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April 28, 2008 | Comments ()



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Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle of Death

The Weekly Box Office Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Box Office Round-Ups | April 28, 2008 | Comments ()


10. Deception (Weekend: $2.2 million): Ewan McGregor, Hugh Jackman, and Michelle Williams in a soft-porn crime thriller, and the best they can do is $2 million? That’s fucking sad. It’s also the worst opening of Hugh Jackman’s career. Of course, Ewan McGregor called it a while back, proclaiming that — while he’s very proud of the film — it would be a flop because of the horrible title the studio gave it. Strangely enough, that was the exact same excuse that Doug E. Doug gave for the dismal performance of Operation Dumbo Drop.

Mini-diversion: Worst movie title of all time? I’m going to go with one so awful that I can’t even bring myself to type it out, but here’s the link (link is Rick-Roll free). I don’t think it can be topped.

4 . Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Weekend: $11 million; Total: $45 million): I have little left to say about Sarah Marshall, so let’s look ahead to the principals’ next projects: In addition to the long-delayed Fanboys, Kristen Bell is currently scheduled to be the lead in a movie scripted by the late Adrienne Shelley (Waitress) about a high-powered attorney (presumably Bell) who duct tapes her adulterous husband (Justin Long) to the wall right before their house is burgled. The movie is called Serious Moonlight and will be directed by Cheryl Hines. Jason Segel is staying in the Apatow world, next appearing alongside Paul Rudd and Jaime Pressly in I Love You, Man, which is about a groom searching the world for the perfect best man. Mila Kunis stars as an assassin opposite Mark Wahlberg in Max Payne, and Russell Brand next appears in Bedtime Stories, another Adam Sandler low-concept gimmick comedy.

3. The Forbidden Kingdom Weekend: $11 million; Total: $38 million): As it approaches the $40 million mark, the Jackie Chan/Jet Li film has now been entered as many times as what celebutard’s forbidden kingdom? I’ll give you a few seconds to think it over.

2. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (Weekend: $15 million): The success of the Harold and Kumar sequel kind of snuck up on us, which is why we ran the Deception review on Saturday and held H & K until later this afternoon. Who knew this generation’s counterpart to Next Friday would be as big a hit? I didn’t realize there was such a thirst for stoner comedies with political subtexts. Actually, there’s not a lot of instances in which I wish the script stuck to dope and sex jokes, but I like my Harold and Kumar agenda-free, unless that agenda is the search for late-night munchies and NPH’s womens. Personally, I’m just glad that Kal Penn can finally wash the bad taste of Epic Movie and Van Wilder 2 down — dude deserves better than stints on “24” and “House, M.D.”

1. Baby Mama (Weekend: $18 million): So, here’s my question: What the fuck happened to bitches in film? Where are our femme fatales? The hard-assed, hard-nosed fuck-you-up dragon ladies? Or the evil villainesses? Why do female characters always have to be so goddamn sweet and likable now? Even The Devil Wears Prada was significantly watered down to make Meryl Streep’s character somewhat likable. Wouldn’t it be great to see a take-no prisoners, stab you in the back, push you down the stairs, and then grind a cigarette butt in your face fast-talking Girl Friday? I want diabolical, damnit. Like, a female counterpoint to Kevin Spacey in Swimming with Sharks? Don’t get me wrong, I love Tina Fey: But what I’d really like to see is the female equivalent of Jack Donaghy. Why do women in movies always have to have a gooey center? It is nice to see a female buddy comedy rise to the top, however; when’s the last time a movie featuring two female leads was number one at the box office? I’ll give you a few seconds to think about that.



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