
I finally saw Iron Man this weekend (lay off me, I've had a lot going on), and I just have to say that RDJ is just about the most smokin' man in the history of ever. I've got enough material to get me over the finish line for months.
Posted by: feramones at June 16, 2008 10:16 AM
TK...There are a few in SE Pennsylvania, 2 in Delaware.
Shadows...this has to happen. And you can have Maria. Have her all you want. I want Bea Arthur. Now, we need to mirror HKGTWC as best as possible. Now, I don't smoke anymore so we would need to be drunk. Would we still have to deal with the extreme sports dudes or can we change that up too? I was imagining stealing a Jetta or a 1996 Subaru outback at some point from some gaggle of douchebag hipsters who pick on us throughout the entire movie, starting when i get home from work cuz they're outside raping my childhood acting like they're cool playing with old school generation 1 die cast Transformers. And for some reason, I'm not cool because 1. I don't like HotRod, 2. I'm not wearing red faux suede Etnies with skinny courdoroy pants and a witty/ironic throwback t-shirt. They could be hassling a convenience store clerk about not having any soy mocha double latte's with extra foam and no Wi-Fi signal by the HotDog roller. We can't lose!!!!!
Posted by: PissBoy at June 16, 2008 10:23 AM
(B)TK(/b) I'll move to your state when you guys get a Sonic. Never!
Posted by: Vee at June 16, 2008 10:24 AM
Holy crap on a stick, Batman! It's too brilliant to fail! And we can steal their Jetta while they're standing in a group, txting each other and LOLing at themselves!
And we find that they were secretly listening to STP, and we laugh as we rock out to their music!
We get lost in the woods and find a WASP mansion, where the man of the house smiles indulgently as the lady of the house and her two effeminate sons try to seduce us!
Ummm...maybe not the last one...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 10:32 AM
Kolby, they freaking play sonic commercials 24/7 in Maryland too, and I'm certain that closest one is in any of my 3 bordering states... the hell is wrong with the ad programming? Probably the reason I love DVR's so very very much.
Posted by: JR at June 16, 2008 10:32 AM
last I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was the frontrunner
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
Look, I like Leo just fine, but Captain America's shield alone would break off Leo's twig-like arm. That's before Red Skull cracks his head open and drinks his pureed brain matter out of it like a frappacino. "Tough Leo" was fine as the guy in Blood Diamond, but Christian Bale from The Machinist would still totally beat that guy's ass.
Jay hit it perfectly: Neil McDonough is Captain America. When he has good material, e.g., Band of Brothers, he's friggin' awesome. I wasn't much of a Captain America reader, but McDonough seems to have that piercing blue-eyed hero look down to a "T," along with the V-shaped body and chiseled jaw of a comic book action hero.
Sure, he's not a huge star (or even a "star"), but they can't have every Avenger commanding multi-million dollar paydays, can they?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 10:45 AM
Jay, you have a Dunkin Donuts? And a Steak-n-Shake?
That is so not fair. I will gladly trade a Sonic for a Dunkin Donuts or for a Steak-n-Shake.
Mind you, I will not be trading the extremely competent one, but one of it's lesser entities.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 10:48 AM
Band of Brothers
No one was bad in that series. No One.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 10:50 AM
I wasn't much of a Captain America reader, but McDonough seems to have that piercing blue-eyed hero look down to a "T," along with the V-shaped body and chiseled jaw of a comic book action hero.
Does someone have a crush?
Actually...making them not all be "huge" stars would make the Avengers movie that much cheaper to make. If you're not shelling out the money on their paychecks, you have more to spend on good script-writing and superior special effects.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 10:51 AM
Jay hit it perfectly: Neil McDonough is Captain America.
Good Lord, that's genius.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 10:52 AM
No one was bad in that series. No One.
Assuming you are leaving out Jimmy Fallon's cameo, of course. I could smell the stench through my TV.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 10:54 AM
The only person I can see playing Captain America is Clint Eastwood. None of today's young punks are bad ass enough to pull off a cool Captain America.
Posted by: mark at June 16, 2008 10:03 AM
mark - I hope you're thinking of Clint Eastwood from 40 years ago, because 2008 Clint? Not so superhero-y to me.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 10:08 AM
Wait! Wait! Captain America died right? They killed him off a year or so ago, therefore Clint Eastwood would be PERFECT. He already looks like he's been dead for a couple of years.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 16, 2008 10:54 AM
all part of .... master plan for punishing M. Night Shyamalan
Curious Dustin- why the transliteration of the Hebrew name? Is Mr. Shyamalan Jewish? Did I miss that announcement, or even worse a chance to vote?
Posted by: Brian at June 16, 2008 10:54 AM
Jerce,
Have you eaten at Chik-Fil-A? Cause ain't no better fast food eatin than a breakfast Chikn biscuit.
Posted by: Vee at June 16, 2008 10:56 AM
but there are some moments in your life when you just gotta have a damp sack of Taco Bell "food" with lotsa that hot sauce in those lil' vinyl packets, know what I mean?
Gotta keep up that tolerance. Builds up immunities.
Posted by: twig at June 16, 2008 10:57 AM
Responding to a previous commenter, it is "Michigander." Wouldn't want to piss off those Michiganians. Actually those two forms are most commonly used but I believe Michigander is the official term.
White Castle is only bearable if you are drunk high or any mixture of both. A 10 sack of those will give you a worse hangover and a bigger sense of regret the next morning than any amount of liquor could ever do.
Posted by: schrome at June 16, 2008 10:57 AM
Also, if we're talking food, I know some of you are from Austin, Texas, and you'd better be eating breakfast kolaches because I can't.
*whine* sweet sweet kolaches how i love you.
Posted by: twig at June 16, 2008 10:58 AM
Does someone have a crush?
He's probably somewhere in the 20s on the "If I Had To ..." list. His voice is also much better for Captain America than Leo's reedy alto.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 11:00 AM
I maintain that there is nothing better for a hangover than a pile of homefries, covered with cheese, topped with two eggs over easy, and drizzled with Cholula. Scratch that - there's nothing better under any circumstances.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 11:00 AM
I believe Michigander is the official term.
So sayeth Mrs. socalled, who's about fourth generation on both sides.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 11:02 AM
Wouldn't want to piss off those Michiganians.
Don't worry, we couldn't grab enough change from the couch cushions to drive down to beat you up.
Stupid #$*%&^*! tanked Michigan economy.
Wasn't Michigander the stupid governors stupid wife's contribution to society? bleh. : P
Did you know something like 90% of Canada lives within 4 hrs of the border? We could have 'Invite Canada over for Dinner' night.
Posted by: twig at June 16, 2008 11:02 AM
Jimmy Fallon
What? Where? When? How? Who?
I. Don't. Believe. You.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 11:02 AM
I was about to be the first one to suggest Neal McDonough for Cap then I saw all the other postings...oh well.
Posted by: Adam C at June 16, 2008 11:04 AM
Did you know something like 90% of Canada lives within 4 hrs of the border?
Actually, they live in the U.S. They just keep Canadian mailing addresses so that they can scoff.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 11:04 AM
Adam C, it's impossible to beat Jay, because his brain lives several weeks in the future, while his body is in the present. That's why his comments are always must-read but still make my head hurt like there are bees flying around inside.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 11:06 AM
Jimmy Fallon
What? Where? When? How? Who?
I. Don't. Believe. You.
Melody - he makes a brief appearance in Crossroads, and he completely shits all over what had been, up to that point, an incredible episode.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 11:08 AM
I maintain that there is nothing better for a hangover than a pile of homefries, covered with cheese, topped with two eggs over easy, and drizzled with Cholula. Scratch that - there's nothing better under any circumstances.
Kolby... Sweet ululating Jehovah on acid... that sounds... I mean...
i would gladly pay to see Shadows and PissBoy Go To Sonic. make it happen.
Posted by: eat my shorts at June 16, 2008 11:12 AM
Isn't it TK? That right there deserves an instant nomination. Kolby hereby wins the official "Pajiba Salivation Award"™ and the love an praise of hungry people waiting on lunch breaks!!
Posted by: JR at June 16, 2008 11:13 AM
Excuse me sir, but fuck you. White Castle is the carpetbagger version of Krystal, thank you very much. There is nary a better colon cleanser this side of the Miss'ippi.
Posted by: Stew at June 16, 2008 11:13 AM
Although I might make the occasional inappropriate comment, I do so only in jest. With that being said, I'm getting increasingly annoyed with that faggoty, ex-druggie, Robert Downey Jr. showing up in every goddamn super hero movie. Granted the motherfucker is getting his shit together by leaving the whores and dope behind, but please, he don't have to show up every time I go to the fucking movies.
Posted by: Pookie at June 16, 2008 11:23 AM
Adam C, it's impossible to beat Jay, because his brain lives several weeks in the future, while his body is in the present. That's why his comments are always must-read but still make my head hurt like there are bees flying around inside.
Hahaha...that is awesome...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 11:26 AM
I maintain that there is nothing better for a hangover than a pile of homefries, covered with cheese, topped with two eggs over easy, and drizzled with Cholula. Scratch that - there's nothing better under any circumstances.
I'm from the south, so throw a little ranch dressing in there, and I'm sold.
This italian restaurant up the street from me makes what is in my estimation the best hangover comfort food - the spaghetti frittatta. It's pasta, marinara, eggs, and proscuitto baked and then topped with pecorino romano. A bit high-falutin' for hangover food, but it does get the job done.
Posted by: feramones at June 16, 2008 11:29 AM
It's pasta, marinara, eggs, and proscuitto baked and then topped with pecorino romano.
Mmmm, lasagne carbonara ... I feel my left ventricle slamming shut right now.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 11:32 AM
To those of you who are against DiCaprio being Cap: TOTALLY AGREE.
The thought of it just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Posted by: Vi at June 16, 2008 11:33 AM
Kolby, I have apparently removed this item from my memory of the series and will not be altering it to include the talentless, painfully not funny, and killer of SNL, Jimmy Fallon.
No. It will not happen.
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 11:44 AM
use another moniker pookie; nobody'll rise to the bait if they know it's you
Posted by: cockroach at June 16, 2008 11:44 AM
London, Ontario is a test market for American companies trying to break into the Canadian market. The craziest/most amazing thing I experienced while living there was a McDonald's that sold Krispy Kreme.
And in there was a Krispy Kreme in Mississauga that there was a HUGE deal made over when it opened, but the sales dropped off within 2 years. When it opened, people would line up for hours for that shit. And by the time you reached the front, you had eaten so many free doughnuts in line that you couldn't bear eating any more. No wonder they failed.
Posted by: Amanda at June 16, 2008 11:47 AM
I could definitely see Jason Lewis (Sex in the City) as Captain America - he's got the whole square-jawed superhero look down.
I may be one of the few females in the universe that never found anything remotely attractive about Leo DeCap. To me, he always seemed very girly and feminine, and I don't see the good looks people used to swoon over. Admittedly, I'm probably a little outside his demographic. I did love him in the movie where he is Johnny Depp's younger mentally challenged brother, but he was a kiddie then. Sorry, blanking on the title.
I'd be prepared to bet a lot of money that Leo is going to be an absolute porker in later life.
Posted by: StephanieS at June 16, 2008 11:49 AM
as the lady of the house and her two effeminate sons try to seduce us!
Ha! I love that image.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 11:51 AM
ohhhh, Shake N' Steak...one of the best memories from a Sprink Break trip to Florida, that was delicious
and we get the Sonic commercials in NH too, and by everybody's estimations further up the thread, the closest one is 5 hours away....you would think they would save some money on advertising
there was a HUGE to do when a Krispy Kreme hit my hometown in CT a while ago, but I think it only lasted about 2 or 3 years
Posted by: Bethy at June 16, 2008 11:54 AM
Isn't there a minor league baseball stadium somewhere in the South that serves burgers between two Krispy Kremes? I swear I didn't dream that up.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 11:57 AM
Jay hit it perfectly: Neil McDonough is Captain America.
But he's so much prettier when he's not talking. Plus that costume is severely gonna get in the way of him being nekkid.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 11:58 AM
My friends and I thought he looked like teh Ghey too StephanieS.
Posted by: Vi at June 16, 2008 11:59 AM
Wow. That was suppose to be about Jason Lewis. Weird.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 12:01 PM
Apparently they are making a Pacific counterpart to Band of Brothers. Should be out next year.
Anyone know anything about this? Other than the people involved with Band of Brothers are at the helm again?
Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 12:02 PM
I am adding Band of Brothers to my queue as we speak. There is way too much pretty in that miniseries for it to be ignored.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 12:08 PM
I'll never understand discussing which fast food is better. It's like discussing which turd in the toilet is more appetizing. In the end it's all a bunch of shit. I also don't understand why southern fast food chains like the letter 'K' so much. What is so wrong with a grammatical 'C' every now and then? But now that I know there's a mini-burger chain in the south whose name starts with a 'K', and that I'll never remember what it's called, I'm just going to pretend that it's Krusty Burger.
K(C)rispy K(C)reme made a big splash in the northwest, but quickly fizzled. But for about six months the lines were blocks long. Bunch of krazy people.
Canada-loving Michigan
And here I thought I was learning something new.
Posted by: katy at June 16, 2008 12:13 PM
the movie where he is Johnny Depp's younger mentally challenged brother
What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Leo can do a great job acting when the material is right for him, but you can't watch Captain America and spend your time hoping a strong wind doesn't up and carry him away.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 12:21 PM
katy, you are far too rational for me. I rather enjoy arguing for hours on end over whose fries are best and whose burgers leave the least amount of grease on your fingers. It's interactions like these that make life (and sitting at your desk for 8 hours) worthwhile.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 12:22 PM
Now, let the casting rumors for Captain America begin (last I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was the frontrunner).
man that is not funny. might as well just cast Tom Cruise or Dane Cook and have us give up movies for good.
Posted by: EricD at June 16, 2008 12:23 PM
Speaking of Israeli films, I "saw" one last night at the Worldwide Short Film Festival. It was about a man euthanizing the family dog.
I sat through the whole thing with my eyes covered and my ears plugged (there were long moments containing the sounds of the dog's dying breaths).
It still managed to traumatize me.
Posted by: celery at June 16, 2008 12:24 PM
(clears throat, puts on nerd beard)
I could see Leonardo DiCaprio as a pre-serum, scrawny Steve Rogers. But not so much the post-serum Captain America.
Unless, in true Method form, he really does inject himself with a horse-syringe of 'roids.
Posted by: Alcing Functionholic at June 16, 2008 12:26 PM
I sat through the whole thing with my eyes covered and my ears plugged (there were long moments containing the sounds of the dog's dying breaths).
Gah!! My eyes just welled up. I can't handle the doggie deaths, I'm so lame that I cry at the end of The Sandlot when Hercules gets hurt by the fallen fence.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 12:29 PM
Jay,
I am a Canadian who lived in Michigan for most of the 1990s. Everyone whom I met loved Canada, until I wanted to talk about universal health care or gay marriage.
By the way, Tim Horton's is disgusting. Seriously.
Posted by: celery at June 16, 2008 12:29 PM
It was about a man euthanizing the family dog. *** (there were long moments containing the sounds of the dog's dying breaths).
The fuck? Shadows, could you please alter the MurderZeppelin's course 90 degrees and bring us to flank speed? Kolby, weapons check please, and let the MurderTank know we'll need ground support to confirm this kill.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 12:30 PM
Julie,
I would not have gone had I known that it was on the bill. I told my husband to let me know when there was something on the screen that wouldn't destroy me and I ended up Hellen Kellering the entire short.
We came home and smothered 5r dog with hugs.
Posted by: celery at June 16, 2008 12:35 PM
Really? Another "twist ending" joke? Really? Not that the movie was that great, but I'm willing to like it the more people make terrible jokes.
socalled - the flamethrower is locked & loaded. I would gladly sear the testicle hair off anyone who'd make a movie about a dog dying. No one needs to see that.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 12:40 PM
I am adding Band of Brothers to my queue as we speak. There is way too much pretty in that miniseries for it to be ignored.
So.Much.Word, Julie.
My favourite BB eye candy was Eion Bailey, but I was quite happy to ogle all of them. Well, except David Schwimmer. And (if Fallon really was in there - I, too, am in denial), him as well.
KK came to Harrods a while ago, and last year there was one in Waterloo station (not any more).
Yep, people queued up for them.
Personally I prefer Dunkin' Donuts, though KK will do if all else fails, but I was put off buying them here by the prices. £1.39 I think it was, for a single donut!!. £12.99 for a dozen. 'Ripoff' doesn't come close - more like grand larceny!
I like In'n'Out Burgers. But we don't have them here, sadly. Burger King smell like farts, and my local BK regularly gets the accolade of 'dirtiest restaurant kitchen in the area', so I'll pass.
Posted by: Tarn at June 16, 2008 12:44 PM
I hated The Incredible Hulk.
My kid took umbrage at my hating it, but there it is. The only good thing about it was the coda scene.
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 16, 2008 12:44 PM
Count me in too, socalled. This is like the "artist" who let a dog starve to death in a gallery as everyone watched. Fucking disgusting.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 12:48 PM
I like Sonic OK,but the constant commercials are annoying. I can usually ignore them until the end, and then there is a sound effect like a punch to the face.I have to look up then to see what's going on. The sound just doesn't fit in with the rest of the commercial.
I never really liked Krystal. Those steamed buns always remind me of the bread mold-growing experiment from elementary school. However, they used to be the only 24hr fast food joint around, so they would suffice after midnight.
We've recently gotten Whataburger in the area, and while I'm not impressed all that much with the food, and the service sucks, I do like having breakfast available from 11PM to 11AM.
Wow, I just realized that I'm giving this topic way too much thought.
Posted by: rlr260 at June 16, 2008 12:49 PM
This is like the "artist" who let a dog starve to death in a gallery as everyone watched.
??!! No, I don't want to know.
Tarn, I'm looking forward to some Ron Livingston and Damian Lewis action. Too. Cute.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 12:51 PM
Jerce, Have you eaten at Chik-Fil-A? Cause ain't no better fast food eatin than a breakfast Chikn biscuit.
I have eaten and enjoyed Chik-Fil-A on many occasions. (Those breasteses are SO damn fine.)
But none of those occasions were breakfasts. I have twice subjected myself to Chikn Breakfast Biskits, and both times I had to excuse myself from work for...personal reasons.
If you think those White Castle things are "sliders," well, just don't go anywhere near Chik-Fil-A during breakfast hours. I shall say no more.
Posted by: Jerce at June 16, 2008 12:53 PM
socalled, thank you for the Gilbert Grape reminder. That was a great movie!
Now I need to run out and buy that memory improving pill I saw on TV. Encroaching middle age.
Talking of Jimmy Fallon, he laughs at his own jokes, thinks he is so cute, but seems unaware he is nearly universally disliked. Dennis Miller does the same thing. HATE.
Kolby, you're right about the Krispy Kreme burger - I've seen pictures, they do exist.
Posted by: StephanieS at June 16, 2008 12:54 PM
I heard about that art piece. It Kind of intrigued me in a "where does this guy live so I can go to his house in the dead of night and force his friends and family to listen to his screams until the sun comes up" kind of way.
Posted by: the_wakeful at June 16, 2008 12:57 PM
This is like the "artist" who let a dog starve to death in a gallery as everyone watched.
Gack! What? I can't believe the attendees didn't intervene. Maybe they did. (?)
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2008 12:57 PM
This is like the "artist" who let a dog starve to death in a gallery as everyone watched. Fucking disgusting.
Someone actually did that? And people paid to see it? And didn't try to kill said "artist"? I don't know who's worse - the asshole who tried to pass off animal cruelty as art or the legions of assholes who witnessed it.
Posted by: Kolby at June 16, 2008 12:58 PM
I always liked Jimmy Fallon on SNL. YEAH, I SAID IT. I liked him paired with Fey on Weekend Update, and I thought his impressions on Celebrity Jeopardy were really funny and spot on (his Sandler was creepily accurate).
Now excuse me while I hide my shame in a bag of Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 1:01 PM
Yeah, Julie. The dog didn't die and they say it was a hoax to make people realize how hypocritical they are for only caring about a street dog in a gallery setting. But they kept it shackled in the gallery and it was obvious that even if they did feed the dog it was still extremely malnourished. Also, it's extremely hypocritical to go through so much trouble to make others to feel guilty about doing nothing for the animal only go and put it back on the streets instead of helping it. Fucking asshats.
Posted by: jM at June 16, 2008 1:02 PM
People who torture animals need to be set on fire and then peed on. Lather, rinse, repeat until charred and corpsified.
I had a manuscript last week about a guy whose skull was crushed by a kick to the head after he attempted to sodomize his cow. People? Are warped.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 1:09 PM
But he's so much prettier when he's not talking. Plus that costume is severely gonna get in the way of him being nekkid.
jM, if it makes you feel better, if the pattern of Marvel movies continues, there will be at least a ten minute stretch where Cap will be kicking the collective ass of SHIELD only in his birthday suit.
Oh my God, I just figured out that Whataburger is a south thing. Wait, gotta go see if Dairy Queen is... nope it's not. But Texas has a different menu? What? That doesn't make any sense. Another thing to do when I go to New York- eat at a New York Dairy Queen and complain about how it is not as good as a Texas Dairy Queen.
Ok, back to what I was going to say. To the "person" who does not worship at the feet of Whataburger I will cut your MOTHERFUCKING THROAT! Nothing is better when you are under the influence of anything than two "Justaburgers" from the "Water-burger" (that's how you pronounce it). I went in one night, drunk as hell, with some friends and had to tell the boy what was on a damn Justaburger- pickles, onions and mustard......uhmmmmm, my mouth is watering just like Pavlov's dog.
I LOVE YOU WATERBURGER! I GIVE YOU MY BABIES!
Ps. The best Mexican food around my house is what we call "Beer Store Tacos." Yes, tacos from a used-to-be shack built on the edge of a beer store right by Baby Dolls.
Posted by: Emily at June 16, 2008 1:31 PM
It was about a man euthanizing the family dog. *** (there were long moments containing the sounds of the dog's dying breaths).
that's all kinds of sick and wrong. Consider my cyber-squirrel army at our disposal as well.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 1:49 PM
People who torture animals need to be set on fire and then peed on
By a horse. And an irritable llama. While an elephant sodomizes the people on fire. In a fireproof suit. On an anthill.
And then filmed as an "art piece" and put on display to show that people are heartless assholes that need to be set on fire and then peed on by animals and given the business on an anthill.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 16, 2008 1:56 PM
And an irritable llama.
Hee! I love bitchy animals.
Posted by: Julie at June 16, 2008 1:59 PM
to be clear, i seriously doubt that the dog was actually harmed during the making of the film; it was, however, still completely disturbing and unnecessarily manipulative.
ok, so i can't really judge the piece as a whole because i didn't watch it, but that was the consensus around me. the few times that i made the mistake of removing my sensory blockers, i immediately regretted having done so.
the point of the short was that the man had a terrible family (wife, son, daughter) who didn't give a shit about him or the dog. oh, and there was a twist at the end whereas the whole thing had been a fictional video that the son (the real director of the film) shot using his real father as the actor.
anyway...
Posted by: celery at June 16, 2008 2:18 PM
Re: Krispy Kreme
It's all about the HOT LIGHT. In college we memorized the times that the donuts were hot and fresh and would plan late night runs accordingly.
I choose to ignore the dog discussion. Too sad.
Posted by: HB at June 16, 2008 2:35 PM
Why thank you, Ted! My time displacement probably explains why my mouth only works half the time and either nothing or gibberish comes out.
"The Barry Gibb Talk Show" is so good it hurts.
I didn't know for the longest time that there's serious female Band of Brothers fandom. Serious fandom. Obsessively slash-writing too.
By the way, Tim Horton's is disgusting. Seriously. - celery
I think I've only commented here once or twice, but you just inspired me to break my silence to say:
Oh, no, you didn't.
I could probably live on their food. And I don't know what I would do without their sweet sweet coffee.
Posted by: Bon at June 16, 2008 3:20 PM
Jerce
You are supposed to wash your hands pre-biscuit. Don't be dropping accusations against The Chik like that (pun intended.) ;)
Emily Water Burger is a chain that originated in Corpus. Ps. The best Mexican food around my house is what we call "Beer Store Tacos." Yes, tacos from a used-to-be shack built on the edge of a beer store right by Baby Dolls. Are you talking about the strip club in Houston?
Posted by: Vee at June 16, 2008 5:39 PM
Here's a sad fucking fact: Aside from Munich, Zohan is the only other studio film in the last 50 years to feature an Israeli protagonist.
I know it starred Paul Newman and his fantastically blue eyes, but what about Exodus? Still a long time ago, of course, so the main point stands.
Posted by: KateNonymous at June 16, 2008 7:16 PM
Bruce Willis is the ultimate Captain America.
Bring the hate, haters.
Posted by: hater from siloam Springs at June 16, 2008 7:56 PM
I will bring the hate.
Posted by: Alex McQ at June 17, 2008 1:15 AM
Bruce Willis is the ultimate Captain America.
Bring the hate, haters.
One, it is no fun when you ASK for the hate.
Two, he would be actually be quite perfect for Cap in an Earth X movie.
For those of you not in the know, Earth X is the first part of an awesome post-apocalyptic trilogy by Alex Ross. First issue is here: http://www.jimkrueger.com/bebop/?id=12
So.... Sonic really exists? Well color me amused. Hubby and I see the commercials out here in Chi-town all the time and are quite convinced they are mythical. Like Unicorns and an ironically funny Uwe Boll movie. Imagine that, Sonic in real life. We've even traveled south, searching along the way, and have never seen nary a sign of one.
And an irritable llama.
Is there any other kind?? Seriously, they live in a perpetual state of pissyness. Hmmm.... do I see "official animal of Pajiba" in the llama's future? Come too close and we spit in your general direction!
Posted by: lilianna28 at June 17, 2008 8:38 AM
I love you, Vermillion
And an irritable llama.
It's doubly ironic I said that, believe me.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 17, 2008 9:18 AM
It's early here and I'm trying desperately to get my head around the fact that there is a need for a Hillbilly version of WhiteCastles?