14. Charlie Bartlett (Weekend: $1.8 million): “I still maintain that you haven’t really lived until you’re attempted to sing the Doctor Who theme from memory in a public place. At high volume. While totally inebriated. booooo-doooooo-beeeee-ooooooo-dooooo, doooo-dooooo-dooooo! do-doo-dooo-doo-doo-do-dooo! beeee-ooooooop-wooooooo!” — Smithy
“Smithy, have you ever had that situation where you start singing the booodoooo and some one nearby comes out of no where with the ‘duh duh duh DUM duh duh duh DUM duh duh duh DUM…’ That can just about rock my socks that can.” — Nadine
“You want whale sperm with that? No!” — Farfalina
“All right, Pajibans, stop that rhyming now, I mean it!” — socalledonlycousins
“Anybody want a peanut.” — Julie
4. Step Up 2, (Weekend: $10 million; Total: $47 million): “So, if Step Up 2 is dance porn, what would happen if dance porn and torture porn collide? It would most likely be called: How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, Got Served, then got in Captivity at a Hostel, and Knew who Killed Her 3.” — Kamikaze Feminist
I think there should be a law that every sequel should end in Part 2: Electric Boogaloo… The Lord of the Rings Part 2: Electric Boogaloo; T2: Electric Boogaloo; The Neverending Story Part 2: Electric Boogaloo; How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, Got Served, then got in Captivity at a Hostel, and Knew who Killed Her 3 Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. It would just add a quiet elegance, y’know? — Skittimus Maximus
3. The Spiderwick Chronicles, (Weekend: $12 million; Total: $43 million): “Well. I honestly don’t know what you people are bitching about. I think a live-action Akira would be fucking fantastic.
Warner Brothers could probably pull it off… I mean, let’s give them a little credit.
[throws back shot of kerosene, begins crying softly]
It could potentially be better than the original. I think y’all need to show a little faith.
[puts gun to temple]
I have high hopes.
BLAM! — TK
[Alex steps up to the podium, puts on her glasses, solemnly looks at the assembled crowd]
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our fellow Pajibateer TK. He was a patient man, he was a kind man, he was a man who loved football, beer and three legged beagles. His spirit was strong and his optimism unrelenting, but in the end it was all too much for him.
[She pauses for a second to wipe away a tear]
A moment of silence please as we bow our heads in prayer and consider the truly devastating power that Hollywood weilds and we humbly ask our deities to kindly stop studios from greenlighting heinous and culture raping remakes that make our souls ache and the baby Jesus cry, lest more of our brethren suffer the same fate.
Amen. — Alex the Odd
From Dan’s Round-Up: But the best casting news is that Taylor Kitsch, aka Tim Riggins from “Friday Night Lights,” aka the guy I would go gay for so fast it’s not even worth joking about, will play Gambit, who can manipulate kinetic energy and is easily one of the most badass X-Men ever.
“If this happens, then I can keep telling people that I masturbate to pictures of Gambit, but I’ll stop getting those weird stares.” —feramones
“Wouldn’t it be a true shitter, however if God WERE a blue octopus and I just totally called it out on this thread… Man what a… what a weird thing that would… I mean, can you IMAGINE? Can you? I’d be like… well, I guess I made it to heaven and all, but check this out Godtopus, I totally guessed what you were - your TRUE form - like a year ago on a thread discussing infected uh… infected pajiba somethingorothers… Anyhow, is it true there’s a endless stack o’pancakes around this place? Skittimus Maximus, Professional Comment Writer
2. Jumper, (Weekend: $12 million; Total: $56 million): “I hate ER because of Mark “Holier Than Thou” Green. Everything that came out of his mouth was sanctimonious bullshit.
“Oh, I’m too good a person to go into private practice even though it would mean more money for my struggling family - I want to SAVE LIVES!”
“Oh, I’m too good a doctor to transfer to Milwaukee so my wife can pursue her legal dreams. They don’t have real hospitals there, and people don’t get shot often enough. I’m just going to let my family move there without me. Now my wife’s having an affair and my marriage is over. How could that have possibly happened?”
“Oh, I will treat that rapist/murderer if no one else will. How DARE they not want to help him, they’re neglecting their moral responsibility as doctors! Wait - now this other criminal is threatening my new wife? I’ll just let him die in this elevator.”
“Oh, I have an inoperable brain tumor because Anthony Edwards wants to leave the show? But he doesn’t want to leave until the end of next season? Then I’ll just take forever and ever and ever and ever and ever WHY DON’T I JUST DIE ALREADY?”
Plus Anthony Edwards said in an interview that ER was “like St. Elsewhere on acid”. I suppose, if acid makes you stupid and say everything really fast. (Maybe he meant speed?) In my book, you don’t dis St. Elsewhere.” Three-nineteen
“And if you’d like to get back at Seth, just type in these lyrics, ‘Fly Eagles Fly, On the road to victory’; My bet is that he must compulsively complete the entire song like Cartman when he hears ‘Come Sail Away.’” — insertclevernamehere
“Was there anything so simple as the stirrup pant? It was a backdrop to all the accessories, the leg warmers, long shirts with the circle do-hicky that held part- just part- of the shirt back. That’s style. That’s class. Add a sideways pony and good god, you’re gorgeous!” — lilianna28
1. Vantage Point, (Weekend: $24 million ): “Meh. I’ll just go rewatch ‘An Echolls Family Christmas.’ Same concept, plus my girl Veronica. Oh, and Logan in just his boxers. Good times.” — Mimi
“Why do you continue to get involved with these punk motherfuckers Ghost Dog?” Pookie
“I summarize the movie this way: Foolish Foreigners, Don’t You Know Every American is an Action Hero? Really, all the ‘name’ Americans survive while all non-Americans die. Oh and I think they were having the protest rally in the movie because the Spanish representative (only a mayor? The nerve!) was forced to speak in English.” — JS
“I suspect watching this movie would be a lot like when a four-year-old tells you a joke. They keep messing up and starting over, and when they finally get near the end they’ve gotta pee really badly and they’re doing that hoppy dance and their blood sugar is dropping and they’re totally distracted by something shiny so it just sort of ends…and you realize that even if it had made a lick of sense in the first place, it still wouldn’t have been funny and all you’re left with is a hypoglycemic kid who’s about to wet their pants.” — Sarina
The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / The Eloquents
Box Office Round-Ups | February 25, 2008 | Comments ()