free counter with statistics Box Office Results August 30, 2009 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Summer's Dead, Baby. Summer's Dead.


The Weekend Box-Office Round-Up / William Goss

Box Office Round-Ups | August 30, 2009 | Comments (17)


“And I looked and behold: a dead horse.
And his name, that beat on him, was Death.
And sequels followed with him…”

Dylan Thomas might’ve once said that death shall have no dominion, but if he’d seen this weekend’s numbers, he might’ve changed that tune right quick, because if it wasn’t a killing spree against either vapid teens or vicious Nazis, it wasn’t raking in the beaucoup bucks at the box office.

The Final Destination used the pricier gimmick of 3-D to lure in fans to the amount of $28.3 million and the first place spot, despite the fact that the franchise has clearly run out of juice when it comes to the inherent fun of elaborate executions (yes, I’m saying that this one is markedly lazier than its virtually identical predecessors, and no, that particular hair could not be split any further).

The gimmick of 3-D also seemed to get the better of Rob Zombie, as his second stab at rebooting the Halloween franchise was met with a third-place finish at $17.4 million. And what kept that number two from landing at number two? The Weinsteins’ own Inglourious Basterds, upon which they tagged trailers for H2 like it was nobody’s business (well, besides their own) before word of mouth likely convinced people that A) they’d rather not be subjected to laughable visions of Michael Myers’ mommy and her white horse, and that B) they’d rather witness for themselves Mike Myers’ jolly-good cameo and the overall elimination of the Third Reich. If that’s not worth another $20 million, I don’t know what is.

Keeping the R-rated flag flying in fourth place was District 9, with $10.7 million, while fifth went to the PG-13 G.I. Joe with about $8 million (most of which I suspect was purchased for the sake of sneaking into one of those R-rated bad boys; I know I would). Julie & Julia ($7.4 million) continued to hold a bit better on less screens than The Time Traveler’s Wife ($6.7 million), coming in at sixth and seventh place, respectively. The kids divvied up their dollars between number eight, Shorts ($4.8 million), and number ten, G-Force ($2.8 million, losing its 3-D screens and therefore its grip on the movie-going public), and as this week’s token Post Grad, the wide release of Taking Woodstock resulted in a mere $3.7 million and a ninth-place slot (our review will post Monday afternoon).

Then again, who can blame ‘em for thinking that hippies even had the money to go to the movies anymore? Maybe they should’ve played up the white horse …


Halloween II Review | Storm Front and Fool Moon by Jim Butcher



Comments

Eurgh.

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 30, 2009 7:30 PM

What? You mean we didn't bumpu up Ponyo when we took all the kiddies this weekend? Well, I'm not sorry for having traded horror for some sweetness and groovy animation. But I was a bit horrified by Tina Fey's mothering abilities. It's a miracle she didn't kill her kid.

Posted by: Cindy at August 30, 2009 7:35 PM

This whole 3D thing... I don't get it, man. I mean, I googled it and read about it on Wikipedia. I understand the concept, yo. I was born in 80's, God. I was brought up in 90's, King. But back then that shit was mad corny, B. You had them bullshit, uncomfortable ass glasses made of cardboard and shit. They was only ever cool cuz of that dude from Back To The Future who ran with Biff, nawmean?

But now everything is 3D and I'm BUGGIN'. What happened? They got new cameras to make that shit? All digital and crispy? Do you still gotta rock them glasses? Fa' real, any y'all seen them shits?

I'm feelin' mad lost right about now, son. But I know I'm hip, man. I know I am. Y'all lil' motherfuckers are doin' the jerk but I got that new shit, that funky chicken, man.

Peace from Scotland, thugga.

Posted by: TSF at August 30, 2009 8:06 PM

Wha…

I…

But…

TSF, are you trying to kill me?

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at August 30, 2009 8:30 PM

3-D glasses is like the New Coke. It'll be around forever.

Posted by: Shay at August 30, 2009 8:51 PM

william goss is my new thugga.

Posted by: gp at August 30, 2009 9:07 PM

TSF, I sincerely hope the Grammar Nazis shove you in an oven. And then sitcom also-rans beat those Nazis to death with baseball bats to assuage any residual guilt from making a Holocaust joke.

Posted by: hatemail at August 30, 2009 9:36 PM

gp: Thanks?

Posted by: William Goss at August 30, 2009 9:50 PM

There was a Holocaust joke on TSF's post?

Really? Maybe I've drank too much...or not enough.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 30, 2009 9:57 PM

ok. i've put this here internet to good use.
mission: define thugga

here's one interesting wiki fact:
Dougga or Thugga is a Roman ruin in northern Tunisia located on a 65 hectare site.

no. that doesn't seem to fit.
oh wait, i think i'm onto something...yes! urban dictionary has a whole thugga-section.

hrmm. whoever wrote this has some issues. take a look:

Adj.
1. Good in the superlitive.

Adv.
1. The most extreme intensifier (use with caution).

Adj.
Dude, this party is thugga!

Adv.
Damn...This caesar salad is thugga good! I will have five more.

really? FIVE more caesar salads?

but get this, they also define such related words as:
thuggabe
thuggabilly
thuggardly (!)
thuggernaut
and my favorite- thuggalo
defined as- The name of a juggalo from the hood. Similar to Ninjalo,thuggalo are very strong and never lose in a fight. The always carry their weapons with them, including a Mac-10 and a hatchet.
Thuggalo are famous for their hold-ups and robberies.
Killing rich boys is what Thuggalos do best.

so william, i'd say that pretty much sums us up.
later thuggmo!


Posted by: gp at August 30, 2009 10:17 PM

Thugga? THUGGA? I done heard that from my man Papoose, nawmtalkinbout? Like he say on his mixtapes... thugga, THUGGA-CATION. Droppin' knowledge on y'all like throwin' a encyclopedia off the top a buildin'.

Anyway, for more of that ill thought knowleddgement check this: http://worstpapoose.tumblr.com/

But we digress. It was not my intention to jack this thread.

Posted by: TSF at August 30, 2009 10:35 PM

jesus titty-fucking!
thanks TSF, i read as much as i could until i got a pounding headache.

*grrr*

Posted by: gp at August 30, 2009 11:17 PM

Oh my lord, TSF, what IS that? Trying to read that site is as painful as trying to read the comments on a lolcats page.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 30, 2009 11:36 PM

Papoose. Who is this ... roody poo?

Posted by: Mick J at August 31, 2009 2:02 AM

And lo and behold, the box office got so bad that a Revelations quote was put on Pajiba, and Godtopus loved his children so much, he sent them aliens and dead Nazis to keep them well feed.

Hold on to your Bibles, the film season only gets worse from here, and if you lose the will to live, you'll want to look good at the pearly gates, lest you be sent to the dark oblivion, and forced to watch Martin Lawrence movies directed by Uwe Boll.

- The Book of Goss 24:36

Posted by: George at August 31, 2009 3:16 AM

...so I'm the only one who *heart*s TSF, then? (P.S. if you're serious, the new 3D is, as you kids say today, "the s". Or at least, the TV tells me you kids today say that.)

Well, I once again contributed not one thin dime to these figures, despite the fact that I was on vacation and have all sorts of grand movie-going plans. Did not leave my television except to go to the bathroom. Stupid television.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 31, 2009 9:18 AM

Ok, close down the EE contest for the week - cuz none of you bitches is gone beat TSF.

Posted by: sosumi at August 31, 2009 5:53 PM