Pajiba

Nice to see you on here, Mr. Goss.

So there really were people who were not drawn in by the prospect of Rachel Nichols in boob armor? It's a funny old world.

csb: For all I know, they paid to see both.

It's true. So far as Gosses go, Porter would be the one pounding me into the proverbial cafeteria table.

And that's why he's running the CIA, like the big fat show-off that he is.

Boob armor, huh? Boobs should never be covered in armor. Wet t-shirts on the other hand...

I kid, I guess boob armor serves a practical purpose. Boobs needs protection from lasers/bullets/explosions and whatever else was in the movie.

I would also like to point out that I would be much less likely to shoot at woman in a wet t-shirt than a woman in boob armor.

And that's why he's running the CIA, like the big fat show-off that he is.

Well, that loser did have to resign before getting two years into the job, so if you play your cards right with Dictator Dusty and Co. you might last longer than he did, and who's getting shoved in cafeteria tables THEN, HUH?

Hey gp. Have you been workin' out?
*Locks eyes with gp*

I do love Brian Posehn.
*Moves close enough for you to feel his breath*

Boys... BOYS!

Oh, jeez. Someone get the hose.

NO, NOT THAT HOSE!

*Moves away sharply while giggling like a schoolgirl*
Psh! We're not gay! Tee Hee!

look, i wasn't confused until everybody started telling me i was confused.

you know what i think? if i was made in the godtopus' image, and i'm a little bi-curious, then maybe the godtopus is a little bi-curious too.

(Jesopus is Godtopus's only forgotten transsexual son. On his third birthday, he asked to become a girl after crying when he heard Christopher Cross sing Sailing.)

That's understandable, everyone cries when they hear "Sailing". This is in fact why I come to Pajiba, for discussions of boob armor, the CIA and Christopher Cross songs.

Such is the case with Jesopus, who retains his original parts. It helps him identify with everyone.

Oooh. That's strangely arousing.

In honor of William's arrival, I offer up a clip from Tod Browning's "Freaks":

We accept him, one of us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBXyB7niEc0

One of us! One of us!
Gooble-gobble, gooble-gobble!

As foe me, I kinda like the new guy.

Jesopus is happy.

(Jesopus is Godtopus's only forgotten transsexual son. On his third birthday, he asked to become a girl after crying when he heard Christopher Cross sing Sailing.)

Posted by: Cindy at August 9, 2009 10:03 PM

I myself cry every time I hear Christopher Cross, tears of rage. The fucker beat Pink Floyd's The Wall for the Grammy Awards Album of the Year despite being the most enor- mously mediocre musician of his era. He personally taught Coldplay every- thing they know.

Christopher Cross is such a one hit wonder, Vanilla Ice makes jokes about him when he's not getting beaten up by Zombie Tupac. Christopher Cross is such a hack, Paul Haggis talks with him every Sunday to help him write his next script. Christopher Cross's Grammy is so undeserving, Milli Vanilli's Grammy became sentient, and goes to Christopher Cross's house every Sunday while Cross is busy with Haggis, and takes a shit on his bed.

Fuck you, Christopher Cross. I hope you spend the rest of your life covering Creed songs while locked in an underground vault with Scott Strapp for what you did. It's people like you that are the reason we can't have nice things in our society.

George, how do you even know who Christopher Cross is? For that matter, how do you know who Pink Floyd is?
Ok, I understand the Pink Floyd accusation is a bit much but seriously, I have never heard a Christopher Cross song and I assumed people were calling the seminal rap group Kriss Kross by their Christian name.
Here I was thinking that rap group with backwards clothes won a Grammy.
JUMP JUMP JUMP
(Don't judge me, I'm still tender from my first internet homo-erotic experience.)

Optimus, it was an old Cracked article. I listened to Christopher Cross afterward, and I felt like putting my foot through the computer. I'm a huge music dork right now, and know way more about music than a normal person should.

I'm not sure how I managed to miss the Gay Chicken thing, but I would like to see it in person. Please.
Or AvB can add some squishy sound effects to her video?
Make it happen!

Imagine being a radio DJ back then and having to pretend that you actually LIKED Christopher Cross. "Saiiiiiiiiiiiiling"....
Yarp! (That's the sound I make when I barf/puke/vomit whatever you call it.)
That Goss guy?
He's okay.

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Posted by: lily at August 10, 2009 3:36 AM

A Good Looking with a HOT figure? I am so in...

I like the new guy. But then, I also like Coldplay (sorry George) so make of that what you will.

George, now you can understand Jesopus's pain and shame. He suffers for all Pajibans.

So what's the proper pronunciation of Jesopus?

Is it straight American Jeezopuss?
German Yay-zo-puss?
French jezopue?
Spanish Hay-so-pooss?

Personally I like my metaphors and accents as muddled as possible, since, you know, he represents us all, so I'm going for the Franco-German mashup Yay-so-pue.

I am sort of confused on how a new writer can "pop-up," and from all places Orlando, Florida. I thought the only people there were tourists and those with college jobs or no skills. What are the odds that Mr. Goss caught Dustin doing things to Mickey Mouse that would have landed him in jail for many years. Just saying.

Welcome welcome William!

just imagine the sight of Marlon Wayans dashing past a cooking school, screaming about how “our goose is cooked!,” while Meryl Streep let out a high-pitched coo of delight.

That movie I think I'd go see.

Say what you like about the man, nobody finds more glee in his hate than Guess Who.

Excuse me Tracer but I don’t find glee in my hate, I don’t have hate. I find glee in pointing out the hypocrisy that permeates throughout pajiba. I’m not all that surprised that you would make that statement, I’m sure someone sent you orders to attack me. I demand to know who ordered the code red.

I'm in Miami and frankly, that's too long of a commute for stalking, so I expect the Orlando contingent of Pajiba to keep me up to date with regular reports on the stalking.

Not worth the drive for stalking? I'm disappointed, Genny. You ARE getting rusty...

dammit, AvB, now so do I. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

Muah ah ha ahahhahahahahahh!

I am ecstatic. Misery loves company, don'tcha know.

Pissant the review is irrelevant, it is the constant attacks on certain stars and directors that fuels my outrage. When you have a group of people that sucks on the teats of Robert Downey Jr.’s piece of shit dope head convicted felon ass, then shit on Tyler Perry just because he makes a movie that some don’t like, that is the hypocrisy I speak about.

This is the same website that voted in a recent poll that had “Next American Model” or “Top Model” or whatever the fuck the name of the show is as it’s number one rated show, that tells me everything that I need to know about the people that cast negative aspersions on Tyler Perry. Ask Tyler Perry has he ever been hooked on dope? Ask him has he ever done time in the big house for dope using?

Now sit back and watch the jock sniffers rush to defend that piece of shit dope head Downey Jr. So to answer your question Pissant, I don’t give a fuck about a review. I don’t hate Downey Jr., I loved Iron Man and I will be in line to see Iron Man 2, but what I don’t like is hypocrisy.

Every person on this goddamn website was giving head to “500 Days of Summer,” that movie barely made enough money to cover the light bill of all the theaters that premiered the movie. Fucking “Pootie Tang” had a bigger opening.

The whole world is off its rocker Pissant, you got these fucking know nothings showing up at these town hall meetings trying to fuck things up. You got Sarah Palin walking around talking about a fucking “Death Panel.” And you had millions of motherfuckers to vote for her, that baby seal killing cunt.

There's a great big Internet out there, Guess Who! Don't let us hold hypocrites you back.

Pissant I speak of money as a metaphor for hypocrisy. There is a reason “500 Days of Summer” didn’t make shit at the box office but “The Ugly Truth” is approaching 70 million dollars. Deep down inside people are one way but their actions show who they really are. I remember the review of 500 DoS and everybody around here was sucking its dick, but the box office receipts told the real story, the masses didn’t swallow they spit it out.

Guess Who!

I think your measuring stick for "box office success" is off quite a bit.

The main reason "500 Days" didn't make as much as "The Ugly Truth" did is because "500 Days" is playing in 817 theaters (3.7 mill this week, 12.3 million cume) after four weeks of release while "The Ugly Truth" opened in nearly 3000 theaters ($7 mill this week, $69 mill cume). How can a film possibly equal the box office gross of another when its only playing in a third of the theaters? It's mathematically impossible.

The telling figure here is that "500 Days" had a $30,000 per screen average in its first weeks of release while "Ugly" truth had a $10,000 per screen average.

I haven't seen either film, I'm just looking at it statistically. Also, "success" is very subjective. "The Ugly Truth" had a production budget of almost $40 million dollars, the average marketing budget is normally half the production budget, which would mean that "The Ugly Truth" isn't yet breaking even. I would assume the budget for "500 Days" was roughly $4 million (and that's on the high-side) with a similar marketing budget:

So, here's the end numbers:

Ugly Truth (40 production+40 marketing)=$80 million budget. Subtracting the domestic revenues, $69 million, would mean that it's still $11 million in the red (not counting international of course or ancillary, where the real money is made).

500 Days: ($4 production+$4 marketing)=$8 million. Subtracting domestic box office, that's a $4 million profit. Not bad considering the small investment!

God damn, Drew, how long are you gonna respond to comments? You're gonna burn out, man.

Pissant I speak of money as a metaphor for hypocrisy.

I think I could only agree with what you're saying if everyone in the US(we'll keep it domestic) was active on Pajiba. In that case, yes, this would be country full of hypocrites. Having absolutely nothing to back this up, I'd wager that more people saw The Ugly Truth than have even heard of Pajiba. Simply put, I don't the think "the masses" come here.

I also can't agree with you the 500 Days of Summer is failing. It seems as though it is doing great where it is playing, and it hasn't been released in all the venues it will be released in, yet.

Yeah Pissant that’s the problem, all the venues haven’t been used yet. But when they are, oh baby look out!

Drew baby, listen, in today’s society most things are in the red with dope being one of the few exceptions.

Drew, you were the one to trot out your figures to make it seem as though “The Ugly Truth” barely made a dime. My response was that few movies make money when you factor in overhead. Any way you slice it 70 million is more than 40 million when you start at zero.

Ok Drew I’ll play your game but answer me this, if The Ugly Truth II and 500 DoS II were made on the same budget and shown on the same number of screens which one do you think would make the most money?

Guess Who!

I'm still wondering how people who run/visit this site are hypocrites because millions of people who don't necessarily visit this site saw The Ugly Truth.

Guess Who,

You're hypothetical situation is beside the point. The reason the budget on "500" was so low was because of the actors used, which probably is the main reason why it probably hasn't found wider distribution. I'm not ragging on the film for this, just pointing out that this is one of the reasons people are going to see it. It's a quirky, low-budget indie film.

In any case, "500" is a indie film that has been both successful with critics and at the box office. It might not be "Juno" or "Garden State," but it's not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. You're trying to compare apples to oranges.

Your first post:
I love the fact that as of today Heigl’s “The Ugly Truth” has made almost 70 million dollars and “Funny People” has made 40 million, and “500 days of Summer” hasn’t even sniffed 13 million dollars. I love it because all of you loathe Heigl and all of you were sucking the teats of “500 Days of Summer.” To put a cherry on top G.I. Joe, yes, fucking G.I. Joe made over 50 million dollars over the weekend, how do like them apples?

Part of your next post:
I find glee in pointing out the hypocrisy that permeates throughout pajiba.

I guess I thought the second post explained somewhat your remarks in the first post. That's the assumption I've been working off of here.

But then you say this:
Every person on this goddamn website was giving head to “500 Days of Summer,” that movie barely made enough money to cover the light bill of all the theaters that premiered the movie.

It just seems to me that you're calling people hypocrites because there movie didn't make as much money an another one. If that isn't what you're saying, than I don't understand the "light bill" comment.

i second the comment button taking UP TO A MINUTE to load.

and i respond that MSvsGO WAS a better movie than billy elliot.
because you're all so damn argumentative.

HMMPH!

Pissant my comments stems from Mr. Goss and his snide comment “ Funny People took the most significant stumble, falling 65 percent to fifth place and yet still besting the Heigl-wielding likes of “The Ugly Truth” by less than a mil. You heard it here, folks: a terminally ill Adam Sandler beats an uncontrollably orgasmic Rainbow Killer any day.”

Well the fact that I'm reading about the studios' decision to keep G.I. Blows from the press in order to hide its suckiness on several websites means that their plan didn't work.

I wasn't planning on seeing it anyway as it seems as stupid as Transformers.

Hell no Drew, please don’t play the " budget on 500 DoS was so low was because of the actors used card." Not after everyone here had Zooey Deschanel on every goddamn hottest and sexiest and cutest list. The bottom line is that 500 DoS didn’t do shit at the box office because people didn’t want to see it. Now you're sucking on that Indie film cock, lets see if those distribution companies feel the same way you do. By this time next week 500 DoS will be part of a midnight double feature.

Posted by: Guess Who! at August 10, 2009 6:03 PM

Did you read a word of my box office figure response? It did "do shit" at the box office and people did want to see it (how else would you explain the large per screen profit?). Also, for the record and not that it really matters, I'm not a huge fan of Zooey and I have yet to see the film. Numerically, your statement is illogical.

I'd go into the specifics of platform release, but I don't think it would do any good...

"Madea" was a success because the overhead (marketing and the costs to make and ship duplicate prints) was kept low, which normally parallels the budget of the film, which was roughly $20 million for Perry's previous film. So, you have a film that cost the studio approximately $30 million, meaning that it made a profit of $10 million dollars.

"Funny People" is a disaster. Every analyst and industry insider has commented on this and how bad of a summer Universal has had (Public Enemies bombed as well). The production budget for "FP" was $75 million alone. The picture hasn't even grossed $50 so far... So yes, "Madea" did blow "Funny People" out of the water.

The per screen average is not to be equated with a picture's success, it's a gauge of a film's popularity which, on a week to week basis, normally determines if the exhibitor produces and rents more prints.

That above comment wasn't mine, though it should be said that mixedmingle.com really will give you much happiness.

It love you long time.