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If You Watched "Lost" Last Night, You're Prohibited From Reading This Post

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Box Office Round-Ups | Comments (16)



shrek_forever_after-4_09.jpg

I feel a little bad for all of those people, which is probably the majority of you, who don’t watch “Lost,” have never watched “Lost,” and never care to watch “Lost.” Poor bastards. It’s been a rough week. It’s like Super Bowl week for those who hate football. The good news, at least, is that no one has paid any attention to the “American Idol” finale this year. Small blessings, I suppose. One more day, and we’ll all shut up about it.

Anyway, I’m dedicating this weekend’s box-office report to all of you who have had to suffer through the last week and, to a lesser extent, the last six years. On your behalf I say: Fuck the Losties. Shut up about that goddamn show already (for the rest of you, both Seth and Dan have reviews of the finale up.)

Anyway, the big news at the box office over the weekend was that Shrek 4 only managed a $71 million opening, which was the fourth biggest opening for an animated film all time and the fourth biggest opening for a fourth film in a series all time. And yet, the big story is what a disappointment $71 million was for a franchise whose last two films opened with $108 and $121 million (and they didn’t have the benefit of 3D ticket prices). It feels kind of ridiculous to call a $71 million opening a huge disappointment, but given the $165 million price tag on the film and the expectations for it, I can see the reasoning. Here’s a strange stat about the movie: 54 percent of those who saw Shrek Forever After were over the age of 25. Even accounting for all the parents in attendance, that’s an awful lot of adults for a kiddie flick. Right? Or is that normal?

Nevertheless, there’s not another major 3D movie until Toy Story 3 on June 18th, so look for Shrek Forever After to hold fairly well over the next month (family films, on the whole, have better legs than other genres anyway). (And as per custom, we hold our non-Pixar animated film reviews until Monday. The Shrek 4 review will publish this afternoon).

The other big story was the spectacular dud that was MacGruber, which only opened in sixth place with $4.1 million, or less than what both Ladies Man and Blues Brother 2000 made in their debut weekends (and less than half what Night at the Roxbury opened with). The shame of it is this: MacGruber was a much better movie than any other SNL movie not named Wayne’s World or Blues Brothers (everything’s relative in the “SNL” movie world). Part of the problem here was the lack of advanced press screenings; it was held until from critics until late Thursday night (despite solid reviews out of SXSW), which turned out to be a mistake, as critics — by and large — didn’t hate it. Moreover, the hard-R language was not played up in marketing so most probably thought it was another tame “SNL” offering. Alas, Will Forte and his tiny penis posing nude for Playgirl failed to generate much interest for MacGruber.

Meanwhile, Iron Man 2 added another $26 million to bring its three-week total to $251 million; Robin Hood added another $18 million to bring its total to $66 million (crash and burn); and Letters to Juliet held well, dropping only 32 percent, to add another $9 million to bring it’s two-week total to $27 million.

Here’s your top ten.

1. “Shrek Forever After,” $71.3 million
2. “Iron Man 2,” $26.6 million ($251 million)
3. “Robin Hood,” $18.7 million ($66 million)
4. “Letters to Juliet,” $9.1 million ($27 million)
5. “Just Wright,” $4.2 million ($14 million)
6. “MacGruber,” $4.1 million
7. “Date Night,” $2.8 million ($90 million)
8. “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” $2.3 million ($59 million)
9. “How to Train Your Dragon,” $1.9 million ($210 million)
10. “Kites,” $1 million









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Comments

YOU CAN'T STOP ME! I READ IT ANYWAY!

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 24, 2010 9:44 AM

Yeah, me too Che. I bailed on the third season when I just couldn't take Kate's whining anymore (JACK!!!, JACK!!!) and the constant stupid flashbacks that were in every single fucking episode!

I've been told the 4th season really picked up and since then it's gone from strength to strength, but I don't know if I can bothered to catch up with it all now. Especially as I've watched 'The Wire' since then and that has officially ruined all other TV for me. I do kinda feel leftout at the moment though, even in sunny old England all you can hear is people talking about it.

The Macgruber tanking astounds me. The trailer was brilliant, the marketing was there so I really felt it had a chance to do well. Shame on all the +25's who picked Shrek4 over this.

Posted by: hh at May 24, 2010 10:04 AM

I read it too! And I'm shaking my ass at your insults! NYAH NYAH!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 24, 2010 10:04 AM

I'm shaking my ass at your insults!

What does that really mean? We may never know.

Posted by: Jay at May 24, 2010 10:09 AM

You know, I watched LOST religiously for so long. So, so long. And then, I went away to Paris and it just cost too much money to buy the episodes on iTunes and I got lost in a semester. I swore I'd watch the DVDs, but it never happened (I was also I little bitter after loosing the always awesome character that shall not be named in case anyone wants to watch it on DVD). Now that it's over, I'll grab the discs and enjoy it at my leisure.

But it pissed me off to no end that, the first three seasons that I watched it and drooled all over it, I was treated like a freak, because nobody I knew watched it. And now everyone watches it! GAH!

And yea, y'all need to STFU already. Cry your Jears (ha! I know a fan jargon, asshats) and move on. I'm sure Flash Forward will ease the pain. *snicker*

This is why you don't get invested in great shows people. It doesn't matter how long the highway stretches, inevitably it burns up in a firey crash into a wall of tires. It doesn't matter how cool the explosion was, it was never as good as the ride. (Says the girl who still has a broken heart over Pushing Daisies)

Also, HOW IN THE FUCK DID SHREK MAKE SO MUCH!?!? No one I knew went to see it. No one I knew talked about it. No one I knew cared. Hell, I forgot it was premiering this weekend. Fucking A, man. Fucking A.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 24, 2010 10:13 AM

I hate football and Super Bowl week too.

Well, I don't hate football the game, football's a fine game. I hate football players, football coaches, football broadcasters and football fans. But football? I'm OK with football.

I'd just like to add that the movie choices at all my theaters suck right now, and have sucked seriously for about a month (I don't give a fuck about your comic book movies). It's so bad that yesterday I noticed "Chloe" is playing at the second-run in town and for about two seconds it actually seemed like a good idea.

Posted by: , at May 24, 2010 10:28 AM

Put me in the never seen an episode list. Personally I was rooting for a Sopranos type ending.

Posted by: EricD at May 24, 2010 10:53 AM

You know, Jay. I'm shaking my ass at the computer screen in...hm. I've said too much.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 24, 2010 10:54 AM

What the hell is Kites?

Posted by: valerie at May 24, 2010 12:17 PM

Ouch, Robin Hood. But that's what you get for insulting the good name of our hero. You deserve it.

Also...it's weird, but hasn't Shrek always had mostly adult fans? There's a lot of (cheap) dirtyness and more mature jokes in it, and I think the actual characters themselves are a little creepy for a lot of children. But it kind of markets itself as full of pop culture references that only grown ups might get, so I'm not that surprised. Also, when you factor in the upped prices, how many people actually watched this thing? I bet it's even more pathetic. Box-office numbers are so misleading when trying to figure out how popular a movie really was. See: Avatar.

Posted by: figgy at May 24, 2010 12:55 PM

Um, I've been watching since day 1, and I will MOST CERTAINLY NOT STFU. I've as much right as anyone else to express my admiration and/or dissatisfaction with the ending of a teevee show. And p.s., it's been less than 24 hours, for christ's sake.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 24, 2010 1:35 PM

Dearest, Loveliest AvB,

In this fast pace, "go, go, go" world we live in, Tomorrow is old news! So quite kvetching about these things that happened HOURS AGO (do you know how fast ONTD updates? like every thirty seconds). If it's no longer trending on twitter it may as well be a fossil! So let's keep this shit relevant, shall we and keep the news where it's hip, cat!

Where's my Chuck Season Finale recap, eh, eh, eh???

Hugs,
K

PS: Kvetch about whatever you want. I just like typing STFU.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 24, 2010 3:53 PM

Yeah, I broke the rules and read this post. That's o.k.: it would seem the "rules" of Lost are extremely pliable.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 24, 2010 4:06 PM

As a to-the-grave Lost virgin, I'm happy at least to no longer have people telling me, "You have GOT to see Lost! It's the most awsome show ever!"

Actually, nobody's said that to me for the past few years now.

Oh, and thanks for bringing up Blues Brothers 2000 out of nowhere, jackass! Hey, remember that time you saw your sister naked?

Posted by: Leftylad at May 24, 2010 5:09 PM

HAAHAHAHAHAH!

Kayanne, you go on and tell me to STFU any old time you like. :)


P.S. I AM A VERY HIP CAT! Just ask my mom.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 24, 2010 9:11 PM

I am secure in knowing that I have no desire to see Robin Hood. The trailers ruined it for me. Not the action in the trailers. Not the dialogue in the trailers. Not even all the text swipes touting everyone's credentials about doing some serious actressin'. No...what turned me off from Robin Hood was immediate.

His hands. In slow-mo. The fucking jiggled.

Who's hands jiggle? How fat do you have to be to have jiggly hands?! Is that just a couple extra slices of meat with your loaf or do you actually have to main-line Crisco? I swear to god, his hands looked like two overstuffed ravioli flinging a straight stick from a bent one.

Robin Hood can't have fat hands. He just can't. I'm not saying Costner was superior, or even Elwes...but at least they could fit their hands in their fucking pockets.

Posted by: PissBoy at May 25, 2010 2:28 PM