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After Successfully Dividing Deathly Hallows Into Two Movies, WB Fast-Tracking Two-Part Movie based on the Beloved Novel Everyone Poops

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Box Office Round-Ups | Comments (35)



harry_potter_gay.jpg

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I absolutely dominated the box office this weekend, as you’d expect. With $125 million, it was the sixth highest opening weekend of all time. It was also the biggest opening weekend for a Potter film, besting Goblet of Fire which opened with $102 million (in terms of audience attendance, however, Deathly Hallows actually fell slightly below the first movie in the series). And now, at $1.84 billion, the Harry Potter franchise is close to surpassing the Star Wars franchise for the biggest all time (it should pass the Star Wars films by next weekend), although again, in terms of actual audience, it’s about half of what Star Wars brought in.

It was an unprecedented move for Warner Brothers, to divide the book into two movies, and obviously it paid off, which also bodes well for the box office prospects of Twilight: Breaking Dawn parts one and two. Given the success, expect the trend to continue, as I’m sure we will soon be seeing a two-part movie for The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? and another iteration of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, which will no doubt open during the holiday season of 2012 and conclude over Christmas 2013. What’s better than a $5 per ticket surcharge for 3D movies? Cutting the same movie into half and charging your audience twice, of course. And given the diminished collective attention span of the nation, soon I’m sure all movies will be cut into 25 minute quarters and released every three months.

The other new movie opening this weekend, The Next Three Days didn’t do so well, coming in 5th place with only $6.7 million. If Lionsgate had been smart, they’d have divided each of the three days into separate movies.

Megamind hung on to number two, pushing its three-week total to $109 million; Unstoppable added another $13 million to bring its ten day total to $41 million; and the $65 million Due Date added another $9 million to bring its total to a profitable $72 million and counting.

To return to Harry Potter for a moment, using computer wizardry only available at the Pajiba headquarters, we’ve sample Daniel Radcliffe’s age progression over the last seven movies, from this:

01-stone-harry-potter-400a112706.jpg


To this:

danielradcliffe.jpg

Using advanced computer technology and a sophisticated algorithm designed by Courtney Enlow, we’ve calculated that, in five years, this is what Daniel Radcliffe will look like:

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Comments

Heeee.

But oh, poor Ron got the raw end of that deal, didn't he? Even Neville got over his Ugly phase. Ron, though? Yikes.

Posted by: figgy at November 21, 2010 8:22 PM

I hate you for that header photo.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 21, 2010 8:26 PM

That was mean. I'm sorry, Ron! You're adorable and have a nice body and cute hair. Rock on.

Posted by: figgy at November 21, 2010 8:26 PM

Man...you are SO cynical.

Posted by: Jay at November 21, 2010 8:45 PM

It may be mean, Figgy, but it's true.

Posted by: Lauren at November 21, 2010 8:46 PM

Re: Ron.

I would ride that Ginger train.

I would call his penis the Hogwarts Express, as I'm sure it's so surrounded by red pubes that the cock itself likely looks a bit scarlet.

Posted by: vikky at November 21, 2010 8:55 PM

Let's try to keep it clean, this is a motherfucking family site. This ain't your local after work pick-up joint.

Do something about the skirts, Rowles

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 21, 2010 9:02 PM

I think I just died a little from laughing so hard at vikky's comment there.

That's not to say I disagree. I think Ron's cute. But you know who I couldn't stop staring at? The lead Snatcher... the one who sniffed Hermione. He was dirty but yummy!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 21, 2010 9:03 PM

"If Lionsgate had been smart, they’d have divided each of the three days into separate movies."

I snorted.

Also, as disturbing as that header pic is it's nowhere near the level of what-the-fuckery that "Breaking Dawn" fan art has reached. Google that shit, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Posted by: Dingles at November 21, 2010 9:12 PM

Dingles, I can already tell you I'm going to regret this. But I can't refuse a challenge like that.

TO THE INTERNET!!

Posted by: Tammy at November 21, 2010 9:16 PM

[returning from a swift Google Image search . . .]


Dingles, you bastard. That broke my brain pancakes Aspercreme thunderVictrola.

Posted by: Tammy at November 21, 2010 9:19 PM

mmm pancakes...

Posted by: Dingles at November 21, 2010 9:23 PM

Mel, that was Scabeour. And he was fucking fine.

I also thought Yaxley (the older Scottish wizard at the Ministry) was foxy too.

Fuck, I love wizards.

Posted by: vikky at November 21, 2010 9:26 PM

What’s better than a $5 per ticket surcharge for 3D movies? Cutting the same movie into half and charging your audience twice, of course.

I think you mean cutting the same movie in half and putting the second half in 3D. Christ, are they ever gonna clean up on that second half?

Posted by: pissant at November 21, 2010 10:04 PM

That, that, that, that header pic? Ewwwww, ewwwww, wrong, wrong, dirty, and wrong.

Posted by: Shonda at November 21, 2010 10:40 PM

That is not a good picture of Daniel Radcliffe. Either he's leaning weirdly to one side or every feature of his body is askew.

Posted by: stardust at November 21, 2010 10:43 PM

Draco + Harry 4EVA!!

*cough*

I mean, I can't wait to see the movie.

Posted by: MyySharona at November 21, 2010 10:53 PM

Holy crap, Dingles, you aren't kidding. This is my favorite...

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/breaking-dawn/images/6869518/title/breaking-dawn-fanart

Posted by: Edith at November 21, 2010 11:59 PM

there's something pretty creepy listening to folk well into adulthood leering and drooling at actors they have just spent the last decade watching grow from children into barely adults

Posted by: idleprimate at November 22, 2010 12:01 AM

I would call his penis the Hogwarts Express, as I'm sure it's so surrounded by red pubes that the cock itself likely looks a bit scarlet.

If I said I wanted to nail Emma Watson, you people would be sharpening your pitchforks.

Posted by: superasente at November 22, 2010 1:10 AM

Only because we heard you liked it that way.

Posted by: Ian at November 22, 2010 2:09 AM

If I said I wanted to nail Emma Watson, you people would be sharpening your pitchforks.

Depends how old you are superasente.
If you're 20 as well, you go for it.

However, if you're 40, well clearly you should be chasing Gwyneth Paltrow instead...

Posted by: Simon at November 22, 2010 2:31 AM

@Simon,

Whoa! No one deserves a Gwyneth Paltrow. C'mon, man. Play fair.

Posted by: John G. at November 22, 2010 4:06 AM

Since when is this a family site BSlim? Maybe a MANSON family site...

Posted by: CptCrckpot at November 22, 2010 7:34 AM

Great morning reading folks....

Posted by: grace b at November 22, 2010 8:29 AM

The Sniffing Snatcher guy is hot??? Weird. It looks like a bunch of 5 year olds just finished gluing Barbie hair to his scalp and he was wearing an impressive amount of smeared makeup.

Wait, I get it. I'll bet you ladies went crazy for the glam rockers in the '70s, right? Nothing wrong there. Even disaffected, effeminate, haters-of-all-things-soapy need lovin' too.

Posted by: Kballs at November 22, 2010 9:06 AM

Depends how old you are superasente.
If you're 20 as well, you go for it.

However, if you're 40, well clearly you should be chasing Gwyneth Paltrow instead

So elderly men aren't permitted to favor anyone younger than Judy Dench? Bah! That's ageist malarkey.

Older men have been attracted to younger women since younger women have been attractive. There is nothing wrong with it and we shouldn't have to apologize for it. I'm 31 and I think both Ms. Watson and Ms. Paltrow are lovely women. Given the chance, I'd chop wood with either one.

Posted by: superasente at November 22, 2010 9:20 AM

I'll bet Snape is in the closet taking one-handed video of that header picture.

Posted by: admin at November 22, 2010 9:22 AM

The Very Hungry Human Caterpillar coming soon to a theater near you---in three parts and in 3D!

Posted by: ed newman at November 22, 2010 9:33 AM


Dustin, I'm here on a mission of mercy. I expect more from you. I expect you to be better informed and less mired in your cynicism. You call yourself a movie blogger, you son of a bitch? Perched on your high horse, firing your baleful arrows at the intersection of art and commerce. But here on, ostensibly, a self-aware pop culture/movie site you reveal yourself to be so woefully uninformed that you should be embarrassed to be "in the business". You do not know your job. That's what I'm saying. You do not know your job. You would know, if you ever spent a day in our life, that you can't divide Everyone Poops and that the logical progression will be to move on to The Gas We Pass. I could tell you the reasons, but I won’t. Why? Because to give them to you would be throwing them away.

I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 22, 2010 9:54 AM

" And given the diminished collective attention span of the nation, soon I’m sure all movies will be cut into 25 minute quarters and released every three months. "

I think that's what they used to do back in the 1920's. They were called serials, and they pretty much guaranteed you'd have the same people coming back week after week to catch the next installment. Then TV was invented.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 22, 2010 11:28 AM

I don't know if anyone's still reading, but you know who looked really, REALLY cool in Harry Potter? That one dude that went into the train and that Neville yelled at. The one with the awesome hair and beard and cloak? Dude looked like a total badass, and I was sad that he didn't show up again. Maybe in Part 2!

Posted by: figgy at November 22, 2010 12:34 PM

Figs, he was totally awesome! I'm wondering if he is Amycus Carrow - if so he should be there and it should be awesome.

Posted by: vikky at November 22, 2010 1:01 PM

@ Edith - that art is RIDICULOUS. The tiny hands trying to break through the stomach... gak!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 22, 2010 5:59 PM

Hmmm...he seems to just be a nameless Death Eater. Too bad, dude has style.

Posted by: figgy at November 22, 2010 7:47 PM