Pajiba

you're missing one key item in the kit...

Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

just might save your life.

A must-read for anyone into this sort of thing. Nice pull. tb

Great piece, Ted! It only reaffirms what me and so many of my friends know -- the Zombie Apocalypse is coming and there ain't a damn thing we can do about it.

Just a few thoughts:

- Forget the flamethrower. Yes, they are insanely cool and there isn't a thing alive that doesn't fear fire. But fire tends to be uncontrollable once unleashed. Zombies put on fire won't stop moving. People put on fire will run (ignoring the stop, drop and roll advice). Both have a great chance of spreading that fire onto things you might want to avoid. Also, flamethrowers consume a lot of gas, which you'll need for other things.

- Not only make your abode impregnable, make it invisible. Once law and order has disappeared (and Sam Waterstone can't come save you) you will find people uniting just to take what you spent years putting together. Make it tough for them to find you.

- Learn how to use and clean various types of firearms. I know, I know that you don't WANT to shoot anyone, but there ain't no cops and no soldiers. Hell, there's a good chance you'll have to fight cops and/or soldiers, depending on how the federal government has screwed things up. Worst time to find out about recoil is when you need to be aiming.

BTW, those are things I'd never have thought of if I hadn't lived through Katrina. A failure of epic proportions and a disaster they saw coming. After that, I said I'd never live in the West Coast. When that 7.0 happens...well, just prepare a backup method to get in touch with loved ones. Don't count on the government (local or state or federal) to save you.

You and jotthedot are absolutely right on all counts. Keep in mind, however, that it took me years to sway the missus into shotgun ownership, and her mandated paperwork for a rifle is significantly more daunting than that of the government. She does own and operate a Remington Lady Defender 20-gauge, however, which is sweet AND scary. tb

michelle is absolutely right; we do have several boxes of long-burn candles, but I should increase our igniting capabilities. tb

Heinlein would approve.

How could I forget the gorram porn!

Shocking oversight. Oooh and a Firefly boxset or two (just in case one breaks or something) althoug bearing in mind the presence of Adam Baldwin and Nathan Fillion it probably falls into the aforementioned "porn" category for me... too much information?

Mmmm Captain Mal...

Good Godtopus what a beatiful way to start the morning Mr. Boynton!

For the kit, I notice a disturbing lack of cutting/hand-to-hand weaponry. Sure, you want to take the fuckers out before they get that close, but what if they do get that close? Plus you've got those nosy neighbors who you may not realize are a threat till it's too late. Or what if you need more supplies, and need a stealthy way of dispatching them that's holding those supplies?

Therefore, I am all for AtO's suggestion of the sword cane. But I'd also like to add in a good 12 inch hunting knife. Something small enough to use with one hand, but long enough and sharp enough to decpitate when the need arrises.

Ooh, also a good one. Again, I tried not to over-duplicate things we already have, e.g., sharp kitchen-type knives, but we don't have more, um, "utility" type blades. Nice pull.

And another question, 'jibans: What's your opinion on gas masks? We don't have any, and I've debated whether it's worth the trouble. tb

Slightly off-topic, TB are you not even a wee bit afraid that someone (glances nervously at Homeland Security camera) will take interest in your, er, theoretical list?

Oh, and considering that I am a terribly out-of-shape fatty, there is no way I can avoid becoming part of the zombie horde.

That occurred to me as I was filling out the papers for the shotguns. I write under an alias here, however, and my little store of goodies probably isn't very interesting to the thugs at HS. And fatties are welcome, as we are not leaving except in a motorized vehicle. tb

if you're going to be storing gasoline, make sure you have some of that nifty "stabil" stuff to keep it from... for lack of a better term, going bad. it will start to break down over time if it's stored, and that stuff is meant to keep it fresh.

also, a chainsaw? dangerous, yes, so make sure you learn how to use it beforehand. cut down a tree or something, store some firewood.

how 'bout vehicles that run on one's own power? bicycles? skateboards? (you can also move heavy stuff on skateboards)
and my personal favorite as a derby girl - roller skates. you could haul ass through san fran, shotgun in hand, down the hills, jumping shit in the road... the zombies would never catch you and you'd look SO F'IN COOL the WHOLE TIME.

I'm enjoying the visual. Alas, we're probably going down with the ship here at the house, unless there's a really tempting reason to leave. How about a foot-powered MurderTank, a la Fred Flinstone? tb

OMYSTARSANDMUTHAFUCKINGWHISKERS.

My favorite topic ever.

Before I get down to my suggestions for a zombie survival kit, thanks for an awesome review. I especially appreciated your spot-on criticisms of 28 Weeks Later. I'd like to add the embarrassingly improbable, Freddy Krueger-like Super Zombie who managed to show up EVERYWHERE. Lawd, was that bunch of contrivance an irritating smear on the respectable and superior original.

As for your kit:

I agree with a few others that a shotgun would certainly blow a good number of holes in the chests of the undead. But it's bloody noisy. Invest in silencers for any guns. Noise tends to attract more zombies to investigate potential fresh meat. It's a pretty common rule amongst zombie warriors that stealth is your best weapon. Stealth and keeping your distance.

When it comes to non-gun weapons for fighting off zombies, think length and weight. Something you can use to bash a soft, decaying skull in without getting too close to the bitey little fucker to whom the skull belongs. Baseball bats (preferably wooden), machetes, those utility shovels they sell in surplus stores, fire pokers. Knives are handy in some situations, but entering into a knife fight (Quell those West Side Story fantasies!) with a zombie may result in close contact with zombie teeth.

Finally, you may have to flee your fortress for less populated areas, pack some essentials that are easily portable into your backpack ahead of time. That way you can jam at a moment's notice. I have a feeling that travel by car would become frustrating (Ever see the highways during a hurrican evac on the east coast?) unless you knew of many alternate routes. Even then, the noise of your car might attract a hungry horde. Travel by foot may be dicey, but if you go by night, you might be able to avoid zombie crowds.

May I suggest if the SF area gets too intense, hightail your butt up to my uncle's place in Idaho. Not only has he had military experience, he's got a pretty dense comic book and horror movie obsession to draw from and a large aresenal. And he has two much loved goofy golden retrievers to keep your furry children company.

Non-firearm weapons: You know, I've often wanted to try to bring back the pike as a weapon. I always liked to have one nearby for D&D marathons as an uber-dork teenager. I think we're planning to wait it out here, and if the going gets too tough, consume all the Schedule II at one time. tb

Pookie,
What about mixxed couplings? You know: zombie and human. Find one with no teeth and there's no danger of a bite... are they still dangerous? Is Zombie-ism sexually contagious?

Water purifying tablets - if you have to leave on foot, you probably won't be able to take much of your fresh water with you. Tablets will fix bad water even if zombies have been bathing/disintegrating downstream.

Plenty of Tampax - I assume the missus won't want to go the rag-washing route?

You can get wind-up flashlights, as well as radios. No need for batteries with those.

I've never watched 28 Days, though I do have it. Somebody bought it for me, thinking it was the Sandra Bullock film with 28 in the title! Go figure...

Good ideas. Mrs. socalled never mentioned storing away some feminine products; I'm not sure she takes this whole thing seriously, though she likes shooting the shotgun. I'll take it up with her. tb

DeadBessie: I think you're living in my brain, that's exactly what goes through my mind in these kinds of movies. Most things actually: torture situations, civil war. I'm a coward. I fully admit it.

You'll need an ax, possibly also a machete--you'll never know what terrain you'll have to wander through. Also, if Dungeons and Dragons is to be believed, 50 ft. of rope and a ten foot pole.

I know you mentioned camping supplies, be sure to include sterno.

You do know that antibiotics don't keep forever, right? To extend shelf life you need to keep them in the fridge, but even then they'll eventually peter out.

Yes, expiration is a constant problem with this sort of planning. My canned food is just about to the end of its shelf life, actually, and I'm going to replace it this fall. The ax is an excellent idea. We have an old machete in the shed. tb

Bistro I see your point, maybe I assumed that zombies would only want to be with other zombies. Sir, once again you've shown me the error in my thinking. I should have thought more about the post-apocalyptical social ramifications that will dictate the dating scene.

Did someone also mention handcuffs and chains for the Kit? You may need to hold a zombie captive in case the fate of the world rests on your finding a cure in their zombiefied DNA. Said shackles may also be used in case you and the missus get bored. Kink need not die with the rest of the human race.

Great review TB! A man after my own heart.

Ok, here is what I would add to the Zombie Survival Kit (ZSK):

- seeds for vegetables and fruit. gotta keep it going longer than the can supply.

- lime to throw on the dead bodies. sanitation is very important.

- rope. lots and lots of rope.

- blades, yes, but blades with big ass teeth.

- camouflage clothing

- and last but most importantly: wet wipes. why? just wait and see...

Wet wipes, yes; I see the need. And saw-toothed cutlery could have obvious important uses. tb

Zombie items:

Water purifying kit-

monster lights. I don't want to be that guy with the flickering mini light from Walmart mincing down the stairs-I want one of those spotlight things that make night into day.

Translation book/gizmo. Like most Americans, my grasp of other languages is minimal, but I'll need to communicate with the other survivors.

I agree with the machete for clearing work, but smaller knives will help a lot in cutting rope, chopping food, etc. a lot of strong nylon rope would also be helpful.

Extras on a lot of the tools. They will break, and they will make trade bait that's almost as good as water.

This is an excellent diversion for a Friday.

We have a couple of those mag lanterns, and an awesome advantage is that I can cannabalize the car battery if needed to continue running them. Oops, "cannabalize" is probably a poor choice of words here. Extra tools for barter is also a good idea, and that's another good suggestion for Christmas list stuff from family. "Another fucking hammer? I just bought you one last year." tb

You are certainly going to need a no-fail weapon. The glock is a nice choice for that. You can bury one of them in a giant mud pile and rinse it off in equally muddy water and it will still work.

Also necessary:
- Fatigues - built to hold up to these conditions
- MREs - never go bad, easily transportable, about 2000 calories per package
- Indestructible shoes - ones that can stand up to water, mud, gore, and assorted other items. I recommend North Face shoes
- Ninja Stars - for long distance throwing

MREs are on my list for investigating; I've never eaten one, and I already know I like Chunky Soup and peanuts. tb

- Hand-cranked Anal Invader 5000 ("It looks like it hurts." "That's how you know it's working.")

Absolutely. Also, don't forget your McConaughey fist attachment!

Love the original movie, the second was meh, and your list is awesome. I may just have to start stocking up - Boston zombies would be both dangerous AND cranky!

I forgot to add:

- One of those camo things that the military use to hide in bushes and other assorted shrubbery. They look like a big old camo wig.
- Camo face paint to blend in with the scenery.

This is the apocolypse kit assembled by a friend of mine. I think he is quite possibly the only one quite as dedicated to surviving the apocolypse as yourself.

I myself will be passing through the digestive tracts of mutated wolves. Or zombies.

PACKING AND TRANSPORT ITEMS

Item: Backpack, waterproof (German military surplus)
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Guess which backpack the army surplus store is almost always out of. Then guess why. Buy the large size with the two side pockets and the PVC waterproof interior lining. If it starts raining buckets or you need to cross a stream/river, seal the backpack in one of the contractor bags to ensure that everything inside stays dry (and floats if accidentally lost whilst crossing a body of water).
Seller: www.cabelas.com or an army surplus store
Cost: $20-25

Item: Medium tote bag
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Needed to carry emergency rations in, and ideal for storing items that are needed frequently--such as toiletries. Ideally it should be waterproof, but everything inside should be sealed regardless. A strap may be added so that this tote bag can be carried below the backpack, leaving both hands free.
Seller: Army surplus store
Cost: $10-15

Item: Ziplock bags, heavy duty, quart size
Quantity: 1 box (about 20)
Rationale: Another item that's terribly useful for storing things you don't want ruined by water/rain, storing and transporting liquids/foods, etc. Get the heavy-duty freezer bags as they're more durable/reusable.
Seller: Grocery store
Cost: $2-3

Item: Contractor heavy duty waste bags
Quantity: 4 bags
Rationale: Lots of uses for these things, too. (Emergency rain poncho, windbreak, carrying things a short distance, keeping things dry, etc.) And lightweight and compact enough to be inexcusable to not have a few jammed into the pack.
Seller: Home Depot
Cost: $6 for way more than you'll need in this kit.

Item: Carabiner style snaps
Quantity: 6
Rationale: If you're familiar with climbing and can afford them, get the kind that can actually be used for climbing. If you're not familiar with climbing, get the cheap ones. They're good quick-release fasteners and you should hook them all over your backpack to clip things too (canteens, weapons, etc.). make sure to space them out so they don't clank against one another and make excess noise.
Seller: Home depot or an outdoors sporting store for the "real" ones.
Cost: Cheap ones, $1-2. Real ones, $10-20.

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INFORMATION AND ELECTRONICS/COMMUNICATION
Item: US Army Survival Manual (FM 21-76) stored in a ziplock bag
Quantity: 1
Rationale: You WILL read this book if you ever need to use the go-bag. Tips on everything from surviving in the woods to finding food to making snares to catch animals for food to identifying edible plants. Info on first aid, "forest medicine", predicting weather patterns, navigating, and making shelters.
Seller: www.amazon.com
Cost: $15-20

Item: KA888 portable radio
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Radio? Try AM/FM and shortwave--in case you want to listen to broadcasts out of Europe or Africa. Oh, and it has a built-in flashlight, compass, siren, thermometer, alarm clock, and waterproof storage compartment. Power supply is by batteries, a DC adaptor, or by a NIMH battery that can be recharged by the built-in solar panel or via a hand crank. This little bugger does everything except make julian fries.
(NOTE: I've seen newer models with built-in solar/hand-crank cell phone charging capacilities. I'd get one of those instead. You'll need to figure out if your cell phone is compatible--or just get a solar trickle cell phone charger.)
Seller: http://store.advancedmart.com/kakaamrawflc.html
Cost: $36

Item: Binoculars, compact/lightweight, 8x21 or 10x25
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Situational awareness is a must in finding people--or avoiding them. Get the cheap folding kind that has at least a 10x magnification. There's better out there, but they're bulky, expensive, and heavy. In a pinch, you can always break one apart and use a lens to start a fire--if all the other fire-starting stuff in the pack is depleted.
Seller: www.cabelas.com or the army surplus or the sporting goods dept in any Wal-Mart/Target.
Cost: $10-20

Item: Local area map
Quantity: 1
Rationale: If you can get and read a topography map, you should get one. If not, a road map will be more useful for navigational purposes. In a crisis, you might want to be AWAY from roads and other people, though. I recommend finding some good camping/hiding spots you can get to beforehand--especially those near water sources. Seal the map in a plastic ziplock bag.
Seller: Varies, county courthouses.
Cost: $2-10

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FOOD

Item: Datrex emergency ration food bars
Quantity: 6
Rationale: Each package contains 18 individually wrapped food bars with 200 calories each--a 3-day supply of food for 1 person. 6 packs means 18 days of food for 1 person, 9 days for 2. Supposedly tastes a little like shortbread, but I think it's safe to say you're not going to want to eat this stuff unless you have to. Line the bottom of the back with these as each is sealed well, solid like a brick, and if you accidentally get water in the bag, it's not going to wreck anything. Also, if you've gotten to the point where you've got to eat something, you're probably is a place where you've got time to dig for it in the bottom of the bag--as opposed to a first aid kit, which should be near the top of the bag.
Seller: http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=84_254&products_id=3277
Cost: $6 per package for a 3-day food supply for 1 person

Item: Mess kit, 5-piece set
Quantity: 1
Rationale: The Datrex rations do not need to be cooked. However, it's certainly a nice item to have in the event there's other food that can be scrounged or water that can be boiled or animals/vegetables that can be cooked--and you probably don't want to eat nothing but Datrex emergency rations if you don't have to.
Seller: Army surplus store
Cost: $5-6

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WATER

Item: Katadyn Hiker Water Microfilter
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Filters 200 gallons of water on one cartridge, .3 micron filter, 1 quart/minute capacity. Technically, this takes care of 1 person for about 200 days. There's a smaller, cheaper filter, but it's only good for 26 gallons, looked a little fragile, and still cost $35. Spend the extra $25 and if you can find a water source, you're set for nearly a year--or can provide water to 28 people for a week. The filter comes in a drawstring bag. Attach it with a karabiner to the back of the pack to make room on the inside.
Seller: www.Cabelas.com
Cost: $60

Item: Polar Pure iodine water treatment pills
Quantity: 1 bottle
Rationale: Water is critical to surving more than 3 days. If your water filter breaks, you have this as a backup--to make nasty-tasting water, but without bacteria that'll make you shit yourself inside out.
Seller: Army surplus stores and most sporting good stores, Cabelas, and WalMart sporting depts.
Cost: $6-10

Item: Collapsable water container (2.5 gallons)
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Good for storing water or transporting it over a short distance. Use it to store filtered/purified water at a base camp.
Seller: Most camping stores and sporting departments
Cost: $8 for a 2.5 gallon container

Item: Canteen
Quantity: 1 or 2
Rationale: The collapsable water container is not conducive to mobility. Canteens are and are far more rugged. Get one with the lid attached. You don't want to lose your canteen's lid. Get a canteen with a strap attachment to free up hands and to make it easy to attach to the backpack. Clip to the outside of backpack with a carabiner so you've got more room. Look for one that won't make a lot of noise clanking around on the back of a pack--you don't want to call attention to yourself and your gear when you move.
Seller: Army surplus
Cost: $3-6

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SHELTER AND WARMTH

Item: Plastic tarp, 8x10'
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Tarps are good for making a small triangle tent (similar to a tube tent) by hanging it from a rope between two trees and are good for use as backup blankets, insulation against the ground, and keeping you out of the rain and dry. Try to find the tarps that are brown (camo-ish) on one side, silver-greyish (attention-getting) on the other. Avoid the high-visibility color tarps unless you're counting on FEMA to rescue you. (Ha ha ha.)
Sellers: Home Depot sells colored tarps and army surplus stores sell the camo tarps.
Cost: $8-10

Item: Tube Tent
Quantity: 1 (or more)
Rationale: Sleeps 2. Can be used with the tarp for greater cover/warmth. It's high-visibility orange, so you'll want to camoflauge it with the brown tarp unless you're wanting to be found/spotted.
Source: http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=826
Cost: $5

Item: Heavy duty mylar emergency blanket (2)
Quantity: 2
Rationale: If it's cold enough that you need an emergency blanket to survive, you'll kick yourself if you bought a cheap, flimsy, "space blanket". It's like trying to sleep in aluminum foil and really doesn't do a whole lot beyond shield you from the wind. You're going to want these heavy duty mylar emergency blankets instead. Warmer and far more durable at the cost of being heavier/bulkier. And they don't crinkle like the emergency blankets do. (I've used one before and they're annoying.)
Seller: http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=84_246&products_id=3156
Cost: $9/each

Item: Heavy duty vinyl poncho
Quantity: 2
Rationale: Don't get the cheap $1-2 ones. They'll come apart fast in the field. Get the $4-6 ones made from heavy-duty vinyl. Great insulation/warmth, more durability, and light scratch protection against the less vicious brush/briars. I'd be inclined towards a camo/drab color as opposed to high visibility colors.
Seller: Army surplus store or http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=84_246&products_id=3141
Cost: $4-5 each

Item: Chemical heating pads
Quantity: 4
Rationale: Small, lightweight, inexpensive, and far too useful to not have if the weather is cold and you need time to build a shelter or scrounge/loot heavier clothing, bedding and/or footwear. Produces heat at about 130 degrees for 12 hours per pack. Spend a few bucks, save a few fingers and toes from frostbite.
Seller: http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=84_246&products_id=748
Cost: $1 each

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HEALTH

Item: First Aid Kit
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Don't get one of those wussy travel pouch things. Get a kit with something more than band-aids and an antiseptic swab. You'll want larger band-aids, scissors, medical tape, gauze, pills, etc. Go for a kit that comes in a sturdy little plastic container. Open it up--there's likely wasted space in there. Fill it with medical goodies--especially antimicrobials and antibacterials, cortizone, and immodium. You might even just assemble your own kit and put it in a plastic, waterproof container. If you've got medical skills, make sure you've got what you're familiar with and will be useful. If you run into a group of people, you're incredibly valuable IF you have those skills and the equipment to exercise them.
Seller: Pretty much anywhere, but definitely check out Walgreens or Rite Aid for the "supplementary items" you might want to add.
Cost: $20-100

Item: Toiletries in a quart-sized ziplock bag
Quantity: 1 bag worth of stuff
Rationale: Hit Walgreens or Rite Aide with your quart-sized bag in hand. Fill it and buy everything that fit in it. You'll want 2 bars of antibacterial soap in a plastic soap dish, travel toothbrushes, a small tube of toothpaste, LOTS of wet naps (well-sealed or they will dry out), 2 disposable razors (shaving injured areas that need stitching or cleaning to prevent infection), bottles of hand sanitizer, Travel kleenex packs (TP!). If you need any creams or OTC drugs, stash some in here. This is a good place to stash a spare liquid-based disposable lighter, too. Get a small bottle of high SPF sunscreen, too.
Seller: Various drug stores
Cost: $15-25

Item: Bug repellent, lotion or liquid, 100% deet
Quantity: 1 or 2
Rationale: Bugs suck. Get a lotion or liquid repellent that's 100% deet and dispensed by squeezing. Avoid repellents that are dispensed via mist/spray (wastes product and the mechanism takes up space and could break) or aerosol-based (giant waste of space, danger or rupture or accidental discharge, and could leak or lose pressure while in storage). I recommend Ben's Max 100% Deet Formula lotion, which is probably the best stuff out there.
Seller: www.cabelas.com
Cost: $4-6 per bottle

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MISC EQUIPMENT

Item: Parachute cord, 100', 300lb test
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Multiple uses (like holding up a tarp, drying clothes, etc.). You can never have too much rope out in the field.
Seller: www.cabelas.com
Cost: $5

Item: 5-in-1 survival tool
Quantity: 2
Rationale: Waterproof match container, compass, signaling whistle, flint striker and a signal mirror all in one package that can be worn around the neck. Cheap, so get two. Matches not included.
Seller: Army surplus store or http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=751
Cost: $3-5 each

Item: Multi-tool
Quantity: 2
Rationale: A knife (or two) and a wide assortment of other potentially useful tools--pliers, scissors, screwdrivers, etc. Make sure it has a can opener and a bottle opener. If you've got the scratch, there's far more expensive models. Get two in case one breaks or gets lost.
Seller: www.cabelas.com, army surplus, just about any department or hardware store.
Cost: $10-20 for a functional model.

Item: Safety matches (not waterproof matches)
Quantity: 4 boxes (80 matches)
Rationale: SAFETY matches, not waterproof matches. Safety matches are the next step up above waterproof and much more windproof. Spread the matches out among your kit in rather than all in one place (some in the 5-in-1 waterproof container, some in the storage container built into the survival radio, some in the first aid kit, etc.). If you lose the one thing that has all your matches in it, you're going to kick yourself.
Seller: http://www.healthyharvest.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=742
Cost: $8 for 80 matches.

Item: Magnesium fire starter
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Fire good! Ungha! If you lose every single match, you'll still be able to start a few hundred fires with this thing--even if the kindling is not entirely dry.
Seller: www.cabelas.com
Cost: $5

Item: Fishing line and hooks
Quantity: 1 spool of 40lb test fishing line, 1 plastic wheel of various hook sizes
Rationale: There are no poisonous freshwater fish in North America and fishing is a low-energy means of getting food. The 40lb test line is also useful as a backup to the parachute cord and could be used for stitches in a pinch.
Seller: Sporting good stores.
Cost: $6-8

Item: Pocket chainsaw (no handles, in a can)
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Use to get fire wood or cut down small trees for shelter/structures.
Seller: Various camping websites/stores
Cost: $15-25.

Item: Extra clothes
Quantity: Whatever fits in the pack.
Rationale: After spending a couple days in what you're wearing, you're REALLY going to want to change clothes. If you've got just one pair, you're going to be naked while you wash and dry what you've got. Not fun in the winter. I recommend a good pair of military fatigues, a pair of socks, and a t-shirt if you can squeeze them into the pack. If you can afford them, have space for them, and live in a colder climate, silk long johns are a good investment.
Seller: You don't need help here, do you? :)
Cost: Varies.

Items: Miniature pack of cards.
Quantity: 2
Rationale: If you've got time to kill, you've got cards to keep your mind off of things. Some entertainment will also help keep a positive outlook and take your mind off of worrying/stress during downtime or when the weather is too nasty to leave a shelter.
Seller: Drug store dollar items or toy aisle.
Cost: $1-2.

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WEAPONS

Item: Machete
Quantity: 1
Rationale: Big. Fucking. Knife. For everything that's too big a job for a multitool knife, you have this. Multiple uses byond that of a weapon. Attach to back of pack so that it is easily accessible. (It's not going to fit into the pack anyway.)
Seller: WalMart, Cabelas, most sporting good departments.
Cost: $10-30.

Item: Chemical mace
Quantity: 1-2
Rationale: Hook it to either the lanyard for the 5-in-1 survival tool or to the outside of the pack for easy/fast access. Use it to repel any hungry wild animals or starving dogs--or as a non-lethal means of repelling people. Unlike the machete, the chemical mace allows you to keep 5-15' between you and a threat--less chance of you getting injured. You're likely to get only 2-4 uses out of one cannister and they're fairly lightweight and inexpensive, so a 2nd one is nice (but not necessary).
Seller: Various places.
Cost: $10-20

Item: Shotgun, 12-guage (Optional)
Quantity: 1
Rationale: A shotgun is the ultimate survival utility tool. Use it for defense, to get food, or to break down doors/etc. to get access to supplies/shelter. I recommend about 5-10 slug rounds (for punch), 20 shot rounds (size depending on the most common game in your area), and 3-5 flare rounds (signalling or for a fire-starting emergency). This is all going to be fairly heavy and not fit in the pack, and I don't consider it an absolute essential. I STRONGLY recommend a nicely padded sling to help carry the shotgun. Also, a "side saddle" shell carrier for the stock so you've got extra ammo immediately available. Ammo for 12 gauge shot guns is very common and you might be able to trade something or find more ammo later.
Seller: Sporting goods/WalMart
Cost: $200-350 for a solid, new pump-action shotgun, a couple boxes of shells, a sling, and a sidesaddle stock shell carrier.

Item: Air rifle (Optional--alternative to shotgun)
Rationale: As an alternative to the shotgun, you could get an air rifle. You'll be sacrificing power/lethality in exchange for lighter weight and more rounds, but an air rifle that looks like a real gun might be enough to keep people away. Firing rate is much slower than a shotgun, but the air gun is great for securing small game (squirrel/birds). If you're very good with an air rifle, you might be able to take down cats, possums, raccoons, or similar sized critters. It's not very good for defense, but might deliver enough of a sting to drive off larger critters and people that aren't determined on getting you. You're going to want an air rifle with the following characteristics: (1) looks like an actual rifle, (2) fires pellets at least 1,000 feet per second (fps), (3) has a scope with at least 4x magnification, and (4) lever action instead of CO2 cartridges. I like the Beeman Sportsman's SS 1000 H Air Rifle. Pack about 500 pointed tip pellets, maybe 1,000 if weight isn't an issue or you're not a good shot. Be extremely careful not to jar the scope or you won't be hitting anything until the scope is re-aligned--a time (and ammo) consuming process. You're also going to want a sling for the rifle.
Seller: Cabelas or a sporting goods store/dept.
Cost: $125-200

Centerfire suggested a handgun (defense) + 22LR rifle (for getting small game) combination (with a cleaning kit). That's probably more effective than the shotgun/air rifle combination--I just don't have those firearms.

---------------------
NOTES

Packaging:
When you purchase these items, they'll come with packaging and instructions. Get rid of as much packaging as possible so as to reduce weight and bulk. Stuff that comes in a nice resealable package or would be a bitch to get back into their original package (like the emergency blanket and tube tent), keep them in their original packaging.

Keep instructions in a sealed ziplock bag. Read through them at least once, especially for non-intuitive stuff (like the water purifier), just in case you lose the instructions.

Repackage any moisture sensitive equipment (like the survival radio/light blankets, spare clothes, etc.) into ziplock or sealable plasticbags--suck the air out as much as possible.

Expiration dates:
Check expiration dates as you're packing items and make a list to keep with the pack so you know when you need to replace items. Your first aid kit will likely need the most attention as medicines expire in 1-2 years. The Datrex rations should be good for 4-5 years.

Pack organization:
Try to pack things you'll need quickly or frequently at the top of the pack or in side pockets. Food and emergency blankets/tarps are better packed towards the bottom. First aid should be packed on top. Try to group similar items in pockets together. For instance, put all fire starting and chemical heating pad equipment in the same side pocket. Multi-tools, rope, and camp saw in another pocket. You'll be able to find things faster and lessen the need to unpack and repack to get to items.

Extra gear:
In my house, I also keep at least 2 cases of water (24 liters in 1/2 liter bottles), a stock of dry staple foods (boxes of mac n cheese, spaghetti noodles, peanuts, soup mixes), a pair of waterproof snake boots, 6 of those "jar" style candles with lids (heat and light), and at least one sleeping bag rated for -20F. If there's time and roads are relatively clear, I can throw all this stuff into my truck. If I'm staying put, I have enough stuff where I might not to touch the survival pack reserves for weeks.

In my truck, I keep a case of water (12 liters of water in 1/2 liter bottles), cell phone charger, 3 containers of peanuts, a roadside emergency vehicle tool kit, a towel, a change of clothes, briar chaps and a belt, an extra coat, a heavy-duty rain parka, a sleeping bag rated for -20F, an 8x10 tarp, a pair of waterproof snake boots, a walking stick, a bivy tent, a 30-90x spotting scope, a 1000' spool (possibly down to about 700' nowadays) of 300lb test parachute cord, and a couple partial rolls of TP. Centerfire suggested a firearm cleaning kit. I've got one at home but will be picking one up for the truck. Some of my hunting gear naturally doubles as survival gear. I do not let the gas go below half-empty so I always have enough gas to get well clear of the city.

Wow; I see you keep that list with you. Your car kit is probably a realistic goal for me right now. About the gas, I'm constantly irritating the missus by stopping to fill up when we're above half full. Um, we have some ziplock bags .... tb

Ted, I'm not so sure about a tazer standing up to an infected. I think if that particular brand of zombie/infected human got close enough to be tazed, you'd risk getting spewed on and infected yourself. But I think if used in combination with another weapon(taze then hack zombie in half with Hatori Honsu sword), you'd stand a better chance.

I think a really big dog would also be a good idea (we're talking a mastiff or some sort of wolf-mix). For one, it would be a deterrent for greedy neighbors who want to steal your loot. Also, you never know when you're going to want to see a zombie skull crushed in the jaws of a massive canine.

Proceed with caution though--there's no telling how the zombie virus will affect animals and the only thing more scary than a zombie is a giant zombie dog.

After the whole "I Am Legend" debacle, the dogs are firmly in the "reserve" category, i.e., hiding in the basement with Reginald, our uber-homo neighbor who is a Level 10 Necromancer at making stinky ethnic food and generally useless otherwise, except that he's really funny. Mrs. socalled will be sweeping the roof with the Lady Defender while Reginald and Daisy-dog whimper behind the water heater. Isn't it the useless guy who always saves the day in zombie movies?

Thank godtopus DR warned me ahead of time so that I prevented the missus from seeing that film. tb

I don't know if anyone has contributed this yet, but:

Night vision goggles
binoculars
heat sensor goggles

Gotta see those bastards to kill 'em.

Ooh, good idea! I've wanted night vision goggles forever and no one has bought them for me for Christmas. We have some good hunting binocs that my father-in-law gave me. tb

A backup location, able to be defended. What can I say, I'm a Plan B (and C, D, E . . .) kinda girl. Yes, I overplan. Mock me now. I will laugh at you from my hidden cave of greatness.

Also you asked about gas masks: why not? Surely the military or someone of the sort will set something off in the vicinity in order to control/kill the zombies, not caring if they kill the non-zombies too.

Who's mocking? I puzzle sometimes over whether and when we would change locations. I have an idea for a fallback position, up the hill from us, but if it gets serious enough that we want to leave, I'm not sure we can leave. Like most well-placed hidey-holes, lack of access means lack of egress. tb

I would look into a weapon like the ones they develop at the end of the book World War Z, a long heavy shovel like construction with a solid metal ball on one end (for smashing) and a triple sided blade on the other. Good for swinging, smashing, and all manners of decapitation and subsequent destruction of the head, which will still be biting if it's on the ground on it's own.

We live on a 27 acre farm in western Maryland that could be very easily modified into a survival point with some fortifications, a large garden, and solar panels. My parents can't see the point of this, I'm just evaluating the roof for good sniping points and walking the property perimeters for good places to string neck-high razor wire.

I know I've said this before Mr. Boynton, but this time it's for reals - this is by far my favorite column of yours. Hands down.

I only need one thing should shit go sour toot-sweet: a map to your joint and the promise of an endless supply of ice, provided by condensation and urine ran through a filtration system and emptied into the MurderTank's solar powered ice-machine. If you've got that much hootch laying about, you're gonna need ice...

Plus as a last resort we could remove and eat Minimus (Thanksgiving maybe?)...

Well, he can feed an aboriginal village for several weeks .... tb

Reading material of the non-por variety (such things do exist) for the lulls in the zombie attacking activity. Ones you won't mind rereading are a good option, leaves more room for essentials.
extra blankets, sleeping bags, warm clothes for when the heat/gas company goes
Sunblock - if the Zombie horder attacks in the summer
Ham/Short wave radio
'roids (this is SF we'r talking about, at least one Bonds joke is required)

I'm optimistic we'll have access to the rest of the house, so my vast collection of Jackie Collins novels should see us through. tb

Also, gum, lots of gum. Doesn't tkae up much space and it is something to keep you focused while you're on watch

Finally! A comment diversion that may, nay, will save your life one day.

Survival kit items previously unmentioned:

1) Tough bite-resistant clothing. I recommend leather, thick canvas, or gortex.

2) Aluminum baseball bat (for it's high strength to weight ratio). As much as I love the idea of shotguns for everyone (they're definitely crowd pleasers), they take forever to reload and I'm not too keen on carrying around thousands of rounds of ammo. Plus, what's the apocalypse if you can't get your hands dirty.

3) Something by Ayn Rand to, you know, make butchering your undead former neighbors a bit more psychologically palatable.

4) A bicycle. Plan on running out of gas very quickly folks.

5) "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks.

Mrs. socalled sent me an email advising that we should shop for bats this weekend. Also: I'm really getting behind bringing back pikes. Where does one procure a pike, other than old eastern European castles? I like the bite-resistant clothing idea, too, like the riot gear used by Brendan Gleeson in 28 Days Later. tb

Sharon, your story about eating MREs was amazing. I'm glad you were able to survive Katrina and enjoy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Moreover, the strength you showed in the face of adversity is admirable. May I be so bold as to ask you if you are presently in a relationship?

Can I have your address? I can swim over from Oakland and hang with you when the big one hits. We are woefully underprepared compared with you.

I would add rice & beans to your food list. Yes, they take water to prepare but they last for a long time and since they absorb the liquid you get it back when you eat.

Also, a solar oven (or plans for making one with tin toil). You could also set up rain catching barrels.

Hmm, a camp toilet would probably be good, or plans for making your own out house. Where does all the poo go in these situations? Do zombies poo?

Not sure; they do leave a fetid trail of decay, maybe like a snail trail. I've puzzled on the waste disposal issue from time to time and just concluded we would use buckets and bury it on the lot next door -- under heavy shotgun cover, of course. tb

On the bright side, as a friend told me today, there are more people alive now than have ever died in total in the course of human civilization. So if it is zombies, we will win by sheer numbers.




In order for me to win in any other scenario, I will thrive on guns. Also, don't hang with me. If it comes down to you and me, I will kill you. Sorry.




And jerky. Lotsa and lotsa jerky.

Good call on the bugspray. I was smack in the middle of Hurricane Ivan on the Gulf Coast in 2004---what was left was very post-apocalyptical--you know, but without the zombies. Anyway, bug spray was AWESOME because I live in the armpit of the South and there's no getting away from mosquitos and no-see-ums in July-October. Ugh, I hate camping anyway, and that felt like camping out for two weeks. It sucked balls.

Michelle, I went down to the gulf less than a year after Ivan. Actually, we drove down as Dennis was making landfall at Pensacola. Once you started driving out of Gulf Shores towards Florida, there were beach front condos and apartments that were destroyed by Ivan still around. Ivan was a nasty bastard.

Baby wipes. Endless supply of baby wipes for "bathing." Godtopus' gift to those without running water, as I learned in my days doing research in a remote seabird colony. Actually, someone (was it you, boo?) already mentioned wet wipes above, but I thought it beared (bore?) repeating.

I know nothing of the particulars of surviving a zombie attack, however, as I'm not a fan of the genre. Other than Shaun of the Dead...oh, and Fido was pretty funny...so, unless I can construct a collar that'll magically tame the little dudes, I'm basically fucked. I'd better stay close to my zombie-movie-lovin' man.

K, call me electrically fixated, but especially in sunny California, an assload of solar panels should be considered essential when the power grid goes down. That, and an extra car battery or two for those high-current items, as well as a strong power inverter. For close-quarters self-defence (or as an incentive for cooperation) may I recommend a long-life cattleprod with optional high-voltage-sustained-discharge swtich? And, in case you've got roving gangs, location-appropriate camo can go a long way to ensure the survival of the less-fit in your protection, as well as fortified safe rooms or hiding spots. Just in case, y'know, it comes to using that flame-thrower in a non-discriminatory way. Lastly, coded words or phrases for "safe" or "under duress" or "save your asses and run for the hills NOW" for walkie-talkie communication (which you'll have to assume is monitored). Incidentally, ladyhelmet is opposed to stockpiling the essentials, something about inadequate space, so an off-site supply cache may also be a necessity, especially if it's on a safe retreat route to a fall-back position or on the way to Idaho.



Not like I've thought about this lots or anything...ladyhelmet thinks I'm weird, but here I feel normal.

That's because here you are normal. Hmmm, solar panels. I wonder if there's a tax break for that. tb

Ted, if you haven't read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, I would highly recommend it for you. Substitute rampant cannibals for zombies and it describes the exact situation you anticipate.

One of the crucial items the book addresses is a shopping cart for schlepping.

Also, for the ladies, forget the Tampax. Get one of those surgical-grade rubber keeper thingies.

Finally, I know you don't want recording devices, but a little pad and pen for note-taking could make all the difference...

Yes, I think we'll have some pen and paper around; Pajiba Love covered The Keeper for feminine hygiene a few months ago, and Mrs. socalled recoiled in horror when I described it to her. Desperate times, however, blah blah blah. I read "The Road" a couple of years ago, and it was one of the most moving books I've ever read. That one puts me more in the "suicide prep" mode than survival mode though. tb

I just moved to Alaska (Anchorage) and I've heard horror stories about post 9/11 when they called off airplane traffic and shut the ports. That meant no supplies coming in (we're reliant on boats, planes, and stuff coming on land through Canada), people in the Bush (interior wilderness not the president) stranded without medical care (since most major things require evacuation to Anchorage, Fairbanks, or Seattle, hunters/campers whose pickup planes just never came and they didn't know why (imagine your in the wilderness for an expensive dream vacation and your pick up never comes and you have no reason why, now there's a classic movie terror situation), and cities running out of supplies. All in all a bad situation. Add to that we're in a huge earthquake zone (the most severe earthquake to hit the US hit Anchorage in the 60s not California in 1989), and there is only one road out of the city, and no where really to evac too, and you've got a major potential for trouble. You ought to see the survival kits people around here have. Fortunately we have no shortage of game. So to your kit I humbly add:
-salt and other preservatives for long term storage of meat
-bow and arrows (provided your a compentent hunter) for hunting with reusable ammunition
-way more ammunition than socalled thinks you need
-serious cold weather gear
-sat radio/phone
-Canadian money
-snow tires/chains if it is possible to leave
-back country skis if you have to ski your way out (cross country skiing was invented so that the Nordic people could travel)
-a sled on skis to pull behind you so that you can haul more gear

Good recommendations for long term survival, coming out of actual human experience. Our plan is more of a 90-to-120 days scenario; if it goes on longer than that, we're probably checking out. If it's a back to the caves scenario, we're just not that kind of people. I'm way too soft for that, especially on the wrong side of 40. tb

Sharon, your story about eating MREs was amazing. I'm glad you were able to survive Katrina and enjoy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Moreover, the strength you showed in the face of adversity is admirable. May I be so bold as to ask you if you are presently in a relationship?

Why yes, Pookie, it was very brave of me to evacuate for a month and the adversity of returning home jobless was difficult to overcome. And yes, my MRE-fattened ass is currently under another's ownership.

I've never had Pookie address me before . . . is it normal to want to respond with a punch to the kisser, despite the innocence of the words? All love to Pookie, though. It could be hormones. I just cried after watching Knocked Up. Which is just stupid.

Sharon, I understand the feeling. Just the other day Pookie addressed me for the first time and all I could think was "I'm not sure if Pookie's got my back, or is slyly insulting me... Perhaps both?"

We love you Pookie, but sometimes you make us nervous like a virgin on prom night.

re the generator, I'm really going to have to think about that. That's a substantial step beyond any planning/purchasing done to date, not to mention the space issues.

Standby generators don't take up any space. Well, not inside, anyway. They're hard-installed to the house, usually wherever the air conditioner and electrical meter and whatnot are located. I wouldn't recommend running a regular generator in an indoor (or even partially enclosed) location, unless you have a hankering for some carbon monoxide poisoning. There are indoor generators, but most are pretty worthless for anything other than temporary power. The exception would be ZAFC, but it's pretty new and therefore quite costly. Fantastic option for those who can afford it, though.

Shotguns are great, but don't forget a rifle or two. It's a shame to have such a nice line of fire and not take advantage of the distance. Also, I cannot say enough about honey. Yep, good old fashioned raw honey. It never goes bad, so you can keep it around forever, and you can also use it as an antibiotic and antifungal on wounds if/when you run out of antibiotics (or contract something that's resistant.) It's especially good for burns.

two things that may not have been mentioned...
1. composting toilets, they exist and they can help you with your future garden. on the other hand they may attract too many of those damn hippy zombies that will surely be wandering about.
2. i'm thinking you're going to need plenty of face coverings/mask wear for the stench of decaying flesh as well as a way to avoid getting the old evil zombie blood in mouth that may occur in hand to hand combat with these bastards.

holy shit. this is fucking amazing.

I'd like to suggest a good pair of UFC-style fighting-gloves, in case you need to deliver a sound beating without mucking up your hands. Jayne wore them in Serenity, so I'm sure they must be good.
I'd also want a generator of some kind, preferably self-powered (the Bay doesn't get much sun, does it?) by wind.
As far as blade weapons go, kukris are the best. Look it up.

Maps of the subway/sewage system. Even if your plan is to stay where you are, you never know what might come in handy, even just for trading (plus it'll alert you to any potential threat from underground zombie hordes).

Heaters. 'Nuff said.

Also hairspray can be used as mace and doubles as make-shift flamethrower fuel (just add fire!) as it would be worse than death to set your trove of booze aflame.

Great review, even if the comments have made me completely paranoid, living in an inner city apartment complex with no basement and lots of windows. But I'm one of those 'impending doom, time to beat the zombies to the killing me punch' people. Although it must be said that if the zombies are of the traditional risen dead persuasion, I'd probably incapacitate myself first to protect the survival-minded such as yourselves from my particular addition to the walking dead. You're welcome.

ewpz.. forgot. be sure to get your
rifle scope true'd. a night scope is a nice addition, my russian one functions quite well although battery is expensive but long lasting.

I'm always late to the good ones. Stupid work.
First, Ted, I love you.
Second, I have a suggestion for your list. It's a bit pricey, but well worth it as it's totally legal. Start a collection of medieval weponry. Think about it. How do you incapacitate a zombie? Decapitation. What were/are medieval weapons designed for? Decapitation.
Here is a website you can check out:
www.albionarmorers.com
I suck at HTML, so copy and paste.
A quote from a Viking-obsessed friend:
"Why do you think that there aren't any zombie movies set in the middle ages? They were just better prepared."