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March 10, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | March 10, 2008 |

5. The Bank Job (Weekend: $5.7 million): “Statham makes venereal disease better. Statham makes constipation better. Statham makes choking on your own sick better. Statham make The Hottie & The Nottie bet… okay, that’s one thing he can’t do. Man, you’d think that I, of all people, could spell venereal … I’ve put some things in some very strange places.” — Skittimus Maximus

“Well I’m impressed. I fully expected this movie to blow chunks all over the back wall, but I guess I based that idea mostly on the horribly stupid name. Seriously? The Bank Job? That’s the best they could come up with? I take shits with more imaginative names than that.” — the Wakeful

“This looks like the first movie he has been in for a while that is worth seeing for something other than its Stathamness. Or Stathamosity. I have watched bad movies on cable just because of its Stathaminity.” — greer

“As far as I’m concerned, there’s only TWO kinds of films: Films Statham was in, and films he should have been in. — BarbadoSlim

4. Semi-Pro (Weekend: $5.9 million; Total: $24 million): (From Dan’s round-up) “Does anyone know how to get zombie brains out of fabric? These are my favorite jeans, and they’re a mess.” — Nicole

“Oh God! Yet ANOTHER French Nihilist high concept comedy! When will Hollywood stop pandering to the lowest common denominator?” — PaddyDog

(From Seth’s Round-Up): “People are bastard-covered bastards with bastard filling.” — Slash, quoting “Scrubs)

“It’s funny, cause I edited my comment from “I started speaking ‘retard’” to ‘Swahili’, because I know there are people who’s panties get all pretzeled when people wield the ol’ drool stick, and I managed to offend someone pretty much every time I express an opinion. So I try to pick something I think is safe and non-offensive. But once again, I just prove I’m a prick. I fail at life. I’d threaten to throw myself in front of a bus, but someone’s probably a fucking bus driver, or their mother was a bus or something. Goddammit. — insertclevernamehere

3. Vantage Point (Weekend: $7.5 million; $51 million): (From the DVD Release thread): “Despite my pronunciations of doom, my then-girlfriend and a couple we were friends with went to see Awake … We were even too numb to make out during it.” Shadows of Dakaron

“I’m gonna be sorry I asked, but were you planning on having a swingers lickfest with all four in the theatre? And you do this often? — Adere

There’s no way to post it all here, but for those who want to see the greatest online zombie war ever displayed on the nets, do see the DVD Release thread; it starts about halfway down, a raging zombie battle over Hackers and Jolie’s breasts, of all things.

2. College Road Trip (Weekend: $14 million): “Just to clarify, when I said “I’d kill you all”, I meant “you commenters” or “you Pajibites”. Not that I’d kill all the Irish, because then I’d have to kill my wife and that would really fuck up Christmas.” — TK

“Aaaaaand, the back-pedaling begins. Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that TK just realized he is but six days away from thousands of drunken Irishmen descending on down town Boston with nothing to do but seek revenge? Run, run and take your little lap-zombies in their pink frilly outfits with you, before my army helps you to understand what it’s like to be a sheep in a very special way.” — PaddyDog

1. 10,000 B.C. (Weekend: $36 million): “These 10,000 BC guys were obviously “metros” look at the impeccable facial hair sculpting, well developed “power-rodded” Bowflex physique AND, obvious lack of “stank.” — BarbadoSlim

“B-Slim, that’s because what they have transcends ‘stank.’ What they have is called ‘swamp ass.’ — Julie

“Oh my god. McConaughey is a CAVEMAN!!! From 12,000 years ago!! It all makes sense now!!!!” — Vermillion

“This movie hurts the anthropologist side of my brain so so so much. It’s the cinematic abortion of intelligent design.” — Stew

“I actually just got back from seeing this… Pay no attention to the review (nice try, Daniel) - THIS KICKED ASS! It was a thrill-a-fucking-SECOND rollercoaster ride of awesome kickassitude. Brilliant on a… god, I don’t even know… Comparing it to “The Matrix” or “Bladerunner” would be doing it a disservice. It was that goddam good. The best part? When the Geico cavemen get ass-raped by the Brontotriceratps-Rex - AWESOME! There were so many high-fives I could hardly hear the agonized screaming of those two wisecracking cavemen getting cornholed … When the cheering finally stopped, an old guy in the front stood-up and saluted the screen while tears rolled down his cheeks! Wow… Just, wow.” — Skittimus Maximus

Hooch is So Crazy

The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / The Eloquents

Box Office Round-Ups | March 10, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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