January 7, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | January 7, 2008 |


Rather than rehash this last weekend’s holdovers (Bravo! to Juno, which raked in $16 million), today’s box-office round-up is a look back at the top ten films of 2007. And, in our continuing effort to include our commenters, I’m going to let them write the punch lines — some of these gems deserve to be revisited.

10. The Simpsons Movie, $183 million: “I used to like The Simpsons a lot. It jumped the shark. It landed on the shark and did a tap dance. It mocked the shark. And then it danced with the shark in an underwater ballet in which seahorses and octopi cavorted with scuba divers. Only a nonsensical claim like this could fittingly describe the nonsense that The Simpsons has been for many, many years. So I don’t actually care if this movie was good, bad, either extreme or anything in between. I am opposed to The Simpsons on principle now. It has gotten so BAD as a series, it’s gone well beyond ruining any joy I ever had in it.” — Ari. 8/2/07

9. Ratatouille, $206 million: “Am I the only person who didn’t like The Incredibles? I liked Finding Nemo the best, and haven’t seen Cars but The Incredibles seemed to try too hard to sell the 1950s American Traditional Family model. Eh, maybe it was just me.” — Hoorah, 6/27/07.

“Considering that most 1950s American Traditional Family models didn’t include having Black best friends, I’d wager it was “just you”. ;-).” — Ciji, 6/27/07

8. 300, $210 million: “Now that you mention it, the one thing I found jarring was that all the Spartans had perfect white teeth. Oh, and the minotaur. Yes, there was a minotaur, though sadly he was not riding a rhino.” — Bartap, 3/10/07

7. The Bourne Ultimatum, $227 million: Line from the review: He unequivocally answers it by beating the shit out of an assassin with a book. A book, people! How is that for a metaphor?

“Hell yeaaah! You just made me want to fuck a movie.” — Sasha, 8/3/07

6. I Am Legend, $228 million: “I saw the trailer and from a split-second shot of Smith carrying the dog down the street and keening, I got that the dog’s fate is not exactly in the happily-ever-after vein. And I am one of the already several who have expressed their absolute loathing of cinematic animal death. I can watch humans get decimated left and right and not bat an eyelash. One animal is hurt or killed and I’m yelling at the screen, “Mother-FUCKER! I HATE this movie!” So torn, am I. I want to be entertained, but the doggie death and doodie poo ending might keep me away.” — Alabama Pink, 12/14/07

5. Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, $292 million: “Christine: Please, please, it’s Yates not Yeats. Believe me if Yeats were alive and directing this picture, it would have a lot more subtlety, although Harry would be unrequitedly in love with Hermione who would be a dangerous revolutionary against the Ministry and have crazy blonde hair.” — PaddyDog, 7/13/07

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, $309 million: “Johnny Depp in dreadlocks and too much eyeliner is inexplicably smokin’ hot. My seven-year-old nephew wants to be Jack Sparrow, and his mom and his aunt want to … never mind.” — Jerce, 5/25/07

3. Transformers, $319 million: “My Little Pony is coming, folks. Directed by Roger Christian, the guy who did Battlefield Earth, and starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and that girl from Because of Winn Dixie.” — TK, 7/3/07

After a few commenters go mildly apeshit.

“Um… yeah. I should probably nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand. I made the My Little Pony thing up. Sorry, guys. Seriously, the director of Battlefield Earth? How hilarious would that be? But what’s scary is how many of you believed it… which means that we have truly come to expect the worst from Hollywood. Be afraid. Nothing is sacred. No one is safe.” — TK, 7/03/07

2. Shrek the Third, $321 million: “In the interests of Science and Art, I was hoping you could clear up a few questions I still have regarding the plot. I have an inkling of how the story probably goes based on the first two pop-reference-filled movies, and I’m the third installment has to try to top the first two. You see, I do not intend to indulge my daughter’s wish to see this, but if I could put on say, a little skit of the highlights, I could not only entertain her, but save about $40 and ninety precious moments of my life in the process. 1. Does Princess Fiona ever appear to be displaying her netherparts at any point in the movie? 2. Does Shrek call the ogre-fetus a pig and threaten to “straighten it out”? 3. Does Shrek ever drunkenly try to eat a burger while being videotaped by a taunting Gingerbread Boy? 4. Should I include a scene where Princess Fiona shaves her head, borrows a bikini top from Doris, and checks herself into rehab? 5. Donkey and Dragon — are they into Scientology at all? We haven’t seen much of Dragon lately…not since the birth of the babies…. Thanks so much! I want to get this JUST RIGHT.” — Wednesday, 5/18/07

“I love a large dose of elitism. Feeling superior makes my days go faster (I’m British so I get a head start on pretention which is always useful). I’m still going to watch the movie though. But I won’t enjoy it.” — Alex the Odd, 5/18/07

1. Spiderman 3, $336 million: “When Spidey turned evil, why did he turn into Crispin Glover?” — Carrie, 5/07/07

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The Ten Highest Grossing Films of 2007

The Yearly Box Office Round-Up / The Eloquents

Box Office Round-Ups | January 7, 2008 | Comments ()




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