February 18, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | February 18, 2008 |


6. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, Weekend: $8 million, Total: $29 million: “Meh. I think Holland totally Juno’d the language. Not very convincing—the kind of people who write like that don’t use words like “despicible,” regardless of spelling. It just smacked of effort. — the bees chick

:( — DR

“This review evokes nothing so strongly for me as a recent game of Scrabble I played online … ” — b

“Now I’m picturing having sex on an actual Scrabble board…that’s a lot of tiny square imprints to be had.” — Julie

“Damnit…now I can’t get that image out of my head …’Oh honey…oh baby…hold on, I got a K stuck inside…’” Shadows of Dakaron

“Hey, how about a giant Scrabble board…with giant Scrabble tiles…you know, like the chess thingies in the park. You can totally have sex on those and it would only be slightly uncomfortable, unlike having the little tiles lodged up your ass.” — joker

“Oooh especially if the tiles were slightly foamy - like mini matresses. That would rock. My inner slut and inner geek are duking it out for which one is more excited about that concept.” — Alex the Odd

5. Definitely, Maybe, Weekend: $12 million: “Seeing that the alternating feelings of “Aww, she’s so adorable” for Abigail Breslin and “Aww, I want to wrap my legs around his face” for Ryan Reynolds will likely result in my head exploding, I will probably wait to rent this.” — Julie

4. Fool’s Gold, Weekend: $13 million, Total: $42 million: “I can’t wait until I’m home sick with the inevitable spring flu. I will be On-Demanding this one. Fleece socks, hot tea and glistening McConaughflesh. Perfect.” — go big red

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles, Weekend: $21 million: “Martin Short plays a hyperactive brownie? Hmmm….did I read that correctly?” — Brie

“I met a talking animated brownie in college once. It was the last one left in the pan - the other eight I consumed were rather… leafy? Anyhow, he and I talked about the existence of unicorns and pixies for about a half-hour before I got hungry and ate him too. — Skittimus Maximus

“I don’t know, Brie. There are goblins and ogres running around that no one else can see without a special ring, and that is after they have “read” the book. You remember those acid-laced stickers that kids were supposed be getting? Yeah, they made this book first. Now if you’ll excuse, I need to stare at the clouds and wonder why in the hell they are bleeding on me.” — ScarletKnight

2. Step Up 2, Weekend: $26 million: As part of our new tradition of holding the review for the worst release of the weekend until midweek, the Step Up 2 review will arrive tomorrow. In the meantime, here are some more of my favorites this week. — DR

“I’d like to see Forrest Whitaker and Paris Hilton have a staring contest for twenty minutes. And then he snaps and eats her. — insertclevernamehere

“The levels of hatred you people have toward somebody you’ve never met is fairly amazing. I’m no fan of Paris Hilton but a few of you should honestly seek professional help; it can’t be healthy to be this affected by a rich celebrity who doesn’t even know you exist. Despite the fact that she’s apparently a waste of space, consider the fact that she’ll probably have more of an impact on the world than all the people who post here combined. How impotent does that make you feel?” — Johnny Apeshit

“See, the reason why I seldom comment is that I fear Pajibans generally look on 19-year-olds as some sort of single-celled organism far back in the evolutionary path of humanity. But I feel a responsibility to recount the horror my parents’ generation has wrought: Cyndi Lauper. Joan Jett. Dire Straits. Blondie.” — Smithy

“Hey: we tried to kill Debbie Harry with booze and heroin, but she didn’t die.” — Hater from Siloam Springs

“*quietly refrains from pointing out that she will be 29 next week, for fear of being drawn and quartered by 4 elderly Pajibans in motorized grocery carts*” — Kris

1. Jumper, Weekend: $33 million: “If Sam Jackson is not swearing I don’t know why he was cast.” — greer

“Got that right. I’ve always thought Samuel Jackson says “motherfucker” better than anyone else on earth. Seriously, the Star Wars prequels get at least fifty percent more enjoyable if you mentally insert that into every one of his lines: ‘We must unravel the mystery of these Sith motherfuckers!’” — Todd

“The what? THE FORCE. the WHAT? *ignites lightsaber* say “what” one more time! THE FORCE MOTHERFUCKER? DO YOU WIELD IT!?” — BarbadoSlim

snakes-on%20-plane-1.jpg

Say What One More Goddamned Time

The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / The Eloquents

Box Office Round-Ups | February 18, 2008 | Comments ()



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