Happy Easter. The Jewish Guy Loses Again.

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | April 12, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | April 12, 2009 |

5. Knowing ($6.7 million; $69 million): That Knowing managed to hang on to the top five, narrowly beating out I Love You, Man is appropriate for the weekend, I suppose, since the fucking Easter Bunny plays central to the (anti)climactic finale, as does the story of Genesis. Anybody wonder what would’ve happened to Adam and Eve if the forbidden fruit were an unripe persimmon? It’d be a completely different world, wouldn’t it?

4. Observe and Report ($11.4 million): I suppose the audience for an uncomfortable dark comedy just wasn’t out there on Easter weekend. It’s possible, too, that Seth Rogen really isn’t as big a box-office draw as we on the Internet often think he is. His three biggest hits (Superbad, Knocked Up and 40-Year-Old Virgin) were ensemble comedies. He’s had three “Seth Rogen” movies so far, and this one only performed marginally better on opening weekend than his last one, Zack and Miri Make a Porno (see: It wasn’t your fault, Kevin). The outlier is the moderate hit, Pineapple Express (which grossed $87 million overall), and I don’t much know how to square that movie’s success with Rogen’s last two fizzlers, except to wonder if there’s some Rogen overkill at work here. If that’s the case, the producers behind The Green Hornet have to feel a little nervous, as does Judd Apatow, whose next film, Funny People, stars Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Adam Sandler.

And if you don’t like uncomfortable experiences, I strongly suggest you steer clear from the O & R comment thread.

3. Monsters vs. Aliens ($22 million; $141 million): Of course, the voice of Seth Rogen is still doing fine, as Monsters and Aliens nears $150 million in only its third week out, becoming the biggest 3D movie of all time. Rogen as a voice actor is killing: His other two animated films, Kung Fu Panda and Horton Hears a Who, grossed $215 million and $154 million, respectively. The take home? Maybe folks prefer to hear Rogen more than they care to see him. That doesn’t bode well for this summer’s new FOX reality show, “More to Love,” a dating show for average-looking people. Maybe mainstream audiences would simply prefer to see attractiveness over talent, which explains Matthew McConaughey’s career.

2. Fast & Furious ($28 million; $118 million): It also explains Fast & Furious’ inexplicable success. It passed its predecessor in the franchise after one weekend, and is now poised to become the biggest Fast and the Furious movie so far — it’s only $30 million behind the original. And with those box-office receipts, a fifth movie is all but certain. In fact, it’s official. Both Diesel and Walker will be back for a fifth movie, which will be filmed in Brazil. And Vin Diesel probably gets another career cycle out of it. This time, Vin: Avoid the family films, dude.

1. Hannah Montana: The Movie ($34 million): Fuck me running.

Our review will be up tomorrow.