free counter with statistics Box Office Round Up April 19, 2009 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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You See This Kid's Face? Get Used to It.


The Weekend Box-Office Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Box Office Round-Ups | April 19, 2009 | Comments (45)


The week’s top five movies, for the most part, were a depressing lot if you’re no longer a brain-dead teenager, who are clearly the people who are driving box-office grosses. 17 Again, the Zac Efron/Matthew Perry soul (sucking) transference flick, debuted at number one this week with a nearly $25 million take — Perry’s biggest opening, ever. Hannah Montana: The Movie, despite at 60 percent drop-off from its opening frame, tacked on another $12 million this weekend (good for fourth place), and Fast and Furious continued to perform better than it deserves, adding another $12 million to bring it’s totally to $136 million — $8 million below the original flick after only three weeks. It is sure to pass Talladega Nights at $148 million, and become the second-highest grossing car-centered film of all time, behind Cars $244 million. And the kid-centric, Monsters vs. Aliens, continued to own the family-film demographic, raking in nearly $13 million to bring its total, to date, up to $162 million. It’s the number one film of 2009 so far, and may not be surpassed until Star Trek comes out in the second week of May.

The one bright spot among the top five films was State of Play — the lone film for adults — which debuted at number two with a solid, if unspectacular, $14 million. Although, I’ll concede that the only audience more obnoxious than 200 text-messaging teenagers is the audience that State of Play clearly attracted to late-afternoon Saturday matinees, which is when I saw it. I was the youngest person in attendance, and there were three people (3) with walkers. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but for the fact that it’s hard to hear the movie yourself when you’re watching it with a crowd full of hearing impaired geriatrics who consistently turn to one another and loudly ask, “WHAT’D HE SAY?!”

I think I’d have preferred text-messaging gigglers.

Most disappointing, perhaps, was the showing of Crank: High Voltage, which debuted at number six, with a paltry $6.5 million, although clearly the Crank films aren’t big budget spectacles — the first one only grossed $27 million, lifetime, yet that was enough to get a sequel greenlit. Still, it’s disheartening to learn than the power of Statham does have its limits.

The showing of 17 Again, Hannah Montana, Fast and Furious and the other big hit this year, Paul Blart: Mall Cop presents a curious question, in relation the post we ran on Friday, the top 20 films of 1987. Check out those top 20 films. How many were purely driven by teenage audiences? Dirty Dancing, perhaps? It’s certainly telling with regard to Hollywood’s shifting targeting audience. I’ve seen 19 of the top 20 films of 1987, and I was 12 when they opened. Teenagers in 1987, instead of suffering through Fast and Furious or Hannah Montana: The Movie, went and saw many of the same movies their parents did. Most of those movies managed to be appealing to teenagers without being alienating to adults. Indeed, the top 20 films were better movies that appealed to wider audiences. Of course, if Three Men and a Baby had debuted in 2009, it’d probably do just as well. But a movie like Fatal Attraction, which was the second-highest grossing film of 1987, probably would’ve settled for something in the $40 to $50 million range in 2009. What’s even more telling is that none of the leads in those films in 1987 were under the age of 25. Even Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing was 27. And yet, over the last two weeks, the box-office has been dominated by a 22-year-old Zac Efron and a 16-year-old Miley Cyrus.

What does it all mean? Beats the hell out of me. But with the success of 17 Again and Hannah Montana, there’s got to be a Menudo movie in our future. Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel stars are the future stars of Hollywood. Damnit.

The top five movies for the weekend ending April 19, 2009:

1. 17 Again ($24 million)
2. State of Play ($14 million)
3. Monsters vs. Aliens ($12.9 million; $162 million)
4. Hannah Montana The Movie ($12.6 million; $56 million)
5. Fast & Furious ($12.2 million; $136 million)


State of Play Review | Tourist Season Book Review



Comments

I just had a terrifying thought. What if Zac Enron and Miley Ray Cyrus were in a movie together. I'm pretty sure that would be the 7th seal being broken.

Posted by: PavlovianHippie at April 19, 2009 6:23 PM

What if they mated?

And...

And...

No, it's too horrible to contemplate.

Posted by: ssmiley at April 19, 2009 6:34 PM

I simply cannot understand how anyone believes Zac Efron is straight. How can you watch that kid for five seconds and think, "This guy prefers to have sex with women."

Boggles my mind!

Posted by: vercordio at April 19, 2009 6:45 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Posted by: ChaCha at April 19, 2009 6:50 PM

How can you watch that kid for five seconds and think, "This guy prefers to have sex with women."

I am so with you on that, vercordio...

Posted by: ChaCha at April 19, 2009 6:54 PM

Efron looks kind of hot there. Not as hot as that Details cover, but I'd hit it.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 19, 2009 7:30 PM

i've been busy! i didn't think statham would miss my $8.50. i swear i was going to visit him later in the week. oh, what have i done?!

Posted by: gp at April 19, 2009 7:37 PM

and ever since tugger killed himself, i can't stand russel crowe!

Posted by: gp at April 19, 2009 7:39 PM

Don't worry, ssmiley. That will never happen. Neither individual has the proper reproductive organs. It's one of the unfortuante (or is it fortunate?) side effects of being created in Disney's genetics laboratory.

Posted by: dave at April 19, 2009 8:16 PM

Uh..WOW..

Dustin Rowles ladies and gentlemen; Ryan Reynolds enthusiast, ban-master of all things ending in 00..kie, socialist and... HATER OF OLD PEOPLE !?!?!

Seriously dude, I'm notifying Wilford Brimley as I'm posting this.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 19, 2009 8:17 PM

I'd buy Phil Anselmo a steak dinner just to see him one-punch this kid. And I've never seen anything he's starred in. And I don't even begrudge him his success. And I'm not even angry as I say it. It's just the first thing I think of when I see him.

Posted by: Benny at April 19, 2009 8:29 PM

I'm not sweating it about Efron.

Look it's like this, he's no DiCaprio, he will NEVER, and I mean EVER, shed the Disney stank. Apart from that I haven't perceived any nascent underlying "acting" talent whatsoever. He will either go the Hayden Christensen route, doing crap like Jumper. Or, the Josh Hartnett route doing even crappier crap like 40 Days and 40 Nights, either way he's going NOWHERE. A third even more disgraceful route would take him to Ashton Kutcher territory, where he would star in endless repetitive rom-coms with aging, Cameron Diaz, or titless uber-cunt, Kate Hudson.

Save your pennies pretty boy.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 19, 2009 8:50 PM

The Ahston Kutcher route? Does that mean Efron will get his own show on MTV?

"Zac Efron in... Douch'd!"

Posted by: George at April 19, 2009 9:02 PM

He does kinda strike me as being an approximation of a person, like a stock "male" illustration from an airline pamphlet.

Posted by: Benny at April 19, 2009 9:07 PM

This whole post is fucking depressing.

God I hate tweens.

Posted by: figgy at April 19, 2009 9:25 PM

Well, I'm glad the Pajiab Overlords have finally come around to what I was trying to tell people a couple weeks ago; that movie box office takes really only reflect the bad taste of teenagers, not the bad taste of the entire country. As to why "good" movies did better in the 80's; fuck if I know, I was born in 86. Still, the first thing I'd look at would be price of movie tickets with inflation taken into account.

Though I'm with you on the ages of movie starts. I'm not thrilled to see that, according to popular media, I hit my peak sexual attractiveness at 16 and at all of 22 am about to age out of being considered "hot". Unless I want to be a "MILF" or "Cougar" both terms I hate because can't we just call attractive women "attractive women" and be done with it? Why does there have to be a gimmick for everything?

And here ends my non-sensical Sunday night rant.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 19, 2009 9:43 PM

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 19, 2009 9:43 PM

So which one are you?

Cougar or MILF?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 19, 2009 9:58 PM

Hear, hear, Genny (also Rusty).

I'm 30...what the hell am I considered as? Living-Dead? Am I an unwitting participant in the zombie apocalypse?

Posted by: popejenn at April 19, 2009 10:08 PM

I may as well just check into an assissted living facility at 38 then, huh? Damn.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 19, 2009 10:13 PM

AvB, I'll be there with you shortly.

Posted by: popejenn at April 19, 2009 10:19 PM

I agree with Slim. I think he's going nowhere.

Posted by: Cindy at April 19, 2009 10:22 PM

mmm....Momma's got a little bit of a cougar crush on the Zefron.

Posted by: wsapnin at April 19, 2009 10:22 PM

Posted before I read previous posts.

However, I think you are a MILF in your 30's if you are an M. However, become cougarish in your 40's when having the hots for (much) younger men.

However, it may change due to the age of the man for which you are yearning.

My dad (happily married for 47 yrs) claims that the age for a may-december romance is 1/2 your age + 7 before it becomes too creepy.

Therefore, me and Zefron...creepy. grrr...

Posted by: wsapnin at April 19, 2009 10:28 PM

I was once elected Prime Minister of the electrotherapy wing of an assisted living facility.

...

Wait, what do you mean by "assisted living facility"?

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at April 19, 2009 10:33 PM

1/2 my age +7? This is a fantastic equation that allows me to date Rob Pattinson and not be creepy!
*squeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeEEEEeeee!!!!!*

Posted by: popejenn at April 19, 2009 10:41 PM

Right now half my age plus 7 = barely legal, so I think I'll have to wait a few years before encountering the kinds of ethical dilemmas which the equation is meant to head off. Also, I hate the idea of dating someone younger than my brother, who just turned 20. It'd just be super weird.

And, Slim, at least until I'm 25 I think I can just stick with "hot" and after that I'll give you an update.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 19, 2009 10:47 PM

Why no, that's not creepy, not creepy at all...jenn

*cough*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 19, 2009 10:47 PM

How old are you, Slim? *leering* Until I meet up with R.Pattz, you could do. Yeesssss...you could do just fine....


Ok, now I'm creeping myself out.

Posted by: popejenn at April 19, 2009 10:51 PM

lol my crush is exactly 1/2 my age + 7

Posted by: tash at April 19, 2009 10:56 PM

"titless uber-cunt, Kate Hudson."

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 19, 2009 8:50 PM

You take that back about Penny Lane. TAKE IT BACK.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 19, 2009 11:24 PM

lol my crush is exactly 1/2 my age + 7

Posted by: tash at April 19, 2009 10:56 PM
---
You're both 14?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 20, 2009 12:09 AM

Hee hee. I laughed at a math joke!

Posted by: popejenn at April 20, 2009 12:31 AM

after seeing 17 Again i think that Zac Efron might become the next big icon by which we define "male hotness"

Posted by: nomad at April 20, 2009 3:04 AM

Damn - my crush needs to be two years older before it's not creepy. need to find a new one.

La Efron is definitely Not Having Sex with Girls - my friend Melinda has the mutant power of being able to watch someone sing and immediately tell you their orientation. Gives her something to do when bored and at a show or movie or concert. Bisexuals test her power but if she concentrates, she can tell you which way they're leaning *at that moment*. It's an awesome mutant power.

Anyway, we saw Hairspray (yup, and lerved it, so shut up) and about a minute in she went "so so so so so SO gay". Mutant power does not lie.

Or indeed all those photos where he's got his arm around his Officially Sanctioned Disney Girlfriend and there's practically a thinks-bubble above his head screaming "GIRLGERMSGIRLGERMSARGHARGHARGH."

Posted by: Oztraylienne at April 20, 2009 6:11 AM

This list makes sense. I don't know any adults that go to the movies anymore except for the rare "must see" movie, like The Dark Knight. I used to go nearly every week. Since last summer I've seen "Quantum of Solace" and "Coraline" in the theater. I just don't care to see the majority of movies in the theater anymore and it has a lot to do with the theater patrons and the overall hassle. I have a home theater set up and Blu Ray, I'd rather just wait and watch it at home in 3 months.

That said, the next movie I'll be seeing is "Star Trek". But after that I couldn't tell you what the next one will be. Probably "Up" but I'm really not blown away but what I've seen of it so far.

Posted by: TylerDFC at April 20, 2009 7:28 AM

Anybody see Sit Down, Shut Up last night?

*sips coffee*


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat DA FUCK, was that all about?

/it sucked

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 20, 2009 7:56 AM

Zac Efron is gayer than gay. Brent Corrigan stars in gay porn and he's STILL like a less gay, more masculine version of Zac Efron. So if Zac is the new standard by which to judge male hotness or masculinity or whatever, that means the Apocalypse is nearing. Or at least I hope. Anyway, 17 Again looked like utter crap when I saw the trailer, so I'm depressed now.

Posted by: Thijs at April 20, 2009 8:18 AM

State of Play winning Number 2 makes me hopeful. I must see this film immediately. (My boss will understand.)

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at April 20, 2009 9:27 AM

Well, if I wasn't depressed before, I sure am now that I realize that 1/2 my age + 7 = 22ish. It's no fun robbing the cradle if there's no baby in it!

Posted by: Kolby at April 20, 2009 10:22 AM

I may as well just check into an assissted living facility at 38 then, huh? Damn.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 19, 2009 10:13 PM
---
*... divide by 12 ... carry the 4 ... yes!*

You're always welcome at my place.

Barely.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 20, 2009 10:42 AM

BarbadoSlim I watched it. It was a half hour of suck.

The Mr. and I went to see State of Play and we both really enjoyed the movie. It was nice to go to the movies and not have to see a comedy/horror/teen movie.

Posted by: Heathen at April 20, 2009 11:14 AM

I hate Efron. He's not even gay; he's a eunuch.

Posted by: tt_marie at April 20, 2009 11:24 AM

tt_marieI hate Efron. He's not even gay; he's a eunuch.

yep, I always figured that he basically has the genitalia of a Ken doll.

Posted by: Drake at April 20, 2009 11:55 AM

That "State of Play" experience you had Rowles reminds me of when I went to see "The Others." There were maybe 10 people in the audience, and two of them were an elderly couple who decided to sit directly behind my friend and me. And, of course, one of them was practically deaf, so the marjority of the movie, I heard this:

Husband: "What did she say?"
Wife: "She said, 'Nicolas, don't speak to them.'"
Husband: "Oh. What did he say?"
Wife: "He said, 'Why?'"
Husband: "Oh. What did she say?"

and so on. Finally, as the truth was hitting Nicole Kidman in the movie, I couldn't take anymore. I stood up and said to my friend, loud enough for everyone around us to hear, "I'm going to sit up front where I can HEAR THE MOVIE!" Then I marched to the front row, where I watched the rest of the movie alone, and, thankfully, in silence. According to my friend, after I got up, the couple shut up. I don't have a problem with senior citizens, but seriously? Either get a hearing aid or rent the movie at home - with subtitles!

Posted by: Melissa at April 20, 2009 1:57 PM

I went to see State of Play on Saturday, had to return my ticket because it was sold out and that was in the large theater. So I went to see Adventureland instead.

Finally saw if on Sunday, at 10:30 a.m. and the theater was still full with film goers of varying ages, so I guess folks there is still hope.

As for Zac, gayer than Matthew Broderick in The Stepford Wives.

Posted by: allheavens at April 20, 2009 5:41 PM