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7 Reasons To Never Conduct Random Twitter Searches

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Box Office Round-Ups | Comments (20)

brain-damage-8.jpg

Here are the top seven movies at the box office this weekend, as well as random 140 character (or less) reviews of the films I found by searching Twitter. (Warning: Random Twitter searches may result in brain damage, disorientation and/or Manning Face.)


7. Faster ($12.2 million): “The Rock was definitely going ham in Faster. Dudes was getting shot up.” — Doc Zeus.

(Bonus) “Good morning folks. Getting ready to watch the rock “D Johnson” in faster. Genus this generations action hero. Get down brother.” — Sinbad (yes, that Sinbad)

6. Love and Other Drugs ($14 million): “Eeew love and other drugs is like a porn flick! The movies changeeed mannnn!!!” — Lois Lane

5. Unstoppable ($16 million): “The title should be stoppable rather than unstoppable. Because in the end, the train do stop! Hahahaha.” — Febian Sandra (Note, this joke was repeated about 1,000 times in the Twitter search, and everyone thought they were the first to make the joke)

4. Burlesque ($17 million): “Burlesque was… pretty gay. I should’ve brought a change of clothes.” — cziriak (and no, I have no idea what that means).

3. Megamind ($17 million): “Little kid just walked out on megamind. Gonna be ill.” — minustheblunt

2. Tangled ($69 million): “watched a family drag their 2 year old out of tangled bc they have strong beleifes against magic.” —bellamorte (The fuck is a two-year-old doing any a movie theater, anyway?)

1.Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: ($76 million): “OMFG. IM PROBABLY THE WORST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. I DIDNT CRY WHEN DEAR DOBBY DIED. IM SUCH A HEARTLESS BITCH Dx” — Carl










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Comments

Isn't every Carl a heartless bitch?

Posted by: The other Greg at November 28, 2010 8:35 PM

No, Carl. It just means you have you priorities in order.

Posted by: kelsy at November 28, 2010 9:07 PM

“watched a family drag their 2 year old out of tangled bc they have strong beleifes against magic.” —bellamorte (The fuck is a two-year-old doing any a movie theater, anyway?)

I thought that morons like these already had a hate-on against Disney because of their refusal to fire all of their gay employees and their ongoing insistence on treating said gay employees like human beings.

Oh, and isn't the Rapunzel story all about magic in the first place? And doesn't EVERY Disney movie have "magic" in it anyway?

Fundies. Too stupid to live, they mess thing up for everyone, and yet they won't go away.

Posted by: Meander at November 28, 2010 9:07 PM

I like regular Greg better.

Posted by: Carl at November 28, 2010 9:08 PM

My son's name is Karl. Where does that leave us?

Posted by: The other Greg at November 28, 2010 10:13 PM

@Meander

You shouldn't call them fundies.

You need to emphasise the MENTAL part.

Posted by: Wembley at November 28, 2010 10:44 PM

But, Wembley, they suck the FUN out of MENTAL states.

Posted by: Shane at November 29, 2010 12:35 AM

I wholeheartedly approve this new review style, despite what it may do to Rowles' mind.

Posted by: the_wakeful at November 29, 2010 1:01 AM

they have strong beleifes against magic
---
And yet they likely believe a half-man/half-god changed water to wine, healed the sick and rose from the dead?

Posted by: , at November 29, 2010 1:31 AM

Yeah, they believe magic exists. They just believe that some of it is evil/

Posted by: Ender at November 29, 2010 6:31 AM

gotta say, i never expected to see a "manning face" reference at pajiba. most excellent.

Posted by: matty blue at November 29, 2010 7:11 AM

i never expected to see a "manning face" reference at pajiba.

There's just been so much of it over the last two weeks, it burst-free of its normal containment-area and spilled all over the place. :)

Posted by: Rykker at November 29, 2010 8:51 AM

Dobby dies?!?

This has reminded me of walking past the big bookshop on Oxford Street in central London on the day before the last Potter book came out. I had just been out clubbing with friends and we stumbled out at about 3 or 4 in the morning and saw all the Harry Potter fans already queueing so as to get their copies when the shop opened at 8 or whenever. I was drunk and so I thought it would be a good idea to shout "RON DIES!!!" very loudly at them. They shouted at me to fuck off. It was a lovely evening.

Posted by: Caspar at November 29, 2010 9:59 AM

6. Love and Other Drugs ($14 million): “Eeew love and other drugs is like a porn flick! The movies changeeed mannnn!!!” — Lois Lane

Actually went to see this with the Mrs. yesterday and expected a standard chick flick. Instead I got a movie about Parkinson's with way more nudity than either of us expected

Posted by: Brian at November 29, 2010 10:34 AM

I'm with Meander. What kind of idiot doesn't realize there will be magic in that movie?
a) It's a god damned fairy tale.

2) The premise is about a girl with extremely long hair that can be used to climb a tower, and from the commercials it looks like it can do a lot more.

cliche) Even if you have some how never heard of this fairy tale, the magical content is pretty obvious from watching the commercial.

I bet when they get older, they'll have the kid read Twilight because they heard it was an abstinence parable, and be appalled when they discover there's vampires in it.

Posted by: L4NkYb at November 29, 2010 1:06 PM

I second the motion that this round-up style continues. I'm cranky today, and even I found it entertaining.

Or maybe it's the dark chocolate with pink peppercorns I'm eating. I'm about to second that, too.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at November 29, 2010 2:52 PM

I'm all about dark chocolate (not a euphemism), but pink peppercorns?

I don't know what that means...

Posted by: Rykker at November 29, 2010 2:58 PM

Does anyone know what movie that image is from?

Posted by: KyleKap at November 29, 2010 3:40 PM

Oh, yeah, the pink peppercorns are awesome. A little spicy, a little peppery...

from here:
http://www.eclatchocolate.com/chocolate-bars

(are you near Philly?)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at November 29, 2010 4:18 PM

Interesting...

Thanks for the link, Sara.
I might just give that combo-pack a try.

(nope-- down in SC)

Posted by: Rykker at November 29, 2010 9:57 PM