February 6, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | February 6, 2008 |


25. In Bruges, Weekend: $471,000: “Sigh. At this point, all I ask is that at the end of a film I don’t say, ‘Meh,’ or ‘Well, that’s 2 hours I’ll never get back.’ This one fits the bill.” — Fabiola

“I’m probably way too happy with the headline for this one. But I am a simple man, and easily pleased.” — Dan, over on Slowly Going Bald

24. Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show, Weekend:$507,000: “Peek behind the Pajiba curtain: FYI, Dustin bears more than a little resemblance to Vince Vaughn … ” — Ted Boynton

“Uh, Vince Vaughn is so gross.” — TT

6. 27 DressesWeekend: $5.7 million ; Total: $65 million: “Seriously, will Skank Cancer Rainbow Killer ( —Ed.) ever go away? My god, it’s like she’s got some box office invincibility suit. I’m starting to feel as if we will never be rid of her, she’s everywhere! In the case of nuclear annihilation, the only living creatures remaining will be cockroaches and this bargain-bin Ashley Judd wannabe, and the cockroaches won’t last long because eventually she’ll roll ‘em up and smoke ‘em. GO. AWAY. NOW! — Pudenda

5. Juno, Weekend: $5.7 million ; Total: $117 million: (Unrelated) “I never cease to be amazed by the fact that Rhona Mitra has managed to build a career based solely on having spent a while dressing up as Lara Croft from Tomb Raider for photoshoots. Especially since there have been about three other ‘real-life’ Lara Crofts that I can recall, and all of the others are presumably carting trolley-loads of tins around darkened alleyways and shouting at lampposts now. — Dill the Devil

“Is anyone else posting comments more frequently than before in the vain hope of turning up in one of these round-ups? — Dill the Devil

4. The Eye, Weekend: $6 million; Total:$21 million: “I know this is coming in really late, but is she screaming into an oven? That’s what it looks like. It appears that she’s yelling at something in her oven. A roast maybe? Did a quiche fall? Cookies burn? Did she accidentally put an animal in the oven? What the fuck is going on here?!” — Skittimus Maximus

“WHY IS SHE SCREAMING AT THE OVEN??!!! (…crickets chirping…) I’m…so…alone …” — Skittimus Maximus

“THE GODDAMED OVEN!!! WHY IS SHE YELLING IN AN OVEN??!! Fertheluvvagawd, somebody please answer so I don’t have to spend any money on answering this question … So… cold…. (sob)… the oven, why?” Skittimus Maximus

3. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, Weekend: $10 million ; Total:$53 million: “My boyfriend’s six year old watches the Hannah Montanna show. She just sits there and zones, does not laugh, and when I ask her what’s going on, sometimes she can’t tell me. She insists that she loves it, though.” — phquaryn

“This movie looked like it was about a 5-footer on the scale of how long a length of barbed wire I’d rather pull out of my ass than watch it. Maybe 6 … — Canology

(Quoting the Kamikaze Feminist)”My daughter, whenever I have kids, will be brought up on Fiona Apple and Marlo Thomas, no god damn Hannah Montana.”

“Aw, darlin’, spoken like a true non-parent.

Lemme shatter a few illusions for you.

You will watch Barney. You will come to appreciate his genius.

You will, gladly, sing “Holly Jolly Christmas” sixty-five times in a row on a long car trip.

You’ll know what day and time the Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards air.

You will not only know who the latter-day equivalent of the Jonas Brothers are, you will know which of their songs you find most bearable. You will buy their CDs for your child’s birthday.

Not only will your daughter read “Cosmo Girl”, you will be paying for it.

You will own Barbies. There will be Bratz or similar merchandise in your home.

Your kid will ADORE Fiona Apple and Marlo Thomas, right up till she’s nine. That’s the official eye-rolling parents-are-SO-lame age.

You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

And most of y’all are of the generation whose nostalgia for all things good and wholesome made “Transformers” a summer blockbuster. So please, the soap box looks a little too lofty for you.” — Wednesday

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, Weekend: $17 million: We’re running this review tomorrow; we have a brand new critic on board specifically for Martin Lawrence films. So, here’s some of my favorite off-topic quotes on the site this week — DR:

“I think my husband is totally afraid I’m having some kind of internet affair. His paranoia is rather sweet actually.” Alabamapink

“I prefer my men like I prefer my coffee - hot & tangible.” — Kolby

“For a second I thought this was going to be about a remake of The Breakfast Club. I would have set the internet on fire and killed us all, just to spare us the suffering. That’s how much I love you guys.” — TK

“TK, I love you. Please, please kill me before Hollywood completely rapes my soul and robs me of what is left of my dignity.” — dammitjanet

1. Fool’s Gold, Weekend: $22 million: “The idiocy of the people who made this clunker is off-the-charts. They’re banking it solely on the malodorous shoulders of the shirtless Mac’ who can’t open a movie to save his life. Seriously the man is *this* close to being the white Wesley Snipes and moving to Romania to start putting out straight to DVD/Internet “features.” — Barbado Slim

“BTW, McGreasy was shirtless for most of the movie but was bottomless for only a millisecond. Fair? I think not.” — Kris

“Now I gotta go find Matt Damon’s impersonation of McConaughey on Youtube. ‘I think this’d be a good scene for me to take my shirt off, Mr. Soderbergh.’” — BFFFredo

And this, folks, is a special visual treat from Rebeccah. And it fucking rocks:

whiskey_baby_ninja_star.jpg

matthewmcconaughey_wideweb__470x352%2C0.jpg

I Think This'd Be a Good Scene For Me to Take My Shirt Off, Mr. Soderbergh

The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / The Eloquents

Box Office Round-Ups | February 6, 2008 | Comments ()



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