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I did the exact same thing last week.

Except replace "Sexy Beast" with "The Royal Tennenbaums", three fingers of scotch whisky with two bottles of Fat Bastard shiraz, dogs with a cat kneading on my leg/left teste, and going to work with fixing a stiff bloody mary and making an omelette.

Okay, maybe not the EXACT same thing, but I'm with you in spirits (see? that thar's a pun!).

As a boozy sidenote, anyone got a killer bloody mary recipe? As of now, mine consists of gargling Silver Wolf vodka while emptying a ketchup packet into my mouth...

Tomato juice to vodka, three-to-one, then experiment with the following: lemon juice (4 or 5 tbsp), worcesteshire sauce (same), horseradish sauce (2 tsp), tabasco sauce (1 tsp), red and black pepper, lime wedge, olives, and, of course, a celery stick, bruised to bring out the flavor in the drink. Some people like to add cocktail onions. This is a fun trial and error, because there are so many tastes involved. I ramp up most of the spicy ingredients because I like a lotta flava. tb

the writers' strike is over!

http://www.cnbc.com/id/23057002

MO: You are correct. I applaud your superior knowledge of intoxicating Celtic beverages.

But what I really want to know is where I can get ring side seats for the beating that is about to descend on Mr. Boynton when the fine men of Speyside discover he has likened their whisky to "Thames water". I suspect right now, there is a mob of Scots half way across the Atlantic equipped with a variety of clubs and other crude blunt instruments to turn our boozehound into pulp. Seriously Ted, you could have picked any other river in the world and maybe got away with it, but the Thames? Have you never seen Braveheart? Has all of my counseling on these pages been for nothing? We'll miss you.

Alas, the bank vault in question was not located on a rocky hillside on the coast of the North Atlantic. It's a metaphor, people! Besides, those hillbillies will be too fixated on Deedee's gyrating backside to fiddle with me. Anyway, that's why I go under an alias. And the breakdown of "whisky" vs. "whiskey," supra, is correct. tb

Vodka and cranberry juice followed by crying myself to sleep.

Jebus, Ian McShane was scary as hell in that movie!

Strangely, the older I get, the easier it is to fall asleep while viewing movies. After a (water) glass of wine, I've been known to wake up drooling, with no memory of how a movie ended.

TK - what is it with the High Life these days? The hubs has been drinking it daily for about 6 months now, and he seemingly can't get enough of it. I mean, I know it's the "Champagne of Beers" and all, but is it so good that the 22 cases of empty bottles that has accumulated in our back hallway are justified?

Me, I'm all set with a pint of Guinness or maybe a Half-N-Half. I'm a simple girl. Although I've heard that it's considered pretty damn sexy for a woman to drink Scotch.

That HAVE accumulated. Shit.

Damn Kolby - drunk on a school day.

I don't know when High Life turned into the Crack of Beers. I started drinking it a few years ago, and it's just the cheap beer of choice. I certainly enjoy and prefer some nicer ones, and I love me some Guiness (what can I say? I'm Irish by marriage), but for light and cheap, what the hell.

TK, at least you had some Bushmills in the mix. Mine was Miller Light and "Saw 4". To things that go well together since both are pretty blah. At least I switched to Smithwicks for "Eastern Promises", that counts for something right?

Ted, as you are the resident authority on all things alcoholic I was wondering if you have made a Vesper from "Casino Royale" and if it is worth seeking out the ingredients for.

That's a big Y-E-S, Rob; the Vesper is one of my favorite drinks -- go back and take a look at the Boozehound Pajiba Guide to booze in cinema. You probably already have 90% of what you need, i.e., good gin and vodka (three-to-one) plus a lemon for the twist. Lillet blanc is good for keeping around too, for guests who might want a splash over ice -- it keeps well. Don't forget to cut the lemon peel over your (chilled) glass, as the lemon oil gives a nice bite to the drink. tb

Sick as a dog and watching CNN/ESPN right now.

But "Sexy Beast" is a damn fun film. Kingsley, Winstone and McShane.

Oh and I love the ending in "hell".

Nancy, that's how I like my bloody marys as well...good vodka, tomato juice, splash of tabasco, Worchestershire, celery salt, a little lime, and a buttload of black pepper. No horseradish, then it feels like drinking cocktail sauce. And of course, serve with a plate of crispy home fries and a cheese omelette.

Sooo hungry now.

You get some odd looks when you are a girl ordering scotch
I was out with a whole bunch of friends a while back. Most were ordering cosmos and other like-minded drinks, then my friend and I went up to the bar and ordered two fingers of scotch, strait up, I can't even begin to tell you the wierd way the bartender looked at us after that...

although I am also perfectly happy with a gin+tonic or a pint of Guiness(my one true love)

Bloody Mary:
Tomato Juice (NOT V8 dammit)
Pickle Juice (the briny stuff with the pickles, I don't suggest juicing a pickle)
Grated Fresh horseradish (this is VERY important)
Pepper, Salt
Vodka of choice (I like Tito's - 'cause it good and it's cheap)
Carrot Juice.

Mix, pour over ice. Don't stick shrimp or celery or little crappy umbrella in there. You're drinking vodka in the morning and the reality should not be lost on you, you fucking alcoholic!

The ratios are a personal preference, so I don't list mine. Obviously, the more Carrot and Tomato Juice, the less potent the drink.

Enjoy!

The word "Insinnuendo" is bothering me.

It seems to ring a faint bell in one of the deeper grooves way in the back of my rapidly-deteriorating brain...Is it from a song lyric?

Please reply, or this is going to drive me mad.

From the great Don Logan his own self: "It's not what you're saying, Gal. It's what you're not saying. Insinnuendos." Hee hee hee, what a perfect malapropism for that character. tb

While I usually abhor flavored vodkas... I highly recommend a Bloody Mary made with Absolute Peppar. And use a different hot sauce, not Tabasco, that shit is just nasty. Experiment a little, it's fun.

Which is why, Estelle, I am buying carrot juice in preparation for Saturday morning's festivities. Who wants to come over to get bombed on Bloody Marys and eat a pile of eggs (over easy) and bacon? Maybe some sort of fried potato? Hmm?

Two 20oz St. Peter's Porter, a copious amount of pot brownies, and "John Carpenter's The Thing."

Ted, give this concoction a try. I call it "The Goodnight Milkshake."

One part Kahlua
One part Bailey's
One part Just Deserts Chocolate Chip Cookie
Dash Frangelico
Fill Half 'n Half

Oi, I would love to, ian, but I'm lactose-intolerant AND I have Crohn's, so that mixture would quickly put me in hospital. I have to stick to purer concoctions unless I medicate first.

I used to make what I called The B-2, which was equal parts Bushmills and Bailey's over ice. I can't have that one either, but if you ever want to wonder how you ended up on your ass, knock down about four of those, and your liver will be happy to tell you. tb

Over easy is the only way eggs should be prepared. And if the fried potatoes have plenty of spice to 'em, I'm there. I do love a properly prepared Bloody Mary. No celery salt in mine, though, I hate it when that shit reappears in your mouth hours later.

Now I miss bartending. I swear, you guys, you're going to turn this occasional drinker into a party girl again.

yeah - I forgot the hot sauce and the lime juice - but I don't drink those fuckers anyway. I'm more of a beer in the morning kind of girl (not regularly, just on those needed occasions). The SO makes the Bloody Marys (Maries, Mary's, what's the plural of Mary?)

I never knew about the wonderful wonderful hangover world of over-easy eggs until I met said SO. Lord! To dip crispy bacon in runny yellow delicious yolk - it's almost pornographic.

By the by, TK, this weekend try baking your bacon. Sounds weird, but you get perfect flat, evenly cooked crispy bacon. Put a sheet of parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Lay your bacon down (one layer only). Press down with another sheet of parchment paper. Bake at 350 for about 10 minutes (or until they look done). I swear to god it's awesome and it even works on Turkey Bacon.

I can't wait for grad school where it's going to be okay for me to drink in during the day. 1 more month!

Baking bacon totally works -- I don't even use the parchment paper, just a really tough, high-rimmed baking sheet at 400 F, flipping once about fifteen minutes in. But mind the grease when removing the pan! (Man, we are full-service here at Pajiba.) tb

a splash of Frangelico in hot mulled cider is suprisingly good, and an excellent way to spend a sleepy evening after a big dinner

the juicing of a pickle comment is cracking me up...

Hey, anyone else ever have a Bloody Mary with shrimp in it? That's the high life, right there.

"gina and sprite zero"

sigh....you would notice that...

open mouth, insert foot

Bethy. you have to use the open and close alligator mouths. They're html tags.

*B*BOLD*/B*
*I*ITALIC*/I*

Substituting the less than/greater than symbols for the asterisks.

Feel free to pass me any and all olives that come your way, TK. I fricken love olives. Shoot, when I used to bartend, olives & maraschino cherries were my evening meal.

I'm also aware that I sound like a hypocritical snob, since I got plowed on Miller High Life and Bushmills last night. Shut up.

I am not even going to touch this one. MHL??? Why on this earth would you touch that? You can get Busch for about the same price and taste?

To make excellent fried potatoes: Iake potatoes and cut into thin strips, removing the damned skin, and wash them to remove some of the starch. Get out you salt, pepper, Cavendar's, or Creole seaasoning (whatever you are in the mood for), and season away. Get the skillet and add a thin layer of Olive Oil (Do not shorten the name like that insufferable Rachel Ray), add seasoned potatoes to oil and heat on llow/medium heat. Check often to prevent burning and flip at least three times for even cooking. Stop whenever you like the looks of them. I prefer crispy.

Scotch is your friend. You should love the scotch. So is Jameson's, but that is another story.

in my house... a bloody mary must include fresh crack'd black pepper, lee & perrins and of course the requisite pickled green bean. made w/rum, i believe this is called a bloody ceasar?

A Bloody Ceasar is the cousin of Mary, made with a heinous mixture called Clamato. If you're wondering, it's exactly what is sounds like: Clam juice and tomato juice.

And saying it always reminds me of Tomaco...

Gin is a wondrously versatile spirit. There are few things as refreshing as a Tanquerray and Tonic with a lime wedge on hot summer days. And a Sapphire martini, any way you take it, is truly nectar of the gods.

Scotch, well Scotch is a league of its own. You could spend a lifetime sampling different brands and varietals and never receive the same flavors twice. So much time and effort is necessary to produce quality Single malt, you can almost taste the history.

I can't imagine how on earth you could have fallen asleep during "Sexy Beast". We spent the movie glued to the "subtitles for the hearing impaired" just to figure out what the hell was going on. The accent situation was almost worse than "Trainspotting" (But not as bad as "Layer Cake". Oof.).

I used to be a strict vodkaandtonicwithextralime (or Midori sours when I felt all fruity) gal back in my harder drinking days. Now I'm happy with any booze that mixes well with Diet Coke, like Vanilla vodka or coconut rum.

Don't knock it; sometimes a girl wants to get her drink on and still fight the chub.

The same way I finally started falling asleep next to Mrs. Socalled; as exciting as she is (and incomprehensible, just like Sexy Beast), once you know what the back nine looks like, you need some shut-eye. tb

Damn, lookit all these yummy-sounding recipes for booze and food!

Think I'll just print of the entire comments & take it home. Thanks, Pajiba-peeps!

Dude, that metaphor was totally lost on me.

Don't bust my chops too bad. My people were moonshiners, you know. Plus I got some angry Southie Irish blood in me too. I can put the shit away with the best of them.

It's just that the Battle of My Fat Fucking Thighs outweighs any badassery I need to prove by guzzling empty calories straight up.

Not to mention that I have no idea how "having getting" made it's way into that comment.

Fucking hell. I'm blaming the hangover.

Again.

Also, tonic is quite lo-cal. Or juice! Or... anything besides coke or sprite or (god forbid) root beer.

Alabama - I am going to pimp my favorite drink again..gin and tonic! no empty calories in tonic! and gin even is good for your brain and will help improve your memory! (I am counting on that last fact)

Bethy, you are correct. In fact, Gin and Tonics help prevent scurvy!

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO CATCH SCURVY, DO YOU?!

DO YOU?!?!?!

Battle of My Fat Fucking Thighs

Was that before or after the Battle of Serenity Valley?

(wouldn't be Friday without some nerd in-humor)

Kolby- I may just have to give your drink a spin. Wouldn't even have to leave the house since I've got all the necessary ingredients.

Damn and I just bought two nice Lambics for the evening.

Now I am torn between insanely fruity beverage or mildly fruity beer.

You could replace the Midori with Chambord and it won't be as sweet.

Thank you for making this a recurring column

I got up, swallowed the last of the scotch, and went to work.

Really, thank you.

To Wage War in the Battle of My Fat Fucking Thighs:

Instead of greasy salty foods - try frozen edamame (soy beans) from Trader Joe's. Sprinkle with a little French Dirt (aka - that awesome sea salt from Brittany/Normandy). French Dirt is not only tasty as hell (because it's French, duh), but is also lower in sodium than Normal Salt. Plus edamame are SUPER good for you with loads of fiber and protein. yum.

Or, you could sprinkle French Dirt on Nathan Fillion and have another kind of snack (although less fiber, I believe that Fillion is also high in protein - perhaps more than even the mighty soy bean).

As far as drinks - stay away from those damn fruity drinks! They're loaded with sugars which will wage their own war on My Fat Fucking Thighs. Also, avoid Corona, or any other crappy ass pilsner - they're are loaded with empty calories as well. Go for the Ales - stouts, like Guiness, are actually a little good for you - that's how the Brits got so strong. For a stronger drink - go with Gina or Vodka - those girls are your friends. And the good stuff tastes good, so you don't have to ruin them with juices or sodas.

End of Thesis.

How about I just start skipping at least one meal a day to drink more!

Yeah!

Yum. Does that recipe also speak chicken?

'Bama don't eat no pork.

But again: Yum.

'Bama, as a matter of fact, it does. It's a bbq recipe... I assume you southern belles can handle that.

Just don't dig on swine, eh?

I am so happy that the boozehound cinephile is a recurring addition at Pajiba. I love my booze (especially a good single malt scotch high ball, a dirty Chopin martini, a nice side car, and a great ale or hefeweizen). Thanks again for this! I have to say that Sexy Beast is a movie that could never make me drowsy. It has too much energy for me. The same can be said for Layer Cake. I love me some badass British gangster violence.

Alabamapink - One of my favorite low cal drinks is a lite cranberry juice cocktail with vodka. You get your vitamin C and alcohol without a lot of calories. Plus, there is nothing better sometimes than a standard vodka cran.

You crazy Americans and your bloody Marys! Caesars are the way to go!! My favourite drink has to be the yummy, sassy Greyhound... but you have to use the yellow grapefruit juice, not that sissy pink stuff!!

Also delurking due to booze.

Now if you want a nice drink that's kind of sweet but still has a bite and where the mixer doesn't totally hide the taste of the booze, you've gotta go for a Dark and Stormy.

2 oz Gosling's Black Seal rum
8 oz ginger beer
squirt of fresh lime juice
(some people add nutmeg, but I think that's gilding the lily)

You can make it with other dark rum, but the closer you can get to Bermuda black rum, the better. The ginger beer part is a must; do NOT use ginger ale.

I hate to do this to you guys, but Tonic has as many calories as Coke (I learned this the hard way, damnit - My Big Fat Thighs and I love a G&T).

If you want the same basic feel without the high fructose corn syrup - I think it's called a Gin Rickey? Gin & Club Soda (with lime - it makes a difference).

All that said, I love The Boozehound Cinephile - and every time I read this column I head to the kitchen for one of two thing: 1) 4 to 1 gin martini with 3 olives or 2) 3 to 1 Manhattan, with Maker's if it's payday and Evan Williams if it isn't. :)

Oh, in case anyone is still reading, the Main Squeeze says that he mixes the horseradish with the vodka first, so that it gets evenly distributed throughout.

Y'all do too much complicated shit at bedtime. Keep it simple.

Grab glass out of cabinet. Add Absolut. Add either tonic or cranberry juice. Drop in lime. Swallow Ambien, grab good book, take drink to bed and wait for letters to get wiggly. Sleep.