Pajiba

I can't really say what the worst movie of all time is - I'm hoping I haven't seen any of the contenders.

Milla Jovovich is pretty hard boiled as Alice in the Resident Evil series, and Rhona Mitra in Doomsday wasn't bad at all.

I have to go with this--and I'm writing as a Star Wars geek (quiet, Pajibans)--but I have to go with this as the worst movie title, if not ever, at least within recent memory:

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

The first horrible movie title that comes to mind (as it is blinking in my face) is "The Hottie and the Nottie". awful title for what I can only assume is an awful movie.

goddammit...Squishymonkeys. Monkeys. Now I'm allll fucked up. Thanks Kirsten! ...insufferable bitch.

PissBoy, don't forget. It's "Crazy/Beautiful". That slash makes the whole thing come alive.

when's the last time a movie featuring two female leads was number one at the box office?

Discounting White Chicks?

You want the female Jack Donaghy? Sigourney Weaver did that role in The TV Set (which came out last year) where she also plays a network executive. And she does it with a toy panda pinned to her lapel.

To quote Sigourney Weaver in The TV Set:

"To Slut Wars!"

double female leads: Single White Female?

Rachel Weisz in "The Shape of Things". That shit was just COLD.

Sigourney Weaver must really enjoy playing cutthroat bitches. She was the backstabbing, conniving, snotty executive in Working Girl. No redeeming qualities. She was all bitch.

Re: Tough chicks in movies. Um, Planet Terror and Death Proof had some pretty badass broads.

As for horrible movie titles, non-exploitation division?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Check and mate.

Did "Outrageous Fortune" reach #1?

No no, TK. "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark" is worse.

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

Whoa, camel. It was just Raiders of the Lost Ark. The "Indiana + ..." didn't come in till the second one.

That's the problem, Ted. That's the newly-uniform title of the dvd when the box came out.

It's not as bad as Greedo and flashlights, but still bad.

I was going to say that, Jay. When I was young, I always thought Indy was a raider himself, but I guess that's too grey for Lucas and Spielberg these days. Now the raiders are just the bad guys.

However, it can't touch me, as I gave up getting surprised/angry/homocidal with this re-tooling shit the moment the shotguns in ET turned to radios. So Crystal Skull is a worse title. I can't even say it properly.

The new Indiana Jones flick gets a pass from me because I finally saw the trailer and went "Oh my god, they're using Girl Hitler as the villain. Awesome." And I'm going to see it for that reason alone.

Hard Candy totally qualifies as a badass female role.

Ummmm, did Practical Magic ever hit number 1? That was headlined by Nicole Kidman when she still had a real face and Sandra Bullock.

Dustin....it seemed like you were positive about The Brave One and Jodie Foster's good job of playing a vengeful Jodie Foster. That's badassery right???

I can't fucking believe the answer to "when's the last time a movie featuring two female leads was number one at the box office?" but goddammit all th hell.... Monster in Law in 2005. 'H'ennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda got top billing. Buddy females indeed.

...Suck it Hollywood. Balls deep. And don't forget to tongue my grundel.

how about Killer Clowns From Outer Space?
that one is a classic

and Bweaves, I only watch Santa Clause Conquers the Martins if it is the MST3K variety...

Hell, I thought Juno was a pretty badass female character. Girl lives her own life.

She is so beautiful!I love her.Maybe many men like her,too.If you want to know her more,you would go to "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ".She is also on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ",there are a lot of reports about her.You can contact her on that site.

Ooh, "Lobster Man from Mars"! Granted, it's a descriptive title more so than a bad one....

I agree with wsapnin, "The Hottie and the Nottie" is waaaay up there on the list of horrible movie titles. Also, "Dude, Where's My Car?" is pretty moronic.

Hey, are we allowing porn movie titles? 'Cause that would blow the field wide open! (hey, I think that IS a porn movie title...)

Oh come on. It can't be Monster-in-Law. That wasn't two female leads. Neither of them could be described as a "lead" in the true sense of the word. Maybe Jane 30 years ago but not today. How about Johnny Depp (he's prettier than most women) and Keira Knightly in the Pirates fanchise? Give me anything but Monster-in-Law, please.

"To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Whatsherfrick"

or

"Gummo"... God, I hated that movie.

Paddy!

the spambot seems to be back in form
we can cease the worrying :)

As much as i do enjoy the spambot, I think Dustin and all may want to insert one of those frustrating text capture things to post a comment. Spambot is getting bold. Not in the fact that it is posting twice now, but that it DARES to suggest interracial dating is OK. I hear a man's penis falls off if he bangs outside his own race. And I hear women grow a third tit. Now...while I do enjoy my women to occasionally be martian mutants, having been victims of bad air, cheap glass, and too many rays leaking into the 'Ville, that is just proom positive that BlackWhiteKiss.com is run by hommunist commosexual dwarves.

My favorite SciFi channel movie title will always and forever be "Kaw." I laughed till I cried when I saw that on my menu screen.

Re: renaming Raiders of the Lost Ark to include the main character's name: It's just in case anyone who has ever gone to the movies ever might not know who the main character is. I mean, godtopus dammit! It might be about Noah and his big ol' boat, right??

Also, Quantum of Solace , anyone?

Ooh, I want to add any movie that uses texting shorthand, like Cradle 2 the Grave. That makes me want to beat everyone involved with a hardbound (heh) edition of The Complete Works of Shakespeare.

Jay, I don't have any Venture Brothers apparel, but being in Europe puts a damper on my internet shopping. However, I DO have a birthday this summer and that will definitely go on my list. I just wish they had that Molotov shirt in a more... girl sized style. But I guess there aren't enough female VB fans to make it worth their while.

And Molotov totally fits the femme fatale description. I mean, one-eyed Russian mercenary, what more could you want?

June 1st!

TK, have you seen the ads for Aztec Rex? The tagline is "The Aztecs summoned a T Rex to keep Cortes and his army out of Mexico. ...[cue dramatic baritone voice]now they need the Conquistadors' help to stop the T-Rex from killing them all."

Brilliant. I wonder if the execs at SciFi have a dartboard with adjectives and types of wildlife, and that's how they come up with movies.

:thwack:

Badger!

:thwack:

Sexified?

:thwack thwack thwack:

Of Unholy Doom! The Sexified Badger of Unholy Doom, start a-writing, typewriter monkey slaves!

The Sexified Badger of Unholy Doom

Do you have claim to that name, Julie? Cuz that'd be a real kinky porn movie name...

SciFi is always a goldmine of sucky C-list movies. They're so bad they're awesome!

I want to second Quantum of Solace, by the way....

I'm sorry, but I stand by Midnight Meat Train. I love the whole old-school slasher vibe it's got.

And damn you, Dakaron, for calling them C-list! The people who brought us Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave from the Grave, and Manticore, can do no wrong in my book.

TK, why did you have to mention MegaSnake? I saw that only out of love for Michael Shanks, but my God, it was awful. The bad special effects, the shitty accents, and some dude named Big Bo. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

I'm confused; are we not getting a review of Harold & Kumar? I saw it last night and it wasn't bad. Not as good as the first, but not bad. The love plot w/ Kumar was unnecessary.

Noooo! LordHelmet, a stabby TK is a NORMAL TK...we need to antagonize him good and often, otherwise he starts singing Carpenters songs and painting pictures of kittens in frilly dresses hugging hampsters, thereby freaking us the fuck out.

I beg to differ, TK. While Atomic Twister may find it's home on SciFi now, it started out at the Mecca for horrible made for TV movies - USA.

Is it wrong that I liked the movie the title of this post was taken from?

Holy Lord, there's a series of these snake movies? If I rent them, I'm torn between burning them for the good of mankind, or watching them for the S&M pleasure.

Yes, TK I did laugh, shamelessly. The worst part is that the name of the movie is a tease; there's no male nudity of any kind!

Just for curiosity's sake, did anyone see that Insatiable? It looked pretty campy, like Modern Vampires.

I'm willing to give the Bond series movie titles a pass -- they're always sort of INTENTIONALLY silly, aren't they?

Aah, thanks Julie for enlightening this uncultured youth ;) Ok, I still don't understand what the hell it means though. I'm not much of a poetry person...or...no, I'm lying...I just never really tried it.

I put off "Eternal" for the longest time as it quickly became painfully hip and there seemed to be a lot of that going around at the time and I would say "Fuck your Yankee arthouse!" and leave them be.

I'm such a pissy contrarian sometimes.

Maybe it just needed the right time. I watched a forcibly loaned friend's dvd on the night of an approaching ice storm. I was going out to meet somebody later on and I was a bit excited about that and, divorced from all popularity and context, it hit me in just the right place and I loved it and nodded "yes, I do that, yes I would do that", etc. Nothing much came of the evening ultimately except a slow drive home once the interstate was closed, but the movie was still good.

Seeing the word "MegaSnake" almost made me choke. For an instant I thought it was made up, but I was amused/horrified (there's that magic slash again) to realize it was completely true.

"Is it wrong that I liked the movie the title of this post was taken from?"

No. What's wrong is that it's April bloody 28th and it's still freezing in this city that I am forced to live in.

How cold is Chicago, Paddy? Because unless it's colder than 36 degrees, you shall get no pity from me. It effing SNOWED here this weekend. Not a lot, and then it rained so it washed away, but still. Where the hell is spring, and what the holy hell happened to global warming? I should have beachfront property and be enjoying the warmth of the Gulfstream by now while I bask in the glow of radiation. Instead, I'm wearing wool socks and three layers. Fuck spring and fuck global warming. Those bitches are such teases.

Joker, I got my bachelors degree in English, which is why I knew of Alexander Pope to begin with. My high school blew. :p

Damn Sarina...and I was all pissy this morning because the temp went back below 60.

[is grateful I don't live in Minnesota]

Melody, I'm fairly convinced that the rest of the braincells suffered damage from lack of use during the movie. Then they spent the last of their energy repressing the memory of the viewing, leaving only a few warning flashes so I knew better than to go back again.

But I was young at the time, and didn't have the understanding of a hangover. I have since perfected my hangover cave technique-- baguette (I don't share), Lipton noodle soup, and any form of television re-runs. Next time I cannot lift my head after a night of good times, perhaps I can revisit South Central.

I could complain about the weather, but I spent 10 years in the north of Norway, so I'll just shut up and appreciate the lovely lovely windy weather of The Hague. Sure it's 11 degrees (Celsius, I refuse to learn that idiotic Farenheit scale), but at least it's not snowing. Good times. This weekend was so warm I was just lying in a park looking at the pretty patterns the planes were making and wondering if they were going to crash on me.

Let's see: Rwanda till I was 12, Kenya till 15, Norway till 25. In between, Australia for a year and now I've moved to the Netherlands. After the first couple of moves it gets easier, then it gets addictive.

WOW. That's really cool, Joker. Man I'm boring, I've only ever lived in the Philly suburbs and Philly itself. I can't wait till I make my millions so I can travel more. :)

add me to those we are completely done with this day
it was warm and sunny and now it is rainy and chilly, and I am tired and....

...

....

...and I just ran out of motivation to do anything but sit here and stare out the window

(and damn Joker....way to live)

Thank God for you Sarina. If I could I'd bring a hot water bottle and a nice cup of cocoa to you (I brought some Valrhona back from my last trip):

I've even tried reading the Lost threads thinking something entertaining will be there, but it's all "some character did blah blah". I may have to finish work early today and check out my recorded eps of The Sarah Jane Adventures (anyone know if it's any good?). Jay? Anyone?

Joker:

Sorry for the nitpick but if you add 32 only at the end your method is correct. The other method is to add 40, do the 9/5 thingy and then subtract your 40 out again. That's just one of the many reasons why it's the supreme bastard of scales because even the mathematics are confusing.

ahhh, I see Joker
yeah, there really wasn't much propelling me out of middle Connecticut. you know, besides boredom

and you hear that Julie?
my ability to survive these last two hours of work have been put into your hands

do not fail me

Paddy, I've also tried reading the Lost threads, but holy hell I don't think I'm psychologically capable of being bored enough to try to endure the nonsense of that show. Something about tropical island polar bears and a monster and some kind of war and I don't even know. I'd rather spend the whole day reorganising my filing cabinets.

In other news, that turkey from a few weeks ago is back. It's walking in circles around the little slope outside my office window. I don't think it's quite right in the head, even for a turkey. It's not a good sign when the highlight of your afternoon is a mildly retarded gallinaceous bird having some kind of episode fifteen feet away from you.

I attemped to read the first ever Lost review and subsequent thread, but it just made my head hurt as I have never seen the show
so now I just ignore it

and I am sensing dinner Sarina.
it will be easier to capture in its retarded state, and I hear mutated genes just make the bird tastier

Yes, I read in bars, if there's enough light, but yes I do carry reading material with me everywhere.

Me too Jay. I always read a book when I'm meeting up with friends at the bar, and I always carry a book in my purse. Even when it's small, then I make sure to borrow a paperback from the library.

I am a proud geek.

Jay, Julie, I use to carry around a book everywhere when I commuted an hour and a half daily. I love my ability to tear through books. Unfortunately, I learned to sleep on the train, found cheap parking for when I'm feeling too princessy to take the train, and worked it out so I don't have to make the commute as often anymore.

I think you guys inspired to me start up again.

I'm jealous of all you Minnesota people. Here in mountain-land, where it's supposed to be cold year-round, it's about 80 degrees with the sun beating down, and I desperately miss the weird looks people give me when I trek through the snow barefoot in a t-shirt. Give me snow over sun ANY day.

See? It's not just me!

There's..............two of us.

Oh God, Paddy... you've struck item number 374 of "things that make me murderousy": People who talk to me on the plane. Seriously, I'm fairly goddamn certain I give off a strong "leave me the fuck alone" vibe on the plane. So if I'm wearing headphones, or reading, or picking my fucking navel lint, DO NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME.

And if you should start anyway because you're too fucking stupid to read my signals, once I start grunting noncommitally and staring at your face as if I'm thinking about biting it, you should really stop. Or better yet, move your seat, because I am going to strangle you with my seatbelt and then stuff your bloated corpse in the luggage bin. After I feast on the steaming goo in your head and then make your eyeballs into a souvenir.

I really don't like it when strangers talk to me.

You guys are fine though.

TK:

People who strike up conversations on airplanes should just be hauled to the door and flung out into the receiving arms of the engine blades (someday I'll figure out how to do this without causing the plane to go down). I once had a guy ask "to see my book" in an interested voice and when I showed him the cover, he closed it LOSING THE PAGE I WAS ON and stuffed in the seat pocket saying "now I have your book hostage so we can talk". The fact that I am not right now awaiting lethal injection for murder is a testament to my extreme self-control that day. In a related story, there's a guy out there with a pair of linen pants ruined by ginger ale spilled on them.

I take a book with me anywhere I go, too. I read at lunch, especially, and any other time I can carve out from my day. Once, I was waiting at the hospital while my dad was having an outpatient procedure, and I had brought my book for some reading-while-waiting time. Well, one of his friends showed up to wait with me. I mean, I appreciate that he has friends who are concerned about him, and all that, but I was perfectly happy by myself. Of course, I had to be the gracious daughter and interact with the friend, but I kept thinking about how I was missing out on my book. Fortunately, my dad had a good report, and friend left. That allowed me time to read until Dad was discharged home.

Genny (aka Rusty):

Not to get all ethnocentric on your arse, but you've been in Ireland since late January, so that would be February, March, April which would amount to: Spring, one season (yes, the further north, spring starts early). How many seasons were you hoping to encounter in that time?

Paddy, I guess I was foolishly hoping it would move from chilly to... not exactly warm but nice somewhere around the middle of April. I don't need heat, but just mild temperatures and some sun appropriate for lounging on the grass and getting my daily dose of Vitamin D. Also, you have my sympathies for that plane story. That's terrible.

ChrisD, I was in Rome about a week after easter and it was 20C. It was fantastic. I'm going to Spain in three weeks and counting on getting in some more warm weather while there.

Genny (also Rusty):

There's a reason why the ancient Romans never colonized Ireland. There's also a reason why they called it Hibernia (which means Land of Winter). We don't really do sun. You can get Vitamin D from the milk which is some of the most nutritious in the world thanks to cows who graze on lush grass continuously moisturised by? Yes: rain.

OK, so I'm really late to the thread and probably no one will read this, but a tree falling in the woods still fucking falls. I totally agree with the "Baby Mama" bit. I think the major flaw with "Leatherheads" was that it was supposed to be like the old screwball comedies with Katherine Hepburn or Rosalind Russell, but we don't have those any more. I mean, I didn't think Renee Zelleweger was right for the part, but I couldn't think of any current actresses who could've done a better job being balsy, funny, and somewhat feminine. Dammit, Hollywood, I want my role models back.

Hot stature,sun glass, blond hair and red coat are all my style!! those tall women(even models) i hook up with were also in that style. still remember the tall dating place, to share with u guys: __Tallmingle.c om_ a place to start a beautiful romance and leave sweet memories!!

"Hot stature,sun glass, blond hair and red coat are all my style!!"

I am a teenage Russian prostitute.

I just don't see why I should stare at my shoes when there's a Discworld to explore (for example).

Oh, joker...just when I was ready to write you off...you win back my heart. How could I hate a fellow Pratchett-lover?

"now I have your book hostage so we can talk"

Would you believe I've had that happen to me, too? She was lucky she was cute, otherwise I would have done more than just verbally abused her for the next fifteen minutes as she shriveled in her chair. Seriously...seriously...damnit...too full of rage to think of what I was thinking of...

By the way...you notice TK said number 374 of the list. It probably does number in the thousands...People who talk to me on the plane has the statistical probability of making him stabby on a daily basis...