free counter with statistics Hannah Montana Wins the Box Office | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

Seth-Rogen.jpg
Happy Easter. The Jewish Guy Loses Again.

The Weekend Box-Office Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Box Office Round-Ups | April 12, 2009 | Comments (25)

5. Knowing ($6.7 million; $69 million): That Knowing managed to hang on to the top five, narrowly beating out I Love You, Man is appropriate for the weekend, I suppose, since the fucking Easter Bunny plays central to the (anti)climactic finale, as does the story of Genesis. Anybody wonder what would’ve happened to Adam and Eve if the forbidden fruit were an unripe persimmon? It’d be a completely different world, wouldn’t it?

4. Observe and Report ($11.4 million): I suppose the audience for an uncomfortable dark comedy just wasn’t out there on Easter weekend. It’s possible, too, that Seth Rogen really isn’t as big a box-office draw as we on the Internet often think he is. His three biggest hits (Superbad, Knocked Up and 40-Year-Old Virgin) were ensemble comedies. He’s had three “Seth Rogen” movies so far, and this one only performed marginally better on opening weekend than his last one, Zack and Miri Make a Porno (see: It wasn’t your fault, Kevin). The outlier is the moderate hit, Pineapple Express (which grossed $87 million overall), and I don’t much know how to square that movie’s success with Rogen’s last two fizzlers, except to wonder if there’s some Rogen overkill at work here. If that’s the case, the producers behind The Green Hornet have to feel a little nervous, as does Judd Apatow, whose next film, Funny People, stars Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Adam Sandler.

And if you don’t like uncomfortable experiences, I strongly suggest you steer clear from the O & R comment thread.

3. Monsters vs. Aliens ($22 million; $141 million): Of course, the voice of Seth Rogen is still doing fine, as Monsters and Aliens nears $150 million in only its third week out, becoming the biggest 3D movie of all time. Rogen as a voice actor is killing: His other two animated films, Kung Fu Panda and Horton Hears a Who, grossed $215 million and $154 million, respectively. The take home? Maybe folks prefer to hear Rogen more than they care to see him. That doesn’t bode well for this summer’s new FOX reality show, “More to Love,” a dating show for average-looking people. Maybe mainstream audiences would simply prefer to see attractiveness over talent, which explains Matthew McConaughey’s career.

2. Fast & Furious ($28 million; $118 million): It also explains Fast & Furious’ inexplicable success. It passed its predecessor in the franchise after one weekend, and is now poised to become the biggest Fast and the Furious movie so far — it’s only $30 million behind the original. And with those box-office receipts, a fifth movie is all but certain. In fact, it’s official. Both Diesel and Walker will be back for a fifth movie, which will be filmed in Brazil. And Vin Diesel probably gets another career cycle out of it. This time, Vin: Avoid the family films, dude.

1. Hannah Montana: The Movie ($34 million): Fuck me running.

Our review will be up tomorrow.


← Observe and Report Review | Clown Girl Book Review →



Comments

"fuck me running"
I'm trying to imagine what it feels like...

Posted by: nayen at April 12, 2009 8:44 PM

It took me about half a minute to figure out what the title meant, and then I sprayed little bits of masticated Cream Egg all over my laptop. Ha!

I knew Hannah Montana would take the top spot this weekend, but I kinda expected her to do a little better. The tweeners! They're losing their power!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at April 12, 2009 8:46 PM

My 14 year old and her friends went to see the Miley Cyrus movie. It kind of surprised me--they seem to be mostly past the Miley Cyrus stage. When I picked them up, they all said it was "ok" and shrugged.

I sort of want to see that Bolt movie that's out on DVD. Is that wrong?

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at April 12, 2009 9:02 PM

I told you the Haleymonster with her Meredith Vieragorgons were soon to follow, meaux. That's what we get.

*shares a sob with Bslim

Posted by: Jackseppelin at April 12, 2009 9:35 PM

I read somewhere that the forbidden fruit is actually believed to have been a fig, not an apple.

Makes sense, of course. We are very tempting.

I think there might be Rogen overload. He's very likable, but maybe needs to step away for a while, or do a new movie where he's sporting his sexy new look.

Posted by: figgy at April 12, 2009 9:47 PM

Ha ha. Funny Jesus joke. No, really. Funny as date rape. Oh wait, you warned the faint of heart off of the O & R comment thread, so I can't refer them there. Never mind.

I'm just perturbed that the top two grossing movies -- with over $60 million of B.O. -- of any weekend are Past & Curious and Dani California Hannah Montana.

Posted by: Che Grovera at April 12, 2009 10:44 PM

Well isn't this just fantastic? The top two movies are the two stupidest movies on the list. I can only be comforted by the fact that Dragonball seems to be flopping.

Yay for small mercies.

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 12, 2009 10:59 PM

I take solace in the fact that Miley's father now has enough money to finance her porno in five years.

Posted by: admin at April 12, 2009 11:28 PM

Hey, it's a picture of Seth Rogen.

Let's talk about rape some more!

Posted by: Erin at April 12, 2009 11:38 PM

"I take solace in the fact that Miley's father now has enough money to finance her porno in five years."

-admin

Nah, porn stars have too much dignity to work with Miley Cyrus. She'll just end up in an ammature video on a 4th rate reality website.

Posted by: George at April 13, 2009 12:01 AM

I just played Scrabble with a friend whose college-aged sister promised multiple people that she would see the Hannah Montana movie with them, so she's probably going to see it in the theaters a bunch of times. Then again, she also got an EZ-Bake oven as a gift last Hanukkah, so who knows where her mind's at.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 13, 2009 1:44 AM

I'm definitely suffering from Seth Rogen overkill. I like the guy, but he hasn't exactly shown much range, so maybe he could take a break for a little while, give us a breather. Although honestly I don't blame him for wanting to capitalize on audience's love for an R-rated comedy. Who knows how long that's going to last.

Posted by: Mimi at April 13, 2009 2:17 AM

*Crosses finger for Chronicles of Riddick sequel*


I need closure dammit!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 7:21 AM

*fingers


PS: Green Hornet will tank, horribly.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 7:28 AM

Aw, Jew! You'll always be a winner for me!

Chin up, Jew!

Posted by: Withnail at April 13, 2009 8:08 AM

figgy, I read that the original text of Genesis might actually describe the forbidden fruit as a quince.

No, really. It looks like the Owl and the Pussycat were onto something.

Posted by: jkate at April 13, 2009 8:34 AM

Totally unrelated Easter story.

My wife and I were driving yesterday, and I spotted an older couple riding a motorcycle, heading to Walgreens. They looked like a Viagra ad, so I said they must heading there to pick up a refill. My wife immediately jumped in with "When they get home they'll put a sign on the door that says 'HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN INDEED!'"

Good ol' Easter.

Posted by: Snath at April 13, 2009 9:33 AM

I passed by a theater yesterday that didn't seem to be letting anything go. "Push" was still there for crying out loud. Guess it really is the doldrums.

Posted by: Jay at April 13, 2009 9:45 AM

fast and furious 5: brazillian turtle wax edition

Posted by: gp at April 13, 2009 9:57 AM

I think that the theaters showing Hannah Montana in Beach Blanket Bingo or whatever the hell she's doing should warn the fleeting preteens and parental units that: "When you Pay to see Hannah Montana the movie, THEY win!"
Don't ask me who THEY are, but it could either be terrorists or the Mouse(A.K.A Disney) which, when paired together, are eerily similar.
And don't tell me I was the only Jew on Easter who celebrated by eating Matza and watching a dark Romanian movie about abortion. Though I probably am anyway.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at April 13, 2009 10:17 AM

Where the hell is Pookie? Dustin mentioned Kevin Smith again, which can only mean a winded, vulgar assult by the king of verbal justice.

As an aside, judging by the two movies on top of the box office list, I think we can say this 'modern' world we now live in has been ruined by the technology that runs it. A perfect set up for the next Terminator film.

Posted by: richmac at April 13, 2009 10:19 AM

I saw Observe and Report with my brother. I knew five minutes into the film that it would not do well this weekend. I knew twenty minutes into the film that it would not do well any weekend. Period.

Posted by: Robert at April 13, 2009 12:26 PM

I've been feeling like the odd man out but maybe I am not alone after all. I dont really care for Seth Rogen. He's fine as one of a group, but I'm not interested in seeing him as the center piece of a movie.

Posted by: EricD at April 13, 2009 1:49 PM

You can't really count Kung Fu Panda and Horton as "Seth Rogen movies". He barely had any lines in Horton, and even less in Kung Fu Panda. Recognizable actors like him get thrown into kids movies so they have more names to put in the trailer to get parents interested.

Posted by: UncivilizedMike at April 13, 2009 2:25 PM

Maybe vin diesel and paul walker are going to Brazil to have a "private ceremony" and adopt a baby (a beautiful model like Giselle)... they are going to get married eventually on the 6th movie placed in California (in the future, of course).

Posted by: mario at April 13, 2009 3:36 PM