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April 14, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | April 14, 2008 |

5. Leatherheads (Weekend: $6.2 million; Total: $22 million): Though George Clooney’s first foray into directing a commercial film hasn’t gone over particularly well with audiences, a small, cross-generational phenomenon is rising out of the box-office ashes, threatening to subsume heterosexual women across this great land of ours. It’s called: Necrokrasinkiphilia (an irresistible sexual attraction to John Krasinski’s corpse) and the fervor is growing — John Krasinski can no longer leave his apartment without a team of immune bodyguards, whose job it is to protect him from menstruating women (because that’s when the urge is strongest) who want to take his rigor-virginity away from him. It’s a bit like Beatlemania, only bloodthirstier.

4. Nim’s Island (Weekend: $9 million; Total: $25 million): Here’s a little known fact: Nim’s Island was originally pitched with a young boy in Abigail Breslin’s role and Isla Fisher in Jodie Foster’s role; unfortunately, test audience’s felt the concept was too similar to NBC’s “MILF Island,” (“It has sex, lies, puberty, betrayal, relay races. ‘MILF Island’ reflects the drama of the human experience. And isn’t that the essence of art?”), so 20th Century Fox scrapped the cast (as well as “Erection Island”) and decided to go with a cute girl and a closeted lesbian with a sexually ambiguous character name. Nothing wrong with that.

3. 21 (Weekend: $11 million; Total: $62 million): Anonymous insiders tell me that the moderate success of both Superman Returns and 21 has buoyed Kate Bosworth’s and Kevin Spacey’s careers to such an extent that they are considering working together again, this time with Christina Ricci, in a film tentatively titled, The Angry Fivehead. In a genius meta-marketing movie, the studio actually wants to screen the premiere of The Angry Forehead on Kate Bosworth’s forehead.

2. Street Kings (Weekend: $12 million): While 20th Century Fox was satisfied with Street King’s weekend numbers, which opened on the lower end of expectations, director David Ayer thought the film would’ve fared better at the box-office had Keanu (“Canoe”) Reeves not wasted so much time during filming shooting his pistol into mailboxes. “Don’t worry about it,” Reeves kept telling Ayers during filming. “In two years, that bullet is gonna fly out and hit the bad guy right between the eyes. Just trust me.”

1. Prom Night: (Weekend: $23 million): Well, the Prom Night review this weekend managed to piss off half our readership, though if I had it to write over again, I think I’d keep most of it, except for my reference to the Millennials as “Generation Douchebag” (the moniker was not only harsh, but it did smack of smugness). I was surprised that a review slamming my own generation raised the ire of so many among our 15-24 readers, and even more surprised that we had that many 15-24 readers, many of whom took umbrage with my sweeping generalizations. But the often eloquent, well-argued comments those folks left tended to prove my point: You are outliers — you can’t be the same masses I see every Friday, text messaging each other while standing five feet away from one another. (In fact, I wrote my Prom Night review from a coffee shop in the mall, and sitting next to me were two girls in the early 20s arguing about whether Britney or Lindsay was cooler — they both agreed it was Lindsay because Britney probably farts in public. This was their logic; I shit you not.). If you weren’t an outlier, either you wouldn’t be reading this site, or this site would be a helluva lot more trafficked than it is. Most folks 15-24 read Perez (who is just another example of my slacker generation selling out) because he has fewer words — yep, in the time it takes to read one of our reviews, Perez puts up more page views than we do in a day. I will concede, however, that both Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube in the right hands, by and large, are tools for good and not evil: It’s one of the only places the kids can find outside-of-the-mainstream, non-corporafascist entertainment anymore, even if you do have to wade through LonelyGirl15 to get there.

I made similar generalizations about the Slacker generation, but I doubt many of our 25- to 42-year-old readers do or ever did fit nicely into Richard Linklater’s or Douglas Coupland’s descriptions of the unwashed masses. I hope to hell I didn’t — and I also hope I’ll never have to keep a straight face while saying what Rory Bruer, Sony’s head of distribution, said about the opening of Prom Night:

“Audiences today, they’re so savvy in regards to what they want to see or don’t want to see. Particularly a younger audience, they pretty much make up their own mind. With prom season also at hand, that brings an element of fun.”

$23 million, y’all! Cause it’s prom season!

It's Prom Season! (And Other Notes on Generational Warfare)

The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Box Office Round-Ups | April 14, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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