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'Tis the Season to Be Miserable


The Weekend Box-Office Round-Up / William Goss

Box Office Round-Ups | November 9, 2009 | Comments (24)


Not to get all Jeff Foxworthy on y’all, but you know it’s awards season when … people turn out in record numbers to spend two hours alongside an obese and abused Harlem teen who’s pregnant with her second child by a father who happens to be her own. Things get a bit more dire from there, but there’s a reason that Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire is on the brink of contention — it’s chock full of impressive performances (if undermined by flashy direction), not the least of which comes from Mo’Nique as Precious’ relentlessly wicked mother. (Yes, THAT Mo’Nique.)

Precious is also on the brink of box office success, drawing in a whopping $1.8 million on a mere 18 screens and scheduled to roll out pretty steadily in the weeks to come (our full review will be posted this week). Sure, Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry lending their cred to the picture didn’t hurt, but the film boasts the prospect of becoming the cross-over downer to beat in the months to come (suck it, The Road!). Of course, that means you can also expect Backlash: Based on the People Who Didn’t Think ‘Precious’ Was All That to land any day now, but hey, it just wouldn’t be awards season without a handful of haters lurking nearby.

Meanwhile, in more suburban news, Jim Carrey topped the charts as roughly a dozen different characters in Bob Zemeckis’ take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (review later today). The $31-million opening weekend landed comfortably between that of Will Ferrell’s Elf and Zemeckis’ own The Polar Express, but legs alone will determine whether or not this surprisingly traditional adaptation (read: dark for a family film) will earn its keep before Avatar peels it off each and every 3-D screen across the country/world.

Second place went to the second week of This Is It, garnering $14 million more for the Michael Jackson estate. Third place went to The Men Who Stare at Goats, whose $13.3 million is in line with star George Clooney’s last two vehicles and bodes well enough for his forthcoming Fantastic Mr. Fox and Up in the Air (though it doesn’t hurt that one’s a likely Best Animated Feature nominee and the other’s a certain Best Picture contender). Fourth place went to the faux-tastic likes of The Fourth Kind, whose $12.5 million put a moderate dent in fifth-place wunderkind Paranormal Activity ($8.6 million), which itself still beat out sixth-place newcomer and Richard Kelly’s latest brain-buster, The Box ($7.9 million) (review forthcoming).

Seventh was Couples Retreat ($6.4 million, a number almost impossibly identical to last week), eighth was Law Abiding Citizen ($6.2 million, a little less, as these things tend to go), ninth was Where the Wild Things Are ($4.2 million; it had its run) and tenth was Astro Boy ($2.6 million; maybe it should’ve had more Mo’Nique in it).



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Comments

i wish precious had been in push instead of dakota fanning, that would have been the tits.

also, in case, anyone was wondering: the box was stupid.
diaz looked 50. and was stupid.
chokingly stupid stupidity.

Posted by: gp at November 9, 2009 9:51 AM

I won't watch ANYTHING "oprah" tells me to.

/Puts Precious on the TNT an a Sunday afternoon pile

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 10:00 AM

Oh boy, is it backlash time already? Yippy!

Christ almighty...The best part is that most of the people who jump on the backlash bandwagon are usually those who actually liked it to begin with, then started hating it for the sole reason that it became popular. Well fuck me, sometimes there's a reason something becomes popular: Because it was actually good. And if you're going to hate something for the sole reason that it was good and people liked it, that just makes you a gigantic douche, doesn't it?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 9, 2009 10:02 AM

Jeremy,
I love that you're already fighting the backlash that hasn't happened yet. The cool thing about this movie is the ability to silence the people you described by calling them a racist for their "dislike." It's not true, but it will shut their hypocritical faces and possibly shame them into being less douchey.

Posted by: Kballs at November 9, 2009 10:18 AM

(Yes, THAT Mo’Nique.)

It's not that big of a surprise when you think about it, good comedic actors can act the shit of of virtually any dramatic role. Tom Hanks started as a comedic actor.

Hell, you don't even have to be a good comedic actor to deliver a phenomenal dramatic performance. Just look at Eternal Sunshine, Good Will Hunting, Worlds Greatest Dad, or even Funny People for my favorite examples.

Posted by: George at November 9, 2009 10:20 AM

I'm willing to be saddened and then uplifted, and Precious looks like it might deliver the goods. But if I find out (and I WILL find out, movie -- you won't be able to sneak anything by me, got that?) that the key to her happiness is rooted in "putting her faith in God" or some such, I'll just have to skip it. Because that's no match for the shit hand we'll see her get dealt. If anything, that would just be a precursor to Precious 2: The Vicious Cycle Reasserts.

Posted by: sansho1 at November 9, 2009 10:21 AM

I just refuse to acknowledge Monique's existence. Or her unnecessary punctuation.

Posted by: Nicole at November 9, 2009 10:27 AM

Thing is, you are an even BIGGER douche if you "think" something is good because some media high-profile fat person TELLS you it's good.

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 10:28 AM

good comedic actors can act the shit of of virtually any dramatic role. Tom Hanks started as a comedic actor.
Posted by: George at November 9, 2009 10:20 AM

-----------------------------------------------

Ehhhhhh, I wouldn't call what Hanks does "acting" per se, same for Carrey, it's more like they assume earnest guy personas. I find them hammy as hell, it's the Robin Williams syndrome, except less annoying.

They ain't acting, but they think they are.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 10:32 AM

"The Box" looks to be a direct rip-off (or extension, if you will) of a Twilight Zone episode. The payoff was something like,

"What happens if I push the button?"

"Somebody you don't even know will die"

So, after the required 20 mins of dithering, Mare Winningham pushes the button, gets her money, and then the guy comes to pick up the box.

"What happens now?"

"Oh, the box gets reset and goes to somebody that you don't even know".

**sigh**

As for "Precious", see previous column on formulas. This one falls directly into it and have no plans on seeing it.

Just doesn't interest me at all, regardless of how good the performances are or aren't.

Posted by: UncleJR at November 9, 2009 10:38 AM

Nicole: That confuses me too. my theory: She was born as simply "Nique", then somewhere down the line the world could use "Mo' Nique!", and thus was born her stupid name.

Bslim: Meh, the trailer looked promising, although Tyler Perry putting his name on everything did put me off a little. I'm worried that someday we will see Tyler Perry Presents Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry of Tyler Perry starring Tyler Perry.

Tyler Perry.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 9, 2009 11:11 AM

DUDE! he already does that.

Watch the intro to any of his latest flicks:

Tyler Perry presents...

A Tyler Perry Production...

Inspired by Tyler Perry

of a Tyler Perry Screenplay ...

Directed by Tyler Perry....

Second Unit Director: Tyler Perry...

Catering: Tyler Perry

Grip: Tyler Perry


Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 11:36 AM

Precious. Meh.

I'm betting old Monique (I'm not down with the unnecessary punctuation either, Nic.) is probably pretty good. From what I can glean, she's playing a total bitch, so it fits well within her range.

Qualifier: This has Mariah Carey in it people. Why is no one talking about this?!?!?! It's like we just gloss over it, like it's not happening. I saw her in the previews...she reminded me of something. A fence post. A wooden, wooden, fence post. I'm shocked there weren't 18 theaters full of people with bleeding eyes, rather than teary ones.

Please, for the love of Godtopus and all that is unholy, we have to talk about this! It's not just going to go away, like that loser boyfriend we just stop calling. Believe me.

Posted by: Smokin at November 9, 2009 11:53 AM

Oprah sure likes to make incest movies. Just sayin'.

I will be not seeing this not because of any particular hipster hatred for Perry or Oprah. I will be not seeing this because if I wanted to watch 300lb semi literate pregnant teenagers waddling around, I would go to the food court at the mall, which seems to be their natural habitat.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 12:39 PM

I saw that the audience for A Christmas Carol skewed old and female this weekend and I can attest to that after having to silence the two white-haired old bitches that came in late and spoke to each other in regular conversational volume levels during even the quiet portions of the first part of the film.

Oh and to the youngest child of the family of 11 that came in and sat behind us..."to answer your question: no, this is NOT the bathroom".

Nothing like being driven to want to strangle people of all ages while watching a tale of redemption and love for your fellow human beings.

Posted by: laredo at November 9, 2009 12:43 PM

Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire...

That can't seriously be the actual, release title is it? Cuz if it is, all that shit including and beyong the colon is COMPLETELY unnecessary. Fuck. Even when it seems like he's made a comelling movie Tyler Perry can't fucking HELP but be wordy.

Just fucking call it Precious. If it does in fact, have a single-word title as I prescribe, than please forgive my frustration.

All work and quitting smoking makes PissBoy a homicidal fucking maniac.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 9, 2009 1:23 PM

Oh, goddammit. Now that that Jim Carrey monstrosity made money, assclown Zemeckis will NEVER stop with the fucking motion capture bullshit. It's bullshit! It's horrible and creepy and IT MUST BE STOPPED! ARGH! DAMN YOU AMERICA!

And while I hate to encourage Oprah and Tyler Perry, I really do want to watch Precious. The trailer got me. And I recently read an interview with the girl who plays Precious and I fell in love with her. So, I'll watch it.

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 1:47 PM

Yea for quitting smoking Pissboy!
That shit is hard. I've been sober for 13 years and I quit smoking 11 years ago. The goddamn smoking still haunts me.
Alcohol? Fuck that. No problem.
Tobacco? Insidious odious worm in my brain.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 2:12 PM

All work and quitting smoking makes PissBoy a homicidal fucking maniac.

But...who's going to let me bum cigarettes at sporting events and concerts when my significant other forgets to bring our spare pack???

I do not know this "Mariah Carey" of whom you speak. Is she a famous personality?

Posted by: Nicole at November 9, 2009 2:31 PM

That Christmas Carol abortion of a movie needs to go fuck off and die.

You want a good version of the Dickens' story? Go watch the Muppets and Michael Caine do it right.

Ok whatever, there are also awesome completely dramatic, comedy-free OLD versions that knock the tits off this way too high-deffed up animated (???? is it even animated anymore) Jim Carrey bullshit. Jim Carrey doing a British accent--AWESOME. No.

I have so much hatred for this after seeing the trailer. Once the muppets did it, everyone else needed to just shut up and die. Can't top it.

I probably won't see Precious for all the reasons listed above (Mariah Carey? No. Oprah? Loved you in Beloved, but no. Tyler Perry? No. Possible twist of just put faith in God and it'll all work out right? No no no NO.) but also because I taught this student in the early 90s, only she wasn't obese. She was 17, poor, black, pregnant for the second time by her stepfather, and her mother was a prostitute who encouraged the practice. She was also HIV positive. The girl AND her mom. She tried to give herself an abortion in the bathroom during my class one day and botched it. Gave birth six months later to a blind, brain-damaged baby girl, then killed herself a few months after that. I can't tell you how many times I turned in copies of her completely despairing journals to coffee-funky counselors who would roll their eyes and say "oh she just wants ATTENTION." YA THINK????

So, yeah, no thanks.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 9, 2009 2:39 PM

good comedic actors can act the shit of of virtually any dramatic role. Tom Hanks started as a comedic actor.
Posted by: George at November 9, 2009 10:20 AM

-----------------------------------------------

Ehhhhhh, I wouldn't call what Hanks does "acting" per se, same for Carrey, it's more like they assume earnest guy personas. I find them hammy as hell, it's the Robin Williams syndrome, except less annoying.

They ain't acting, but they think they are.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 10:32 AM


Agreed.

Posted by: Will at November 9, 2009 4:58 PM

Jesus, snuggie.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 9, 2009 5:08 PM

@snuggie: I'm not weeping, you don't know my ducts! In all honesty though, that's one of the saddest things I've ever read. It's such an enervating experience to read things like this because you feel this impulse to hop into a time machine, but you're just left with impotent sadness and anger. And who are these sleazes who can't even muster the energy for empty platitudes? I (in the abstract sense) understand that after a time you disconnect, but that kind of nonchalant contempt for humanity and responsibility is maddening. Just another statistic, huh? Despairing. What an awful experience, but I hope you're still teaching because goodness knows we need more people who have the courage to give a shit about our children--even if they're not blonde.

Per the Dickens: Um, Blackadder's Christmas Carol, anyone? Between that and the 1951 Sim, the last word has been said on that matter. At least no one's doing a film adaptation of 'Christmas Shoes'-yet. Oh man, that would be slightly less pleasant than a fun run through the Slough of Effluvia.

I've never really understood the knee-jerk reaction against everything Oprah-endorsed. Of course there was the whole A Million Little Lies donnybrook which I found asinine to the extreme on her part, and the faux outrage that a lot of her acolytes expressed over having read a book was funny and contemptible. The less said about The Secret, the better. What's the secret, that she richer than a dynasty of Florentine bankers? Yeah, we knew that already. But on the flip side, you can do worse than get people to read Steinbeck and Tolstoy. Do I want to spend Reading Week in the Borscht Belt with her? No, she bugs the crap out of me. But after some point you've got to think that if people decide to take her up on her mission to be a contemporary oracle, you deserve all of the stupidity that rains down on you. She loves being worshiped but she can't force you to give up your agency, so I don't wanna hear any of that 'why won't Oprah do something about how fat I am', or 'it's Oprah's fault that we're all so stupid' jive. No. Improve, fools.

Still, isn't there a chance that one could be missing out on a few quality works or overlooking any positive qualities that she may have for the sheer reason of wanting to separate ourselves from the 'sheeple'? Lord love a duck, Polanski's all but got a license to pedo, so her egregious swagger or out of proportion sense of importance seems kind of minor. As I Lay Dying was a good book before branding was ever brought into the conversation. But far be it from me to judge a book by its contents.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at November 9, 2009 7:02 PM

I'm looking at that list, and damn... when did movies stop being interesting?

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 9, 2009 7:25 PM





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