free counter with statistics Primer | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

david_sullivan3.jpg

Out on the Edge You See All Kinds of Things You Can’t See from the Center

Primer: The Boozehound Cinephile / Ted Boynton

Boozehound Cinephile | May 9, 2008 | Comments (54)


First a shout-out to reader Daisy. Daisy, your concerned comment about my drinking truly touched me, all the more because you reminded me of my little companion retriever Daisy, who is essentially a service dog caring for my mental health. Trust me when I say that my misanthropy — especially after the Pajibevents of the past three days — presents a far greater threat to my overall health than the primary medication for that malady, the aforementioned boozing.

Pop culture item consumed: Primer, Shane Carruth’s microscopically budgeted indie about two young engineers who inadvertently build a time machine. In the interest of full disclosure, while I had heard of this Sundance Grand Jury Prize winner several years ago, I was motivated to watch it by Scott Tobias’s excellent April 10 review of the film as part of the Onion AV Club’s series on cult films. I’m sure Dustin loves giving the free publicity — as if the AV Club needs it — but after Pajiba, the Onion AV Club is my favorite source of artistic media analysis.

[/shakes fist at heavens] Don’t fail me, Tobias!

Beverage consumed: Absinthe, recently legalized in the United States, which I had never tried before Tuesday. I’m not one to let FDA regulations or, for that matter, federal narcotics schedules stand between me and my feel-good, but for some reason, I had never gotten around to trying absinthe — shameful, really, for a cinephilic boozehound. Absinthe was banned in some Western countries in the early 20th century because of its alleged psychoactive properties, supposedly stemming from a component chemical, thujone. In reality, any hallucinogenic or other unusual effects most likely occurred because of poor distillation, resulting in various chemical poisons remaining in the booze at levels high enough to fuck your shit up but low enough not to kill you. We’ll see.

In any event, absinthe was actually banned for the reason that most drugs are banned: Someone had an agenda. Social conservatives in France at the time did not like the liberal thinking of bohemian intellectuals, so the conservatives banned the intellectuals’ drink of choice. Sound familiar? My fingers get a little itchy for my 12-gauge just thinking about it.

After a bit of research about absinthe recipes, I determined to try three different variations while watching the film: (1) a straight shot of absinthe, sipped slowly to discover the nuances; (B) the traditional cold-water-over-sugar-cube dilution, which results in the cloudy “louche” of Hemingway fame; and last, an intriguing recipe involving equal parts gin and absinthe over cracked ice. It’s only 6:00 p.m., and I haven’t had a drink yet, but I already can’t feel my face.

Summary of action: In the wake of my Sundance crush on Frozen River, Primer became relevant to a burgeoning realization that crept up on me over the past year or so, i.e., my central theory about the state of cinema in the United States, if not worldwide: It is not nearly as difficult to make a good film as suggested by the amount of execrable cinematic plaque clogging our cultural arteries. Was everyone else already up on this fact? The situation is downright perplexing in light of the number of micro-budgeted releases each year that range from competently executed to brilliant.

Let me hasten to add that I don’t at all mean to denigrate Shane Carruth’s staggering accomplishment in writing, producing, directing and starring in Primer; quite the opposite. In creating a complex, well-acted, mindbending sci-fi flick for $7,000 — seven-fucking-K! — Carruth jabbed a sharp stick in the eye of every overpaid studio hack, the scores of producers and directors who manage to spend anywhere from $10 million to more than $100 million on gargantuan projects that culminate in a huge dog turd. I’m not even going to pile on Uwe Boll or Paul Haggis here, since they have enough fellow inductees in this Hall of Shame to fill several stadia. None of these jackasses feels the mortification he or she should, however, since no one is held accountable in a real-world sort of way when a green newbie like Carruth posterizes them.

Before starting the movie, I re-read Tobias’s review while sipping two shots of straight absinthe in a crystal chalice obtained at the Alameda Antiques Fair just for this purpose. (I plan this shit out, people.) At well over 120-proof, the absinthe is quite strong, and my tongue is almost immediately numbed. Cool. Absinthe is in the family of liquors flavored with anise seed, like Sambuca and Uzo, though absinthe is more floral and herbal. Quite tasty, though I wouldn’t want to drink it every night.

As the film begins, Carruth opens on to the lives of two young inventors desperate to score big with a technological breakthrough that they can sell to an investor. In attempting to build a device that degrades gravity around an object (immensely valuable for engineering purposes), they inadvertently create “the box,” an enclosed electro-magnetic field that has two spine-ticklingly curious properties: It produces slightly more voltage than it consumes — the modern equivalent of a perpetual motion machine — and it drastically slows the passage of time inside the box, so that a watch left in the box shows that 1,300 minutes have passed when only one minute has passed on the outside. (I know that sounds like the opposite of what I said, as if time is whizzing by in the box, but what it really means is that during the blink of an eye outside the box, time is grinding away very slowly inside.)

Time for a short break to re-up the absinthe. This time I use the traditional cold-water-over-sugar-cube method to dilute the spirits. It really does create the louche effect, turning the liquor a creamy light green, sweetening the taste significantly, and of course sharply reducing the alcohol content per sip. I understand perfectly why they diluted it — an impure, dangerous absinthe would be more palatable with a bit of sweet, and the cloudy effect gives it a foggy, mysterious air.

Head spinning ever-so-slightly, I return to the film’s protagonists, Aaron and Abe, who begin to use the box to travel backward in time, a few hours per episode, to wager on sporting events and stock market turns for which they already know the outcome. Emotional issues come to the fore quickly, however, as both are tempted to use the box for more vague errands of personal justice. Even more distressing, what becomes clear as the film progresses is that one or both of them has tricked the other one by going back in time and pretending to walk through the initial discovery as if for the first time.

Back to the kitchen for gin and absinthe, one-half portion each, with a dose of bar syrup to take the edge off; now we’re getting somewhere. I’m no fan of sambuca or its other relatives, but this absinthe is pretty damn good, especially mixed with crisp, quality gin — Boodles in this case. Alcohol content is back up with this recipe, but that’s a good thing at this point, as my neck and lower brain are really relaxing into this mindfuck of a movie. Several references had mentioned that the film bears repeat viewings to really try to figure it out, and at this point I’m just riding the wave of Carruth’s virtuoso first-time performance.

Carruth’s literal home-schooling of big studio producers and directors — he shot much of Primer in his parents’ Dallas, Texas house — is all the more amazing when one considers that, as discussed in some detail in the Tobias review, Carruth expended most of Primer’s budget on 16mm film stock. Nearly all low-budget indies are shot on digital video, since it costs essentially nothing to shoot take after take after take. Carruth likely spent $6,997 on his preferred mechanical medium, leaving him to accomplish the following with three dollars:

- Writing, producing, and directing the entire project;

- Composing the film score himself;

- Building the cool, retro-looking science props for the film, relying on his own engineering background;

- Performing all of the effects and post-production work himself.

Even more amazing for a story with no dazzling CGI and zero margin of error for unneeded scenes, there is virtually no exposition, by which I mean none of the too-frequent indie trappings of characters standing around explaining the foundation of the movie to each other. The script never insults the audience, insisting that the viewer take responsibility for keeping track of a difficult story. There is no wasted footage, and every frame counts.

In contrast, nearly every studio film is bloated with multiple producers setting the stage for the director, along with a squad of usually incompetent screenwriters, an entire second unit production crew, and enough technical assistants and specialists to execute the Normandy invasion. Coincidentally, or not, nearly every studio film sucks like a junkie hooker trading head for crack. Indeed, the studios are downright Prioleauian in their consistency at suckage combined with an inability to acknowledge that suckage.

When I think about what Shane Carruth accomplished with $7,000 and his own sweat equity, I feel several competing emotions: gratitude as a cineaste for his demonstration of what can be readily accomplished; anger at the studio system for what is rarely accomplished; wonderment at Carruth’s simultaneous devotion to hard science fiction and fulfilling cinema; and finger-waving “nyahh-nyahh-nyahh” jubilation at his pantsing of the entire film establishment.

And it’s not as if Primer is some isolated instance of someone spending virtually no money and still making a film that’s head and shoulders above nearly everything released that year. I cannot find a budget figure for Frozen River, the Sundance Grand Jury Prize for 2008, but having seen the film twice, I have to think it cost less than $500,000 to make; possibly less than $250,000, depending on how much Melissa Leo took home. With relatively little money and a cast of amateur Native American actors, Frozen River told a gripping story very well and, in terms of a good use of my time, was surpassed in quality only by Iron Man and The Wackness among the 2008 releases I’ve seen.

Or consider Blair Witch Project, another AV Club cult canon selection. Like it or hate it, no rational person can deny the following facts: The film was made for peanuts, checking in with a budget of $60,000; legions of thriller/horror fans enjoyed the heck out of it; and the film was provocative as all getout in generating debate and analysis — a central and important purpose of cinema in the first damn place. Even if you don’t like BWP, how many mainstream films have cost 500 times as much and sucked 1,000 times as hard? (Hint: It’s more than 20 so far in 2008.)

What do these films have in common? Actually, the differences between this group and the vast, shit-flecked fleet of losers churned out in Hollywood by the garbage truckload are easy to spot. It may sound naïve or unrealistic to say so, but one primary difference is whether the filmmaker loves and appreciates film narrative. Most either don’t appreciate it or are simply too inept to capture it visually. The filmmakers referenced above appear to be digging the absolute shit out of the fact that they’re telling a cool story and as a result are careful with the viewer’s attention and expectations. Another major difference may be a corollary of the old adage that necessity is the mother of invention. These filmmakers all start at a point where laziness equates to either abject, laughingstock failure or No Movie At All. They can’t afford not to be creative, inventive, and careful in assembling their work.

I don’t want to underestimate a more cynical analysis, however: The makers of Primer, Frozen River, and Blair Witch Project had not reached a point of arrogant insider self-assurance, the kind of “we know what viewers want even if they don’t” mentality that results in alleged spectacles costing great gobs of cash and delivering virtually nothing in terms of originality, narrative tension, or genuine feeling. Given the amounts of money and intellectual capital available to mainstream filmmakers, Michael Clayton, Knocked Up, and Iron Man should represent the rule, not the please-please-please-don’t-suck exceptions. In the end, however, we get what we’re willing to tolerate.

How well the pairing held up: Fantastic — both the film and the absinthe are a touch rough around the edges, befitting a first-time director with no money and a spirit known for haunting the peripheral vision of various poets and artists. I highly recommend this experiment. There are a number of absinthe recipes involving other mixing partners, notably champagne, so there’s probably something for everyone.

Tastes like: The gin-and-absinthe was two parts mad scientist neck-sweat, two parts dark-woods-at-night witch potion, and three parts Martian blood. Not sure where that last bit came from, but it wasn’t Frozen River. I did not hallucinate, unless that Mel Gibson/Danny Glover cameo at the end wasn’t real.

Overall rating: Three thumbs up.

Bonus Mini-Review: Holy shit, did Dan in Real Life ever suck the mountains into valleys. This film had a lot going for it: a great concept with widower Dan reluctantly romancing his brother’s girlfriend, strong casting choices with Carell, Dianne Weist, John Mahoney — and yes, Dane Cook, who is almost always solid as a supporting player — and technically sound cinematography. And … and … ye cats, the last time Mrs. socalled and I laughed so mockingly at a film, other than our own sex tape, was — wait for it — Crash. By the 30-minute mark I hated everyone in the film, including Produce Pete, whom I usually love dearly. Mrs. socalled had left the room in order not to distract me with her scoffing. The cloying, Pollyanna family activities of Dan’s siblings and their children were enough to make me envy orphans; the idea that Juliette Binoche would start a film dating Dane “Yeti-Taint” Cook, then jump the tracks to a crazed widower with a mile-wide bitter streak … bwuh-urgle-urgle-urgle.

Steve, you’re on notice.

Ted Boynton is a dedicated sot who would leave his barstool only to stalk Whit Stillman, if anyone could find Whit Stillman. Ted also manages to hold down a job and a wife, three hours each per day, whether they need it or not. Readers may scold, hector, admonish or taunt Ted by e-mailing him at thecarygrantrules@hotmail.com.


Pajiba Love 05/08/08 | What Happens in Vegas



Comments

actually absinthe was banned int he early 20th century

and you can actually get high from absinthe, just heat up the sugar cube with lighter and drop into the a glass of absinthe, drink, repeat often, the problem is if you don't disolve the alcohol this way you'd die of alchol poisoning before you get high
but it's not a very good tripanway, and you waste a lot of booze on it

strangely swiss parliament legalised absinthe the same day they decided not to legalise pot, hypocrites


"19th century" vs. "1900s" will be the death of me yet. Noted and corrected. I should have mentioned that absinthe runs somewhat expensive, so I elected not to try the heating ritual for just that reason. tb

Posted by: Maureen Tuckers Drumstick at May 9, 2008 8:29 AM

Look, I am supposed to be working here. How can I keep up that pretense if I am laughing hysterically. My coworkers are eyeing me suspiciously--typing British Politics Group Quarterly articles aren't usually this entertaining. It's hard to choose a favorite turn of phrase in this masterpiece but this might be it: "Indeed, the studios are downright Prioleauian in their consistency at suckage..." Boozehound, I love you!


Credit to Shadows of Dakaron for coining the word. tb

Posted by: Brigette at May 9, 2008 8:40 AM

I salute you. I found 'Primer' a daunting task and I was stone sober. Need to go back and watch that one at least a couple more times.

Maybe arrogant insider self-assurance tanked a few franchises (I could start naming names but there's so little of the dead horse left to beat and I left my monogrammed bat in my other rant pants) but I think one of the big problems is that focus group 'bit with a dog' 'fail upward' so brilliantly covered by Kevin Smith.

If you're not producing and funding your own movie, the people with the money and final say are generally people who have NO IDEA what makes a good story, but apparantly really think they do.

Everyone looks to the actors, but it's the screenwriters and the directors who determine if a movie sucks or not.


Yes, studio interference by non-creatives should have been mentioned in the text. I'm not an insider, but the conventional wisdom is that such interference is commonplace. tb

Posted by: twig at May 9, 2008 8:51 AM

I can't stomach anything tasting of anise seed, I can drink tequila until the sun comes up (I have a supreme weakness for Tequila Girls, as does my friend Emma although that's for entirely different reasons) but one sniff of sambuca and I'm running for the bathroom. Hurl city. Of course this doesn't mean I haven't drunk Absinthe in the past.

For the record: never ever even look at the stuff that comes attached to the top of a bottle of Kronenburg (I shit you not, it comes in a pre sealed plastic shotglass and is shrink wrapped to the top of the beer bottle) because it will fuck you up. Horrible, vile stuff. And if you must drink it please don't do so in the company of five soldiers on leave for the week in a random basement club in Brighton because you will end up telling your boyfriend that you slept with your best friend's little brother while he was in Germany (even though he had totally dumped you the week before he went and you know he was only pissed because he hadn't had the opportunity to get laid and you had merely proving that you are better than he is at everything, again) and you'll do it in a really blase way that implies he should have already known or at least expected it which will lead to him yelling at you for two hours, although you can't really hear him over the music so that's all OK. He will then get pissed at you for talking to his friends that he dragged you out with and you will run off and sit on the beach until 5am cursing the fact that Brighton does not in fact boast sandy beaches but instead has a shoreline made up of rocks, empty beer cans and bits of broken glass and wondering how in the holy hell you're going to get home.

Good times.

In other news, guess who's taking a naive fellow Pajiban to the semi-famous memory-loss cocktail bar that mention in every single one of the Boozehound's reviews?

Muahahahahaha!

ps. Do I get a special italicised comment of my own too dear Boozehound? It's Friday and I'm feeling rather loopy from all the sugar and the promise of corrupting someone and being ignored may send me into a paranoid spiral of despair...


Could happen if you were ever seen 'round these parts. If you come back next week with an embarrassing story about your drinking companion, we'll call it even. tb

Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 9, 2008 9:13 AM

Excellent review, once again. My jealousy is showing.

I really must see this. Not only for the time travel angle; but also so I can see how to put together a relatively inexpensive movie that doesn't suck.

But before we start lauding the self-financed 'true' filmmaker over the overblown Hollywood spectacle, folks should remember that both Uwe Boll and Tyler Perry are, for the most part, entirely self-financed and make movies on such small budgets, they can help but make money.

twig said it best though: Everyone looks to the actors, but it's the screenwriters and the directors who determine if a movie sucks or not.

If The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles are an accurate source of historical information (And why not? It is on the History Channel), then the man we should blame for our current state of cinematic affairs is Erich von Stronheim and his massive ego.


The central issue for me is that the lack of artistic return on enormous money and resources urges a strong judgment on the hack responsible, self-financed or not. Even in the era of nine-figure monstrosities, Boll's waste of $25 million on BloodRayne and $20 million on Alone in the Dark suggests that 10 or 20 good films could have emerged from that pile of cash. tb

Posted by: Vermillion at May 9, 2008 9:16 AM

Oh also: The boyfriend mentioned in the above disjointed rant actually managed to set his eyelashes alight with Absinthe while in Prague which in itself is an astounding achievement.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 9, 2008 9:17 AM

What kills me about the Boozehound Cinephile is how much the writing makes me crave liquors and drinks that I normally would not touch with a ten thousand foot pole.

Absinthe before reading Ted's column? Gah-ross!

Absinthe after reading Ted's column? Please sir, may I have another?

Posted by: Kolby at May 9, 2008 9:33 AM

twig, I agree wholeheartedly- when I saw this was an infamous boozehound review I thought "the hell you say?" This is the most wonderfully complicated movie I've ever watched and considering hubby and I spent about 3 hours AFTER it was over surfing the net for those glorious time-line charts, tracing our memory of what we had just seen along the path that they had laid out... well, he would have killed me if I had been wasted.

Now that I've SEEN it and dissected it, perhaps a drunken showing is only fair.

Posted by: lilianna28 at May 9, 2008 9:51 AM

excellent review Ted, as always (and per usual, you had me snorting hot tea...I really should know better by now to make a cup before opening up your reviews)

oddly enough, I also tasted absinthe for the first time this week(end)
I also enjoyed it, and am very much looking forward to trying this gin+absinthe recipe....yummy drunkeness

Primer will also be added to my netflix queue, I love time travel, geeky technology things and non-blockbuster movies, right up my alley

oh shoot, just realized, Netflix doesn't deliver to the UK, does it? I am never going to get through my massive queue in 2 months!! I am going to have to do some prioritizing here....

Posted by: Bethy at May 9, 2008 9:57 AM

Indeed, the studios are downright Prioleauian in their consistency at suckage combined with an inability to acknowledge that suckage.

Thank you for making me snort up some of my morning coffee, and validating my cyber-lurker life.

Posted by: Amanda at May 9, 2008 10:00 AM

OK, I'm probably overthinking this, but how exactly does "the box" work again? 1 minute goes by on the outside and 1300 minutes go by on the inside. How exactly does one go back in time with that? I can see one of the guys standing on the outside of the box for one minute, and then the second guy comes walking out of the box 1300 minutes older. Am I missing something?

Time travel has to make sense, dammit! (OK, I'm a huge Dr. Who fan, so it doesn't have to make sense, but I'd like it to.)


This is why you really have to see it yourself; it's hard to explain, and as much as I liked Tobias's review, my interpretation of the mechanics differed from his. What seems to me to be happening is that when you go into the box, time on the outside continues to move quickly forward without you. In one minute outside, they have accelerated 1,300 minutes past you. When you come out of the box, you're "back in time" relative to everyone else. You can go do things like make wagers, execute stock trades, or warn a friend not to do something stupid. When you catch up to the moment you went in, you watch your forward self go into the box, then you resume your life in the ordinary present for you. Or something like that. tb

Posted by: BWeaves at May 9, 2008 10:01 AM

Alex the Odd Why do stories in Brighton always end the same way? God's flashlight shining on cold cold stone beaches...

You did say eyelashes alight and not eyebrows right? Wow.

I'll tumble (Tequila) for ya!

Mon dieu, I had a French beau who loooved Pernod>/b>. Anise flavor, French, add water and it gets moody but no hallucinagenic affects and definitely no Toulouse Lautrec to lighten things up...
I can't stand the smell and after watching him puke a couple of time I wondered why anyone would put themselves through it. I'll take the high without the low, thank you very much.

Posted by: Amanda47 at May 9, 2008 10:13 AM

Sorry. Stupid closed brackets aluded me..

Posted by: Amanda47 at May 9, 2008 10:14 AM

Dammit. I want to do this with you sometime, TB. It sounds like so much fun, and you always review movies that intrigue me.

I love the creepy, canned-sounding voice over that relates the unseen timeline. It is fascinating. I can't believe he did this movie for 7k. It gives a shaft of light to my ever-darkened heart, encouraging a tendril of hope to grow...

But I can quickly kill that with a shot of absinthe and a glance at the upcoming features. Fuckers.

Alex: this is why I love you. A thousand times over, I love you.

Posted by: boo at May 9, 2008 10:20 AM

Heh, I love indepth quantum mechanical exaplanations that end with "or something like that". Marvellous.

Amanda47, I did indeed say "eyelashes" as for how that happened: The boy and his friend Ed were on a whistlestop tour of Europe which basically involved drinking their way through every major city over the course of three months. During their sojourn in Prague they, of course, decided they needed Absinthe. While they were lighting shots of the stuff in a random smokily lit basement bar (this was after giving each other cigar burns because "the scars look cool"), the ex Mr TheOdd managed to spill his lit drink over the back of his hand. His response to this, being the sensible and rational guy that he was, was to rub his eye with the burning hand thus setting his eyelashes alight.

The next night? He got stabbed.

This was all before I knew him of course. He was a Pernod fan also.

I'm bored. 1 hour 41 minutes to go until freedom, huzzah!

Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 9, 2008 10:22 AM

Thanks boo! I overshare for your entertainment.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 9, 2008 10:23 AM

re: the box question

There is something about an object making revolutions within the box. In their initial experiments, an object within the box does a full revolution. The box stops when the object is back in the same place, a.k.a. "real time." They discovered that if they could make the object go one more half revolution, and stop at a different point in the box, then it would be in a different place in time. Or something like that.

See the movie. :)

Posted by: boo at May 9, 2008 10:24 AM

Thanks, TK. My brain is hurting a little, but I think I can wrap it around that explanation. I'm going to have to find this movie, but I'll skip the absinthe. I hate anise flavored anything.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 9, 2008 10:25 AM

I find the water/sugar cube thing a little harsh. If you're into absinthe cocktails, I recommend the Green Fairy [though it really should be called a Green Goblin]. Don't have the recipe at hand but I know it has dashes of apple juice, ginger ale and midori. Sounds a bit much but, strangely, you can still taste the absinthe. It goes down the hatch really easily and before you know it ... well, the buzz is certaily interesting.

Posted by: Subi at May 9, 2008 10:26 AM

For anyone that hasn't yet seen Primer I don't recommend trying it while drinking. It's near impossible to get the first time through when sober, I don't think I could deal with the movie with even a slight buzz. It is a good movie though, especially if you like having to figure out the story instead of having it spelled out for you. Interesting selection, Ted. Thanks for keeping us on our toes. I never would have selected Primer in a million years for a Boozehound entry.

Posted by: Rob at May 9, 2008 10:33 AM

I need to re-watch Primer. I can't even remember if I finished it the first time, I just remember being very very confused.

And now Alex has made me nervous about later this evening...

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 9, 2008 10:38 AM

Alex the Odd that's hilarious. Flaming shots are dangerous! My friend set me on fire..

Where: Ho Chi Minh City, Cafe Latin ( I lived there for 3 yrs. HCMC, not Cafe Latin)
What: Flaming upside down Sambuca shots
The Scene: head back on bar, Sambuca dribbling out the side of my mouth, trying to figure out how one puts out a flaming Sambuca shot with one's mouth.
What happened: As I tried to say 'no fire' my friend lit the Sambuca.
What happened next: I swallowed, sat up and my face (apparently) turned bluish with flames but went out quickly. Like a Christmas pudding!

Lingering affects: No scars, singed my hair a bit (which steamed nicely in the shower the next day) , still dislike Sambuca and I heard every Fire related song on the stereo that night..

Questions:
Momento vs. Primer- which is more confusing?
Donnie Darko vs. Primer- which is more subversive?


Primer is more confusing than Memento. Donnie Darko is more subversive to the overall culture, though Primer is more practically subsersive because it's a concrete blow to the side of the head of Big Studio. tb

Posted by: Amanda47 at May 9, 2008 10:48 AM

I saw them on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m",too.Maybe they want to make more new friends.You can contact them on that site.

Posted by: Lucy at May 9, 2008 10:48 AM

Genny! What are you doing online girly? Shouldn't you be out being a tourist somewhere and doing something cultural?

And I am not a scary person I am very little and thus cannot be frightening. I am just a little hyperactive as I've ingested about 2000 calories of pure sugar this afternoon and that makes me bouncy (don't worry I will probably have crashed by six). And yes we are going to the memory-loss bar but! I remembered leaving it last time... the bar we went to afterwards was another matter but I was with my Tequila Girl loving friend Emma (see how all my posts tie together? I am a genius!) and she's always a bad influence on me. It is very likely that I won't be able to find that bar again and you will be spared.

I do have to come away with a good story though or socalled may ban me from his reviews... It'll be fine! I'm just happy it's FRIDAY!

Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 9, 2008 10:49 AM

Memento. God what's wrong with me?

Posted by: Amanda47 at May 9, 2008 10:50 AM

Here's a quick summary of my experience with absinthe:

"Are you supposed to be able to feel your brain? Because I can. I swear. Also, my teeth itch. Do your teeth itch? I think I need to take a walk."

::falls down::

"I'm going to lie here until my heart stops trying to eat its way out of my chest cavity."

Posted by: TK at May 9, 2008 10:52 AM

Kolby-
Do not be fooled by socalled's prose! Absinthe is vile. You do not want this drink. You do not want it Kolby You Are.

Posted by: tamatha at May 9, 2008 10:53 AM

I hate anything licorice-flavored, too, but I have tried two different brands of absinthe, and I can say that quality makes a difference. The cheap stuff was dry-heave inducingly horrible. I found the better quality brand surprisingly pleasant to sip directly out of the freezer. The warmer it got, the more flavorful, but of course I was getting drunker with every sip so I didn't mind the taste as much by then.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at May 9, 2008 10:54 AM

Oh, TK, you make me miss my drinking days. If I had not morphed into such a pussy in my thirties I would so want to feel my own brain. I've wanted to try absinthe ever since I read about Van Gogh and the French Impressionists as a teenager. (Personally, I think it was more the syphyllis and less the absinthe that made people go bat shit crazy back then.)

Posted by: Brigette at May 9, 2008 11:15 AM

Primer is fantastic. I saw it twice and am still not 100% I have it all figured out, but it was shockingly well-made. What has Shane Carruth been working on?!

Posted by: Gordon at May 9, 2008 11:45 AM

I saw this a few years back when Dan Carlson had it on his all-time favorites list.

It made my brain hurt - absinthe makes your brain numb. This is an ingenious combination, and I will be sure to try it myself. I salute you, drunken warrior.

Posted by: AM at May 9, 2008 12:24 PM

The first time I saw this film, I went from slightly buzzed to completely hammered over the course of its relatively short running time. (Unfortunately, I wasn't drinking absinthe.) I saw it again a few weeks later when I was sober, but it wasn't as much fun - still technically sound and quite impressive, sure, but I think I rather enjoyed my drunken version better:

Me: "Hhhhhhhow many copies of thhhose two guysss are walking arrround now? Shhhhgotta be like A HUNDRED PAIRS of 'em!"
Boyfriend: *rolls eyes*

Posted by: Jen at May 9, 2008 12:24 PM

Brigette, it was the epilepsy and the latent insanity that took out Van Gogh.

Absinthe seems like one of those things that I may try one of these days, but I am not so sure that I am going to check it out immediately. I have my creamy Limoncello to try first.

Setting things on fire?

Everclear - $30

Bic lighter - $1

75 foot tall tree - $400 (friend's house rental deposit)

Drunk moron - free

Watching a 15 foot tall tower of flame being expelled by aformetioned moron and tree going up in flames?

Priceless.

Posted by: Melody at May 9, 2008 12:36 PM

Ted, the Boozehound Cinephile reviews always make my week. It's how I get through Fridays.

I've tried absinthe only once, straight shot, while drinking a variety of other liquors. See, there was this pub in Belfast that had this great special on Sunday nights. Six shots for six pounds which was referred to as "shooting the ladder". Absinthe was one of the six, but being at the end of the ladder, I don't recall much about it's flavor or effects. After reading your review, I definitely want to try it again.

I do have a question though: could someone explain again the burning sugar cube method? I vaguely remember seeing this done by Johnny Depp's character in From Hell, but I don't really trust my memory or Hollywood's dramatization. How is the effect different from pouring water over the sugar cube?

Posted by: JTate at May 9, 2008 12:46 PM

Man, this movie sounds great. The perfect rental to piss off my roommates:

Me - "Hey guys, let's watch this awesome sci-fi thriller."
Them, 90 minutes later - "You fucking bastard"

Posted by: the_wakeful at May 9, 2008 1:03 PM

Melody, I've heard about the epilepsy and I know Van Gogh had a long history of mental and emotional instability but one cannot ignore the syphyllis factor in that era. It was the best of (party) times and the worst of (psychosis-inducing sexually transmitted disease) times... Still: Opium, absinthe and champagne, how much fun would that have been?

Posted by: Brigette at May 9, 2008 1:10 PM

Melody,

I think I would have peed my pants. Laughing. Then running.

Apparently your friend never met Smokey the Bear OR Smacky the Frog (Mitch Hedberg RIP).

Stay away from Everclear. It's evil. I almost had to go to the hospital. And I can't eat watermelon anymore. ;-(

-Amanda

PS Alex the Odd: Snakebites. Genny needs to learn about Snakebites.

Posted by: Amanda47 at May 9, 2008 1:16 PM

Stay away from Everclear. It's evil. I almost had to go to the hospital. And I can't eat watermelon anymore.

Everclear is not for the weak. It is only for those days when you are drinking nothing else and the need to lose any and all inhibitions in about 2 hours. Do not drink it straight. It will kill you. Amanda, you must have drink the Everclear, fruit punch, and liquor soaked fruit thing. That is the only acceptable usage for Everclear in my mind.

I do have a really great photo of the fire ball and the ignition of the tree. It is one of my favorites from college.

Posted by: Melody at May 9, 2008 1:33 PM

Ted - I'm curious - in your levels of hangover column, did you incorporate the mental self loathing in any way?

Right now I'm just about past a weak level 1 (I got it out last night or it would have been MUCH worse - gotta love college and getting shitfaced on a Thursday). So physically it wasn't a particularly bad hangover at all. But because of the mental aspect it felt much, much worse.

Posted by: Joe at May 9, 2008 1:47 PM

GOOD POST..
I will send it to my friends on __Tallmeet.c om___.I find many friends there and I share my life with them..many people there upload their nice pics there..

Posted by: Willy Da Kid at May 9, 2008 3:22 PM

I am putting this on the list for my wants-to-be-a-filmmaker teen. He's at a great stage where we can talk about what makes things good or crappy or are clever, even if the movie itself kinda sucks.

Which made me think that an interesting comment diversion would be to short list those few, precious movies (particularly small budget/high creativeity ones) that would show the shitty directors how it should/could be done.

Posted by: mums at May 9, 2008 3:24 PM

Hey, remember when Bushwick Bill had Everclear in the hospital after his eye was shot out?

Alex, size matters not, you still scare me. Which "Tequila Girls" are you referring to? I found a few different instances of the phrase. And you know that beach is only good for crashing your scooter into.

Maureen Tuckers Drumstick
One of my heroes, as I canNOT play sticks and pedals at the same time (and one should really seek out her cover of "Then He Kissed Me").

"Can we get a Gay R2-D2?" I already thought the end of the 90s was going crappily and then I heard that.

Are you supposed to be able to feel your brain?

And did you know that your brain can't feel pain? "Kids Discover", pick one up.

Hey! Here comes that frog! Alright!

Posted by: Jay at May 9, 2008 3:25 PM

Sorry for the absence, folks, work was calling.

tamatha, stop spreading your evil lies. Drink up, Kolby.

Thank you, JTate, so much; the flame method involves briefly soaking a sugar cube in the glass of absinthe, then lighting the now-highly-flammable sugar on fire and allowing the by-product to drip into the glass, which supposedly enhances the intoxicating effect. Someone expressed skepticism above, and I have to agree, I don't see why that would happen. But I haven't tried it, primarily because I don't want a Richard Pryor moment. I set the brim of a baseball cap on fire one time firing up an oddly shaped ganja pipe, and now I tend to avoid fire when inebriated.

Joe, I think the self-loathing is an aggravator that can bump you up a level by exacerbating symptoms. I've had that where I knew I had to do something the next day and still drank too much. The self-kicking starts early and doesn't stop till your eyes shut that night.

Jay, I totally remember that -- there are no physical receptor nerves in the actual brain organ, only transmission and interpretation nerves. "Dude! [/bonk bonk bonk] That's my skull!"

Posted by: ted boynton at May 9, 2008 5:06 PM

So let me get this straight. In theory you could go into the box today and live there for 10 years, but when you step out of the box only (lets just say) one year has past in this time.

Re: Everclear. Had a friend's B-Day the night before Easter. I had given up hard alcohol for Lent. Clock strikes 12 and I do a shot of "Spanish Chicken", which is a full shot of 151 and a full shot of Wild Turkey. You put in a drop of Tabasco for each year on this Earth. Chase it with a Jack and Coke.
Then I did a shot of Everclear 10 minutes later. Then I did a pre-emptive chunck-blow.


Another key point: When you step out of the box, You're actually back in time by however long you spent in the box, so if you want to go back in time one full day, you have to be in the box 24 hours, during which time the world continued on without you, and you now have 24 hours to work on events you already know are coming. How the hell does that square with the 1,300 minutes passing in the box? I have no idea, I've only watched it once, and I was tripping on absinthe, man. Seriously, even huge fans of the film say you have to watch it repeatedly to really get what's happening; there's a sort of cult of Primer timeline enthusiasts around the internet. It's pretty enjoyable on a one-time basis though. tb

Posted by: JP at May 9, 2008 5:55 PM

tb -- You may be under the wrong assumption that being sober would help you understand the Primer timeline better. It sounds like you need to be in a "special" state of mind to wrap your head around this crazy shit. For example, Jacob's Ladder made ten times more sense on 'Tussin and rum.


It's not clear to me how to approach a second viewing of Primer, but I'm not lining up to watch it sober ... too many other viewings lined up. Guh, I love Jacob's Ladder and saw it the first time about 20 years ago tripping on potent Mary Jane's snatch and JD. Thank godtopus there were several of us watching, looking at each other from time to time, going all Keanu-like "whoa! we are such spazzes!" Oh, and Elizabeth Peña = fucking hotness. JP, I'm so glad you've stayed around. tb

Posted by: JP at May 9, 2008 10:04 PM

Gahh, dammit, I have to wake up in 4.5 hours to survey birds and I just got back from a house party that I stayed at far longer than I intended to, and I really want to read my weekly dose of Boozehound but it will just have to wait until I have the time to do it justice.

One thing, though: ugh, not a fan of anything licorice...so I will listen to the movie review, but I'm not going to fall for any Absinthe praise. Hope you enjoyed it though. Chacun a son gout.

OK....sleep, birds, and farmer's market for little Momo, THEN I'll get me some Boynton goodness.


Sweet sweet sweetie, I wouldn't ask you to "fall" for anything. Absinthe is what it is, and if you get the chance to try it, you should. A tiny portion straight at some bar where you dance while shaking your head because that's how you roll, then graduate to the gin and absinthe shaken over ice, and served up for your pleasure. Sweet MO, we're all about your pleasure, just like the Trojan ads. tb.

Posted by: MO at May 9, 2008 11:37 PM

I went to see this movie when it came out in the theaters. Interesting. I don't think time travel is even remotely possible, but the concept is still worth discussion and the movie addresses it more thoughtfully than most movies or TV shows about it I've ever seen.

Basically, if you ever do get the opportunity to time travel, don't do it. You'll be sorry.

Posted by: Slash at May 10, 2008 2:12 AM

For those of you still a bit confused, somebody put up a halfway-understandable timeline graphic on Primer's Wikipedia entry.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primer_%28film%29

Oh, and Elizabeth Peña = fucking hotness.

You ain't said nothing but the truth. Never thought anybody could make "grinding all on Satan's wahoozle in the middle of a club" ridiculously sexy, but she did it. At least, that is what I remember...

Posted by: Vermillion at May 10, 2008 9:58 AM

THAT'S why my Friday felt off, I missed my weekly Boozehound! Not sure I can handle Primer...I love a hardcore mindfuck, but this sounds like the film equivalent of drinking a 1.5 liter bottle of wine and then allowing your best friend's buddy molest you because you're too wasted to stop him. Which has NEVER happened.

Posted by: Julie at May 10, 2008 10:37 AM

You can MIX it with GIN? I have had the traditional water-and-sugar-cube drink before; didn't enjoy that at all, and I don't know that I'd like absinthe in any way, shape or form. However, anise and juniper sounds like an intriguing combination.

Never heard of Primer before, but it sounds pretty cool and looks like a movie my physics/engineering-y husband would enjoy. I must hunt it down for him.


Oh, yes, gin and absinthe was my favorite of the samplings, fo' sho'. I learned to go heavier with the gin than the initial 50-50 mix. I went with a 3-to-1 ratio last night, adding a splash of simple syrup, and let me tell you, I'm feeling it this morning. Primer is available from NetFlix. tb

Posted by: MO at May 10, 2008 1:44 PM

Teddy, my boy. The next time I'm sharing several shots and beers with you, we can have some serious time travel discussions (one of my physics courses actually looked at the plausible reality of time traveling through wormholes [so many problems with it, damn it] ... god I miss being a scientist).

But the long and short of time travel in the movie isn't how you think it is. Rather, boiled down to the basics, you go backwards from the moment you enter the box to the moment when you first turned it on, but you go "backwards" in real time. So if you turn the box on at midnight and get in at 6 a.m., you can get out and be back at midnight, but you need to spend 6 hours in the box. The 1300 minutes business with the watch is, if I recall correctly, from before they had fine tuned the time travel of the box and, essentially, the watch was stuck in a loop, and was repeatedly traveling forward a minute and then back a minute. And over the course of the one minute "real time," it had actually gone through that loop 650 times.

For a real mindfuck, dig this timeline.

Posted by: Seth at May 11, 2008 4:01 AM

Dude. The kevlar-piercing nail of your analysis just gave me a brain blowout on the freeway of life. I'm going to watch this thing again next weekend. Sober this time.

Posted by: ted boynton at May 11, 2008 10:31 AM

A friend of mine acquired a quantity of absinthe from an unnamed European source about two years ago and I tried some of it.

You do not drink the absinthe.

The Absinthe drinks YOU.

It was rather interesting (I tried the sugar and cold water bit), but I'll stick to 100-proof vodka to imbibe when I feel like surveying the inner surface of my cranium.

Posted by: The Wanderer at May 11, 2008 3:36 PM

Man, I thought you were going to review "The Coneheads" while getting all trippy on the green juice... Dan Ackroyd (sp?) is at his absolute finest. Whatserfricks subtle nuances as she adjusts to what is/is not deemed "normal" is practically friggin' Oscar Worthy. That fat guy from SNL is even in it! Look at the phallic imagery, the questions of segregation, the nod at illegal immigration, the fucking layers man. THE LAYERS! The effects work alone is enough to make the movie (suck a dick, "The Matrix"), but you throw some of the finest acting of that decade, hell any decade on top of that, and you're looking at a film that demands viewing it in a different state-of-mind. For shame, Mr. Boynton. I was really looking forward to what could have been another excellent installment in the Boozehound Chronicles. Time travel? Please...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at May 12, 2008 12:52 PM